--DISCLAIMER--
I wrote this fic when I was bored... the language is bad, there's alot of violence and stuff too.
You have been warned! This just proves what kind of utter crap I can write when I'm bored...
ENCOUNTERS WITH WEAKéMON! Part 1
Jesse looked up from the fashion magazine she was reading and looked directly at James.
"Well Jesse? What do you think? Should I go with the blue rose or the white rose?" he asked,
posing with a rose in each hand.
"Damn it, James! Do you think I really CARE which rose you hold for five damned seconds!? I
don't really give a shit!" James looked disappointed.
"Fine... I won't use any roses..." he said sadly.
"Good!" said Jesse, getting back to her magazine. "It makes you look gay." James looked
surprised.
"So finally we hear the truth!" he yelled, seeming VERY pissed off. "Well I don't really give
a-"
"Would you two shut the hell up!? I'm tryin' to sleep here!" Meowth yelled in reply to the
frantic screaming James was doing. James got really pissed and left the campsite to go down by
the lake. He splashed water on his face, then looked at his reflection. Suddenly, an orange fish
flopped up and hit James in the face, making him even MORE pissed off.
"DAMMIT! STUPID BITCH!" he threw the fish into a tree.
"Kaaaarp! Kaaaarp!" wailed the fish. James felt bad and captured it.
"I was just pissed... and that hurt... a lot..." he grumbled, clutching the PokéBall. Then he
remembered... he had just caught a Magikarp. "Aww, shit!" he yelled. "What the hell am I gonna
do with a Magikarp!?"
**()**
Billine, Jed, Selene, and Luke were walking down a narrow path toward some city. Billine was
looking (lost) at the map.
"Shit... where are we?" she asked, her blue eyes hidden behind purple shades. She tossed her
fuschia hair over her shoulders, and a strand of hair fell from one of her catlike buns. She heard
a rustling in the bushes, and turned to check out what it was. "Wait! Shh!" she whispered to the
others. They stopped abruptly.
"Something wrong, Billine?" asked Jed. Billine squinted and saw a figure in the bushes.
"SHIT! THERE'S SOMEONE FOLLOWING US!" she screamed. Everyone looked in her direction, and a
small, unidentified Pokémon walked out of the bushes.
"Huh? What the hell is that?" said Jed, pointing his PokéDex to the thing. It looked like a
smaller version of a Rattata, with an uglier look on its face, it was bright green (with ugly
brown smudges on its fur) and its teeth were much smaller. The PokéDex lit up.
"This is not a Pokémon," said the PokéDex.
"Huh!?" said Luke. "Then what the fuck is it!?" the PokéDex droned on.
"This is a Weakémon. Weakémon are capable of doing practically nothing. Their best attacks are:
Tackle." Jed looked surprised. "You need a WeakBall to capture it, but no one knows who would
WANT to capture these dumb things." Luke laughed and threw a rock at the little rat. It keeled
over and died. Luke quickly put on his black shades and put his hands deep in his pockets.
"Shit... remind me never to through another rock at something like that again..." Selene picked
up a nearby stick and poked at the dead green rat. It was indeed, very dead.
"Heh... Luke, you really are dense." she laughed. She tossed the stick into the woods, then
heard a loud THUMP. She ran into the woods and found a big mass of transparent purple jelly with
two closed eyes and big, fat red lips (the eyes were closed). It was lying on its side.
"Looks like you killed one too, Selene." snorted Luke.
"Just great..." groaned Selene. She picked up the stick that had put the jelly to its misory
and poked it. Its fat body jiggled a little then stopped. "Gross... this must be another
Weakémon..." Jed shrugged.
"I wanna find out more about these stupid things," he said. He went back on the path and headed
to the city (wherever they were headed). The others followed.
**()**
James walked back into the campsite and walked into a tent.
"James? What the hell are you doing?" asked Jesse. James came back out, dressed in blue jeans
and a black t-shirt.
"I'm quitting Team Rocket! You and Meowth treat me like shit! Goodbye!" he shouted at Jesse.
The girl shrugged and returned to her fashion magazine.
"I'm glad to see you go. Later."
James set off with his suitcase in tow, and followed a path that was leading to nowhere he
knew of, but he didn't give a crap. He kept walking for a few miles, and saw a city ahead.
*Thank God,* he thought. *I won't have to starve much longer...* he stopped at a nearby Pokémon
Center.
"Can you please heal my Magikarp?" he asked the nurse at the counter, and placed the PokéBall
on the glass. The nurse snorted.
"Magikarp? Heh heh..." she took the PokéBall and chuckled her way to the ER room. James huffed
and sat down. "Bitch," he said to himself. Just then, four teenagers, about James's age entered,
each of them carrying something dead. One of them (a boy with spiky brown hair and sunglasses)
held a dead green rat, and a pretty girl with blond hair was carrying a big purple blob with eyes
and a fat mouth. James suddenly had the urge to kick the two creatures, but decided not to.
The boy and girl tossed the things on the glass counter and waited for the critical nurse to
enter. When she did, she looked at the two dead Weakémon, and started to laugh.
"W-Weakémon?" she was holding her side, and beginning to tear up at the eyes. "Y-you brought
me Weakémon!? They're dead! I can't heal them!" Selene rolled her eyes.
"Listen up, you critical bitch, they may be dead, but they were alive once, and we wanna know
what the fuck they are, and if you don't help us, you can take your little nurse job and cram
it up your ass 'coz you won't have it no more! Now are you gonna help us, or are you gonna sit
around laughing like a jackass!?" The nurse looked surprised. "Isn't you name Joy? Well it should
be Pain N. T. Ass! Now get us a print out on Weakémon before I REALLY get mad!" the nurse gulped
and ran out the room. Minutes later, she handed each of the teens a panphlet on Weakémon, and
she had James's PokéBall in her hand.
"Here's your Magikarp... I'm wishing for it to evolve for you soon..." she said, her face was
pure white, from fear of what Selene had said to her. James nodded, and was about to leave, when-
"Hey you, dude with the blue hair," said Billine, obviously referring to James. James turned
around, and Billine continued. "How 'bout you come with us? We're on a quest to find Weakémon.
How's it sound?" James looked confused.
"What's a Weakémon?" he asked. Jed passed him the panphlet with a picture of an ugly bright
pink mouse with scruffy hair, huge teeth, and squinty eyes.
"Read up on 'em," said Jed. Billine looked at James. "So? You gonna come with us?" she asked
hopefully. James looked at the ceiling, thinking, then smiled broadly at Billine.
"Sure, I'll go!" he said, attaching his Magikarp's PokéBall to his belt. The five teenagers
left the center and went in search of something to eat.
An hour later, they had all eaten, and were full.
"So, blue boy," Billine began flirtaciously, leering at James from beneath her purple
sunglasses. "What's your real name? Got a girlfriend?" James felt slightly uncomfortable, but
recovered.
"My name is James, former Team Rocket member." he sighed. Billine nibbled on the straw
from the Slurpee she was holding in her hands and a small grin formed at the corner of her
mouth.
"Team Rocket, huh? So, did you quit or what?" she was extremely interested, she had liked this
guy from the start. Jed glanced at them, totally jealous. He always really liked Billine, but
he didn't have the guts to tell her. James sighed again, he was beginning to be frustrated with
this girl.
"Yeah, I quit." he said. "Look, would you mind if we stopped talking about this?" Billine
grinned a little.
"Kay!" she giggled. James already didn't like her; she was too damn flirty, and he hated that.
Just then, another one of those stupid Weakémon popped out of a bush.
"Lingo!" it cried. It was a fat yellow sphere that rolled instead of walked, it had a creepy,
big red mouth that was always open, and its eyes took on the shape of an egg (color, bright
green). Jed pointed his PokéDex at the thing.
"Lingo, another Weakémon. Attacks: Tackle." Luke smirked and picked up a rock.
"Luke..." said Selene, giving him a warning look.
"You never let me have my fun," sighed Luke. Jed got a WeakBall from his belt and captured it.
"JED!" screamed Luke. "What the fuck did you do that for!? We don't need a damned Weakémon with
us! I wanted to kill the thing!" Jed put one hand up.
"Relax," he said. "We'll find out a way to destroy all of 'em. They're a threat to mankind.
They're ugly and they can't do anything right, it's kind of sad." Luke's face held the same
expression.
"But why don't we kill 'em all now while we can?" he asked.
"Bloodthirsty piece of shit." muttered Selene, kicking Luke in the shins.
"Bitch!" he called after her as she ran behind Jed and stuck her tongue out at Luke.
"The reason we can't kill them now," Jed continued. "Is because we haven't found out why they're
a threat to mankind." Luke blinked a few times.
"They're a threat to mankind 'coz they're so damn ugly! Dammit! Why can't you say anyhing
right!?" he shouted.
"Look, Luke..." Jed and Luke continued fighting until another Weakémon bounced over. James
sighed and threw a rock at it, for fun, and it promptly died. An expression of panic crept up
on his face, and he screamed.
"I killed it! I killed it! AAAAAH!" Luke laughed.
"Way to go Jaaaames! Score one for anti-Weakémons!" Selene kicked Luke in the shins again.
**()**
"Master, the plans?" asked a cloaked figure in a misty voice.
"Yes... we will fool these stupid humans with the Weakémons's weak appearances - the robots,
then continue on with the true Weakémon. We will then DESTROY the world! HUAHAHAHAHA!" cackled
a second figure, sitting in a large chair (like a throne, but not quite). The cloaked figure
smiled slightly, the only characteristic visable underneath his cloak.
"They will see that names can be decieving! HUAHAHAHAHAHAH!" he laughed.
"Fuck off, that's my laugh."
**()**
Jed threw the WeakBall containing Lingo. Lingo popped out and rolled around, going "Liiin!
Liiin!" Luke attempted to kick it, but it rolled away too quickly, so he landed flat on his ass.
"Look, Jed, what makes you think this ugly thing is different from all the other Weakémon
we've killed so far?" he asked, standing up and rubbing his ass. Jed shrugged.
"It's just... when I saw it... I felt something, you know?" Luke made a face.
"You mean the feeling of utter revolt when you look at that creepy thing?" Selene picked up
Lingo.
"Shut up!" she shouted. "It's kind of cute!" Luke coughed, then started laughing... really,
really hard. He fell over.
"C-c-cute!? What the fuck have you been smoking!?" he howled. He stood up, clutching his side.
Lingo looked at him and its smile faded into an angry frown. It jumped out of Selene's arms and
into Luke's, and did a good Explosion attack. Luke, no longer looking cool, had his shades cracked
and his entire body was pure black. He coughed out some black smoke. The other four people started
to laugh insanely at Luke's misfortune.
"THAT'S IT YOU LITTLE FUCKMONKEY!!!" screamed Luke, picking up a nearby rock. He threw it at
Lingo with all the force of hate at his side. The rock bounced off Lingo as if it was a rubber
ball.
"WHAT THE FUCK!?" he ran over and kicked the bright yellow sphere, and it did another Explosion
attack. Suddenly, something dawned on Jed.
"You guys, this can't be a Weakémon," he said. He pointed his PokéDex at the thing again, but
it clearly stated that Lingo was a Weakémon who knew nothing besides Tackle. "Hmmm..." said Jed.
"Something weird is really going on here. Come on, Lingo, let's keep walking." Lingo smiled
at its master, and continued to roll along beside him.
**()**
Back at the place with those two creepy people, the man sitting in the big chair was looking at
a screen.
"Shit! Looks like the REAL Lingo escaped... and those stupid kids found it! They're not SUPPOSED
to have trainers!" the man lit up a cigar. "No matter. I'll have to unleash the REAL Weakémon
before schedule, then. Cloaked Figure!" the cloaked figure from before glanced at the man in the
chair. "Send out the Weakémon!... the real ones." an evil grin spread across his face, and his
cigar fell out of his mouth and burnt his leg. "OW OW OW!! SHIT!"
**()**
As they continued ahead, the teenagers saw many more Weakémon (most of which Luke killed), but
one in particular that now belonged to Selene; it's name was Bighead, and it was the pink mouse
from the panphlet. It was one of the strong Weakémon. Luke growled.
"What the hell are we gonna do with these things!?" he shouted. Everyone pretended like they
didn't hear him. "Yo!" he shouted, still attempting at attention. Everyone still ignored him.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!? ARRGHH!!!" he picked up a rock and threw it as hard as he could
at Bighead. Bighead got hit with it, and it only felt like a tap. It still pissed him off. He
turned around (damn! If looks could kill!) and ran to Luke. He did Hyper Fang attack on him, and
Luke started bleeding.
"SHIT!!! SHIT SHIT SHIT THAT REALLY HURT!!!" he kicked Bighead, knocking it into Selene's back.
"Watch where you're kicking, bastard!" she screamed, throwing Bighead back at him. "Bite him
again, Bighead." she grumbled. Bighead then used Super Fang on Luke's arm. Luke angrily pried the
big-headed bright pink mouse off him and set it gently on the ground.
"Don't touch me, I won't touch you." he grumbled. Bighead smiled a remotely cute smile and
walked back to his master. The group then noticed that a tunnel was ahead.
"Should we go in?" asked Jed. The others nodded.
"Oooh! It's so scary!" wailed Billine, burrying her fce in James's chest. James sighed and shoved
her away.
"If you want something to hold onto, I've got a Weezing in this PokéBall." he said, removing
a PokéBall from his belt and showing it to Billine. Billine's eyes grew wide.
"N-no thanks..." she replied, and got back to walking. They saw a few Pokémon inside; a Jynx
(which Billine captured), a few Zubat ("Oooh James! I'm so scared of bats!"), and a Rattata, when
finally they found another Weakémon. It was an orange cat with wide, green eyes. Luke (of course)
threw a rock at it.
"Whoooaaa maaan!" shouted the cat. Everyone was astonished; the thing could speak! "Watch
wheeere yer throwin' that damn thing!" James leaned over to talk to it.
"You can talk?" he asked.
"Sher." said the cat. "Allll us REAL Weakémon can talk. Yoooooooooo Bighead! Heyyyyyyy Lingo!"
Lingo and Bighead went over to see the cat.
"Hi Catnip!" they said in unison.
"Lingo!" shouted Jed. "You didn't tell me you could talk!" Lingo bounced.
"You never asked." it replied.
"What I'm interested in is what Catnip means by 'real Weakémon'." said James. Catnip smirked.
"Ya hooomans got two Weakémon, and ya don't know wut I mean? You gahs shuddah told 'em!" he said,
glancing at Lingo and Bighead. "Well, if oneaya captures me, I'll explain the whole damn thing."
James grinned; this cat reminded him a little of Meowth, although he liked Meowth much less.
"I'm taking this one," said James, taking a WeakBall from Jed. He captured Catnip then let
him outta the ball.
"Yeh see," began Catnip, staggering slightly as he walked. "Those bastards that first discovered
how powerful we Weakémon really are decided to find an' capture the lot of us. When he did, he
made robot clone-type pieces of shit that looked and acted exactly like us, only they were so
fuckin' weak you couldn' touch 'em without 'em dyin'. So we all escaped b'fore that asshole could
send us out ta wreck havoc on da world so he could control it. Th' real Weakémon are stronger
than most Pokémon, so our name don' make much sense... but we three an' two more real Weakémon
escaped so we could tell the world." Everyone agreed they would help the real Weakémon to kill
off all the bad ones.
"See! SEE! I told you guys they were a danger to our health!" shouted Luke. Everyone sighed and
told Luke he was right.
**()**
"Dammit! Now they've found Bighead and Catnip too! Well, let's make most of the REAL Weakémon
be waiting at the end of the tunnel for then, shall we, Cloaked Figure?" the Cloaked Figure
nodded a sinister nod and exited the room.
"Now," began the man in the chair, an evil grin quickly spreading across his face. "The REAL
fun begins."
**()**
The five teens and their three Weakémon ran into a part in the cave where the ceiling was much
higher and the place was almost like a dome, is also had a large pool of water in the center.
They stopped to take a break from walking. Catnip grabbed a brown bag out of nowhere and took a
small morsel of something out of it. He put it in his mouth.
"Whooooa! Holy shit! Somebody bring me a cat toy!" he said happily, dazed. Selene looked
confused.
"What the hell is he eating?" she asked Bighead. Bighead started to laugh.
"He's always high off catnip." he stated. "He brings it everywhere."
"...so THAT explains why he's always staggering while he walks..." Catnip snuggled up to Selene.
"Hey, sweet thang, how 'bout you an' me takin' somma this stuff... in my bed... tonight..." he
started to purr.
"Get offa me!" shouted Selene, pushing him away.
Just then, a huge roar was heard, and a HUMUNGOUS (I'm talkin' fifty fuckin' feet here!) dragon
emerged from the pool in the center. It was pretty fat.
"SHIT!!!" shouted Bighead. "That's Fatdragon!"
~*END OF PART ONE*~
Hoho. Wasn't that the dumbest thing you ever read? Part 2 comin' soon!
I wrote this fic when I was bored... the language is bad, there's alot of violence and stuff too.
You have been warned! This just proves what kind of utter crap I can write when I'm bored...
ENCOUNTERS WITH WEAKéMON! Part 1
Jesse looked up from the fashion magazine she was reading and looked directly at James.
"Well Jesse? What do you think? Should I go with the blue rose or the white rose?" he asked,
posing with a rose in each hand.
"Damn it, James! Do you think I really CARE which rose you hold for five damned seconds!? I
don't really give a shit!" James looked disappointed.
"Fine... I won't use any roses..." he said sadly.
"Good!" said Jesse, getting back to her magazine. "It makes you look gay." James looked
surprised.
"So finally we hear the truth!" he yelled, seeming VERY pissed off. "Well I don't really give
a-"
"Would you two shut the hell up!? I'm tryin' to sleep here!" Meowth yelled in reply to the
frantic screaming James was doing. James got really pissed and left the campsite to go down by
the lake. He splashed water on his face, then looked at his reflection. Suddenly, an orange fish
flopped up and hit James in the face, making him even MORE pissed off.
"DAMMIT! STUPID BITCH!" he threw the fish into a tree.
"Kaaaarp! Kaaaarp!" wailed the fish. James felt bad and captured it.
"I was just pissed... and that hurt... a lot..." he grumbled, clutching the PokéBall. Then he
remembered... he had just caught a Magikarp. "Aww, shit!" he yelled. "What the hell am I gonna
do with a Magikarp!?"
**()**
Billine, Jed, Selene, and Luke were walking down a narrow path toward some city. Billine was
looking (lost) at the map.
"Shit... where are we?" she asked, her blue eyes hidden behind purple shades. She tossed her
fuschia hair over her shoulders, and a strand of hair fell from one of her catlike buns. She heard
a rustling in the bushes, and turned to check out what it was. "Wait! Shh!" she whispered to the
others. They stopped abruptly.
"Something wrong, Billine?" asked Jed. Billine squinted and saw a figure in the bushes.
"SHIT! THERE'S SOMEONE FOLLOWING US!" she screamed. Everyone looked in her direction, and a
small, unidentified Pokémon walked out of the bushes.
"Huh? What the hell is that?" said Jed, pointing his PokéDex to the thing. It looked like a
smaller version of a Rattata, with an uglier look on its face, it was bright green (with ugly
brown smudges on its fur) and its teeth were much smaller. The PokéDex lit up.
"This is not a Pokémon," said the PokéDex.
"Huh!?" said Luke. "Then what the fuck is it!?" the PokéDex droned on.
"This is a Weakémon. Weakémon are capable of doing practically nothing. Their best attacks are:
Tackle." Jed looked surprised. "You need a WeakBall to capture it, but no one knows who would
WANT to capture these dumb things." Luke laughed and threw a rock at the little rat. It keeled
over and died. Luke quickly put on his black shades and put his hands deep in his pockets.
"Shit... remind me never to through another rock at something like that again..." Selene picked
up a nearby stick and poked at the dead green rat. It was indeed, very dead.
"Heh... Luke, you really are dense." she laughed. She tossed the stick into the woods, then
heard a loud THUMP. She ran into the woods and found a big mass of transparent purple jelly with
two closed eyes and big, fat red lips (the eyes were closed). It was lying on its side.
"Looks like you killed one too, Selene." snorted Luke.
"Just great..." groaned Selene. She picked up the stick that had put the jelly to its misory
and poked it. Its fat body jiggled a little then stopped. "Gross... this must be another
Weakémon..." Jed shrugged.
"I wanna find out more about these stupid things," he said. He went back on the path and headed
to the city (wherever they were headed). The others followed.
**()**
James walked back into the campsite and walked into a tent.
"James? What the hell are you doing?" asked Jesse. James came back out, dressed in blue jeans
and a black t-shirt.
"I'm quitting Team Rocket! You and Meowth treat me like shit! Goodbye!" he shouted at Jesse.
The girl shrugged and returned to her fashion magazine.
"I'm glad to see you go. Later."
James set off with his suitcase in tow, and followed a path that was leading to nowhere he
knew of, but he didn't give a crap. He kept walking for a few miles, and saw a city ahead.
*Thank God,* he thought. *I won't have to starve much longer...* he stopped at a nearby Pokémon
Center.
"Can you please heal my Magikarp?" he asked the nurse at the counter, and placed the PokéBall
on the glass. The nurse snorted.
"Magikarp? Heh heh..." she took the PokéBall and chuckled her way to the ER room. James huffed
and sat down. "Bitch," he said to himself. Just then, four teenagers, about James's age entered,
each of them carrying something dead. One of them (a boy with spiky brown hair and sunglasses)
held a dead green rat, and a pretty girl with blond hair was carrying a big purple blob with eyes
and a fat mouth. James suddenly had the urge to kick the two creatures, but decided not to.
The boy and girl tossed the things on the glass counter and waited for the critical nurse to
enter. When she did, she looked at the two dead Weakémon, and started to laugh.
"W-Weakémon?" she was holding her side, and beginning to tear up at the eyes. "Y-you brought
me Weakémon!? They're dead! I can't heal them!" Selene rolled her eyes.
"Listen up, you critical bitch, they may be dead, but they were alive once, and we wanna know
what the fuck they are, and if you don't help us, you can take your little nurse job and cram
it up your ass 'coz you won't have it no more! Now are you gonna help us, or are you gonna sit
around laughing like a jackass!?" The nurse looked surprised. "Isn't you name Joy? Well it should
be Pain N. T. Ass! Now get us a print out on Weakémon before I REALLY get mad!" the nurse gulped
and ran out the room. Minutes later, she handed each of the teens a panphlet on Weakémon, and
she had James's PokéBall in her hand.
"Here's your Magikarp... I'm wishing for it to evolve for you soon..." she said, her face was
pure white, from fear of what Selene had said to her. James nodded, and was about to leave, when-
"Hey you, dude with the blue hair," said Billine, obviously referring to James. James turned
around, and Billine continued. "How 'bout you come with us? We're on a quest to find Weakémon.
How's it sound?" James looked confused.
"What's a Weakémon?" he asked. Jed passed him the panphlet with a picture of an ugly bright
pink mouse with scruffy hair, huge teeth, and squinty eyes.
"Read up on 'em," said Jed. Billine looked at James. "So? You gonna come with us?" she asked
hopefully. James looked at the ceiling, thinking, then smiled broadly at Billine.
"Sure, I'll go!" he said, attaching his Magikarp's PokéBall to his belt. The five teenagers
left the center and went in search of something to eat.
An hour later, they had all eaten, and were full.
"So, blue boy," Billine began flirtaciously, leering at James from beneath her purple
sunglasses. "What's your real name? Got a girlfriend?" James felt slightly uncomfortable, but
recovered.
"My name is James, former Team Rocket member." he sighed. Billine nibbled on the straw
from the Slurpee she was holding in her hands and a small grin formed at the corner of her
mouth.
"Team Rocket, huh? So, did you quit or what?" she was extremely interested, she had liked this
guy from the start. Jed glanced at them, totally jealous. He always really liked Billine, but
he didn't have the guts to tell her. James sighed again, he was beginning to be frustrated with
this girl.
"Yeah, I quit." he said. "Look, would you mind if we stopped talking about this?" Billine
grinned a little.
"Kay!" she giggled. James already didn't like her; she was too damn flirty, and he hated that.
Just then, another one of those stupid Weakémon popped out of a bush.
"Lingo!" it cried. It was a fat yellow sphere that rolled instead of walked, it had a creepy,
big red mouth that was always open, and its eyes took on the shape of an egg (color, bright
green). Jed pointed his PokéDex at the thing.
"Lingo, another Weakémon. Attacks: Tackle." Luke smirked and picked up a rock.
"Luke..." said Selene, giving him a warning look.
"You never let me have my fun," sighed Luke. Jed got a WeakBall from his belt and captured it.
"JED!" screamed Luke. "What the fuck did you do that for!? We don't need a damned Weakémon with
us! I wanted to kill the thing!" Jed put one hand up.
"Relax," he said. "We'll find out a way to destroy all of 'em. They're a threat to mankind.
They're ugly and they can't do anything right, it's kind of sad." Luke's face held the same
expression.
"But why don't we kill 'em all now while we can?" he asked.
"Bloodthirsty piece of shit." muttered Selene, kicking Luke in the shins.
"Bitch!" he called after her as she ran behind Jed and stuck her tongue out at Luke.
"The reason we can't kill them now," Jed continued. "Is because we haven't found out why they're
a threat to mankind." Luke blinked a few times.
"They're a threat to mankind 'coz they're so damn ugly! Dammit! Why can't you say anyhing
right!?" he shouted.
"Look, Luke..." Jed and Luke continued fighting until another Weakémon bounced over. James
sighed and threw a rock at it, for fun, and it promptly died. An expression of panic crept up
on his face, and he screamed.
"I killed it! I killed it! AAAAAH!" Luke laughed.
"Way to go Jaaaames! Score one for anti-Weakémons!" Selene kicked Luke in the shins again.
**()**
"Master, the plans?" asked a cloaked figure in a misty voice.
"Yes... we will fool these stupid humans with the Weakémons's weak appearances - the robots,
then continue on with the true Weakémon. We will then DESTROY the world! HUAHAHAHAHA!" cackled
a second figure, sitting in a large chair (like a throne, but not quite). The cloaked figure
smiled slightly, the only characteristic visable underneath his cloak.
"They will see that names can be decieving! HUAHAHAHAHAHAH!" he laughed.
"Fuck off, that's my laugh."
**()**
Jed threw the WeakBall containing Lingo. Lingo popped out and rolled around, going "Liiin!
Liiin!" Luke attempted to kick it, but it rolled away too quickly, so he landed flat on his ass.
"Look, Jed, what makes you think this ugly thing is different from all the other Weakémon
we've killed so far?" he asked, standing up and rubbing his ass. Jed shrugged.
"It's just... when I saw it... I felt something, you know?" Luke made a face.
"You mean the feeling of utter revolt when you look at that creepy thing?" Selene picked up
Lingo.
"Shut up!" she shouted. "It's kind of cute!" Luke coughed, then started laughing... really,
really hard. He fell over.
"C-c-cute!? What the fuck have you been smoking!?" he howled. He stood up, clutching his side.
Lingo looked at him and its smile faded into an angry frown. It jumped out of Selene's arms and
into Luke's, and did a good Explosion attack. Luke, no longer looking cool, had his shades cracked
and his entire body was pure black. He coughed out some black smoke. The other four people started
to laugh insanely at Luke's misfortune.
"THAT'S IT YOU LITTLE FUCKMONKEY!!!" screamed Luke, picking up a nearby rock. He threw it at
Lingo with all the force of hate at his side. The rock bounced off Lingo as if it was a rubber
ball.
"WHAT THE FUCK!?" he ran over and kicked the bright yellow sphere, and it did another Explosion
attack. Suddenly, something dawned on Jed.
"You guys, this can't be a Weakémon," he said. He pointed his PokéDex at the thing again, but
it clearly stated that Lingo was a Weakémon who knew nothing besides Tackle. "Hmmm..." said Jed.
"Something weird is really going on here. Come on, Lingo, let's keep walking." Lingo smiled
at its master, and continued to roll along beside him.
**()**
Back at the place with those two creepy people, the man sitting in the big chair was looking at
a screen.
"Shit! Looks like the REAL Lingo escaped... and those stupid kids found it! They're not SUPPOSED
to have trainers!" the man lit up a cigar. "No matter. I'll have to unleash the REAL Weakémon
before schedule, then. Cloaked Figure!" the cloaked figure from before glanced at the man in the
chair. "Send out the Weakémon!... the real ones." an evil grin spread across his face, and his
cigar fell out of his mouth and burnt his leg. "OW OW OW!! SHIT!"
**()**
As they continued ahead, the teenagers saw many more Weakémon (most of which Luke killed), but
one in particular that now belonged to Selene; it's name was Bighead, and it was the pink mouse
from the panphlet. It was one of the strong Weakémon. Luke growled.
"What the hell are we gonna do with these things!?" he shouted. Everyone pretended like they
didn't hear him. "Yo!" he shouted, still attempting at attention. Everyone still ignored him.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!? ARRGHH!!!" he picked up a rock and threw it as hard as he could
at Bighead. Bighead got hit with it, and it only felt like a tap. It still pissed him off. He
turned around (damn! If looks could kill!) and ran to Luke. He did Hyper Fang attack on him, and
Luke started bleeding.
"SHIT!!! SHIT SHIT SHIT THAT REALLY HURT!!!" he kicked Bighead, knocking it into Selene's back.
"Watch where you're kicking, bastard!" she screamed, throwing Bighead back at him. "Bite him
again, Bighead." she grumbled. Bighead then used Super Fang on Luke's arm. Luke angrily pried the
big-headed bright pink mouse off him and set it gently on the ground.
"Don't touch me, I won't touch you." he grumbled. Bighead smiled a remotely cute smile and
walked back to his master. The group then noticed that a tunnel was ahead.
"Should we go in?" asked Jed. The others nodded.
"Oooh! It's so scary!" wailed Billine, burrying her fce in James's chest. James sighed and shoved
her away.
"If you want something to hold onto, I've got a Weezing in this PokéBall." he said, removing
a PokéBall from his belt and showing it to Billine. Billine's eyes grew wide.
"N-no thanks..." she replied, and got back to walking. They saw a few Pokémon inside; a Jynx
(which Billine captured), a few Zubat ("Oooh James! I'm so scared of bats!"), and a Rattata, when
finally they found another Weakémon. It was an orange cat with wide, green eyes. Luke (of course)
threw a rock at it.
"Whoooaaa maaan!" shouted the cat. Everyone was astonished; the thing could speak! "Watch
wheeere yer throwin' that damn thing!" James leaned over to talk to it.
"You can talk?" he asked.
"Sher." said the cat. "Allll us REAL Weakémon can talk. Yoooooooooo Bighead! Heyyyyyyy Lingo!"
Lingo and Bighead went over to see the cat.
"Hi Catnip!" they said in unison.
"Lingo!" shouted Jed. "You didn't tell me you could talk!" Lingo bounced.
"You never asked." it replied.
"What I'm interested in is what Catnip means by 'real Weakémon'." said James. Catnip smirked.
"Ya hooomans got two Weakémon, and ya don't know wut I mean? You gahs shuddah told 'em!" he said,
glancing at Lingo and Bighead. "Well, if oneaya captures me, I'll explain the whole damn thing."
James grinned; this cat reminded him a little of Meowth, although he liked Meowth much less.
"I'm taking this one," said James, taking a WeakBall from Jed. He captured Catnip then let
him outta the ball.
"Yeh see," began Catnip, staggering slightly as he walked. "Those bastards that first discovered
how powerful we Weakémon really are decided to find an' capture the lot of us. When he did, he
made robot clone-type pieces of shit that looked and acted exactly like us, only they were so
fuckin' weak you couldn' touch 'em without 'em dyin'. So we all escaped b'fore that asshole could
send us out ta wreck havoc on da world so he could control it. Th' real Weakémon are stronger
than most Pokémon, so our name don' make much sense... but we three an' two more real Weakémon
escaped so we could tell the world." Everyone agreed they would help the real Weakémon to kill
off all the bad ones.
"See! SEE! I told you guys they were a danger to our health!" shouted Luke. Everyone sighed and
told Luke he was right.
**()**
"Dammit! Now they've found Bighead and Catnip too! Well, let's make most of the REAL Weakémon
be waiting at the end of the tunnel for then, shall we, Cloaked Figure?" the Cloaked Figure
nodded a sinister nod and exited the room.
"Now," began the man in the chair, an evil grin quickly spreading across his face. "The REAL
fun begins."
**()**
The five teens and their three Weakémon ran into a part in the cave where the ceiling was much
higher and the place was almost like a dome, is also had a large pool of water in the center.
They stopped to take a break from walking. Catnip grabbed a brown bag out of nowhere and took a
small morsel of something out of it. He put it in his mouth.
"Whooooa! Holy shit! Somebody bring me a cat toy!" he said happily, dazed. Selene looked
confused.
"What the hell is he eating?" she asked Bighead. Bighead started to laugh.
"He's always high off catnip." he stated. "He brings it everywhere."
"...so THAT explains why he's always staggering while he walks..." Catnip snuggled up to Selene.
"Hey, sweet thang, how 'bout you an' me takin' somma this stuff... in my bed... tonight..." he
started to purr.
"Get offa me!" shouted Selene, pushing him away.
Just then, a huge roar was heard, and a HUMUNGOUS (I'm talkin' fifty fuckin' feet here!) dragon
emerged from the pool in the center. It was pretty fat.
"SHIT!!!" shouted Bighead. "That's Fatdragon!"
~*END OF PART ONE*~
Hoho. Wasn't that the dumbest thing you ever read? Part 2 comin' soon!