A/N: Hey everybody! I was just playing around with my ideas and this is the result. Hope you enjoy it. Reviews would make my day.
Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own Glee or either of the songs I put in this story.
I'm Terrified, Please Help?
Karofsky POV:
What had I done? Oh shit, what had I done? It couldn't have happened, right? It's probably just a dream, right? I'll wake up and everything will go back to normal? I mean c'mon! I couldn't have kissed Hummel. There's absolutely no way I kissed the gay kid. That…that would make…me…gay? No. It's just a bad dream. I'll wake up and…oh who am I kidding. As I walked away from the locker room, the feel of his soft lips still lingering on mine, I knew it. I screwed up, big time. I had kissed Kurt Hummel. Damn.
Kurt POV:
How. Dare. He. How dare that neanderthal Karofsky steal my first kiss. What was he thinking? And then he tried to kiss me again? What the hell? I mean, I had gotten used to him harassing me everyday; the slushie facials, and dumpster dives. But this? No. He was screwing with my emotions. If he meant it, (which yea, he probably didn't) I couldn't afford to fall for him. No. This is what I've always wanted-someone to like me, but not him! No. Definitely not him.
Karofsky POV:
As I walked into school the next morning, there he was. Right there. Such an easy target. But after what had happened, I wasn't quite sure I wanted to hurt him… No, I had to. To prove to myself it hadn't meant anything. I walked past him and shoved him into the lockers. A little harder than usual, just to prove my point. I even laughed a little for good measure. The next time I passed him in the hallway he was walking the opposite way I was. I shoved him hard, and he fell on the floor and slid a little until he slammed into the lockers. There was a loud crash when he hit the lockers, which I didn't expect, I thought I had just pushed him on the floor, and as I walked away, I made the mistake of looking back. And the look I saw in his eyes made me feel a twinge of guilt. He just looked so hurt and vulnerable…oh damn that little fag for screwing with my head!
Kurt POV:
Really? After all that, he just pushes me harder? He hadn't meant it at all. He probably didn't even think about it after. He just used me…to hurt me? How could someone hate me that much? All I was doing was standing up for myself for once! And look where it got me…
Karofsky POV:
I took the long way to math, just to avoid him. That just shows what a big screw-up this whole thing was. I used to control him, now I can't look at him without feeling a little bad. It all changed so quickly. If only I hadn't kissed the little fairy, I would still be enjoying making his life a living hell. If only he hadn't looked so damn adorable and…crap. Adorable? I just thought of Hummel as adorable? No. That would make me gay. I couldn't be gay, my dad would murder me! But maybe he doesn't need to know. Maybe no one needs to know. But Kurt needs to. I've got to somehow tell him I'm sorry.
"Dave!" I looked up, startled, to find my math teacher glaring back at me.
"You have detention. Next time, maybe try answering the first 20 times I ask you a question."
I looked down as a few of the kids snickered at me. Great. I've been thinking about Hummel so much that now I had detention. This apology thing is gonna be harder than I thought.
Kurt POV:
Oh, thank God it's the end of the day. Time to go to glee club. The one thing I actually look forward to. The one place I feel as though I kinda belong. I decided to just sit in the back and listen to Mr. Shue talk. But then Rachel got up to sing, and the universe decided to mess with me a little more as she began:
"You, by the light, it's the greatest find, in a world full of wrong, you're the thing that's right, finally made it through the lonely to the other side. You've said it again my heart's in motion every word feels like a shooting star I'm at the edge of my emotions watching the shadows burning in the dark and I-y I-y I I'm in love and I-y I-y I I'm terrified…"
And of course, she was looking at Finn, but my mind was on Karofsky. I'm not quite sure why; I certainly didn't love him, I mean how could I? But I guess I could go as far to say I was terrified. This morning he slammed me into the lockers harder than ever, as if I had done something wrong by fighting back for once. But that settles it, I'll just ignore him from now on. I'd rather go back to normal than be hurt even more. As Rachel finished everyone clapped, she sat down, and Mr. Shue gave the week's assignment-which I didn't hear at all- and everyone got up to leave. I hung back, and so did Mercedes.
"You okay Kurt?" she asked me.
No. "Yea, yea I'm fine." I replied quickly.
She looked skeptical but said "allright" as we walked out of the room. We turned our separate ways, me to my locker, he to leave. "See you tomorrow" she called.
"Bye Mercedes" I answered as I walked quickly to my locker. I hadn't gone before for risk of running into him and now I just wanted to get home. But as I rounded the corner, there he was. Leaving a classroom, walking right towards me. Shit.
Karofsky POV:
Oh crap why's he here? Oh right, he's in that faggy little singing club. No, can't call it faggy, considering I think I'm gay…ugh this is too hard. But I had to apologize to him! He starts walking towards me…oh no…but then he stops and opens his locker, he's ignoring me? No that's not what I wanted! I actually wanted him to say one of those smart little insults he always comes up with, and then I could apologize to him. But I had no idea what to say. I take a couple of steps towards his locker and he turns around and just looks at me. Trying to look strong, but I can sense the fear behind his eyes. And I just feel shitty knowing I cause that fear. I open my mouth to say how terrible I feel, how sorry I am, but nothing comes out. We stare at each other for some amount of time, could've been seconds, could've been hours. And then I turn around, and walk away. Uggghh I'm such a coward.
Kurt POV:
Woah. What? Did Dave Karofsky just pass up THE perfect opportunity to beat me up? No one around at all and he walks away without hurting me or making fun of me? Has he gone insane? Or is there really more to that giant mass of stupidity than meets the eye?
Karofsky POV:
Ah ha! I've got it! the perfect way to prove I'm sorry. The perfect way to show my true need. I ran off to go find my Spanish teacher, I was almost positive Mr. Shuester was in charge of the thing.
Kurt POV:
Even stranger than what happened yesterday is that I didn't see Karofsky at all today. Usually he beats me up at least 3 times a day. But I didn't catch even a glimpse of him at all. Strange…I thought as I walked to glee club, actually having gone to my locker this time, where he's almost always waiting. Whatever. I took a seat in the back figuring I'd probably end up zoning out again. And then, even weirder than everything that had happened recently, was the strangest thing I had ever seen. I just stared as Dave Karofsky walked through the door. Stared, as my feelings turned from surprise, to shock, then to pure hatred. He had no right to be here. This was the one place where I could truly be me, without worrying about anything, and he thought he could just walk in here and ruin everything? Slowly, everyone else quieted down and just stared at him in shock-I wasn't the only one bullied by this guy! Mr. Shue, sensing the tension that had just come over the room, got up from his stool, walked over to Karofsky, and brought him from where he was still standing by the door, to the center of the room. No. This couldn't be happening. But it was.
Karofsky POV:
Wow. I've never seen a room filled with such surprise, and, in some cases, hatred. Everyone was staring at me in disbelief. Thank God Mr. Shuester started to talk. It was a bit awkward though, I think even he knows I'm terrible to pretty much everyone in this club. "For those of you who don't know him, this is Dave Karofsky. Dave auditioned with me yesterday and he would like to sing something for all of you." he said. I stared sheepishly at the crowd. This was going to be harder than I imagined, I thought, as I looked up and saw Kurt staring at me, looking betrayed, and ready to kill me. Great. Well, I guess it's now or never. I nodded toward the band and started to sing as they began to play.
Kurt POV:
I'm going to kill him, I thought as he opened his mouth and sang:
"Help! I need somebody. Help! Not just anybody. Help! You know I need someone. Help!"
Terrific. Just terrific. Oh, and it gets better- he was staring. Right. At. Me.
"When I was younger so much younger than today I never needed anybody's help in any way, but now those days are gone I'm not so self-assured, now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors. Help me if you can I'm feeling down and I do appreciate you being round, help me get my feet back on the ground, won't you please, please help me. And now my life has changed in oh so many ways, my independence seems to vanish in the haze, and every now and then I feel so insecure I know that I just need you like I never done before. Help me if you can I'm feeling down and I do appreciate you being round, help me get my feet back on the ground. Won't you please, please help me help me help me ooo."
Well that was over with. And damn, he could sing. Everyone but me clapped, although to slowly to have meant anything. But Mr. Shue stood up quickly and clapped loudly. "That was great Dave!" he said. And then, without saying anything, Karofsky left.
Karofsky POV:
There. I had done it. I'd shown what I really need from Kurt. It was very embarrassing, and nobody but Mr. Shue seemed to care at all that I had just sang something but I had done it. So I walked out of the room. I was halfway down the hallway when I heard footsteps pounding behind me. I turned around and there was Kurt running after me. Good. Now we'll just talk things over and everything will be ok-
"How dare you?" he yelled at me. Huh? No, he was supposed to forgive me now…"How dare you-" he screamed again. He was pretty loud, everyone could probably hear him but he didn't seem to care "-just come in there like that? That's the one place we all feel safe and you just walked all over it!" he shrieked, his voice getting higher and higher.
"What? No, no, no, you weren't supposed to take it like that!" I argued back. This seemed like it surprised him, and I kept going, "I thought me going in there and singing for the first time in public would show you how sorry I am!"
He looked even more surprised at this and opened his mouth, "so…"
"So!" I yelled, getting agitated now, geez, I thought Hummel was smart "So, If you couldn't tell by the song I actually need your help!"
He smirked and said something that sounded like "no, really? I would've never guessed. You were a bit too subtle on that one…" But he trailed off as he looked up and saw on my face a mixture of helplessness, confusion, and sorrow-at least that's how I was feeling. He looked confused for a moment too "Wait…your actually gay." It was a statement more than a question.
I looked away and nodded slightly "I think so…" I replied quietly.
He closed his eyes and sighed "oh…" I looked up at him questioningly. He looked like he was thinking hard then said "ok, I'll try and help you come to terms with your sexuality." I must have looked over hopeful or something because he said "Karofsky, I don't like you…I don't think I will ever like you…but I will try and help you…if you don't harass me anymore."
I looked at him for a moment and hesitantly said "all right".
He then said, "And don't worry, I won't tell anyone…And, if you ever want to, come back to glee club. You're a pretty good singer."
I doubted I would ever come back, but he looked so little, and was trying to be so nice and helpful, so I smiled and said "maybe, thanks".