A/N: Weird fic I wrote a while ago and then came back and edited it. Hope it's not too bad.
Paring: SasuNaru NaruSasu
Warnings: Shounen ai (if you squint), mentions of cutting (nothing actually done)
Disclaimer: Don't own it. Three words some up the cause of my depression (ha, ha…ha)
Please read and review
Dreams or Nightmares?
I think I hate my dreams more than my nightmares. I'm not sure if they should be even called dreams. But nightmares are only dreams that are frightening, right? So dreams of you shouldn't be called nightmares, yeah? But then why do I always breathe a sigh of relief every time I suffer through a nightmare? Why do I always want the terror of nightmares than of merely dreams of you?
-~-~-~-~-
I think I know why now that I force myself to think about it.
When I dream of you…our memories of missions, fights, happy times and sad times…of your voice…of your face…of your taste…of your touch…I become so happy it hurts. My heart clenches and twists painfully with the gladness and relief I feel. I think, "Thank god. It was just dream. You are still with me. Still calling names. Fighting me. Smirking at me. Yelling at me to hurry up…"
So I drift through dreams horribly unaware that it is all a lie. Sometimes I dream of our missions. Sometimes it's of eating together. Other times it's the two of us together just simply being with each other.
-~-~-~-~-
But then…I wake up.
For a minute I my surroundings are disoriented, still half sleep and half awake, but than I my brain has to start working. It whispers…
…you are still gone. You are not with me. You are not by my side.
That realisation crashes on to me like a sudden wound. The pain I feel is so intense I keep thinking that I would rather you pierce me with the chidori than suffer it. And it's not just the realisation that you're not here that hurts me. It's the euphoric moment I feel when fooling myself that everything is alright that just makes the sorrow afterwards so much more painful.
-~-~-~-~-
So I lay in bed. Awake.
From the outside I look the same. Just a sleepy normal person. But inside my heart is screaming with pain.
I want to cry but my eyes won't let me.
I want to make myself bleed but my hand won't allow it.
I want to lose control and let Kyuubi strike terror to those in the village but my self will won't permit me.
I want someone to hurt. Hurt like I'm hurting.
So I go on missions. I hurt my enemies. And the pain goes away…for a while.
I sometimes nearly kill myself with effort during these missions. But I don't die. Because if I die who will bring you back then?
You know, I kind of find this interesting. I just realised my whole world revolves around one person. You.
-~-~-~-~-
Just notice how you haunt me.
Through my nightmares…
….I am dying. You are choking me. Someone help me…
Through my dreams…
…Teme! Say that again I'll beat you up…
Through my whole life…
…I'll definitely rescue him!
Do you wonder…
...do I like my dreams or nightmares better?
Dreams or nightmares?
What do you think…
…Sasuke?