Ty's Beauty Is In Pain
Cy
Summary
CeCe feels alone until one day, Ty walks in on her after doing something rather... Shameful... He decides it's time to talk to her about the way she's been acting. 'How has she been acting?' you ask. She has been acting 'depressed' and 'sad' and very 'weird'. Ty has had enough so he decides it's 'now or never' to talk to her. Though he could have ignored the sight and taken the money he did the right thing... Read to find the right thing out! Based on the song 'Beauty From Pain'! By Superchic(k)
XXXXXCeCe's POVXXXXX
I'm tired and empty. Rocky and I rarely talk anymore. I miss her a lot and I really wanna hang out with her like we used to hang out... There's a really bad thunder storm going on right now and I gotta say it fits my mood. I don't exactly... 'Like' storms and stuff. They kinda freak me out, but I just don't care right now. At least the lights are still on.
Oh... Well, that's just perfect! The lights just went out all around me! And I'm out of candles and flashlights too! This sucks. I hate my life. I can't take this anymore. I don't even know why I keep trying. It all ends the same. I can't even say I've never cut myself before anymore. I don't really cut because Flynn caught me one time and I think I scarred him... I still feel bad about that... All I do is screw things up for other people and fail. Why do people keep me around? I mess everything up! I'm such a failure! It's like I can't do anything right... I should just feel better!... But it's just so hard... Ooh here's a flashlight! Awesome! Finally something that ends up good for me! Nothing ends good for me...
I know I'm alive, but I feel like I've died. Sometimes I wonder if I am alive or not because when I don't feel sad and stuff, I feel nothing. It's a weird feeling. I just wish this would end. I want to die, but I don't know how. Maybe give myself to a killer? Heck no! Who knows how they would kill me! This is just to much for me to bear alone. It isn't fair... My life is terrible and I don't know what to do about it! I feel hopeless and empty, but I mostly feel scared. I don't know why I'm scared, but I am. I guess I'm scared to feel this way. Maybe scared to not feel this way? I've felt this way for so long and I'm scared to stop. I am one messed up girl...
I guess all that's left is to accept that it's over. My dreams ran like sand through my fists. Gary fired me a month ago after I messed up big time! My Dyslexia 'kicked in' or something, because everything got all jumbled up in my head. I can't even explain it. Maybe that's when I started acting 'weird'. I don't know. I feel so confused! I just want this all to stop. I want to be 'popular' at school again, I want my bestfriend (Rocky) back, but I mostly want one thing... I want some chance of being with... 'Him' again... Tyler Joseph Blue; the boy that I think I am in love with. I don't know why my 'heart' picked a complete player and ladies man to fall in love with. I have about zero percent chance with Ty! He probably only sees me as some weird, emo, sisterly type girl. I know, I make so much sense!
Did I mention, I've become 'goth' and stuff now? I wear so much black, sometimes I wonder if I'm trying to reflect my 'heart'. That's how I feel like my heart is now, 'black'. I don't feel anymore unless I'm feeling pain. I just don't get why I have to go through this! I want it to end, just so I can feel better.
I try and send Rocky those warm 'I'm okay' smiles a lot so maybe she'll believe me. She never does though. But then again, whenever I do that, I feel like my heart's getting even colder! She sometimes invites me over for dinner though! Probably to see if I'm 'better'. ~Sigh~... I really miss mine and Rocky's 'girly' talks. The only person who hasn't noticed the change (I guess you could call it that) is Deuce so we still hang out a lot. Not a whole lot or anything because he's still a guy and stuff. Plus, he's also Rocky's boyfriend, so I gotta watch what I say around him.
I feel like I'm slipping away. It's like I'm slowly decaying. I feel alone and I feel like I could burst out crying at any moment. There's nothing left for me to live for. Flynn maybe, but I doubt he'd care. He'd get more attension from mom anyways. Rocky might care, but we really haven't talked in so long! I wouldn't be suprised if she forgot I still live next door! I'm so lame... When did I become this girl? Stupid, pathetic, angry, and mostly... In pain... I just with this could end. I don't know why I don't end it! Well, I know why! Ugh! It's like a never ending loop of thoughts! I'm just such a wreck!
"Hey, CeCe, Rocky wants you to come over for dinner. We know you don't really like thunder storms and stuff." Ty says while walking in my room. Did I mention that I still cut sometimes? Yeah, well, this is one of those times. Crud! Does he see the razor? Does he see my wrist? Does he see the tears on my face? I think the flashlight it shining on my face! What do I do?
"Yeah! Of course! I'll be right there!" I exclaim, still keeping my head down though. If I have any hope of dating Ty or being friends with Rocky, he can't see anything...
"Uhhh, are you okay?" He asks coming over to my bed and picking up my arm by the wrist.
"Yeah, never better." I lie. When did I get like this? I lie to my friends and push them away! Maybe if I just let them in, I would be better! I wanna be better! I just don't know how to let them in... I wish I was smart enough to figure out this piece of crap called 'life'! 'Cause it's just so hard!
"You're bleeding." He states quietly.
"Yup." I agree, popping the 'p' in 'pop'. "This is going to lead to a long and awkward talk, isn't it?"
"God, CeCe! Of course it's going to be a long awkward talk! What'd you do?" Ty asks accusingly.
"Well, errrrr, so I have twenty bucks with your name on it if you suddenly 'forget' what you just saw..." I say nervously. Maybe he'll take te money... Hopefully he'll take the money! This is so complicated! It's like I know that he won't take the money, but I still feel like he will... But I know he won't! But maybe... Dang it! It's just never-ending thoughts...
"Excuse me?" Ty asks angrily.
"I'll give you money if you don't tell." I whisper brokenly.
"Do you really think that low of me? Gunther or Tinka wouldn't be that heartless, Ce! It's just... You're CeCe... I just never thought of you as, like, errrr, cutting yourself."
"I don't think that of you Ty. I never really pictured me as 'a cutter' either."
"So you'll stop?"
"Heck no! This is who I am and I don't wanna give up all that I know!" I say, before I can stop myself.
"CeCe... Would it help... If you talked to me?" He asks hopefully.
"I don't know if I could do that..." I say oddly. Could I really do that? Tell Ty, the guy that I'm... In love with, that I'm 'unhappy' or that I feel like a scared 'little' girl.
"Can ya just try." He asks pleadingly.
"Ok... I feel... Confused, weird, and I'm really... Do I have to say everything?" I ask sadly. He nods seriously and I procede. "I feel scared, Ty!" I then, bury my face in his chest while sobbing. His body tenses and I wonder... Should I have not done that? Did I make him feel uncomfortable or awkward? Is he... Holding me? And... Stroking my hair? "Ty, I just don't know what to do! I feel so alone and like nobody gets me! I don't know what to feel anymore!"
"CeCe... It'll be okay." Ty says while stroking my hair.
"Why should I believe you?" I ask curiously.
"Because... I care about you CeCe." Ty says at a loss for words.
"What do you mean?" I ask confused. He couldn't possibly love me back!
"Never mind." He says nervously. Why is he nervous? ~Sigh~ This all just makes no sense... I. Hate. My. Life. "Go on."
"Can you please talk for a minute?" I ask hoarsly.
"Well, umm, I can tell you that after all this has past you still will remain. And... I think you'll be crying your last soon because I wanna help you." Ty says sincerely.
"Do you mean that?"
"Of course, CeCe!"
"You sounded really poetic." I say with a chuckle and go to wipe my tears only to be stopped by his own hand, wiping my tears.
"I got a lot more! After you've cried your last... There'll be beauty from pain... But I don't know how to make you more beautiful." He says sweetly. Awww! Did he really mean that? That was the sweetest thing I have evere heard! I know I'm in love with him and I can't do anything about that. Was he making a pass at me when he said 'But I don't know how to make you more beautiful'? He's so amazing...
"You think I'm beautiful?" I ask hopefully.
"CeCe! You're the most beautiful girl I know!" Ty exclaims grinning.
"So do you, uhhh, like me?" I ask blushing. Here is the moment I've been dreading. He's been so sweet and nice and now he has to break my heart. Like Tyler Joseph Blue, would want to date me! I'm just pathetic Cecelia Amanda Jones. (God, I hate the name Cecelia!)
"Yeah, I actually like you a, uhhh, lot." He says nervously.
"Like ramanticly?" I ask getting more hopeful. This can't be happening! He just admitted he likes me! Omg, omg, omg! This is so amazing.
"Yeah, Ce, romanticly." He says looking down. Does he think I don't like him back? Who on gods green earth would not like Ty?
"I like you too!" I exclaim and hug him tightly. "Ya know... Maybe today isn't the day I'll find hope, but if you give me time, I think I'll get better." Did I really just say that? What the hellicopter! (Yes, I know Ruby says that on that show called Ruby...)
"And there'll be beauty from pain." Ty finishes happily.
"Yeah, there'll be beauty from pain and it'll be because of you... Ty, you're saving me from a me that I don't even know." I say seriously.
"Do you wanna tell me more?" He questions.
"You're sure it won't freak you out?"
"As sure as my name is Ty Blue!"
"Ty... Your name is Tyler..."
"Well then, as sure as I'm Tyler Blue!" He says confidently.
I chuckle at how confident he is. "Well, it seems like my whole world is the pain I always feel. I can't explain it. The best I can do is just get through the day, ya know? I'm tired of hurting, but it's also all I know and I'm scared to not know me. Kinda like that Three Days Grace song 'Pain'. It says 'I'd rather feel pain then nothing at all'."
"Yeah, I've heard that song... I don't want you to feel pain though, CeCe... Why don't you feel happy that I'm here for you or maybe excited that I love you... Or maybe feel love for me?" He asks hopefully.
"You love me?" I ask happily. When he just nods and puts his head down again I decide to talk again. Does the boy have rejection issues or something? "I love you too."
"So... Why don't you feel those things instead of bein' sad. Can you talk to me whenever you wanna cut or something?"
"Yeah... Sometimes I can't even remember a time when I was like... Joyful? There's a difference between being happy and being joyful, because happy happens in a flash and joy kinda just... Stays..."
"I know what you mean. Sometimes it's hard to be joyful or even happy. Life's complicated, but usually it works out."
"Do you really think that?" I ask with a sigh.
"Of course! It's already working out for me 'cause I got you!" Ty happily. "Now come on... You're still holdin' back and I want you to tell me everything."
"Alright! Alright! So you know how I'm a Christian and stuff?" I ask.
"Yeah, I heard you praying when Rocky hurt her foot. I am too." He heard that? That's embarrassing...
"Well, ummm, sometimes I wonder why got lets me walk through this alone. I felt so alone and like nobody understands and stuff! I just wonder why he won't help me!" I say now crying again. It is true... Sometimes I wonder why he won't just help me or make it all end. I need something in my life to make sense and I don't know why God won't just help me be happy!
"He gave you me. And I'm here to help you." Ty says matter of factly. I guess he is right... God did help me by giving me Ty...
"I guess even though I don't understand why this happened... I guess I will when I look back some day. I mean I'm only a stupid fourteen year old right now and maybe when I'm older I'll understand." I say starting to understand things. He's actually making sense, which is something no one has ever done for me.
"CeCe... You're not stupid and I mean it. You're a nice girl, but I think you're right though. Maybe one day you will look back on this and completely understand everything and think about how far you've come."
"You're bringing beauty from ashes and making me again, Ty. I felt alone and scared and I didn't know who I was anymore. I felt like no one cared and didn't wanna help me. You're building me again and I can't thank you enough!" I sob. Me sobbing though wasn't out of sadness... I'm actually happy right now. Ty is making me happy and I honestly can't thank him enough.
"I really love you." He says while holding me tighter.
"After all this has passed. After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain. Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again and there'll be beauty from pain. You'll bring beauty from my pain, Ty." I say and bury my face closer (if that's possible) into his chest.
"I know, CeCe. I wanna help you, so tell me how."
"Be here for me and stay being you. You've helped me more than you know, just after this one talk." I say seriously. It's true. He has helped me more than I think I even know, just in this one talk. I feel bad that I'm kinda just... 'Unloading' it all on him. Who is he supposed to talk to about how he feels? If I know Ty, he wouldn't tell me because he wouldn't want to drag me down with him. I wouldn't. If anything I would drag him down with me. When did I become so messed up and depressing?
"I'll always be here for you." He says and kisses the top of my head. Aww! He's so cute! Here I am at the end of me. I'm trying to hold and hope Ty. Does that make any sense? I mean I'm trying to hold on to Ty 'cause he's the best thing that has ever happened to me and I'm hoping everything will work out with Ty. He's my first love and I know, my last. But the thing I am afraid of is... Being just another one of his... I can't take being abandoned again.
I don't think I can quite see what I'm holding on to him for, though. I can't see him so for all I know he's pranking me and going to tell everyone at school! Oh no! This is terrible! What should I do? I really screwed up this time and now he knows I'm in love with him! Why do these things happen to me?
"It's weird to because I forgot how to hope in a way. I always thought happiness didn't exist and now... I know it don't." I say crying softly.
"What're you talking about CeCe?" Ty asks confused.
"You were just playing me! Now you're going to tell everyone at school everything I just told you! And you're going to make fun of me for loving you! Ty, how could you do this to me?" I sob.
"CeCe, I wasn't playin' you! I wouldn't do that to you. Why would you think that?" Ty asks shocked.
"Because everyone lies to me and plays me. Why wouldn't you?" I ask brokenly. I don't know whether to believe him or not. It would really help if I could see his face!
"Because I love you." Ty answers firmly.
"I don't know if I believe you." I whisper sadly. Should I believe him? I don't know anymore...
"Does this prove it to you?" He asks. I have no idea what he is doing! It's not like I can see him anymore 'cause the flaslight died. Woa. I feel something... Really soft on my lips and I think it's... Ty is kissing me!
"Yeah, it really does..." I say happily. And at that moment, the lights come on and I see... Ty's been crying too. He cares enough about me to cry! This 'night' has been so long and I think it's finally ending! Everything is finally working out for me! This is so amazing...
"Remember... The feelings will go away. I promise. I promise everything will get better." Ty says sincerely.
"I love you." I exclaim and kiss him again.
"I love you, too." Ty says and puts our foreheads together.
*Ahem* We hear a voice say and they don't sound... 'Happy'...
"Umm, Rocky..." I say nervously.
"What's uhh, goin' on?" She asks, holding back a smirk.
"Me and Ty are uhh-" I start slightly confused. What are we? Are we dating? Are we going steady? Are we just kinda... Friends that love eachother? I'm so confused...
"We're going steady." Ty says while looking at me hopefully.
"Yes, yes, we are." I say grinning. Now this, this is joy! I feel so happy!
"Yay!" Rocky exclaims while doing a happy dance.
"So, thanks Ty... You're awesome. You gave me someone to love and my bestfriend back." I say happily.
"I never left!" Rocky says and gives me a hug.
"So wanna come over for dinner?" Ty asks smiling.
"Sure!" I say, my grin getting even wider.
"Ok, I'll see you there!" Rocky says and runs- no skips out of the room! She must have really wanted Ty and I to go out!
"Thank you so much, Ty." I say and hug him, once more.
"Anything to bring beauty from pain." He says and kisses my forehead.
We walk out of the room hand in hand, smiling. This... This is true joy...
After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last,
there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope
again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
END
A/N
Bwahahahahaha! Cute ending right? I think I have a Cy obsession LOLz. I seriously love them. I also just realized how much I say about me on my profile. I say like EVERY SINGLE THING I know/think. So if you want, you can ask me a question and I'll put it on my profile and answer it :) (Ps. Nothing 'naughty' or 'innapropriate' k?) So ask away :D
So... I suppose ya'll wanna kill me for posting this instead of updating my other stories, am I right? Well, I'm SO sorry! It's just, I moved last week and I've been unpacking like a mad woman (girl)! So I haven't had time to write and I'm REALLY sorry. I also feel like I've gotten over writersblock and chiz (yes I know victorious) so updates will hopefully be even better! But I decided to write the first thing that I had started and that was this so next is either 'Feelings Suck' or 'Hide The Treasure!'! So keep an eye out :D
I also wanted to thank 'PirateGoddess4Ever' for sending me the idea! She's super nice so you should totally check out her stories :D
Well I think that's all I had to say... Oh and thanks SO much for all the sweet reviews! You're all amazing! I love you guys and every (Well most LOL) reviews SERIOUSLY make my day and I think you're all really great people and I was wondering which story you like better 'Feelings Suck' or 'Hide The Treasure'? Because I was going to be ending one soon so I can start the sequel to 'Victorious Shakes It Up!' but seriously, again THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS!
Trinity Out
Peace!