This story was the result of bunch of guys who figured out that a chat they had came with an Etherpad addon. After a glorious clusterfuck of stupid things, arguing amongst authors, and people who couldn't forge a simple complete sentence for the life of them, when there were only three people left who were mostly dedicated to the story, this fic finally settled on a single writing style, (mostly) coherent writing, an incredible twist, and finally a PLOT. Amazing, am I right? But, first, you have to wade through the thunder and the lightning with this first chapter, which I left unedited from the Etherpad itself. Stomach it, and you will reach the Nirvana of storytelling.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, prepare to have your eyes lit on fire, body doused in napalm, and genitals rubbed with Bengay, as IT IS TIME FOR:
SONIC GOES TO THE STORE
It was a beautiful day in Station Square. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and Sonic was taking a nice slow walk to the grocery store. Ironic, huh? Tomorrow was Tails' birthday, and Sonic was going to get supplies for the suprise party. He wanted to make it awesome, and make sure nothing went wrong. Kinda like Sonic's last birthday, with the giant time eating robot and the time travel and the past selves and UGH. It was so confusing, Sonic preferred to not think about it. He has nightmares about it still. Anyway, on Sonic's way to the store, he bumps straight into a familiar figure...
It was none other than...
…
DOC?
"Oh! Um... Hi Sonic! I was just... picking up Evil Juice! For... my robots!", said Eggman.
No, not that Doc! The other one!
"I don't get what you're saying! I'm the only Evil Doctor around these parts! ...right?", inquired Eggman.
"DONT GO THROUGH THE DOOR", Tails suddenly shouted from nowhere, ruining the chances of a Back to the Future crossover.
"T-The door into summer?" Tails interrupted
"NYEH SHUT UP TAILS!" Sonic angrily shouted as he suddenly gained the voice of an English schoolgirl
Eggman shouted, "H-hey! Where did Tails come from?"
"The door into summer...?" Tails nervously replied.
"What door into summer?", Eggman asked.
"The door to the wisps destiny, broham.", Knuckles shouted.
"Just follow the blue road, to the east of the tanooki tree...", He continued.
"KNUCKLES HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING WEED AGAIN", Dr. Eggman shouted.
THEN BLAZE SHOWED UP!
"HOLY CRAP BLAZE." Sonic shouted. "WHERE THE HECK DID YOU COME FROM? WHY IS EVERYONE APPEARING OUT OF NO WHERE?"
Blaze replied, "Magic." And snorted twice, for she had a slight cold. This would come in handly later for some random reason. How? We'll think it up. Somehow.
"PINGAS!" Eggman blurted out. Everyone then looked at him oddly. "What?" he asked. "Everyone was going crazy, so..."
"Ok, ok, that's it! I need to go to the store!", Sonic shouted. "Eggman and Blaze, come with me! Knuckles, you stay with Tails. YOU TOO SHADOW!" and your mother, is a very nice lady, shouts eggman.
Shadow said, "How did I even get here? Who am I? MARIAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Sonic took ahold of Blaze and Dr. Eggman's wrists and dragged them off in the direction of SEGAmart.
MEANWHILE, ELSEWHERE...
Metal Sonic stood there, in standby mode. Although he was not active, Metal Sonic still felt it. Despite the good doctor programming him to be "more tolerable" than his fleshy counterpart, he was becoming impatient. He hadn't been used in years. He longed to reach toward his fleshy counterpart and wring his neck. But no. It had to wait. Before he could do that, he had to get out of the confines of Eggman Enterprises. For now, he was sitting there, in purgatory, an agonizing blankness that he felt would never en-
Suddenly, a door was opened and Eggman yanked Metal out of his containment tube. Eggman stared Metal in the face and said, "We're helping Sonic out for once. Play nice, and after the big party, I might let you go after him. Get it?"
"What is it, exactly?", the Egg-shaped man replied, furrowing his brow.
Metal replied, "I want to be the person that ends his pathetic life."
"Two things are wrong with your statement.. First, you're a robot. Also, what would you do after you kill him? I'd have to repurpose you to be a cleaning robot. Just beat him within an inch of his life. Besides, I need a nemisis too, you know! You think I really leave these big holes in my plans? No, it's all on purpose!"
"So what you want most, your dream empire, is nothing now?" The robot responded, curious.
"No, no. I still want the empire. It's just, I feel a better sense of accomplishment when I have somebody to beat, you know?", said the doctor.
"Yes, but... isn't Sonic someone to beat?" Metal Sonic asked, slowly losing faith in the doctor he had put so much patience into standing.
"Eh, it's a bit complicated. We'll talk about it more after the party, alright? Now come on, I'm gonna install a mouth and taste receptors into you", said the Doctor as he led his beloved creation down a corridor.
MEANWHILE,...
Blaze, what is the meaning of you not doing your homework!, said teacher Rittenbach.
Immm Imm Imm sorry. I didnt mean to not do it, I forrgot :(The more you go next to the house of miss rittenbach, the more you will want to go into the haunted store. Just remember to go with a witness, The kid named cola- what the heck am I saying lol. I am soooooooooooooooo confused. Then te guy fell down the stairs got knocked on conscience, and got an concusion, but dont worry the docter fixed it all. 3,0000,0000,0000 dollars later. Dr. Eggman ( The Doctor) was brought to court by blaze. For knowingly what AM I WRITING LMAO
THEY WERE GOING TO THE STOOOORE.
"WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED" Sonic shouted. "THE STORY QUALITY IS GETTING WORES. MY CENTSES ARR GETTING BADDER AND BADER"
"There must be someting causing this!" Tailes pointed aut smartedly.
Sonic chuckleded. "If there WUZZN'T something making dis worse, it was written by CWC."
SUDENLY, John Freeman who was Gorden Freeman's brother came ranning down street. In his hand held deviece that distortled reallyity nd maed spelling and grammer bad. but Sanic couldnt act en time, as John Freeman had ran buy alerady at supa fast speeds, and realyity was slowly turning bak to normal.
"Whoa ho, what?" Sonic laughed, holding his head.
"It seemed that the device messes with the forces that drive the rationality of reality." Eggman had pointed out the obvious.
"I never even MET a person named that." Blaze noted.
Sonic crossed his arms. "So, what do we call this device we saw that guy with?"
Eggman scratched his chin to think. "Hmm... Why not be literal and call it Reality Distortion Device, or RDD?"
"I say we call it the Plot Device." Blaze announced.
"Heh, yeah, that sounds about right." Sonic replied.
"Oh, perhaps we should go after that man? Find some way to reverse-engineer it and make it not work, or perhaps make a counter device?" Eggman suggested.
"Okay, yeah, sure, but AT LEAST LET ME GET MY FRIGGIN' GROCERIES."
"Fine.", both Eggman and Blaze pouted. Metal stood there with a blank look. He then went back to devouring a Chili dog with his new moth and taste buds.
"Wait, when did Metal Sonic get here?" Sonic asked.
"He's been standing here the whole time! When you went to get money from the ATM, I went to my lab, woke him from statis, gave him a mouth, and made him promise not to squash your head like a melon." Eggman replied. "He must have been hidden for some reason. Perhaps the Plot Device can completely cloak people, and make them seem like they are not there. Unable to react, unable to even see or speak. This is a powerful device..."
"ALRIGHT. ENOUGH. Let's talk about this while walking. Ever heard of multitasking? Yeah, come on.", Sonic grumbled angrily.
"Yeah, that's probably the best course of action." Tails said.
"Wait, when did you get here?" Sonic asked.
"Oh, I got here after the whole teacher thing."
Sonic rose his voice. "You're supposed to be with Shadow and Knuckles! Where are they?"
"Oh, um..." Tails looked around nervously, and laughed with the same emotion. "I'll find out! Stay safe!"
Sonic thought to himself, "He probably tied them up and locked them in a closet. AGAIN. uuuugh. And I swear if he takes out a chainsaw like he did at the halloween party I swear I'M GONNA-"
Sonic's thought was interrupted by a neck-tie wearing gorrila running past him. The primate snatched up Blaze, who was suddenly wearing a dress for no reason.
"Help! Sonic! Eggman! Do something!", she screamed.
So Sonic and Eggman dressed up in overalls, chased the gorrila to the top of a construction site while jumping over barrels, and saved Blaze. They then had a picnic. For the sake of not boring you, the reader, we shall head to another place...
MEANWHILE, IN THE ORBIT OF JUPITER...
Mighty took pride into aiming his pool cue, sticking his tongue out the side of his mouth and closing one eye. He intently pushed the cue back and forth, to make sure his ball would go right here he wanted it to be. Knowing that his trajectory was true, he pulled back the cue and sent it forward, knocking Europa into Io, and sending the moon into the stormy red spot in the planet's sky.
With a sense of accomplishment as Europa flew away, he threw his hands in the air. Seeing as he's had his fair share of Jupiter Pool, he dropped the stick, and began to strech.
"Wait a minute." Mighty said, rising from his strech. "The "stretch" was spelled wrong. In my presence. What is going-"
Suddenly, he saw, coming from the planet Earth, an object. It was a colorful object, all colors of the rainbow, but primarily pink. He was thinking of that terrible, annoying video on Youtube when suddenly he heard something.
In SPAAAAAAAAACE.
"...nyan nyan nyan nynynynyny nyan nyan nynynynyny-"
"WHAT?"
"NYAN NYAN NYAN NYNYNYNYNY NYAN NYAN..."
As it grew closer and louder nd eventutitually began circling round heem, Mighty felt the world arund he got more and mare retrded. Da clauds of Jewpiter became a dessert, the moons maed from cheeze, and sound culd move through nuttang. Butt, for whateverer reson, Mighty was not affected. Awnleey tah wurrl aroond he.
Than, thankfully, it left bakc to Erth, nd Mighty was left to wonder.
"... What?" The armadillo said, raising an eyebrow. "My common sense is tingling, and it is saying that whatever the FUCK that just was, it's going to be a problem."
Mighty looked around him. He plucked the pool cue from space, and looked over at Jupiter. If there was not a moon on the other side of this massive gas giant, his name was not Mighty. He chucked the pool cue with all of his might, and rolled into a ball. Within seconds, it came back after having bounced off of Callisto. With the force he threw it, the pool cue had ricocheted back to him, and when it hit his hard shell, it propelled him toward Earth.
That thing was trouble, and you know what Mighty does to trouble? He used to punch it in the neck, but the last time he did that didn't really fix the trouble so much as multiply it by millions. But it was resolved in the end. Now he usually just watches. Usually. Who knows.
Mighty pulled out his trusty cell phone and dialed his best buddy, Ray the Flying Squirrel. Remember him? Yeah, him.
"Hey Mighty! We're still on for tonight at the Mobius Strip, right?", said Ray.
"Yeah dude, but listen, when we're there, I need to talk to you about something. It's definitely trouble, and I think it might be caused by our old nemesis."
"... Aw CRAP! I'll tell the others, we need to get going!" Ray exclaimed.
Mighty nodded. "Yeah, do that. I'm gonna follow this thing..."
END OF CHAPTER 1
And so it begins.