This is for Sauce, you arousing, heart-melting, Stiles-arousing —yes, twice arousing— shipper of all things feels and rainbows and glitter, with perversion and yummy boy lips and wayward men—
GOD I LOVE YOU, OKAY?!

Please do not complain about the caps lock being on—I know, I know.
But this was made on Tumblr, and not everyone is a flamer or a troll and grammar rules do not apply in Tumtum-Land.

This crack is inspired by a cat gif where a yellow-y cat slowly walks up to another dark cat, who is sitting down. The yellow cat taps it's head and then runs off. It's on a loop. What's really annoying is that I can't find it anywhere.

Thank you for understanding.

AND STILES IS NERVOUS, BECAUSE HE'S NEW TO THE HALE HOUSE, AND DEREK'S ALREADY BEEN THERE FIVE YEARS,

AND HE WANTS TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION,

BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON

DEREK IS GRUMPY AND OLD BUT HE'S ALSO SLEEK AND DEADLY AND HIS COAT IS SO SHINY AND

HE'S THE ONLY OTHER ONE HE CAN TALK TO,

BECAUSE HUMANS ARE JUST THEIR SLAVES, WELL,

STILES TRIES TO BE KIND TO LAURA AND PETER AND THE REST, AND HE DOESN'T MIND WHAT CAT FOOD THEY GIVE HIM, HE'S NOT FUSSY AT ALL AND LOVES PETTING TIME,

UNLIKE DEREK, WHO JUST BROODS AND NAPS AND HISSES AND SCRATCHES ANYONE THAT COMES NEAR HIM,

WHICH ANNOYS STILES, BECAUSE ITS MORALLY WRONG TO MAKE PETER'S KIDS OR ANYONE'S KIDS CRY,

SO HE TAKES IT UPON HIMSELF TO MAKE THEIR LOUD WAILS AND REJECTED FEELINGS DISAPPEAR BY BEING ALL CUTE AND TILTING HIS HEAD AND "MEOW"S RIGHT IN THEIR LITTLE PLUMP FACES,

GOD, HE'S SUDDENLY THE FAVOURITE CAT IN THE HOUSE.

WITH CHILDREN RUNNING AFTER HIM WITH HAPPY PEALS OF LAUGHTER, AND THE OCCASIONAL TEENAGER GRABBING HIM AND PETTING HIM FOR COMFORT, AND WHENEVER LAURA'S HANDS WORK INTO HIS FUR, IT FEELS LIKE TUNA-HEAVEN.

BUT DEREK IS STILL HER FAVOURITE AND HE'S BEEN WITH HER SINCE SHE TURNED TWENTY,

BUT STILES STILL LIKES HIS CUDDLING SESSIONS ON THE SOFA.

BUT TODAY, HE'D SWORN AN OATH TO HIS CAT-HOOD THAT HE'D MAKE FRIENDS WITH DEREK HALE.

AND THAT MAYBE THEY COULD USE EACH OTHER'S CAT-FLAPS AND GO HUNTING TOGETHER AND THAT THEY COULD LICK EACH OTHER'S FUR CLEAN,

BECAUSE STILES HAS SEEN HOW CAREFULLY AND THOROUGHLY DEREK CLEANS HIS FUR, MAKING HIS DARK PELT SHINE WITH MEASURING LICKS FROM HIS ROUGH TONGUE, FROM HIS PADDED PAWS TO HIS SLEEK SLEEK TAIL.

AND SO STILES HESITANTLY, DUTIFULLY, MAKES HIS WAY ACROSS THE CARPETED FLOOR TOWARDS DEREK.

AND DEREK DOESN'T LOOK THAT IMPRESSED WITH HIM, BUT HE ISN'T HISSING OR GLARING AT HIM OR ANYTHING, SO IT'S AS GOOD AS IT GETS AT THE MOMENT.

OKAY, SO STILES IS SCARED THAT HE'LL GET CLAWED BY DEREK AND END UP SPRAWLED ON THE FLOOR UNDER HIM,

BUT HE'S SWORN AN OATH TO HIS CAT-HOOD AND THE TUNA-HEAVEN,

SO HE'S NOT GOING TO FUCK IT UP,

AND SO, SLOWLY, SLOWLY, STEP BY STEP, HESITATING, STARING AT DEREK THE WHOLE TIME, HE GETS CLOSER AND CLOSER,

UNTIL,

OKAY, HE TELLS HIMSELF, AND THEN VERY QUICKLY, WHILE DEREK'S GREEN EYES DRILL A HOLE INTO HIS SKULL,

VERY QUICKLY PATS HIS HEAD WITH A CUSHIONED PAW

AND RUNS THE HELL OUT OF THE KITCHEN BEFORE DEREK CAN SINK HIS CLAWS INTO HIS LEG.

EXCEPT THAT DEREK HADN'T HISSED OR WANTED TO SCRATCH HIM,

HE'D JUST HUFFED AS IF TO SAY,

WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

I am willing to be bribed to make other small stories like these. Just ask here or on Tumblr.
Derek: 25 . media . tumblr tumblr _ lueoo0ILEZ1qcvefzo1 _ 500 . gif
Stiles: bothhands . mu . nu / archives / New % 20Kitty . gif