She Was The Only Dream I Ever Had
By Twilight Always
C.D.J.B
I see it like a movie, playing over and over in fast forward everyday. It couldn't stop, there was no pause, and their was no rewind. I couldn't change it, it just was what it was, I was forced to just watch myself make the same mistakes over and over again. The mistakes that changed my life. The mistakes that changed everything. The mistakes that even went as far as changing the course of history. But enough of that, I can't go to the end of the story, without telling the beginning. I mean, what kind of story would I be telling then?
My name is Severus Snape. But you can call me the half blood prince, if you perfer.
And this, this is the story about the love and loss of the one Lily Evans. . .
Lookin' at your picture from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
I remember the day, when we first meet, everything was pure, innocent, and sweet. We were only kids, and nothing could touch us. They're was yet to be people coming in between me and Lily, like James Potter, and those other friends of his, or my friends, who were against people with Lilys birth state; muggleborn, and there was no hogwarts school houses, like slytherin and gryffindor, the to biggest house reviles at Hogwarts school of witchcraft. The only threat to me and Lily back then was Lilys older sister, Petunia. But still, she was hardly a threat.
And nothing I could do, Could protect me from you that night
Wrapped around your finger, always on my mind
She was always on my mind, it just wouldn't stop, she was like a addiction, and I just couldn't stop. We were young, we were free, we were bestfriends. She had me wrapped around her tiny finger from the moment she spoke to me, she was so beautiful, so free, so loving and caring, she was so much better then me, always, even at a young age. Always.
The days would blend 'cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were, everything, everything to me.
We got our Hogwarts letters, I remember the happy, joyus look on Lilys face as she opened the seal of the letter, revealing the beautiful inscribings writen, telling her she was accepted into a school of witchcraft. We spent the few last days of summer vacation staying up all night talking, I told her everything about Hogwarts, and she just couldn't learn enough. She stacked up on books, like hogwarts a history, never getting enough knowledge inside her head. Knowledge was power, she knew that. The day we got on the Hogwarts express, I thought Lily was about to blow up with pure exitement, it was like watching a six year old on christmas morning.
That's when we met him. . . James Potter.
Lily didn't seem to like him all that much, him and sirius black were insulting me, and Lily, as I was her bestfriend, didn't appreciate it, leading up to Lily storming out of the train compartment, me following right behind.
The years went on, me and her, getting more and more close every year, but something else was hiding there, in our friendship, learking in the dark shadows. There was things, secrets, that I didn't tell her, and then there was secrets the I know she didn't tell me. But still, she was my bestfriend, and she didn't turn away from me, she stayed my bestfriend, not minding her fellow gryffindors disproval of mine and her friendship.
I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
There was ups and downs in our friendship, but it was always me and her till the end. No doubt about that fact. . . well, not until one day. I had been messing up, and had unconsiously been leaning toward my fellow slytherines and there opinions on things. I started leading toward the darker side, the side that belonged to the dark lord, whos name I shall not speak, and it's not something that I am proud of. Because of these things, my own mistakes, it caused me to make more and more mistakes. Like calling my bestfriend a filthy mudblood. The moment it escaped my dry lips I regreted it. The moment I saw the look on her beautiful face I wanted to die right then and there. I wanted to get down on my knees and beg for forgiveness, to tell her how sorry I was, and that I really didn't mean it. But James Potter and his friends were there, and I would never, never show weakness in front of Potter and his friends 'The Marauders'
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
I tried apologizing, but it didn't work. She wouldn't forgive me for calling her a mudblood, and I shouldn't have expected her to. It wasn't just the fact that I called her a mudblood, it was the fact that I kept dark secrets from her, I left her in the dark about what I was doing. She knew I had taken a side, she knew I had taken the dark lords side, somewhere deep down she knew. I prayed every night that she would forgive me, that she would come back to me. But it is a wish I know could never have been granted back then, and now.
I wish I could've changed it, I wish I could've done something, anything just to change our fate.
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know
I would have done anything to change our last days, to change the mistakes. But I wouldn't change her, I wouldn't change everything before the mistakes, the bitterness, and the coldness. I would do it all again, just to have my bestfriend back for a mer sweet moment. I just wish she could know.
Time went on, and I only grew more bitter and cold inside without Lily. It didn't get any better when Lily started dating Potter either. She was always with Potter, or Potter and his friends. My heart seemed to freeze the lce when I heard that Lily had finally agreed to go out with James Potter. I knew it was coming, but it didn't make it any better. If anything, it only made it worse. Seeing them around school, seeing them hold hands, she at them laugh and kiss, and hug, and just to see him hold her in his arms, gave me so much pain inside it felt as though my heart was being ripped into shreds and then being stomped on, and Lily would always have all the little peices.
After hogwarts ended, I tried to move ahead, let go of the past, after all the door to the past had been closed and locked shut. I couldn't go back to where me and Lily were before all of the bitterness. I couldn't go back to before I made my mistakes. . .
She got married. . .and to James Potter at that. Not like I hadn't seen the marrage happen, it was unavodable. I could see it in school, everyone could see it, they were in love, she was his world, and he was hers, and soon enough they brought another into the world, a little baby boy named Harry James Potter. Was it so wrong that I wished I was married to Lily? was it so wrong that I wished I could have a child with Lily who would look just like me, with Lilys eyes? but that wasn't my life, it was Lily and James'. Lily wasn't mine. . .she was James' and I couldn't change that.
I was mad. I was mad at the world. I was mad at Lily, I was mad at James. I was mad at even little Harry, who had done nothing. I was just a mad, heartbroken man. And in the rage, in the heartache, the pain, the pure insanity, I told my dark lord about the prophecy, and about the Potters and their son. I asked him to spare her, I really did, when I told him in the moment of pure stupitidy, I didn't think of what he would do to her. . . I guess somewhere deep down I thought he would. . . I just wanted the pain to go away. I just wanted it all to go away, but really, that was the biggest mistake I've made in my life. It brought more pain, more heartache, and theres not a day that goes by when im not haunted by the past of what I've done. . .
All the doors are closing, I'm trying to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it's me instead
I wish it was me who died in her place. She had everything, she had beauty, she had brains, she had so much talent, she had a husband, and a beautiful and she was pure, she was Lily. And that was beautiful. She didn't deserve her fate. Theres not a day that goes by that I don't wish it was me who died. I deserve to die because of what was taken from Lily, James and Harry Potter.
My dreams are empty from the day,
The day you slipped away
Everything seemed empty. If I had big dreams to begin with they'd be more empty then before. Out of all the dreams I ever had, she was the best, she was the biggest. She was my one and only dream, then, and now. And that's a dream I could never reach to .
since I lost you
I lost myself
No I can't fake it
There's no one else
I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know
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AUTHORS NOTE .
Yay! My tenth fanfiction=)
Hey Guys, I hope you liked this one, I have to say, I am rather proud of this one. I fell madly in love with this song (Backstreet Boys - Just want you to know) and just really wanted to make this. And im happy I did. It took a little while longer to do this one then my usual. I don't really know why, I know its not perfect, but I just really wanted it to be=) I just felt so horrible for snape reading the book , because I think he really, really loved Lily. He was just a man who kept making repeated mistakes - im not defending his actions, but I do feel bad for poor snape = ( Because in the end, I really do think he made ameands, and he did change his ways after the death of bestfriend and love, Lily Evans, and he was good in the end, and I love that and I love Severus Snape! If I was J.K I would have so much fun writing him. But anyways!
I'd like to say thank you to all of you who've reviewed to any of my fanfic storys, I love getting reviews, so pleasee keep them coming =) =)
So thanks for reading and please , please , please,
REVIEW!
C.D.J.B