A Crossover gone HORRIBLY wrong…
AHH! The plot bunnies have gone rabid and have discovered the joys of cocaine! Oh my God, I just got this idea in my head and I have NO IDEA where it came from. And it just gives me this evil grin that says "oh, this is sooooooo bad, I really shouldn't write this, but dark forces have possessed my fingers and are going to make them type anyways". No good will come of this… forgive me. wince
Disclaimer: I don't own V for Vendetta or Rocky Horror Picture Show. Hell, I don't even really claim to own this fic… I still swear I'm possessed. I'm not to blame. I blame EvilBoducky for this story.
FLAME WARNING: This is a V meets Frankenfurter fic. It is not meant to be serious, or follow cannon V for Vendetta or anything. If you don't think you'll like this fic, don't read it! Just use your little "Back" button on the browser and go find something else. I swear, I won't be offended. If you flame me saying "God, that's so stupid, having a V/Rocky Horror crossover", I'll just read it and say, "Well, if you don't like the idea, don't bloody read the V/Rocky Horror crossover. Idiot."
It was a dark and stormy night. If you can imagine your typical story-cliché dark and stormy night then you can imagine exactly what this night was like. And it was shaping up to be a very interesting night indeed…
The first of many unusual and disconcerting events was the fact that V's usually unerring sense of direction had erred, and that our hero found himself inexplicably lost in a cliché-like night. Far from vexed, our valiant V ventured through the forest in which he currently found himself. He was fully confident that he would soon find a landmark he recognized.
Somewhere out there, an evil force cursed at her failed attempt at alliteration.
And during the course of his venturing, V reached the edge of a forest and found himself gazing at a sight which was every bit as clichéd as the night itself. In the distance, on a hill, sat a dark and looming castle.
"My God," V mused bemusedly. "Am I truly to believe that I am in this situation? It seems like the work of an overzealous writer who is suffering from too much caffeine and has not an ounce of originality."
Somewhere out there, an evil force laid aside her plans to get more caffeine and took out a scale with which to weigh her originality. The force was dismayed to discover that V was, in fact, right on both counts.
"And, in a very uncharacteristic fashion, I feel the urge to go to this house to ask for directions. I wonder why this is so?"
Somewhere out there, an evil force was slightly worried that V may, in fact, be just a bit too smart for his own good, and for the good of continuing this plot.
And yet, our hero found himself moving and, against his better judgment, walking towards the ominous castle. Minutes later, he found himself knocking on a large wooden door, and then being ushered inside by two of the strangest characters he had ever met. The strange duo (a butler and a housemaid) led the wary visitor to a great wooden doorway. Music and party noises could be heard on the other side.
My God, thought V, what have I gotten myself into?
He was all but pushed through the huge doorway and into an enormous ballroom, whose occupants had fallen into silence the moment he entered. As he looked around, our hero took in the sight of the party-goers, decked out in black formal wear, capes, hats and masks. Under normal circumstances, the situation may have made him feel somewhat at home. However…
In the middle of the room stood a… person, could it really be a man? It… no, he… was a fascinatingly frightening sight. The only comparison that V could recall was the thought of the mascot from a fast-food chain that had long since gone bankrupt. With his ivory face, unruly black hair and over-stated grey eye-makeup, the man before him looked like Ronald McDonald gone gothic.
My God, what have I gotten myself into?
Somewhere out there, an evil force grinned, grabbed her giant mug of coffee and chocolate-covered coffee beans, and sat back to enjoy the show.
"Oh, my, my… just look at you," a look of mock-concern crossed his face. "You're just soaking wet, you poor thing. Now that just won't do." He snapped his fingers. Two people rushed towards V and started to remove his clothes.
"Don't," he said simply, pulling away. His attackers looked at each other and grinned.
"Oh, come now," Frankenfurter purred, sashaying towards the visitor. "I'm sure you'll be much more comfortable if you get out of those wet clothes." His hand reached out to undo a button.
V's gloved hand lashed out and grabbed his host's wrist. "I must really insist that you don't," he said smoothly, opening his cloak to reveal an array of daggers. A few people gasped. All eyes turned to the mad scientist, fearing what he may do.
"Mhmm," he chuckled, a seductive smile spreading across his features. "Well, well. Don't you have good reflexes. And such strong hands too." Frankenfurter looked around as his entourage chuckled. "How wonderful for you."
"Quite." They stood regarding each other for some time before the scientist grinned once more, arching an eyebrow.
"Well, you can at least take that mask off…" He reached out with his free hand, only to find that it too was swiftly caught in a firm grasp. "Mhmm. Fine, have it your way. A masked man, how…" another glance at the entourage "mysterious." More chuckles were heard.
"If you say so."
"But I must admit I'm a little hurt…" V obligingly released the other man's wrists. "No, not by that. In fact, that was rather… enjoyable." He winked at the masked figure.
"I could tell you thought so. It's the reason I let go." The shrewd doctor could detect the barest hint of disdain V's voice. No matter…
"Well, I am hurt that you seem dead-set against accepting my… hospitality. You don't even have the decency to remove your cloak and stay awhile." He pouted as he regarded V. Both men stood motionless, sizing each other up.
"Far be it for me to be ungrateful," V stated blithely. Frankenfurter smiled as the man removed his cape, draping it over one arm, and then his hat. Tilting his head, he asked innocently, "Does that make you happy?"
"Mmmmmmmm, it does." Frankenfurter stalked around the visitor, gazing appreciatively at the sight before him. Bemused eyes studied the broad chest and shoulders as the doctor imagined running his hands over them. His waist was wonderfully tapered. Making it all the easier to wrap my legs around him… yummy! The doctor's gaze lingered at V's straight back, the intriguing curve at the base, leading to an obviously firm, tight, delicious-looking…
"You must exercise, don't you?" the scientist asked innocently. He had been amused to notice that the masked face hadn't moved a bit during the entire inspection. "Good for you. It keeps you healthy and in… good shape." V ignored the blatant innuendo. "And such keen fashion sense, especially the gloves and boots. Tell me, do you like lots of leather?" More silence. "Oooh, the strong, silent type. How nice." Frankenfurter put his face just inches away from the mask, batting his eyelashes and grinning evilly. "I bet I could make you make some interesting noises."
"That really won't be happening," V ground out, feeling very unnerved.
"That's what they all say." More chuckles echoed through the room. "Now, come! There's something in my laboratory that you just must see!" Frankenfurter exclaimed, placing a hand on V's shoulder. "He's not quite finished yet, but I just can't wait to… show him off. Mhmmhmm."
"I must, regretfully, decline. You see, I still have things to do tonight."
The doctor strutted towards the doorway, refusing to listen. "No, no. That just won't do. You absolutely have to see this… I promise you'll love it!" A mass of partygoers swarmed upon V, utterly intent on making him obey their master's wishes. "Tonight! My friend, tonight shall be a night…" he turned to face V and leaned back on the door, "… that you shall never forget. Mhmm. Mhmm."
"It already is," V vowed. "Well, that's quite enough of this!" It took our masked hero mere seconds to look around for his escape route. With a sharp twist, he broke free from the grasp of many hands and ducked down to the floor. V's keen eyes spotted a convenient gap between the legs of his attackers. He lowered his shoulder and rammed people aside, throwing them off balance and adding to the confusion. People screamed and fell, hands scrambled to find purchase on the fleeing visitor.
As V leapt over and around various writhing bodies, Frankenfurter could be heard shouting "No! NO! This is my affair! This is my night! You're ruining absolutely everything!" Our hero dashed towards the stairs, and then his footfalls thundered on the balcony.
"Thank you very much for your hospitality," V declared grandly, as he donned his cloak and hat. "But I simply must go. Goodnight!" With that, he withdrew a single knife, grasped the blade and used the handle to shatter a near-by window. Our hero turned, tilted his hat to the host and the tangle of guests on the floor below. There was a swirl of his cape, and then he leapt out into the night.
Various groans and exclamations could be heard as people worked on disengaging themselves from the tangled mass of limbs. Frankenfurter huffed and stood with his hands on his hips, looking mightily put out.
"Well!" he exclaimed, shaking his head. "That was disappointing!" All eyes in the room watched as the doctor strutted up the stairs and looked out into the stormy night. There was no sign of their guest. Frankenfurter sighed and pouted. "He looked like he could have been so much fun."
Somewhere out there, an evil force smiles grimly at the mad scientist's plight. "V's mine," the force proclaims. "I'm not sharing him, you cross-dressing bastard!"
This fic has been dedicated to the ever-wonderful Belmont-Bellamy for making me smile. It is also dedicated to the ever-opinionated Alfred-II, just to bug him. Hope you liked the fic, Alfie-poo! blows a kiss