A/N: I wrote this way back in July '07, and I found it again while cleaning up my Documents folder. So I've dusted it off, re-edited it, and ta-da, first Death Note fic published.

Also, this fic is based off the end of the anime, not the manga. I'm assuming from the title and when this fic takes place that I was inspired by Linkin Park's "What I've Done" right after the Death Note anime ended in Japan.

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata do.

What if…I had never used the Death Note?

What if I had just stayed that perfect, straight-A student for all of these years? I would have a high paying job as Detective Light Yagami, the respect of the country, and maybe even a nice family. I wouldn't be running with blood soaked into my clothes, clutching my aching shoulder, bullet holes in my flesh, humiliation and pain running through my dying veins.

I wouldn't be in this mess.

No! I shouldn't think like that! I changed the world! I gave the scum of the Earth something to fear, something to think about! There are no more wars, no more crime, no more bad things! I did this. Me. All. Me.

I don't feel bad for what I've done. I don't feel regret or remorse, not at all. I am proud of what I've done, and I would never change it. I've passed justice where it was needed, and that justice has remained to keep the peace for all these years.

I see you there, little I, walking towards me, nose stuck in a book. You look so innocent, so pure. Your eyes are wide and bright with knowledge and your face is slack with boredom. You see me here, Me? I had fun. I changed the fucking world! I made you fear the God that is Kira! I cleaned you up, I bet I did. I bet you used to be a delinquent, but no more! Childhood horror stories have burned morals into your developing mind; Kira this and Kira that!

I am Kira, Little I.

I am what you could be. You could change the world, just like I did!

But no…no one else could have done it. No one else can do it. Only me. Only fucking me. Screw Misa! Forget about Takada and Mikami! I am the one true force. I am the truth and morality and God of the world!

…Though I have to wonder…

What would you do if you were really me?

Would you have done what I've done? Would you have written that first name down? Would you have befriended a God of Death? Would you have had the same dream, the same ambition as I had? Would you ever have the inspiration? Would you have been able to defeat L?

Would you have been able to do what I did?

I fooled all of Japan! I fooled America! I fooled this evil world! I played games and won them all! I overcame every challenge that came my way! I used every pawn I could and I used them well!

I. Won.

…But what did I ever win? The pride? The glory? The title? What did I win?

I won the respect of billions of people. The recognition. I won something.

I was no longer that bored high school student sitting at his desk with his cheek in his hand. I was no longer the bright-eyed and innocent teenager aiming for the best university in Japan. I was, am, a man. I am bleeding and hurt, but I am right. I was always right, always have been.

Little I…have you ever played tennis?