Hello! I always wanted to write this and I'm sorry for the lack of summary but I don't wish to spoil the story. my native language isn't English so I'm very very sorry for my mistakes. Please comment on it, I'll be very happy to read your comments! Thanks for reading!
sup loser...
what? are you ready for your ass to get kicked? you better practice bouncing the ball or you'll get rusty! either way it's not like you'll win against me tho, but, you better not embarrass yourself. Now that we're talking or should I say I'm talking about embarrassing moments, do ya remember that first play? no? Come on, that 1-on-1, the one where we first play against each other... no, not that one idiot, the other one on that street court! yes, our first encounter, you didn't know me and I didn't know you yet, I was curious 'bout Tetsu's famous new "light", people kept saying how strong you were, sadly you disappointed me, I really expected better of Tetsu's light. pfft don't make that face, it was the truth.
That first official match we played, it seriously sucked, I mean Tetsu and you, I didn't expect greatness in any way, I just wanted someone to entertain me and to tell the truth at that time I truthfully believed that the only one who could beat me was only me, although it was true. Hey! stop with that annoying face, it's not like I'm saying a lie here. After that, you were continuing making progress trying your hardest to win, you and your team did. you opened my eyes, you were the one I was waiting for so long, I never thought someone like that would appear before me, Tetsu once again was right and I fucking hate when people are right. I was getting tired of waiting and waiting for someone like you even though Kise was around, it wasn't enough, he wasn't enough. And suddenly you appeared with those fucking eyebrows and that cocky grin arghh you pissed me off. At that time I thought that loss was the end for me; Tetsu's basketball, your basketball, reminded me of things I long thought I forgot, the love and excitement for basketball.
Oh... you fucking better took good care of those Jordan, they were my favorites and that damn Satsuki meddling in other people's business... Don't you roll those eyes at me, I know, I gave them to you after the one-on-one.
After the winter cup when you guys won and after that embarrassing moment that Satsuki keeps reminding me anytime she can, cheering you... I mean Seirin... -oh don't you dare to say you forgot it, you know it, she tells everybody about it every time we meet.- I was excited to play basketball again, I even started practicing, not as much as Wakamatsu wanted me to but hey, I practiced sometimes.
Who would think that we kept meeting at that court to play 1-on-1s. At first, at least for me it was only the 'excitement' to play against you because you keep getting better and better, it was a challenge I could never let it slip off my hands. Little by little life began to get easy for me, depression began to fade away, Satsuki stopped nagging about everything, school didn't feel like a cage anymore and my grades..well.. same as always but hey that's not the point here, what's important is that my life changed!
Our basketball meet ups turn out to be a major part of my life, something to look forward every weekend. We began to change, we fought a lot, yelled a lot, yet it didn't feel like we hated each other, more like we were communicating. Those meetings began to change too. walking together towards the station after our encounters, then grabbing burgers for dinner, spending a little more time chatting or better said complaining about each other. For a while everything stayed the same until one rainy day you offered to cook for me, for us, just cuz you were getting "bored" of eating at Maji every Friday night.
If I had known better that your food was a trigger to an unknown dimension I never wanted to cross, I would had decline your offer because god dammit it was so fucking delicious and I damn hated your smug face. We stopped eating out, you fed me lots of food and complained afterwards! Seriously I'd never taste a Teriyaki burger as delicious as yours.
Every morning I woke up with dry mouth, perplexed at the memories of the dreams I had the night before, dreams full of your growing skills, your crazy jumps, dreams and dreams full of you! Many times Satsuki asked me why I was in such a bad mood every morning and every time your damn face popped up in my mind reminding me of those dreams. I hated it.
Something within me changed, at first it was easy to message you to schedule 1-on-1s but then I felt anxious and desperate, I kept eying the blank space in my phone in & after classes, in club activities, on my way home, at dinner and before I fell asleep, my thumb over the keyboard, reading in my mind a "I want to see you" message but typing "one-on-one this Friday, loser pays dinner" instead.
Remember there was that time when you waited for me at the station when I never arrived? you called to know if everything was OK and I was such an ass to you, such an asshole to the point to tell you, I was busy with a chick... making out. It was lie! I know I never apologized to you because I was a fucking jerk and you let it past you as if it wasn't a big deal. I always wondered if you got angry at me, did you?. At that time I knew I was being unreasonable, I couldn't handle the pressure of seeing you and I made the stupid mistake to lie.
I thought I was ill, unpleasant sensations roamed my body, there was something inside me burning my chest, my heart doing that annoying pounding feeling like my heart would spurt out of me, I felt feverish and shaky. God, those symptoms only presented themselves whenever I thought of you.
I was in constant denial, still pretending what I felt wasn't real, that your smiles didn't light my cloudy days, that your sole presence grumbled the walls I desperately tried to built around me to keep you away, in the end it was futile. I, was the first one to fall in love and the realization made the denial greater than anything at that time because boobs, man! I love boobs and you didn't even have a rack and I still fucking fell for you, how could you did that to me you bastard? I really blame those fucking eyebrows. Anyways, I'm glad I managed to revenge my boob-lover-self when I made you fall for me. I could spend my days trying to recall how or when the realization of those feelings calmed down and embraced them but I can't because all I know is that you were in my head 24/7.
I'll never forget the feeling of your soft lips against mine for the first time. it was after a match that we bought some burgers from Maji and head back to your apartment to watch a recorded game, sitting on your couch we ate, your hand moved towards your face to wipe the ketchup from the corner of your lips and licked it, I've seen you eating many times but that movement paralyzed me completely, I don't know how or when my body moved, slide across the couch too close to you, you turned your face towards me locking our eyes while you mumbled something and you kept your eyes on me with a puzzled look. All I know was that my lips touched yours. I was seriously shaking and you smelled of cheeseburger, you had your eyes wide opened, I was seriously expecting a punch on the face, or many. they never came. You just shut your eyes so hard I could see the many wrinkles around them. Your reaction made me think that you might be disgusted until I felt your lips slightly opening to me and the tip of your tongue touching the seam of mine, I opened my mouth to taste you, it was an incredible sensation. I was thirsty, I wanted more of that, more of you.
Awkward was the best word to describe the situation after the kiss, you kept staring at me, your face filled with confusion, I could see in your eyes the many questions you wanted to ask and I wished I had the answers. Not being able to apart our gazes, air left me at the moment you closed the distance between us once again, your lips lingering on mine for only a second. you lowered your eyes, moved your head to rest it on my shoulder and whispered a "what the hell?"
We met a few times after that, pretending it never happened but, every time we saw each other or play against each other there was moment where your eyes met mine and people around us ceased to exist, it happened a lot, we never talked, until one day I spotted those fiery red eyes of yours looking at me with such longing then turning them away to the floor and biting your lip at the acknowledge of me staring back, then I knew we had to do something, I had to do something.
I called you one night with the lame excuse to schedule a 1-on-1. We were dead silent after agreeing on the meeting date, I'm not really sure but it seemed like you were waiting for me to hang up on you, we could only hear our breathing through the phone (to tell the truth your breathing sounds made me hot) when I thought you had hang up, you began to say "...Aomine, I..." But I stopped you mid-sentence because I wanted to tell you what I felt and if you rejected me I wanted to make sure you knew what kind of feelings I had for you. I talked and talked for who knows how long, you just listened to me attentively. when I tried to hung up on you not wanting to hear your rejection, yet you said yes to it.
I remember your face when I told Tetsu we started dating, you were as red as your hair and punched me in the face. Tetsu is our best friend off course he had to know before anyone else. Seriously dude, he knew better than you and I about us, so... That day was hilarious and precious and I'll always treasure it, because it was the first time I saw you pouting. Haha remembered the face he tried to make to looked surprised? it was ridiculous.
We were virgins, we had our "experiences" before but never with dudes, it was so freaking scary. I was afraid that you would be grossed out, I was afraid to be grossed out. it was a failure the first time, we were too nervous we didn't pass making out & touching over the clothes. We did the best we could, little by little getting used to the overwhelming sensations, the pain and pleasure until succeeding and finally becoming one.
Many seasons had passed since then, sharing life events together, Winter Cups,graduation, college entrance, our senior's weddings, moving together after college, etcetera. Lately, I've been thinking too much about how my life would had been without you. I just cant, I just don't want to imagine it, all I know is that I would still be lost I wouldn't be happy!
I should had stopped you from going to work that night, I know it was an accident, I know it was no one's fault but if only I knew, I could revert time I could stop you from going. It was the longest night of my life, people dying, people missing and I didn't know if you were fine or if you were hurt because I couldn't find you anywhere, I desperately looked for you, I walked and drive for hours from hospital to hospital, asking doctors and nursers of your whereabouts. You were no where to be found.
I miss you. I can't understand why people says it'll get easier as time goes by, but it isn't. As days passes by, I miss you more and more. I miss the food you cook, I miss playing ball with you, the long baths together after dinner, sleeping besides you and waking up seeing those back muscles pressed against my chest. I miss those times we spent arguing over nothing but what I miss the most is that smile of yours, that grin which compelled me, that stupid and amazing smile you always wear when you see me arriving home. That stupid smile, I miss it a lot.
The agony of not being able to touch you is unbearable, remembering every moment together is tormenting me like no other, I thought I would have never felt depression after being with you, how wrong I was. It's terrifying and breaks my heart waking up in that dark room that room that used to be warm and bright, filled with you, filled with your laughter and breathtaking moans. It's such a bitterness waking up after having pleasant dreams of our days.
I never said these things to you, I never really apologize to you for whatever bullshit I did, there's so many regrets, there are so many things I want to say, many things I want to fulfill with you.
"Your light is dim" is what I told you once when we were young right? oh the irony, my light now has been extinguish completely.
Taiga I love you, I need you. Please...
Please wake up.