Coming To an End...
By Maki
I know it has been a while, been lost in thoughts and so forth, hope this was worth the wait.
You know the drill, I won't bother....
Dedication~ To all the folks that are kind enough to read my fics..You know who you are....
Warning~ Angsty, follows my mood....
Suggestions~ When you read this and try to follow along, feel the story, don't just read it, see if you can feel it. That is its purpose.
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Somewhere along the way I screwed up... I don't know how it started or what lead me to it, I just know that this is all my fault. I just know it deep in the reaches of my soul that I fucked up.
I am so sorry. Can you hear me? Are you still even there? I know what they say...the doctors. Your there somewhere and that you can hear. I think maybe they are telling me that to give me comfort. But I don't deserve it. I deserve the pain I feel right now, the hell that I am going through.
I am so sorry. I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am. If I had only known that it would turn out like this, if I had only known that I would screw up this bad I never would have done it.
You look so beautiful, even now with the bandages covering your wounds and the tubes invading you body, machines control your heart and your breathing. You still look so beautiful. I never deserved you.
I thought we would be happy, we were. We were happy for a while and life was so great. I would wake up each morning and be grateful for all I had, for having you by my side in the mornings when the days were new and the possibilities were endless and the nights when you would lay by my side and I would fall asleep listening to your hushed breathing.
I sit here holding you hand, so soft, so cold. I have to laugh to myself, I saw Matt yesterday, he came to the hospital to see how you were doing. He never gives in, never lets it rest. He had to make sure that I knew how much I screwed up, as if I didn't already know.
Please wake up! I am begging you. I don't think I can face life with out you by my side. I never would have thought like this while we were in school. I loved you then, when we first started to date, but I never knew that I could become so dependent on the little things.
Your smile that could brighten my mood, no matter how bad it was. The way you would wrap your arms around me when I came home from work. Oh God Mimi I can't bare this! I can't.
It was supposed to be fun, a night on the town to celebrate our anniversary and our engagement. I never meant for this to happen. I thought it would be ok, we were having fun and I wasn't paying attention. I know this is my fault, I know it is.
I thought a couple of drinks couldn't hurt, it would effect me. God, I was so wrong. I didn't even see the other car coming, I didn't even notice I was over the line. I am so sorry. Here I sit with a few bruises and a broken arm and there you lay in that bed, with tubes everywhere, dying. Dying because of me.
Back in the Digiworld everyone thought I was impulsive and did things without thinking of the consequences and they were right, I did, I do. Words can't even scratch the surface of the pain I feel now, that I did this to you, the woman I love beyond life itself.
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I hear you Tai, I can hear you, but I can't move, I can't reply. What's happened? It's so dark, so cold. Where am I? Where are you? Tai! Can you hear me......No.... You just keep talking.
Why are you sorry? What happened? I am so tired, so very tired. I love you Tai, I am so scared.
Why is this happening? I remember us going out...laughing and jumping into your car. You said a night on the town to celebrate would be what both of us needed, but we didn't, not really. I was just as happy to stay home, to stay in your company....To lose myself in your eyes, those beautiful brown eyes.
I could see that you were itching to go out, to go and have some fun. Dinner with our friends turned into drinks with our friends and you acting like the goof that you are, with a few drinks to boot.
Everyone started getting tired and we called it a night. I offered to drive but you said that you were fine. You looked fine, silly but fine, how could I argue with that.
I am so tired so cold.... You kept looking over to me smiling, that smile that has been reserved for me and me alone, the one that warms me right to the core of my soul. The smile that lights up your eyes and screams out how much you love me. I never need to hear the words when you throw that smile my way.
The car became so bright, I couldn't see, I heard you yell something, I heard a car horn blare and... And... I think I heard metal... Twisting and glass breaking, then nothing until now, until I heard your voice.
Where are you Tai, I can hear you but I can't see you... I am so cold, so very, very cold.
What's that? That light is so bright. Where's it coming from? It's? It can't be... I swear it's calling my name. It's so warm, I can see, it's showing me, peace, harmony, unconditional love. It's so beautiful, so right.
I love you Tai, I always will....
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A/N~ Short, filled with angst...Hmmm...maybe confusing, ne? Well I was thinking about the last fic I did, Dumped and this came to mind, I have been in a slump lately so this is where the fic was born and why I wrote it. I hope some one will like it...kind of?? sort of?? :) Maybe, maybe not.