Summary: "I lied to you. We've hardly spoken in two days. And now..." Her voice wavers, and she shakes her head regretfully, hating that she's doing this to him. "That's not a solid foundation for the future, Castle." Entry for the 2013 Castle Ficathon.

Author's Note: Yep, another one of those pesky post-finale fics. Not even sorry. Thank you so much to Andy for reading multiple versions of these first few chapters and helping me turn random jumbles of conversation into something coherent. And many thanks to Angie for the lovely cover art :)

Disclaimer: The Castle writers are probably travelling the world right now. I'm sitting at my desk staring out the window and wishing I could be outside enjoying the sunshine.

All The Wrong Reasons

Chapter 1

"Whatever happens, whatever you decide...Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you marry me?"

He's down on one knee, looking up at her with such fierce determination, a diamond ring sparkling between his fingertips, and...he can't be serious right now.

Kate opens her mouth, closes it again when no words come out, and she can see the hope fading from his eyes, the pain clouding his face as her lack of answer threads through the space between them.

"Castle, I..." she stammers.

What?

"It's a yes or no question, Kate," he pushes, but his voice is tight and his eyes are hard and he looks like he's about to cry. Hell, she's about to cry.

Because this is all wrong.

"I got the job," she blurts, and it's the wrong thing to say, so completely wrong, but what have they actually done right in the last week?

He sits back, drops his hand, and she sees it all fall from his face. The love, the forgiveness, the determination to make his stand, leave no doubt in her mind as to where they're headed. Because once again, she hesitated. And when she finally found the words to speak, they weren't even close to the ones that should have come out of her mouth.

"Right," he mumbles, dejected.

"Castle, I asked you here to talk things through," she hastens to explain, "not to..."

Propose.

Good lord. He just proposed to her.

Castle sighs brokenly, closes his eyes against the water droplets that swim in front of his vision. "Is this you saying no?" he asks finally, and she sees the crushing agony in his eyes as he forces them open again. His shoulders slump even as the words leave his mouth, resignation flashing through his features, because he opened himself up, laid his heart on the line, and it still wasn't enough. He shakes his head. What was he even thinking?

Of course Kate wouldn't commit to marrying him.

It was stupid of him to even bother asking. A stupid, impulsive decision made in a desperate attempt not to lose the woman he loves. He doesn't even care if she chooses to go to DC. He just wants to be with her. He wants no more doubts, no more insecurity, no more questioning where they're going, by her or by anyone else.

But it doesn't matter now, because she doesn't seem to want the same.

"Castle," Kate says finally, his name breaking on her lips as she forces back the sob that wants to escape. "I lied to you. We've hardly spoken in two days. And now..." Her voice wavers, and she shakes her head regretfully, hating that she's doing this to him. "That's not a solid foundation for the future."

"It doesn't matter," he blurts recklessly. Wasn't that what his mother said? It's who she is. The walls are a part of her, ingrained so deeply for so many years. He understands where they came from, understands that they've been her coping mechanism for years, and habits like this aren't ones that are easy to break. He completely understands. But he doesn't like it, can't stand the way these walls have taught her to lie and conceal and hold everything so close to the vest. Even after all this time, they still find themselves tangled up in the same webs of lies and secrets.

But he loves her, and he's just going to have to accept this about her. A foundation can be built on acceptance, right?

"It does, Castle," Kate replies, and this time there is no hesitation in her voice. "It does matter. A marriage can't be based on lies."

"So you're saying no?"

"No," she bursts, nearly launches herself off the swing but refrains at the last minute. "No," she continues more softly, raising a placating hand. "I'm not saying no. I'm saying...not now."

"Right."

"Castle..."

"No, I get it."

"No, I don't think you do."

"Beckett..."

"Castle..."

They both grind to a halt, wide and panicked green eyes meeting hollow and desolate blue ones. The chains of the swings sway gently between them, catching in Kate's peripheral vision, and she can't help but liken their twisted configuration to the current situation that they're in. One for which she's largely responsible. And now she needs to get them out of it.

"I came here to talk about the job," Kate offers after a moment. "And...us."

"What about us?" he practically snorts in disdain.

"About where we're going. About...everything we never talk about."

"That's rich, Beckett."

"I'm not just blaming you," she shoots back. "We're both at fault here."

"Well, there's no need," Castle retorts, getting to his feet and shoving the ring forcefully into the depths of his pocket as the swing flings out behind him, pendulums back and hits him in the back of the thighs. But he doesn't flinch, muscles hardened along with the rest of him at her betrayal, her rejection. "It's pretty clear that we're not going in the same direction."

"Castle..."

"Please," he begs, stepping back, and he's about to walk away. She can see it. This time, he actually is going to break up with her.

"Rick..."

He turns his back, everything about him sagging with defeat.

"You should take the job, Beckett," he says, his parting words. "DC will be lucky to have you."

And then he's gone.

She watches him leave with tears in her eyes, everything she should have said and done flooding her mind. Because she should have told him about the interview. She should have been honest with him from the moment Stack offered it to her. But she didn't, and now she's about to lose the only man she's ever truly loved. All because of a job.

A job she doesn't even want anymore.

It's a hell of an opportunity, and Gates' words of praise still ring heavily in her ears. But when she thought about it being her last case, about it being the last time she ever pulled a confession out of a suspect in that room, she felt the first hints of doubt sneak in.

And when Martin fought back, accused her of wasting her time, Kate knew she couldn't do it. She couldn't leave. Because what she does at the Twelfth is anything but wasteful. She takes killers off the streets, brings justice to families. She keeps the city safe, the same city, the same cause, that her mother devoted her life to. And sure, she'd be doing that in DC too, and she knows her mother would want this opportunity for her. But it wouldn't be the same, and she thinks her mother would understand that as well.

It wouldn't mean as much in DC. Because DC isn't her home.

Her home is in New York City.

Her home is with the man who just walked away from her.

Thoughts?