"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." - Mother Teresa

"No Edward, don't."

"This is the last time you'll ever see me."

"I belong with you."

"No, you don't."

I woke with a jolt, again. It had been like this for the two nights following my disastrous birthday party. Nightmares of Edward leaving Forks; night terrors of him leaving me.

"This is the last time you'll ever see me."

"What were you dreaming about?" Edward asked from my rocking chair.

It had been an argument for him to stay with me.

"I don't remember," I lied. "Why are you over there?"

"I have to leave soon," he stated. 5:30 AM stood out from the clock.

"To change for school?" I asked.

He looked through the window, looking distant, contemplating his words.

"To change," he whispered. "Yes."

Walking over to me, he kissed my forehead. "You should sleep for a few more minutes."

Watching him climb through my window, I couldn't help but wonder how many more times he would do so.

I didn't go back to sleep; I called Alice, who didn't answer. I called five times before I clued myself in that she didn't want to talk to me.

I texted her, begging her to call me.

I needed to know how to stop him, how to make everything right.

When would he do it? This weekend? After school today? Would he do it here, with Charlie in the house? Would he take me out to eat and do it, like in movies? Would he just disappear one day? He had told me stories of how his family had to disappear within hours after Alice had seen something unfavorable. Was I now unfavorable?

Each family member had several aliases; I only knew one of Alice's: Rachel Lee. I had seen the credit card and heard the name when we were running to Phoenix.

Could I find them if he ran? Would the Cullens follow him? He wouldn't leave without them, right?

Could I stop him? Should I stop him? Would he let me stop him?

Edward was distant in every class. He didn't walk as close to me as he usually did, and he carried my books in a way that made it impossible for us to hold hands. When I tried to whisper to him, he would motion towards the front of the class. He stayed silent during lunch, mostly answering monosyllabically when I asked a question.

"Have you heard from Alice and Jasper?" I asked.

"Yes," he stated.

"Do you know when they will return to Forks?"

"They are working through some things," he answered.

"I don't want them to hate me," I stated.

"Why would they hate you?"

I didn't answer.

He made sure I got in my truck, but didn't follow me home from school.

At nine I called him.

"Are you coming over tonight?" I asked.

"Not tonight," he answered.

"I'll see you at school then," I stated.

"No, I'm not going tomorrow," he answered.

Would I ever see him again? Would he disappear sometime in the next several hours? Would he phone to say goodbye? Had he already left?

I waited for an explanation, but received none.

"I love you," I told him honestly after several painful silent moments.

After another elongated pause, he answered me. "Goodnight, Bella."

I lay awake and cried all night. No, I not only cried, I made plans: plans to stop the train wreck Edward was captaining, plans I knew would never work.

I made plans to put myself in danger; he detested me being in danger. I thought I could go to a biker bar in Port Angeles. I could reserve a place to go skydiving. Edward told me about the Volturi; I could book a flight to Italy. Something, anything to scare Edward enough to stay, and then we could work on us.

But Alice would see my plans. She would tell Edward, and Edward would stop me and leave like planned.

I could disappear. Tell Charlie I was visiting Mom but disappear instead. I could stay with Tyler, a distant cousin I'd met only a handful of times, but always asked me to come see her. He couldn't leave me if he couldn't find me. I could beg and plead, but that had not worked on him changing me. I could ask Carlisle to change me, but that had not worked the night of my birthday. Would Alice do it? Can I even get in touch with her?

I didn't go to school Friday; I stared at nothing and cried more. I cried because I knew it would be over soon; soon I wouldn't have Edward. I would have hollowness and emptiness. I had the fact he would never return.

Around eleven my phone chirped with a text.

Are you well?

Edward found out I had not gone to school; how I don't know.

I didn't respond. I sat on the couch and stared at nothing. An hour later he called. I didn't answer. When he had downloaded his ringtone to my phone, I adored the tone; now I cringed from it. I would never hear that tone again; it was only his.

If he was going to do this, I wasn't going to make it easier on him.

When he knocked on the door, I didn't answer. When he called my name, I didn't answer.

When he opened the door, I didn't give him any sign of knowing he was there.

He knelt down in front of me, but I didn't look at him.

"Why are you ignoring me?" he asked.

"Why don't you go ahead and do it?" I asked.

"What am I supposed to be doing?" he asked.

"You're leaving, right?" I asked, flicking my eyes towards him. "Leaving me forever."

He had the decency to look stunned as I stood and paced the room.

"Why are you waiting- just do it, Edward."

Only seeing his back, he didn't move, staying in his most comfortable state; completely motionless. If only it extended to changing location as well as changing position—then maybe he'd still be with me. But he would not stay still for me, he would be gone.

I didn't want to cry, but I did. I cried because I probably pushed the hour up. He wouldn't wait for whenever he had planned; he would do it now. Collapsing on the floor, I cried because I had no idea how to fix us.

"Yes, I want to leave," he whispered just loud enough for me to hear. Picking me up from the floor, he placed me back on the couch, crouching in front of me he continued, "No, that is not right. I don't want to leave."

I looked at him; he seemed as broken as I felt.

"I need to leave to protect you. What happened with Jasper..."

"Was nothing," I interrupted.

"…compared to what could've happened," he finished. "Yes, it was nothing."

He had me there. I knew the danger.

"You just don't belong in my world, Bella," he stated.

"I belong with you, and you belong with me," I cried.

He smiled the smile I knew meant he liked what he heard. I had said this to him through the summer several times.

"You promised me you would stay with me forever," I bargained.

"Only as long as it was safe for you," he countered.

"And here I am, safe and sound."

"Bella, in nine months you have almost been murdered four times; all because of me," he stated.

"I…" I paused. "… Don't necessarily agree with you."

"James…" he started, but I interrupted.

"Could have come in contact with me regardless if you were here or not," I stated. "The only thing your presence changed was to make it a game for him." He had evaded my question of Alice's location the day before. I had a sinking feeling he had made her leave; she would have fixed this.

"Where is Alice?" I asked.

"I asked my family to leave Forks," he continued. "I had planned to tell you after school today."

"You are planning to follow them."

I gave up; I looked down at the floor as more tears flooded my eyes. He was leaving, and there was nothing I could do. His mind was made up, his decision made. He would leave me behind.

"They wanted to stay and say goodbye, but I convinced them a clean break would be better for you," he said.

"Please don't do this," I begged.

"Your memories will fade; you'll forget about our time together," he whispered.

Anger fueled my reaction.

"That's a lie, and you know it," I demanded. "Find me someone who forgets the nine consecutive best months of their lives!" I was yelling louder and louder as I continued. "Find me someone who forgets their first kiss, their first boyfriend, the first time they fell in love."

"Go to the nursing home in town and ask every senile, ninety-year-old patient you can find about their first kisses. They'll tell you the who, what, when and where in detail!" I screamed. "Don't you dare try to make yourself feel better by downplaying me."

"Try to stay calm, Bella," he pleaded.

"I will not stay calm. Just like everything else, you think your way is the only way; the best way. And every time you come up with a different way to try and push me away; to leave me. Flee to Alaska, ignoring me for months at school, trying to scare me away, going after James instead of staying with me. Hell, you made contingency plans of suicide last spring. Not this time, Edward. Not this damn time."

I was fuming as I continued.

"I won't listen to you this time. I won't listen to your, 'I'm the bad guy' routine or your 'I'm not good for you; you should stay away from me' or any other crap. If you're leaving, you're giving me a good reason and not some bullshit excuse."

His cheerless eyes narrowed at me, but I cut him off.

"You're going to look me in the eyes and break your promise that you wouldn't hurt me."

By the time I was done, he was standing closer to me; speechless for once. Not caring if I hit him and would only hurt myself, I pounded on his chest over and over, crying and screaming.

"Do it, Edward. Just do it. What are you waiting for? Kill everything inside me, ruin me for life, and take everything away from me." Wintry, marble hands grasped my wrists, but I kept trying to pound on his chest. It wasn't until I was lying in my bed crying that I focused in on who was holding me.

"Alice?" I croaked.

"Calm down, Bella. I'm here; try and get some rest," she requested.

"Are you going to fix this?"

"I don't know if I can," she stated.

"Stay with me?" I begged.

"I will until you fall asleep."

The exhaustion of not sleeping well for days and fighting Edward collapsed down on me. I mumbled before the darkness took me, "I won't survive if he leaves."

I wasn't asleep long when the nightmares of Edward leaving me began.

"You're right. It's not me that's not good enough; you're not good enough, Bella."

"You were a diversion."

"I'm…tired of pretending to be something I'm not."

"I won't come back."

"Don't be stupid, Bella."

"No, Edward, no," I begged.

"Bella," he whispered.

"No," I screamed.

"Wake up, Bella. This has gone on too long."
"Please," I screamed.

"Bella, wake up, Baby. You're alright."

I jolted up into Charlie's arms, tears gushing down my face.

"Bella, what's wrong? You were screaming. I could hear you from my car outside," he stated.

Looking around, I saw Charlie's gun lying on my bedside table.

"Planning on shooting someone?"

"You were screaming, Bells. Screaming, "no", "please", "don't." What was I supposed to think?" he asked. "I thought- never mind. Are you feeling any better from this morning?"

"Not really," I said.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

"No," I stated, vehemently shaking my head.

"Okay, I picked up some canned soup for you."

I smiled at his thoughtfulness; I told him I had a sore throat that morning to get out of school.

"I will come down and fix it."

"I can," he reluctantly refuted.

"I want to get up," I said.
"I thought for sure Edward would be sitting vigil with you again."

I wanted to know where Edward and Alice were. Were they fleeing; in the woods fighting each other; was Edward dragging Alice away? Would I see any of them again?

I wasn't hungry, but I ate some tomato soup to appease Charlie. At seven PM, Edward knocked on the door. "Come take a ride with me?"

After Charlie told him I wasn't feeling well and he didn't want me out too late, we got in his car and drove away. The shiny silver Volvo I had grown to adore. We both stayed silent; the silence was somehow intensified by my dread that this was the last time I would see him. It was making me insane.

To my surprise, he turned towards his family's home. Parking in front of the white house I had come to know as a second home, it seemed cold and dead with no lights lit and the metal shutters down.

They were gone.

He typed a code at the door; the shutters rose and the door unlocked. He only turned on one of the lamps in the family room, making it impossible for me to see past the room.

Walking in, everything I could see was draped in thick, white sheets or gone all together. The destroyed piano had been removed. Paintings and artwork had been taken down. The walls were bare. No flowers sprang from vases; no warmth emanated from the fireplace.

Tears sprang to my eyes.

They were really gone.

"Why are we here?" I asked.

"I didn't want to do this in front of your father," he said.

I humorlessly laughed at him.

"I spoke with Alice, or argued with her, for hours today," he said. He removed the sheet covering one of the chaise lounges and motioned for me to sit- I didn't budge.

"She won't leave with you?" I assumed. If she didn't leave, I would always have a dog in this fight.

"She begrudgingly agrees with me," he said.

"Oh," I sighed.

We were silent for several moments longer; each of us waiting for the inevitable.

"I'm scared, Bella," he spoke finally.

"Scared?" I asked.

"Scared one day something will happen, and I won't be able to stop it. You'll be hurt, or worse, because I'm in your life. If it had been only you, me, and Jasper when he snapped at you, I don't know if I could have stopped him on my own," he said.

"You stopped James," I protested.

"James didn't have the years of fighting and wars behind him that Jasper has," he returned.

"Changing me would cure this," I said.

"Changing you is not an open option," he ruled. "I won't risk you that way."

"If this is about my soul, take it. I don't want it without you," I begged.

His mouth twisted the tiniest bit.

"I don't want you…to be a vampire."

"So this is it?" I asked. "No option besides you leaving?"

"I have one other option."

Looking at me, he seemed to weigh this other option heavily.

"I spoke with Jasper and Carlisle, and they agreed with my decision. I'll spend your life with you, and when your time ends…" he said, hesitating for just a second. "They will end mine. You'll never see my family again."

"I won't let you choose me over your family," I protested.

"You're much more important to me than my family, and it would keep you safe- for the most part."

"And if another coven crosses our path? You just said…" I argued.

"Between Alice and me, you'll be safe."

"No, I won't let you do this to your family."

"It is not your decision to make," he said.

"And the guilt I would carry knowing I ripped your family apart?" I asked. "I would hate myself, Edward."

"I don't see any other way."

"Nothing has to change. It was an accident," I begged.

"I can't take another chance of you being hurt, or worse, by my kind," he said.

"I can't lose you, and you can't lose your family."

"I…" he started.

"You can't just give up; we have to fight for something," I said. "We are worth fighting for."

He wasn't listening to me, so I grasped at straws.

"What if Victoria comes back for vengeance and you're not here with me? Or she comes back and you don't have your family to help? She could kill both of us."

He stared back coldly.

"She won't get anywhere near you, Bella."

"That's it? Rip your family apart or leave me?" I asked.

He paused long enough for me to see the doubt.

"Rosalie will never go along with this; she'll hate me even more," I said.

He shook his head, but I continued.

"You were Carlisle's first son. You never want to see him again?"

"There are ways to keep in touch," he said, pain brushed across his face.

"Think about Esme and what this will do to her," I continued. "Jasper will lay all of this on himself."

I could see the sadness in his eyes and decided to play dirty.

"Alice is my best friend, Edward," I begged.

The sadness in his eyes grew.

"She is your best friend," I pointed out.

How could he lay an ultimatum on his family and me? I couldn't take him away from his family, nor could I let him take himself from me. I would have guilt over Esme's sadness. Everyone would blame me. I was already guilty. I was the clumsy one; I was the fragile human. This was on me- only me.

"We can make this work, Edward." I stated, glaring at the floor. I felt his lips on my hair and pulled my head up to look at him.

"Please call your family and have them return to Forks. Stay with me."

"You were screaming in your room earlier. What were you dreaming about?" he asked.

"You," I answered.

"Finally, you have the right dream about me; a nightmare," he claimed.

"I dreamt you were leaving; the same dreams I've had since my birthday," I sobbed. "Please, let's go back to the way it has been. I'll be more careful. I won't lift a finger or move from your sight when I'm near your family."

"Bella," he urged.

"Alice will be upset, but I'll never go shopping alone with her. I won't help Esme cook for me," I announced. "I won't play video games with Emmett anymore while you're away hunting; I won't sit and listen to Carlisle tell me stories."

"Bella," he urged again.

"I won't come in contact with your family if you're not within a yard of me," I promised. "It can go back to when I first came here; Jasper can keep his distance, and I won't complain about it."

"Bella, listen to me," he demanded.

I dragged my eyes back to him, and he was… smirking?

"Great, you're laughing at the pathetic…" I began.

His lips were on mine so fast my head spun, tangling his hand into my hair to hold me to him. His kisses were demanding and deliberate, molding my lips to his.

Pausing for a moment, he growled, "Go away."

"Excuse me?" I grouched against his lips.

"Alice," he answered.

"No," I objected and pulled away from him. She can't go away; she and everyone else need to stay here.

Instantly, I was lying on the couch with Edward hovering over me.

"I meant for her to leave us alone; she's outside screaming at me," he insisted, digging his black irises into me.

"You can't dazzle me into your plan," I insisted. "Or seduce me into it."

"I'm not trying to do either; I'm trying to make out with my girlfriend," he revealed.

I scowled at him. I couldn't handle mind games; Edward mind games or not.

"Edward, I'm not your girlfriend if you're leaving or laying down ultimatums," I asserted.

"Let's talk later," he objected, bringing his lips closer to mine.

"What the hell?" I wondered aloud.

"Later," he demanded against my lips.

My head was already spinning by the time he leaned his body closer and pressed his icy body against mine. As he intended, no doubt, I forgot all about my worries and concentrated on how to breathe in and out. When I threw my arms around his neck, he didn't pull away. I could feel his lips curve upward. I completely forwent his careful lines he had drawn and hitched my leg around him. I forgot the trivial things for a moment; him leaving, vampires on the loose; where in the U.S. his family was at the moment.

"Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?" I asked.

He didn't push me away. He pulled me tighter against his ice-hard chest, so tight it was hard to breathe, "I know exactly what you mean," he whispered. "But we have lots of reasons to be happy. For one, we're going to be together forever."

"Really?" I moaned as he moved his pelvis in a certain direction, spiraling rapture through my body.

"Did you change your mind?" I asked.

"Love, stop talking," he pleaded, looking down at me. His eyes were even darker than they had been this week, seeming determined as he attended his gaze on me. I speculated what he was considering, what he was planning. Did he want to stop or go even further? I lay there breathless from his boundary-less kissing, expecting him to pull away from me, get off the couch and apologize for getting carried away again. I didn't expect what he did next.

Edward reached behind him and pulled his sweater off over his head.

I was lying on a couch with Edward poised above me with no shirt covering his chest.

He brought his lips to mine and kissed me deeply. Our mouths moved together, desire blooming within me, want and need speeding my heartbeat near the point of combustion; I could soon break a rib.

His kisses became softer, but then started moving to my neck, my collarbone, and my shoulders. I hadn't brought a heavy coat with me. He moved my sweater to the side to access more skin. There were no words for what the lower parts of our bodies were doing.

Returning to face level and running his nose down the length of mine, he murmured, "So, I'm not going anywhere- without you anyway."

"And your family?" I asked against his lips. Releasing one of his hands from my hips, he clasped my chin and held me still while his lips attacked my own. My mind fled, and I surrendered myself to his ardent kissing.

"They'll be back," Edward vowed, letting me up for air.

"What made you change your mind?" I asked.

He ran his hand down over my body and back up to my breast, kneading and skimming softly through my sweater, delicately, repetitively. He stopped kneading when he started talking.

"I don't ever want you to feel like you've felt the last couple of days, particularly today. I don't want to make you cry angry tears or feel broken ever again. I thought leaving would let you carry on with your life." He said the last line with sadness in his voice, and I furrowed my brow at him.

"Today in the woods, Alice and I argued because she couldn't see your future after a couple months, and what she did see was heartbreaking to say the least. It was like you were the walking dead. At any moment it seemed you would fall over…dead. And then your future disappeared altogether. I argued she couldn't see your future because in a few months she wouldn't be looking for it, or you moved forward. She argued something else."

I would be dead.

"Seeing how defeated you look this afternoon, you looked even worse in the upcoming months. I can't…" he choked out.

"What did she see of your future?" I asked.

He demurely shook his head.

"That's why you told Alice to go away before…" I blushed and dropped my eyes, but that put me staring at his naked chest.

"Something like that," he murmured. Tears began to build in my eyes as I thought of the future and how nothing was certain; he could still leave one day.

"Promise you won't try this again, no matter what. Promise me I'll always have you by my side," I cried.

"I promise you, Love, nothing is taking me from you; nothing is separating us," he vowed. "Nothing."

"Jasper taking a snap at me?" I asked.

"Nothing," he answered, kissing my temple.

"My constant nagging of wanting to be like you?" I asked.

"Nothing," he declared, kissing my cheek.

"Nothing," I murmured. He kissed me softly.

"Not a thing," he agreed. "You probably don't completely believe me; I understand. I'll try anything to make you believe in me again. Time, I guess, will be on my side."

I leaned up to kiss him.

The kiss was hefty; creeping and endless.

As our lips moved, Edward's hands began to wander over me again, massaging and learning. My hands returned the affection, and soon I forgot all about my worries. We groped each other feverishly, grinding; panting out "I love you," between soft sighs and moans.

Within a few weeks, everything was back to normal- for the most part. Edward stayed in Forks, much to the disappointment of the male population at Forks High School. After he learned of his living alone, Charlie refused to let me go to his house for any reason. The Cullens stayed away long enough to execute the story of Esme detesting L.A. and missing Edward; they returned within a month.

Alice knocked on my door one Saturday morning, extremely too early, to announce to Charlie they were back and I was spending the weekend with them.

After Charlie had left for the day and Edward came down from my room, he assured me he had held Alice off in the woods for several hours before she couldn't stay away any longer. He still received a glare.

"She tried to knock on the door at three, instead of seven-thirty."

"Hmph."

"You should have seen him, Bella," Alice stated. "Standing on your porch, pointing at my car and glaring at me; demanding I leave. It was adorable."

I was awkward and uncomfortable with Jasper for several months; the few times I actually saw him. He apologized profusely the first time I saw him and told me he would be keeping a safe distance from me and not to take offense, but I still did. I felt horrible that he stayed away from the family home when I came around; even though everyone assured me it was for the best.

Edward and I were closer than ever. I still had an inkling of doubt, but I knew he wouldn't leave me.

I became better friends with Jacob from the reservation; hanging out with him when Edward and the family went on hunting trips and when Charlie and I were invited for a get-together. Edward never warmed to the idea that I was hanging out at the reservation, but wouldn't give me a definitive answer why. Angela assumed it was jealousy or a pissing contest.

Alice couldn't see me very clearly or not at all when I was at the reservation, much to her and Edward's annoyance. Her visions of me with Jacob became more and more erratic for months, to the point Edward tried on several occasions to stop me from going. Charlie was thrilled I became close to Jacob and frustratingly pushed the idea of Jacob to me. It never helped Billy and Jacob had a hatred for the Cullens; defending the ones I loved to them became arguments several times. I knew the tribal legends, but blatant hatred and prejudice of someone was inconceivable to me. Edward rolled his eyes at the whole situation and said it was one more reason not to visit.

Then one day in February Billy told me he didn't want me to come around anymore. Jacob wouldn't answer the phone. Charlie was told Jacob had Mono and was too unwell to chatter or have visitors. I didn't believe it. Neither Alice nor Edward would tell me what was going on; until the day Edward and I were in our meadow, and Laurent showed up.

Five huge wolves showed up and chased Laurent away from us.

The wolf was out of the bag.

A/N

I was watching D.L. Hughley's standup routine while writing, the title comes from one of his jokes and Tyler is his daughter's name.

Thanks to Solareclipses, who's running a brilliant contest; my beta, A Jasper For Me, for all of her work on this. I aggravated emergency beta service several times while writing this. Thank you very much to all of you.

For those of you waiting for an update on Give, it's coming I promise...