Here's a little one-shot I wrote. I don't usually write with Sasuke, but this is an exception.
The rain...has stopped.
"I'll always be there as a wall for you to climb over . Even if it means being hated...that's what big brothers are for."
My brother...it seems you were right.
But it's over now. Finally. After all this time...it's over. It's over. All is over.
But...if it's all over...then why does the world keep turning? Why does my heart keep beating? Why does my body keep screaming in pain?
Why didn't I notice it before, this pain? My body...feels like it's on fire. I...can't feel my arms. I...can't move my legs. I try, but...I can't move. All I am feeling is pain. I want to scream, but...I can't even do that. My throat...it feels constricted. No sounds can come out.
Even in death, he mocks me. The dead feel no pain. Even now...he left me to live suffering. That bastard.
My big brother. I existed solely to kill you...but...now that I have...why do I exist? I...am still breathing. I can still feel pain. I can see, and I can hear. I am still alive. Big brother...you're dead. You no longer exist in this world. You've become anothing. But...I still exist. So...since my existence is continuing even though yours has ended, does that mean...maybe...that there is a greater purpose for my existence?
You presented a great wall for me to climb over. You were the biggest obstacle to overcome, in yourself. Always. My entire purpose was to overcome that obstacle. Even before you butchered our clan. Now that the obstacle has finally been overcome...what do I do? Why should I get any stronger? There's no reason for it. There...I...
Why...why am I being allowed to live? Why am I being permitted to continue my existence? Your existence was wiped out, big brother, but mine...I still exist. Maybe I'm too vengeful to die. Maybe it's not blood that's being pumped through this body, beaten and broken, that's allowing me to continue existing. Maybe it's hatred. Maybe all that fuels this existence is hatred.
Hunh. That would be something. But if that were really the case...this stuff flowing out of my hatred-fueled body...it's...crimson. It looks like blood to me. And, big brother...your body...your body bled, too. Blood flows out of my body and yours. We...both have bodies fueled by blood. Both of us. So...what does that mean, brother? Does that mean...we're the same? Does that mean...I've become like you?!
No. No, it can't be. I won't be like you! I refuse! Because...if someone like you should cease to exist...and if I'm like you...then that means I should cease to exist too, right?
Why...why does my body rebel? Why do I bother to cling to life? What good will it do? Hunh? What good? I gained the power, and went through hell to do it. Brother...you took everything from me the first time...and the second time, I willingly threw it all away. Why? Because I am an avenger. I had a purpose, and sometimes, accomplishing your goal requires sacrifice.
But everything's been sacrificed, and the purpose has been accomplised...so what do I do now? Where doI go from here?
Heh...brother...maybe I should have left you alive a little longer so I wouldn't be barraged by these thoughts.
Our bond as brothers was only an illusion...so maybe your death is an illusion, too. I should feel relieved, but I...there's nothing there. Where's this sense of relief, of finality, that I was supposed to feel once I carried out my revenge? Huh? Where is it? Why can I feel nothing?
I...may be human enough to bleed, but...maybe that's all the humanity there is to me. I may continue to exist, but...maybe...maybe it's a nothing existence. It's nothing. All for nothing. I'm a nothing. All of that...it was all for nothing!! Avenging my clan was my everything...and it all led to nothing! My entire purpose, my existence...has been for nothing!
So...then...what's the reality, then? What is meaningful? Is there anything at all? Is there any purpose? Or have I just overlooked it all this time?
I took my brother's life. That brother whom I admired and hated. My only brother. My brother, who killed our father and mother, who killed everyone who bore the crest of the fan upon their back, in cold blood...and who knows how many more he's killed since then? The brother who wanted to steal my light to keep his from being extinguished. The brother who made me who I am today, who made me stronger. That brother. I killed him. I took his life. I took it from him, as he took the lives of all the others. People who didn't deserve to die!
But...now there's no one left. I really am the the last of the clan. There's no one left but me. There's no one. Just me. I'm...I am all alone.
...I see now. I cannot die. This is why I'm allowed to continue living. I'm the last. I'm all alone. But...it hasn't only been just now that it's been this way. I...I've always been alone, haven't I? My heart shut down long ago, and if it's not receptive to the warmth of others...then you will always be crawling in a dark pit of loneliness and isolation. I've...kept myself in the darkness for so long. I never had any desire to come out. It's all I knew. So long as I had my revenge, I didn't care what happened. But...now...I...I feel...kind of...
...lonely.
I need proof. I need to know that this is reality. That it really is over. I need someone to tell me that he really is dead. That I really did do it. He looks dead to me, but...that could just be my own wishful imagination, because I want it so bad. I need someone, another existence, to confirm that it's over, to take me by the hand, so I know that they're real, too. I need someone. Anyone. I need to know that there are other existences. That I'm not all alone.
I don't know why, but...there's this new strength, coursing through my body. I've felt it before. Anytime someone stood between me and my goal, I felt it. The pain blinds me, but...I can overcome it. I can overcome anything. I've already overcome the greatest obstacle. A little pain is easy compared to what I've done here.
Hunh. The sun's come out. It's so bright. Why did I never notice before? How bright and warm the sun is? How, even after the heaviest rain, the sun will always come out?
Hunh. What a strange and splendid thing.
Well. Even if I am alone, I'll always have the radiant sun. I'll have the sun, the moon, the stars. I'll have the sky above and the ground below. I'll have this entire world. Even if I am a wretched nothing, I still have as much right to this world as anyone else, right? Because I'm alive. I'm alive. I exist in this world. Even if I can't figure it out completely, I've been given 'life'. But what should I do with it?
What should I do?
Where should I go next?
The rain...has stopped.
And that's my first Sasuke fic!