There was nothing left for me to do. I had tried, and tried damn hard to move on. I had become what she had wanted, had helped me to be. I was hero to everyone, I saved countless lives, and I made the entire planet safe every single day. But it did nothing for me. I was a shell. A man working out of purpose and duty, not out of love for what he did: I used to get pleasure from all the good I was doing. It was like penance for bringing the meteor shower that had taken so much from so many. Not just the first one but the second one too. But now, now I felt nothing but pain and loss. Lana was gone, never to return again.

Damn Lex, damn me for saving him that day on the bridge. There have been times that I wished I had let him die that day. There have been days that I wished many times that I had just let him die all the times I had saved him. If Lex had not been living then he would have had no reason to ever build that power suit. Then Lana would have never put it on and now she will never be able to touch me again. At least not without killing me but right now I would welcome it. I had not talked to Lana since that awful day. I tried to call her several times but she never answered. I knew she was stronger than I was and if I heard her voice I knew I would only want to see her.

Chloe tried to console me. Oliver came by and talked to me. John tried. Mom had even come down from Washington to give me a pep talk. But nothing helped. I went to work at the Planet and wrote my articles. But that was it. Jimmy tried to help to get over my grief but it was useless. Any sort of feelings that I might have ever felt for Lois were gone. I was still hopelessly in love with Lana and I always would be. No other woman would ever take her place. There was no moving on from Lana, there was only Lana.

After the Justice League had formed I knew it was time. Earth and the entire universe had their protectors. They were enough to keep them save if for some reason I was not around. I decided it was time for me to take myself out of League and turned the reigns over to Batman. He would make a good leader. I told them all I needed to go and find myself. To try and gain some perspective on my life, they bought it. All except Chloe, she could see I was up to something. But I told her if she ever cared for me at all she would let me go. Let me do this for me.

It took everything in me just to find it. A very long shard of Kryptonite that would definantly do the job. I quickly placed it in the lead box so I could take it home with me. I decided that I would go in the cellar because then I knew the sun would not be able to heal me if I was in the dark. But first I needed to write a note so someone would know what I had done. It took me about 30 minutes to get the words exactly right. Once I was done, I walked out the front door and looked back at the farm house one last time. I looked over to the loft knowing that was the last place I had ever seen, I ever kissed her. I sucked in a big gulp of air and walked to the cellar with my metal package to meet my fate.

It took all the strength I had to remove the shard from the box. I had took off my shirt and stood in the middle of the room. I wanted to think only of Lana. I wanted her to be my last thought ever. I pulled back and lunged the Kryptonite deep into my chest which instantly pierced my heart. And I felt my life oozing from my body but all I could do was think of Lana, the love of my life. She was my everything, she was my all, she was . . .

******* ******* ******* ******* *******

We had been looking for him everywhere and I don't know why we didn't think to look at the farm first. That was very dumb of me. Lana had found a cure and they had been able to filter all the Kryptonite out of the suit and replaced the nanites with pure ones. Her suit was now perfect and she could be with Clark again. When we arrived at the house, Lana went to the cellar, Oliver went to the loft, Jimmy out in the field, and I went in the house. I walked in and called out for Clark and when I got no answer, I walked upstairs. I stepped in his room and immediately saw something beside of his computer, an envelope addressed to everyone. Before I could open it I could hear her scream.

***********************************

Chloe had gone in the house and I thought I'd check the cellar. The door was locked so I simply pulled it off its hinges. I stepped inside and I saw him at once. He had his back to me.

"Clark," I said softly.

Why was he in the dark? I got down on my knees and turned him over. That's when I saw it, the green shard protruding from the gaping hole in his chest. That is when the screaming started.

Chloe got to me before anyone else did, followed by Oliver and then Jimmy. I couldn't control myself. Clark was dead, taken his own life.

"Why? Why would he do this," I cried.

"Lana, this might explain it," Chloe replied and handed me a letter.

I took the letter as I was still on the ground beside of Clark. I was cradling him in my arms. I was shaking so hard and there was no way I could even read. Chloe was in no shape to read it either. I passed it to Oliver who was visibly shaken but not sobbing like we were.

"First I want to say that I am sorry. Sorry that I took the easy way out. I don't think any of you understand how much pain that I am in. I have tried, tried repeatedly to just move on and try to get over her. But there will never be any getting over Lana Lang. I had never loved anyone like I have loved her. She is my life and since I can't have her in mine, there really is no point in living.

Forgive me. I am not who you thought I was.

Goodbye.

Clark"

I continued to cry and rock him over and over again. Just when I had found happiness, it had been ripped from me. Clark had been ripped out of my life never again to return.

******************************************

The church was filled to capacity. Everyone that Clark had ever known filled each and every seat. Martha was inconsolable. I tried, Jimmy tried, and even Lana in her sad condition. She tried to put on a brave face for all of us. But we all knew she was dying inside. John delivered the most beautiful and touching eulogy. There had been a private wake with all the League, so Superman had been given a proper send off, these people were close family and friends. Lana and I sat holding Martha's hands as she cried. We cried with her. When it was over, we walked up front with her to offer our support as the guest came by to offer condolences. None of their words would help any of us, it was all for show. But that is when I saw her walk down the aisle, eyes red and anger in her eyes.

"Chloe, I have no beef with you. It's you Lana. You who left Clark twice and broke his heart both times, you might as well been the one kill him yourself. Lana, you're a heartless, selfish bitch and I hope you are happy with what you've done," and then Lois slapped Lana across the face as hard as she could.

"Lois, what are you doing," I said as I helped Lana off the floor.

"She got what she deserved," Lois replied.

"Don't do this here, not now, with my son lying cold in the coffin," Martha pleaded.

"Lois, what is wrong with you? Have you no respect," I asked.

"She's right, Chloe. I did this to Clark. I killed him. It's all my fault," Lana cried as she ran out of the sanctuary.

I ran after her but she beat me out the door. She wasn't watching where she was going. I screamed but to no avail.

"LANA," I screamed.

But I was too late. The afternoon bus had already done its damage. I feel to the ground and cried.

"WHY!!? WHY?! WHY, God, WHY," I cried.

********************************************

I shot straight up with bright light all around me. I knew where I was immediately, the Fortress of Solitude.

"How did I get here," I asked.

"I brought you here to show you what would happen if you gave up," Jor-el's voice boomed.

"How did you know what I was thinking about doing," I asked.

"I know everything you do. As I know about what happened to Lana. I cannot let you take your own life. You are far too precious to this planet and the universe," Jor-el explained.

"Father, what should I do now?"

"Go do what you were born to do and everything else will fall in place."

I felt myself being sucked back to the cave. I didn't understand how he was able to do these things but was glad he had. I walked out of the cave and into the sun. No sooner had I got outside my phone rang and it was Lana.

"Clark, you are not going to believe this. It's a miracle," she said.

Just hearing her voice made me feel good, better than I had in a long time. I knew this meant that Jor-el had been the one who performed the miracle and I was going to make the most of it.