Have mercy, this is the first fanfic I ever wrote and the first I've ever posted too. Please, no flames! This isn't my best stuff!! (granted my best isn't good either but...)
Oh did I mention that I don't own Munkustrap, Alonzo, Bomba, or any of them? WHY CAN'T I OWN MUNGYYYYYYYYYY?????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sniffs* anyhoo, all things CATS related belong to Andrew Lloyd Webber, Trevor Nunn, The R.U.G. peoples and a bunch of other peoples too.... oh yes and I also don't own anything related to Joseph or his amazing technicolor dreamcoat, those things belong to Andrew Lloyd Webber, Tim Rice and a bunch of other peoples too.
I have no idea if this has been done before and I just wanted to say that if you did something like this, sorry I didn't take your idea... OMG I HAD AN INDEPENDENT THOUGHT!!!!!!!! *angelic choir singing, bright light shining* ahem.
If you don't like Mungo/Rumple pairings.... you may not wanna read the end of this act... it gets rather.... suggestive. Oh and I do poke a bit of fun at Deme. Please don't hurt me!!!!!!
You have been warned.
Now sit back and enjoy this horrible horrible piece of.... writing *coughcough*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*giggle*
Shhhhhhhh!
MT: Aha! There you little kitties are!!!!
Cassandra: Great going Rumple.
Rumpleteazer: Aow can it Cass.
(I know, I know horrible accent, just deal with it okeydoodles?)
Plato: Okeydoodles?
MT: Shuttup. And speaking of lines....
Cats: uh-oh
MT: Time to hand out parts!!!!!!!!
*crickets and blank stares*
Alonzo: Why do we have to do this? Why do bored fanfic writers always rope us into performing some kind of musical or play????????
MT: *sweetly* Well, if you don't like this play, we could always do Annie! Or how about the Sound of Music... or Showboat???
Cats: OK OK we'll do it! Just NOT ANNIE!!!!!!!!
MT: *ala Monty Burns* Excellent. Now each production of Joseph has a different number of narrators, we're having two, any volunteers?
*queens back away, hide their faces*
I thought so, how about Jemima and Demeter
Jemima: But I only sing to the moon, about the moon, or with the moon!
Tumblebrutus: With the moon?????
Demeter: And every time I open my mouth I'm saying SOMETHING about Macavity!
MT: Well deal with it!
Jem + Dem (hehe that rhymes!): *hmph*
MT: The starring role of Joseph will be played by Munkustrap! Err, it'll have to be Munkeph.
Munkus: Munkeph?!?!?!
MT: Would you rather Jokustrap??
Tugger: *snort*
Etcetera: EEEEEEEEEEEEEE *passes out*
MT: Errrrr, right. Anyhoo, Bustopher will be... Bustopher pull yourself away from the snack table for two seconds?!?
Bustopher: But there's curry!
MT: *blank stare that lasts a few minutes* Ok, you're playing Potiphar Jones.
Jennyanydots: Is not skin and bones!
Bombalurina: In fact he's remarkably f-
MT: FOCUS!!!!!!!!!!!
Pouncival: Remarkably what? Remarkably what!?!
Tumble: It's ok Pounce, breathe, breathe.
MT: Mrs. Potiphar Jones will be Bomba.
Bomb: EW!!!! I'm married to Bustopher????
MT: Well yeah, but you don't love him. In fact, you seduce Munkeph.
Jenny: Kittens ears! Kittens ears!!
Bomb: Why am I always playing the slut with no morals?
Victoria: Typecasting.
Bomb: Shuttup pipsqueak!
Viccy: You, ya big tree!
Bomb: Ya wanna say that to my face you little twerp?
Viccy: I'll need a chair, you-
MT: *trying to interrupt before Jenny has a fit* Ok, Tugger will be the... Rum Tum Pharoah.
Munku: *snort, looks around at everyone staring at him* how come nobody screams and passes out when I do that?
MT: Rrrriiiiight, the brothers will be as follows:
Alonzo-Alonzoben
Macavity-Simavity
Mistof-Mistolevi
Tumble-Tumbletali
Pounce-Issapounce
Coricopat-Coricosher
Plato-Gado
Skimble-Skimbulon
Mungo-Mungojudah
err, we're out of toms so
Tantomille-Danomille
and
Etcetera-Bencetera
Etccy: Can we make my character a sister?
Tant: Me too!
MT: NO!!!!!! This was taken from the book of Genesis for Bast's sake!
Etccy: Who's Bast?
Director: *sighs* never mind.
Alonzo: I thought I was stage manager?
MT: You're both, now go pass out scripts and get the costumes from the back slave! Mwuahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha*cough*ackyich...Mwuahahahahahahahahahaha..
Etccy: Are you done yet?
MT: The world may never know
Etccy: Huh?
MT: LOOK! Tugger is SNEEZING!!
Etccy: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *passes out again*
Munku: How come nobody does that when I sneeze?
MT: duh
Munku: What was that?
MT: Nothing ah Alonzo back with the costumes?
Alonzo: Yep, here's a fake beard!
Etccy: I call it!
*Alonzo tosses her the beard and she gleefully puts it on*
MT: That's the only costume!?! We don't even have Munkeph's coat!?!
Alonzo: Well our costume budget was only $8.50! Um... here's a multicolored sock I found!
MT: Great. Jellylorum, change the programs to say 'Munkeph and the Amazing Technicolored Dreamsock'
Jelly: Ma'am yes ma'am!
MT: Let's just go to the first scene, the aptly titled 'Prologue', Demi and Jemi (hehe that rhymes too!) you guys sing this.
Jem: Fine but I'm warning you, I sound bad without the moon!
MT: Just sing!
Dem: Some folks... er.. cats dream of the wonders they'll do
Before their time on this planet is through
Some just don't have anything planned
They hide their hopes and their heads in the san
Jem: Now I don't say who is wrong
Who is right
But if by chance you are here for the night
Pounce: You mean people would actually sit through this?
MT: Shuttup and let them finish!
Jem: Then all I'll need is an hour or two
Tumble: You mean this whole thing is gonna take two whole hours!?!?!
All Cats: NNNOOOOOOOOOO!
Demi: Macavity!
*all stare at her*
Macavity: But... I've been here. I'm playing the role of Simavity!
Demi: *panicking* but... This is the longest I've ever gone without saying it... must... scream.... Macavity! *hyperventilates*
Bomb: It's ok Demi, breathe, breathe, nice and easy *to MT* see, now you've gone and made Demeter hyperventilate!
Munku: Oh yeah and that is just so unusual for our cool-as-a-cucumber Demeter *rolls eyes*
Bomb: Shuttup, It's his fault anyway *glares at Macavity*
Macavity: Hey, I think we all know that this is the fault of... er... uh.... Electra! Yeah, it's all Electra's fault!
Electra: What's my fault?
Macavity: I dunno, it's just your fault!
Ele: Is not!
Mac: Is too!
Ele: Is not!
Mac: Is too!
Ele: Is not!
Mac: Is too!
Ele: Is not!
Mac: Is too!
Ele: Is not!
Mac: Is too!
Ele: Is not!
Mac: Is too!
Ele: Is not!
Mac: Is too!
Ele: Is not!
Mac: Is too!
Ele: Is not!
Mac: Is too!
Ele: Is not!
MT: Just shuttup and go to the next scene! Jemi, cover Dem's lines and shuttup about the stupid freakin moon!!
Jemi: hrmph!
MT: Brothers, get ready and jump on stage when your name comes up and say your name ok? Go!
Jemi: Way way back many centuries ago
Not long after the Bible began
Ja-
MT: Wait! I forgot to cast a Jacob! Um *scans crowd* Gus, you be Jac...us, Jacus. Etccy, give him your beard
Etccy: Hmph!
MT: Ok, pick up where you left off
Jemi: -cus lived in the Land of Caanan
Pounce: He lived in a cannon?
Tumble: Caanan you idiot!
Pounce: Where's that?
Tumble: I dunno
MT: SHUTTUP!
*Jemima just sits there*
MT: NOT YOU!
Jemi: A fine example of a family... tom
Jacus, Jacus and sons
Depended on farming to earn their keep
Jacus, Jacus and sons
Spent all of their day in the fields with sheep
Jacus was the founder of a whole new nation
Thanks to the number of kittens he had
He was also known as Israel but mostof the time
His sons and his wives used to call him dad!
Jacus, Jacus and sons
Men of the soil, of the sheaf and crook
Jacus, Jacus and sons
A remarkable family in anyone's book
*Alonzo trudges on stage*
Alonzoben: *unenthusiastically* Alonzoben
Jemi: Was the eldest of the children of Israel with
*Macavity slowly walks on to the stage*
Simavity: *even more unenthusiastic than Alonzo* Simavity
Jemi: And
*Mistof comes out like he's walking to his death*
Mistolevi: *like he's at a funeral* Mistolevi
Jemi: Are next in line
MT: What was that??? It's supposed to be energitic! Bast help me, next scene.
Etccy: Who's Bast!?!?!
MT: Shuttup! Gus, you start this scene.
Gus: Who day and night must scramble for a living?
Feed a queen and kittens
Say his daily prayers
And who has the ri-
MT: WRONG MUSICAL GUS!!!! Jelly, do something!
Jelly: Gus, it's very lovely, but we're doing Munkeph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream...sock
Gus: These modern productions are all very well but they-
Jelly: Why don't we go outside dear.
MT: Gus, you're not Jacus any more!
Gus: Hmph
*Jelly brings Gus outside*
MT: Jenny, you're now Jacobanydots
Viccy: That name does not work with the song
MT: Jenny...
Jacobanydots" Munkeph's mother she was quite my favorite mate
I never really loved another all my life
And Munkeph was
My joy because
He reminded me of her
Jemi: Through young Munkeph, Jacobanydots lived his youth again
Loved him
Praised him
Gave him all he could but then
It made the rest
Feel second best
And even if they were...
Brothers: Being told we're also-rans
(Boying tawld woir also-rahns)
Pounce: What's an also-ran?
MT: Get back to the song!
Brothers: Does not make us Munkeph fans
(Das no' moik as Munkeph fahns)
Jemi: But where they had really missed the boat is
Brothers: We're great guys but no-one seems to notice
(Woir groi' geys bu' naw-one soims ta no'ice)
Jemi: Munkeph's charm and winning smiles
Failed to slay them in the aisles
MT: Wait! somethings not right, ok if you aren't on stage right now, you're the chorus
*everyone rushes onstage*
MT: Ok, if you aren't a brother, narrator, Munkeph or Jacobanydots, you're chorus for this scene
Go on Jemi
Jemi: And their father couldn't see the danger
He could not imagine any danger
He just saw in Munkeph all his dreams come true
Jacobanydots wanted to show the world he loved his son
To make it clear, that Munkeph was the special one
So Jacobanydots bought his son a co- sock
A multi-colored sock to wear
Jacob: Munkeph's sock was elegant the cut was fine
Brothers: The tastefull style was the ultimate in good design
(ok, you get the picture, Mungo's accent is blatently obvious, do I really have to point it out every time he opens his mouth? Because I won't, only when he's talking by himself. So ppbhhhhtttttt!)
Jemi: And this is why, it caught the eye
Brothers: A king would stop and stare!
Munkeph: I look handsome I look smart
I am a walking work of art!
Cass: And so modest.
MT: Cass, just let them get through this scene ok?
Munkeph: Such a stunning sock of many colors
How I love my sock of many colors!
Viccy: Can't...hold...in...any...longer...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
*notices everyone staring at her* I mean, come on! It's a sock! A sock!!!! Get it? A sock?
MT: *sighs* next scene. Chorus, you're playing corn and stars
Tugger: Uh-uh, there is no way I'm playing an ear of corn!
MT: I was afraid of this, but I might have to bring out.... *da da dum* A can of orange soda! (sorry guys, that's something even I don't fully understand, but I have a friend who's deathly afraid of orange soda so I incorperated that trait into Tugger)
Tugger: NOOOO! NOT THE ORANGE SODA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, I'll be the stupid corn.
MT: Jemima, go!
Jemi: Munkephs sock annoyed his brothers
Brothers: But what makes us mad
Are the things that Munkeph tells us of
The dreams he's often had
Munkeph: I dreamed that in the fields one day
The corn gave me a sign
Your eleven sheaves of corn
All turned and bowed to mine
Mungo: Woit a min'u' naw oive soin a lo' o' things, but oi aint neva soin naw con baw!
MT: Just stay with it Mungo
Munkeph: *ahem*
My sheaf was quite a sight to see
A golden sheaf and tall
Yours were green and second-rate
And really rather small!
Brothers: This is not the kind of thing
We brothers like to hear
It seems to us that Munkeph and his dreams should disappear
Munkeph:I dreamed I saw eleven stars
The sun the moon and sky
Bowing down before my star
It made me wonder why
Hmmm I wonder
Could it be
That I was born
For higher things than you?
Duh! They're jealous of a sock! I mean, come on! How far are they gonna get in life!
MT: Munku... try to stay in character
Munkeph: A post in someone's gobornment
A ministry or two?
Brothers: The dreams of our dear brother are
The decade's biggest yawn
His talk of stars and golden sheaves
Is just a load of corn
Not only is he tactless but
He's also rather dim
For there's eleven of us and
There's only one of him
The dreams of course will not come true
That is we think they won't come true
That is we hope they won't come true
What if he's right all along?
The dreams are more than crystal-clear
The writing on the wall
Means that Munkeph someday soon
Will rise above us all
*chorus runs in with Munku concealed withen them; they then raise him up on a chair (think, the ending of Wilkommen from Cabaret)*
Misto: Oh heavysides, he already has! Well we might as wel go home now.
Other brothers: Oh yeah! It's useless, we should give up! Let's run for it!
MT: Hahahahaha! Nice try kitties, but all the doors are locked! Muahahahahahahahahahahahaha
haahahahahahahhahaha*notices stares*ha...ha..haha...ha... NEXT SCENE!
Jem: Next day far from home
The brothers planned the repulsive crime
Brothers: Let us grab him now
Do him in while we've got the time!
Jem:This they did and made the most of it
Tore his sock and flung him in a pit
*brothers all to eagerly fling munkus in a garbage bag acting as a pit*
Munkus: HEY!!!! what was that all about?????????
Pouncie: The stupid sock won't rip!!!
MT: Good, that means we can use it easily at the end of the play when it's magically back together again
......
just go.
Macav: Oh come on! A pit???? If we want him dead so much why don't we just shoot him?
MT: JUST GET ON WITH IT!!!!!!!!!
Brothers: Let us leave him here
All alone and he's bound to die
Jem: When some Ishmaelites
A hairy crew came riding by
*Electra and Viccy come by doing an Egyptian-sort-of dance thingie*
In a flash the brothers changed their plan
Brothers: We need cash let's sell him if we can
Jem: Poor poor Munkeph
Whatcha gonna do?
Things look bad for you hey
Whatcha gonna do?
Poor poor Munkeph
Whatcha gonna do?
Things look bad for you hey
Whatcha gonna do?
Munkus: I DON"T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sobs*
Bomba: Remind me again why he's our leader??????
Munkus: Just trying to get into character!!
Bomba: Well stop
MT: Guys...get...on...with...it....or...else....
Brothers: Could you use a slave?
you hairy bunch of Ishmaelites?
Young, strong well behaved
Going cheap and he reads and writes!
Jem: In a trice the dirty deal was done
Silver coins for Jacobanydot's favorite son
Tant: But we're cats! We don't use money!... And I'm sick of playing a tom!
Etccy: What's an Ishmaelite? And me too!!!
Tant: Why can't ya just cut out two brothers!
MT: 'Cos there needs to be a dozen sons or the next song won't work!!!
Viccy: You changed 'Jacob' to 'Jacobanydots' And you think cutting two sons will hurt the music??
MT: Shuttup Victoria
Tugger: When do I come on???
MT: Shuttup! Not until the second act, you're just the chorus. let's just go to the next scene, One More Angel. Brothers, get into the cowboy garb.
Alonzo: But we don't have costumes other than the beard Gus took with him... and that awesome sock!
MT: Well get the imaginary cowboy garb!
Misto: Phsycho
MT: What was that?
Misto: Err.. I...uh...nothing....mrs. beautiful...smart.....funny....perfect....director....lady
MT: That's what I thought. Anyhoo, this is your solo, Alonzoben.
Alonzo: rrrrgh, oh fine.
Alonzoben: Father, we've something to tell you
A story of our time
A tragic but inspiring tale of tomhood in it's prime
You know you had a dozen sons
Well now that's
Not quite true
But feel no sorrow
Do not grieve
Brothers: He would not want you to
Alonzoben: You see there's one more angel in Heavyside
There's one more star in the sky
Munkeph we'll never forget you
It's tough but we're gonna get by
There's one less place at our table
There's one more tear in my eye
Brothers: But Munkeph the things that you stood for
Alonzoben: Like truth and life never die!
When I think of his last great battle
A lump comes to my throat!
It takes a cat who knows no fear to
..Wrestle.... with a .... goat?
Alonzo: Oh come on!!! A goat!?!?! Why couldn't he have been hit by a bus or something!?!
MT: They didn't have buses back then Alonzo. NOW KEEP SINGING!!!!!!
Alonzo: fine
Alonzoben: His bloodstained sock is tribute to his final
Sacrifice
His body may be past it's peak
But his souls in Heavyside
So, so-long little Munk!!
Adios Buckaroo!
Ten-four Good buddy!!!
Jacobanydots: There's one less place at our table
There's one more tear in my eye
Brothers: But Munkeph the things that you stood for
Alonzoben: Like truth and light never die!
Brothers: Carve his name with pride and courage
Tumbletali: Let no tear be shed
Brothers: If MT would unlock the doors
We could escape from here
MT: THOSE ARE NOT THE PROPER LYRICS AND YOU KNOW IT!!!!!!!!!!!! *sighs* Let's just go to the Potiphar scene, Pounce and Tumble, try to pry Bustopher away from the snack table.
Long story short: they did but he performs while eating a chicken wing
Jemi: Munkeph was taken to Egypt in chains and sold
Where he was bought by a captain named Potiphar Jones
(add chorus)
Potiphar Jones had very few cares
He was one of Egypt's millionaires
Having made a fortune bying shares in
PJ: Pyramids
Jem+Chorus: Potiphar Jones had made a huge pile
Owned a large percentage of the Nile
PJ: Meant that I could really live in style
Jem: And he did
PJ: Oh I did!
Jem: Munkeph was an unimportant slave who
found he liked his master
Consequently worked much harder
Even with devotion
Potiphar Jones could see that Munkeph
Was a cut above the average
Made him leader of his household
Maximum promotion
(+chorus)\
Potiphar Jones was cool an so fine
PJ: But my wife would never toe the line
Jem: It's all there in chapter thirty-nine of Genesis
She was beautiful but
Mrs. PJ: Evil
Jem: Saw a lot of toms against his will
He would have to tell her that she still
Was his
PJ: You're mine
Jem: Munkeph's looks and handsome figure
Had attracted her attention
Every morning she would beckon
Mrs. PJ: Come and lie with me love
Bomba: You know, I don't get how laying down is bad. I mean that doesn't neccessarily mean slee-
Jenny: NEXT SCENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MT: Hey! I make those descisions *evil glares from Jenny*.... next scene!
Munk: Yay! This is my big solo!
Etccy: Everyone got their earplugs?????
Cats: Yep!
Munk: Hey! *whining* MT.... make 'em take 'em off!!
MT: Fine... everyone take 'em off.
Cats: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MT: Shuttup! *takes someone's earplugs and discreetly puts them in* Go ahead Munk.
Munk: ahem
Munkeph: Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground
You in midair
So where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns
Just when I stopped
Opening doors
Finally knowing the one that I wanted
Was yours
Making my entrance again
With my usual flair
Sure of my lines
No-one is there
Don't you love farce?
My fault I fear
I thought that you'd want what I want
Sorry my d-
*At this poing, the cats have managed to pull out MT's earplugs and are loudly complaining, Munk keeps singing, oblivious to all of this*
MT: Wha? Oh.... MUNK, WHY ARE YOU SINGING 'SEND IN THE CLOWNS'?????? THIS IS NOT 'A LITTLE NIGHT MUSIC'!!!!!!! THIS IS MUNKEPH AND THE BLAH BLAH BLAH YOU KNOW THE REST!!!!!! YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO BE SINGING 'CLOSE EVERY DOOR'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Munk: I'm just doing what it says in my script.
MT: Lemme see that. *looks at the script*... Ok, who taped 'Send in the Clowns' over 'Close Every Door'?
*all look at Pouncie*
Pounce:... What? *hides a roll of tape behind his back*
MT: Dear Bast
Etccy: Who's Bast!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
MT: Shuttup. Guys, just go to 'Go Go Go Munkeph'. Cass, you be the baker, Rumple you be the butler. GO!!!!
Jem: Now Munkeph's luck was really out
His fortune and his spirit low
Alone he sat
Alone he thought
Of happy times he used to know
Munk: What happy? My brothers sold me to some hary Ishmaelites after flinging me in a pit and.... the ripped my sock!!!!!
MT: Shuttup Munk, Tugger be prisoner number 1, Mungo be prisoner number 2.
Tugger: Hey dreamer, don't be so upset.
Mungo: 'ey Munkeph yawr not boiten yet!
Chorus: Go go go Munkeph you know what they say
Hang on now Munkeph you'll make it some day
Don't give up Munkeph
Fight till you drop
We've read the book
And you come out on top
Jem: Now into Munkeph's prison cell
Were flung two very frightened cats
Cass+Rumple: (Again, I'm only gonna point out Rumple's accent if she's talking by herself) We don't think that we will ever see the light of day again.
Hey Munkeph help us if you can
We've had dreams that we don't understand
Jem: Both them were servants of Rum Tum Pharoah the king
Thrown in the doghouse for doing their thing
One was a baker a cook in his prime
The other a butler, the Jeeves of his time
Munkeph: Tell me of your dreams my friends
And I will tell you what they show
Though I cannot guarantee to get it right
I'll have a go!
Cass: Gee what a big help you are!
MT: Shuttup and get on with it.
Jem: First the butler, trembling took the floor
Nervously he spoke of what he saw
Rumple (butler): There oi wos standin' een front of a voine
Oi took some gripes en oi crushed 'em ta woine
Oi goive them ta Rum Tum Pharoah
'oo droink fram moi cup
Oi troied taw interpret
But oi 'ad ta geev up.
Mungo: Tha's moi Teazah! Groi' job lav!
Rumple: *blushes* Err...uh.... thoinks lav. *to MT* Cen oi boi excused?
MT: Why?
Rumple: Taw..er....... gaw ta tha bathroom! Yea, tho's it! Ta gaw ta tha bathroom!
MT: sure
Rumple: *runs off with Mungo right behind her*
Mungo: err.... oi gotta gaw too.
MT: whatever
Mungo: *runs off after Rumple, grinning*
Cats: Me too!!!! Me too!!!
MT: Why don't we just go right to the break?
Cats: YAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MT: Jenny packed you all Hand-i-snacks and PB and J sandwhiches.
Pouncie: Ooo! the cheese and cracker thingies with the little red sticks!?!?!?!
MT: Yep
Pouncie: YAY! WE GET THE STICKS!!!!!!!!!
MT: I'm not even gonna ask.
End act 1