Could Have, Should Have, I'm Glad I Did That
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek; I do not own the Gene Rodenberry, or the J.J. Abrams version. This is the J.J. Abrams version, but again I do not own Star Trek or anything affiliated with Star Trek or the before mentioned Parties. This is a work of pure entertainment and I am not making any profit from this. The characters belong to Gene Rodenberry and J.J. Abrams and are their respective properties. Please do not sue me.
Bones looked at his medical reports and sighed.
"Maybe I should have been an engineer," He said to himself as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "I would still get to use my hands and fix things, but at least the things I fixed wouldn't talk back."
He got out of his chair and stretched his legs. Hours of sitting down after hours of standing up and running around like a maniac all day tends to wear one down very quickly. He walked over to the food synthesizer and punched in a request for coffee. The synthesizer beeped and asked him to further specify his request.
"Coffee, dark roasted blend, on a strength scale of one to eight I want an eight, two creams, two sugars," He said sighing at the annoying routine he has started with the machine. "Specification end."
The machine synthesized a cup of coffee and he sat back down. He allowed his eyes a brief moment of rest before beginning his work again. After two more hours of reading, commenting, taking notes, and scheduling appointments his communicator beeped.
"Captain Kirk to Chief Medical Officer McCoy," Kirk chirped. "I need you to visit Admiral Pike. He wants us to help him recruit for Starfleet."
"Damn it Jim," Bones replied tiredly. "You know that I'm not using this shore leave to lolly gag like you are! I'm actually working my ass off!"
"But Bones," Jim replied with a fake whine. "It's for a good cause."
"And what pray tell is so good about this cause?" Bones snipped at Kirk.
"We're encouraging youth to make something of themselves?" Kirk replied with a will you buy that tone.
"Where is the recruitment going to be?" Bones asked bracing himself for the headache the answer would give him.
"A local college," Kirk replied with a happy tone. "Think about it Bones, some of the kids will drop out and at least we'll give them an option."
"Jim," Bones said putting his PADD down. "I'm going to say yes, only because you (a) probably already told Pike I said yes, and (b) I have to make sure that when those college girls' jealous boyfriends come after I'll have a good view of them kicking your ass."
"We leave at 0700 hours." Jim said in such a way that Bones could tell that Jim was wearing his signature shit eating grin.
"Wipe that damn smirk off your face!" Bones said cutting the communication link.
He leaned back in his chair and wiped his face.
"I could have gone to Ole Miss to be an engineer, but no," He mused as he turned his attention back to his reports. "I had to be noble and want to cure the sick. I had to save the world from the germs and diseases the universe has to throw at the galactic populace, now look where I am. I'm divorced, I haven't seen my kid in almost four years, and I'm now a poster boy for Starfleet. A- freaking- mazing."
Five hours passed and now he was finally finished with his reports. He gave a small grin at his handiwork and stood up and stretched before looking at the clock and saw that it was 1900 hours. He had literally spent all day working on his reports, but he had finished them.
"Well now that that is done, time for some dinner," He said walking over to the food synthesizer. "One sandwich, turkey, lettuce, tomato, red onion, pickles, black olives, provolone cheese on whole grain bread with oil and vinegar please."
After a few moments of processing his request the machine produced the sandwich. He took a bite of the sandwich and gave a grunt of mild approval. It wasn't as good as a real homemade sandwich, but he was so hungry he would have eaten his boot if he could. He was about to take another bite of his sandwich when his door alarm beeped.
"Open up Bones," Kirk said giving the door a couple of knocks. "I know you're in there! All you ever do is stay in your damned room!"
Bones rolled his eyes.
"Enter." He said watching Jim enter the small apartment with twinkling eyes. "Whatever has happened Jim, I really don't want to know about it."
"Nothing has happened, yet," Jim said smiling as he watched Bones eat his sandwich. "But there is a small restaurant that serves really good beer just down the block."
"Jim," Bones said slowly. "I've told you this, I am not spending my time on Earth in bars, I have just finished a huge load of reports on various members of the crew, I had to write out death certificates yesterday, and I had to patch you up because you picked on Lieutenant Cupcake again! I'm tired Jim! I just want to rest!"
Jim looked thoughtfully at Bones for a moment.
"Beer helps you relax." Jim said trying to look serious.
Bones sighed and looked at his friend.
"You're not going to leave until I say yes, are you?" Bones asked tiredly as he finished off his sandwich.
"Nope," He said grinning. "I'm going to sit here until you say yes."
"Damn infant." He said standing up and stretching again. "Let me throw something half decent on, I can't go out wearing my pajama pants and a worn out Ole Miss sweat shirt."
"At least you can't be arrested for wearing you night clothes out in public," Jim said stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Not like I was."
Bones turned to his friend and quirked his brow.
"You were arrested for wearing you pajamas in public?" Bones asked incredulous.
"Well sort of," Jim replied with a grin. "I sleep naked."
Bones rolled his eyes and went into his bedroom to get dressed. He looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. He didn't shave this morning and it showed. It made him look older than he really was, but then again the worry lines and the crows' feet didn't help him out either. He was going to shave when Jim began banging on his door.
"Forget the shaving part," Jim said obnoxiously. "We're just going to get beer, it's not like we're meeting the freaking royal family of Betazed."
Bones sighed as he pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.
"I'll be out in a moment you damned infant!" He snapped back as Jim continued to bang on the door.
He grabbed his jacket and opened the door. Jim stood there tapping his foot in mock impatience.
"Finally decided to join the rest of the world Bones?" Jim said in fake frustration.
"If the rest of the world acts anything like you," Bones said putting his jacket on. "Then I think I'll stay in my room forever!"
"Now who's being the infant?" Jim asked poking his elbow into Bones' side.
"Damn it Jim!" McCoy said looking at Jim. "Are you soused already?"
"Nope," Jim said hailing down a cab. "I'm not drunk, yet."
Bones looked at Jim and frowned.
"I'm not getting drunk Jim!" Bones said as a cab finally stopped for them. "I still have stuff to do tomorrow and what kind of example would we be setting if we showed up to a recruitment mission drunk?"
"The kind that says Starfleet is not all about business." Jim replied smiling like an idiot.
"You're a damned idiot." Bones said getting into the cab. "And since you're dragging my tired ass out of the apartment, you're paying for the fare!"
"Blah, blah, blah," Kirk said shoving McCoy as he got into the cab. "Take us to El Stallion please."
As the cab drew closer to the restaurant Bones began to realize something.
"You're taking us drinking in one of the campus bars!" Bones said loudly.
"Relax," Jim said patting his friend on the shoulder. "We're just staking out the territory and seeing what we're dealing with."
"You're an asshole!" Bones said throwing punches at Jim's nearest arm.
"Hippocratic oath," Jim cried as he tried to block the blows. "You can't kill me!"
Bones got this maniacal look in his eyes.
"I'm not in uniform Jim," Bones said still hitting Jim. "And I'm off duty! I can kill you if I feel like it!"
Bones was going to go for Jim's head when the cab stopped.
"We're here now get the hell out of my cab," The driver said sourly. "I got kids that act better than you two do."
Jim paid the driver and they walked into the restaurant and to Bones dismay, Pike was in on the little scheme too.
"Good evening gentlemen," Admiral Pike said smiling as he rolled up to them. "Captain Kirk and I have arranged to meet with a very interesting group of students. Please follow me."
Pike led them to a large round table with three people seated already.
"Kirk, McCoy I would like you to meet Eric Marsters, Wynifred Bates, Sharlek Tanner, and, Ms. Ryan still isn't here?" Pike said slightly annoyed.
"She said she's on her way," Wynifred said looking at her phone. "The guy she's tutoring is starting a Vulcan Math and he needs a little extra help."
"Oh well that's excusable I suppose," He said nodding. "Let's go ahead and order. I called you all here to talk to you about joining Starfleet. Your aptitude tests were beyond excellent and you have shown great potential as leaders—"
A young woman with short brown hair, brown eyes, and wearing a leather jacket rushed up to the table.
"Sorry I'm late sir," She said extending her hand to Admiral Pike. "I got caught up with my pupil, but at least he understands the importance of dimensionality."
She sat down in front of Bones and he saw her labret lip ring, her nose ring, and her small gauged earrings.
Admiral Pike smiled.
"And last but certainly not the least of our outstanding group, Jane Ryan, Education Major, engineering minor." Admiral Pike said smiling in her direction.
"I hardly need introduction sir," She said taking a bottle of tequila and a lime from the waiter. "I ordered this on my own, pass the salt please, I don't like being bragged on, it makes me feel over glorified."
Bones watched as poured a shot of tequila into a shot glass, licked her hand, and poured some salt on it.
"You're a teacher?" Bones said slightly horrified as he watched her down the shot of tequila, lick the salt, and eat the lime. "Do they just let anybody teach?"
She opened her eyes and looked at him.
"Don't fuck with me Leonard Horatio McCoy," She said shaking her head. "I do my job and I do it well, and I'll be damned if I'm going to take lip off of you!"
Bones looked at her for a moment and realized she had a southern drawl.
"With an accent like yours I'm surprised your momma hasn't whooped your ass yet for having those things in your face!" Leonard snapped back.
"She doesn't pay for my education," Jane replied taking another shot. "I do. She can't tell me shit, I'm here in San Francisco and she's in Southville Georgia."
Jim clapped his hands together and smiled.
"Tequila sounds like a great idea! Shots are on me!" He said trying to calm the fire.
"Damn it Jim," Bones said tiredly. "I told you I'm not getting drunk!"
"I'm not saying let's get drunk. I'm just saying a shot around the table." Jim said trying to keep tempers in check.
"I say she's taking enough shots for us all!" Bones said pointing to Jane.
"Piss off!" She said taking one more shot.
"You first!" Bones shouted angrily.
"Do us all a favor and get that stick surgically removed from your ass!" She said standing up. "I'm sure your crew mates would appreciate it!"
"Is that a fact, Miss Over Compensation," Bones said getting in her face. "I'm sure that all those metal bars in your face must attract all the guys. They appear to be lining up to see you and your pierced glory, your lesbian haircut, and butch biker jacket!"
The three students saw the rage in her eyes. She looked at him grabbed the bottle of tequila poured another shot and took it without lime or salt. She found the bottle top and screwed it on tightly.
"I'm going to let that slide considering your ex-wife fucked you over in your divorce," She said keeping her voice calm and cool. "But the next time you ever insult me like that, I will beat the living hell out of you."
She placed the capped bottle on the table and walked out.
"You guys can have the rest." She said walking away.
"Good job Bones," Jim said slapping his friend on the back. "You're just a few centimeters away from getting your ass kicked by the most damaged person on the entire campus."
Bones looked around the table.
"Damaged?" He asked looking at everyone.
"Yeah," Wynifred replied. "Her mom and stepdad only call her if they want money, she works part time, goes to class full time, attends three different clubs, tutors people with learning disorders, and her grandparents and brother died in a shuttle crash three weeks ago. She acts like it doesn't bother her, but we can all see she thinks its her fault their dead."
Bones wiped his face and realized how stupid what he did was.
"How can she think that a shuttle craft crash was her fault?" He asked pouring himself a shot of tequila.
"They were coming to visit her." Wynifred replied watching McCoy take a shot. "And if I were you I'd give her a day to cool off. When she's pissed she's likely to bite your head off before giving you a second glance."
Bones sighed and motioned for Jim to move.
"I'm calling a cab home," He said looking at the group. "I've made enough of an ass of myself without getting drunk. Sorry about the outburst. Good night."
Jim sighed.
"Great," Jim thought to himself. "Now Bones is depressed too."
The trip back to the apartment seemed to take forever compared to the trip to the restaurant. He felt his guilt and his conscious eating away at him like nothing he's ever experienced. He should have thought before he spoke but she set off some kind of spark that lit his fuse. He should have known better to let it blow like he did.
"Well Bones," He said pouring himself a glass of scotch. "Here's to screwing up, something you're good at."
After he emptied his glass he took a shower and went to bed.
"Tomorrow's a new day," He said as he laid his head on the pillow. "And I can always apologize for being a complete ass, right before I act like a complete ass again."