"And why is that?" I asked him, my fiery eyes piercing into his very soul. He gazed into them, absorbed in my everlasting beauty. The bruises on my face from falling into Middle Earth were only beginning to fade, but nothing could keep anyone from seeing how attractive I was.
"I'm writing a top ten list!" he cried excitedly, pulling a roll of parchment out of his tunic.
"Top Ten Reasons Why Books Should Never Be Made Into Movies:
"Reason Number One: There is a certain intelligence level of fanfic writer that is filtered out when one has to read a book rather than just sit lazily in a theater. This level is somewhere between literacy and illiteracy. Really, it's neither. They can write, but they can't do it worth a crap.
"Reason Number Two: Drooling fangirls yelping 'OMG HOTT.' 'Nuff said.
...that's all I've got so far."
I glanced at him with my shining, sparkling eyes, and said, "Can't help ya, Legolas. I was never much for Top Ten Lists."
He looked hurt. "But... but you're the light of my eyes and the love of my life! You're smart,
you're talented, and... and... you're really hot!" He took me in his arms and kissed me. I
leaned into it, then pulled away.
"No... we can't"
"Why not? We could keep it a secret"
"We'd be living a lie. One we couldn't..." Suddenly, an arrow went straight through my heart.
Haldir TeH tOtAl HoTtNeSs!1! had shot it. I swooned and died.
THE END