The Iceberg Lounge would be an impressive looking nightclub, if one had never traveled outside of Gotham City. It possessed a certain flair, but much like it's infamous owner, most of the time it simply tried too hard to be something it was not. I would not have called it a two-bit place, but it may have qualified as a four-bit establishment, on a good night. Although frankly, the Iceberg tended to attract the wrong kind of people.
I walked in through the front doors knowing I looked as if I would fit into the top tier of accepted Iceberg patrons. The suit and shoes were expensive, the grooming impeccable, even if my hair was cut and dyed, and a subtle disguise hid my true face. I didn't like being in this town, especially these days. Gotham's rodent protector was always about, and the Iceberg was one of his favorite stops. The last thing I needed was a confrontation with one of the "bat family". I was here on business, and the sooner it was finished, the sooner I could shake the dust of Gotham from my feet.
The VIP area was conspicuous, and I made a beeline for the entrance. Blocking my way were two hulking, steroid-enhanced bouncers. One of them held out a hand as I approached, and peered at a clipboard held in his other meaty hand.
"Name?" I was surprised it could form coherent words.
"My name is not on your list," I said. I watched the bouncer's brow furrow as thought struggled to wind its way around his brain. It looked painful. "I need to see Cobblepot."
"Mr. Cobblepot don't see nobody without--," began the lackey.
"He will see me," I said, putting some force into my words. "Tell your boss to waddle his fat butt out here right now. I've got urgent business with him and it will not wait. Tell him Noah Kuttler is here, and I have vital information." The bouncer frowned, then nodded at the second behemoth, who took the cue and vanished inside the dark bowels of the VIP lounge. Clipboard Guy and I stared at one another. I began to catalogue how many ways I could take him apart with my bare hands. I was up to eighty-six when the lounge door opened again.
"Why would the Calculator show up here in person?" It was the Penguin himself, trailing behind the second bouncer. He stopped when he saw me. "You're not Kuttler," he said. "Who are you?" No one knew my true identity. I had taken great pains to erase it completely.
"Come now, Oswald. I last saw you in Metropolis. We are practically old chums, you and I. The last time I was in town, I 'hushed up' a little problem for our exclusive club." The Penguin wasn't one of the smartest guys on the block, but he was crafty. I'll give him that. It didn't take him long to figure out who I was.
"You," he said. The shock that lit up his face was almost comical. "Why are you here?"
"I need to ask you about a little business, Cobblepot. Is there somewhere we can go and talk more privately?" The Penguin looked as if he had swallowed something sour.
"Come up to my office," he said. We walked upstairs to an opulent room, filled with glitter, bling and birds. It seemed a tad self-indulgent to me, but I didn't say anything. Penguin poured a couple of drinks as I sank down into a chair opposite his large desk. "What do you want, Prometheus?"
"Relax, Oswald," I said. "I just need some information."
"Why come to me?"
"Because you are an amoral business man with deep underground connections. Besides, I can't really go to any of our old comrades in the Society, now can I?"
No, I suppose not," said Penguin. "Not after that Cosmic Key business." He took a sip from his drink and studied me for a moment. "Anyway, not as many of those guys around anymore."
"Are you implying that large numbers of villains are disappearing after being scooped up by a special ops team?"
"You know about that?"
"Of course I know about that, Oswald. I am not a simple fool. What is happening is as plain as the beak on your face." He downed the rest of his drink.
"It is a wonder they haven't caught you, yet."
I snorted. "That's because I am smart, and no bunch of losers like the Suicide Squad is going to bring me to heel. If they tried it, they would certainly live up to their name," I said.
"What do you think is going on," asked Penguin, leaning slightly forward across his desk.
"I'm not sure really," I replied. "I think our former associates are being sent to an inter-dimensional prison or possible being sent off-planet somewhere. It's hard to say for sure, although I intend to find out some day. Which brings me to you, Oswald." I took a fat envelope out of my pocket and tossed onto the desk. "You made mention of my Cosmic Key. I hid it very well when the Society came to try and steal it from me. Now I need to get it back."
Penguin thumbed through the cash in the envelope, silently counting it. There was exactly $50,000. He put the money down and looked back at me. "What can I do for you?"
"I hid the key in a place where no villain would go after it, and even an army of villains would think twice about it," "I said. "It is in the JSA brownstone."
Penguin's jaw dropped. "You hid it underneath the noses of the Justice Society"?
"Yeah," I said. "The problem is without access to the Ghost Zone, my information gathering abilities are less than optimal. I have extensive files on all of the heroic chumps, including the established members of the JSA. However, they have recruited some new members recently, and I know much less about them than I should. I need to know who they are, and what they can do, and any weaknesses in case I run into any of the newbies while trying to retrieve my key."
"It will take some time," said Penguin.
"I don't like this town, Oswald," I said. "It has a flying vermin problem. You have three days." He pondered it for a few ticks.
"Okay," he said. "Three days."
"Awesome," I said. I leaned back in the chair and looked at the half dozen or so birds around the office, and then out at the aviary in the main lobby, visible through a large one way glass window. "Hey, Cobblepot, you don't have any ravens in this place, do you?"
A few days later, I was in New York City. Penguin had come through, and although his information was not up to my standards, I thought it would do. If I had the Cosmic Key, travel to any point on the globe would have been near instantaneous. Since I did not have the key, technically I had to travel like any old Joe Sixpack. This could present a real obstacle to a man with no identity. Fortunately, I was not one of the sheep who bought into the status quo. I had numerous fake and stolen identities, all of them airtight and able to withstand the highest scrutiny. Getting a rental car or a plane ticket was a snap, as would renting a place for a temporary base of operations for the duration of a mission. I was far too clever to keep all of my equipment in the Ghost Zone, just in case I couldn't get back there for some reason. In preparation for such a time, I had a number of lethally secured storage facilities placed all around the globe, with weapons, armor and technologies ready to use.
Getting to the JSA brownstone was not a problem. Getting inside would be much more difficult. The building had state of the art security, courtesy of Mr. Terrific. Once that particular nut was cracked, I still had to deal with the JSA's resident security guard, Obsidian, and whoever else was inside when I made my move. It would take a bit of patience, luck and timing.
It took a few days to get what I needed. I had temporarily acquired a house not too distant from the brownstone, and each day, I cloaked myself so as to move unnoticed amongst the human cattle in the streets. I amused myself during these trips with random acts of chaos. Nothing too grand, mind you. Had to keep my eye on the prize. A slashed tire, planted contraband, stolen items, cell phone jams, tripping the pizza guy, that sort of thing. It made me feel better.
My goal was to get as close to the brownstone as I dare. I used the systems in my armor to scan the security from every angle. The roof was a bitch. I was almost impressed by what Terrific had installed throughout the structure. Someone without my advanced technology would have had a very tough time breaching the walls. When I had gotten a good schematic of the security systems, I started to design a virus to take them out. It helped that cryptovirology was something of a hobby of mine. After tracing an attack tree, I whipped up a polymorphic code specifically targeted to the security systems. After final testing, it was a relative simple matter to transmit the virus into the system through an airport. There it would lie dormant until I triggered it.
The second part of the plan was almost as critical as disabling the security systems. I wanted as few JSA members as possible in the building when I broke inside. This was going to be a simple snatch and grab. I had no desire to engage in extended battle with the Justice Society at this time. The list of people I absolutely did not want to run into included Green Lantern, Power Girl and The Flash. It would also be of great help if Mr. Terrific was not on the premises when I shut down his security systems. Finally, the entire operation would go much smoother if Hawkman were absent. The recent history between myself and Carter Hall involved a lot of blood and pain. His presence would only slow me down.
It took nearly a week for the conditions to properly align. So much time spent ready at the starting gate, but unable to begin the race, had left me restless and irritable. I was ready to do this job and be done with it. After careful study, I had determined that the best point of entry into the JSA building was a maintenance stairwell leading down from the roof. I downloaded the schematics of the brownstone into my helmet so I would know where to go, and then initiated the dormant virus. It took a few minutes to eat its way through the security systems and disable them. While it was working, I made my way onto the roof of the adjoining building. As soon as my scanners confirmed that the security was down, I fired a thin strand of spider silk cable from one of my gauntlets. This was a thin, light fabric of my own design, but was stronger than hyperalloy. The cable anchored itself onto the roof of the brownstone, and I quickly made my way across to the roof. I hoped the confusion caused by the breakdown of the internal security systems would buy me enough time to get the Key. Once I had it in my hands, the game was over.
The door leading to the stairwell was, of course, locked. I was unfamiliar with the kind of lock, but that was unimportant. I pulled out a vial of highly corrosive chemicals designed to eat its way through most kinds of metal in seconds. It turned the lock into dripping slag. I kicked the door open and began to make my way down the stairs. I went quick, but cautious. My first test inside the building was coming soon, and I knew it. No more than two flights down, I felt a presence form behind me.
"I don't know what you are doing here, but it's over."
The voice came out of the shadows. It was the JSA's resident watchdog, Obsidian. I didn't know much about Todd Rice, but I did know that he drew his power from a dimensional realm called the Shadowlands. I also knew that Todd had not been very active in the hero biz since his daddy had to slap him down after that time he had allied himself with Mordru and Eclipso. Oh, I also knew one other thing which I would try to work to my advantage.
"Stay out of my way, you little queen," I said. "I know Alan doesn't think much of you, but you're all he has left since your sister died. I would hate to deprive him of his only remaining child, even if you less than a real man." The shadows drew tighter, and I could make out a vague human form in the stairwell. I had surmised that being immersed in the Shadowlands for so long had played havoc on Todd's psyche. He would be easily angered and open to manipulation. That was my one chance. I couldn't risk him stopping me or slipping away to warn the others.
"Shut your mouth, or I'll shut it for you."
"Brave words, queer eye, but I bet you don't have the stones to do anything, not these days. Isn't that why you have regulated yourself to security guard?" I turned to face him. "It must suck to be a never-was of one of the greatest heroes ever. Even that green skinned bitch, Jade at least tried to do something with her life." I smiled slightly. "You know, before she went and got fried."
"Shut up!" Obsidian became a solid form in front of me. "You don't mention her name!"
"What are you going to do about it, Toddy?"
He snarled and lunged toward me, dark tendrils of shadow flowing around his body. I reached back into my cloak as Obsidian grabbed me around the neck. I fought him off with one arm while trying to get a grip on a device I had brought along. The shadows crawled over me, threatening to show me every nightmare and fear I had locked away in the dark corners of my head. I was prepared to resist, but I had to act quickly. I pulled out the hypodermic I brought along and jabbed it into his shoulder.
"What?" Obsidian ripped out the needle and stepped back. "Idiot," he said. "I can just turn to shadow and neutralize whatever was in that." A very definite pause passed, and then a look of astonishment came over his face. "What did you do"?
"Yeah," I said, then stepped forward and punched him hard in the face. I think I heard his jaw crack, and then he slumped down to the stairs unconscious. "Who's the idiot now?" I had made a molecular coagulant which solidified Obsidian into one form. It was actually a reverse formula of the solution I had used on Plastic Man and the Martian Manhunter back in my first adventure. I left Obsidian lying, have spent more than enough time with him.
I slipped further down the stairs, until I got to the floor I needed. I engaged my invisibility cloak and peered out of the stairwell. The coast should have been clear. All of the security equipment was underground, and I assumed most or all of the JSA would be concentrated there trying to figure out what had happened, leaving me free to go about my business. There was no one in sight. I made my way down the hall and to the door of the JSA museum. I had stashed the Cosmic Key inside, thinking no one would dare look for it amongst the world's greatest heroes. I hoped I was right.
Inside, I went straight to the figure of Terry Sloan, the original Mr. Terrific. He was one of the fallen, and the JSA had set up a sort of memorial to all of the former members which has died. His likeness stood under a case of glass. The Cosmic Key was hidden in an inner pocket of his jacket. I chose Sloan because he had no direct legacy member on the current roster. Michael Holt had no established connection to Sloan, so I figured the original Mr. Terrific was the best place to stash the Key. No one would tend to look there. I was reaching for a glass cutter, when the door to the museum opened. I was still cloaked, but stood unmoving.
An old, rotund woman waddled into the room. She was swearing an apron and carrying a feather duster. I was momentarily taken aback until recognition fell over me. This was the original Red Tornado, Ma Hunkel. A long stretch of years had apparently turned her into the JSA housekeeper. She hummed as she ran the duster over glass cases full of mementos of long ago battles. I silently circled around behind her as she did her work. She stopped in front of a figure representing herself back in supposed heyday. Her costume looked ridiculous. The old woman smiled up at the figure, set in some kind of freakish battle pose. She sighed happily as I reached for her. I grasped her chin and the back her head and gave it a quick jerk to one side. The audible snap of her vertebrae echoed through the silent room. I let go of her limp body as it dropped heavily to the floor. I rather think I did her a favor, senility would not rob the Red Tornado of any more of her vitality and faculties. The JSA probably wouldn't see it that way when they found her, but I planned to be long gone by then.
I turned off the invisibility cloak and went back to Mr. Terrific. Using the glass cutter, I cut a large section out of his glass case and leaned it up against the one behind me, a figure of the original Atom. I reached into Mr. Terrific's jacket, down in the inner pocket, and found the object of my search. I carefully pulled out the Cosmic Key. It was like finding an old friend again. At least, I assume so. I never really had any old friends to miss and then find again.
In my moment of victory, I pumped the air with my fist, throwing my weight slightly off balance. My foot nudged the piece of cut glass behind me and it crashed to the floor, shattering into tiny pieces. I caught my breath, but knew it would take someone with super hearing to have registered the sound from several floors below.
"That was a close one," I said to the cooling corpse of Ma Hunkle laying nearby. Suddenly, the entrance door was ripped from its hinges. In its place was a very familiar red and blue uniform. I thought, "What is Superman doing here?", then noticed something strange. He was older than he should have been, and he looked a bit different. "You're not our Superman," I said. He looked at me then at Ma Hunkle's body on the floor, and I saw his eyes begin to glow red. I twisted the Cosmic Key as the air began to scorch in front of me.
I materialized inside of a crooked wooden house filled with crooked wooden furniture deep inside the Ghost Zone. I sighed happily. I was home at long last. I removed my helmet, set it down on a crooked table, and settled into a crooked chair in the middle of the living room. I placed my feet on a crooked ottoman, leaned back and smiled up at the ceiling. I was back, baby, and it felt good.
DA END