A/N: This story was inspired because of the scene in the episode when Tony called Tim behind Gibbs' back to look into the guy and when Tim got off the phone, Gibbs didn't even turn around, just told Tim to do whatever Tony asked, just trusting that Tony knew what he was doing and that Gibbs didn't need to worry about it until there was something to worry about. To me, that spoke volumes about Gibbs' and Tony's relationship that nothing else could and this story was built around that level of trust which struck me as far deeper than has been portrayed on the show (but should be).
-00-
Grounded
Anthony DiNozzo pulled in the driveway of the familiar house, cut the engine and sat for a moment. He swallowed hard, the tension in his jaw, neck and shoulders radiated to his head. The tension in his body fed his fatigue and every muscle in his body ached. He would've gladly closed his eyes, except the aching in his body and soul threatened to lull him into the kind of sleep that would induce nightmares. He'd killed a man tonight. He had to, there was no way around it but it never failed to hurt. He would never mourn the dead man but he would mourn the piece of his soul he had to sacrifice for a greater good. Right now, his soul seemed to beat him from the inside out and the pain careened through his body like a freight train at 100 miles per hour.
That was why he found himself at Leroy Jethro Gibbs' house at this late hour. Looking at the house and seeing the living room light allowed him to breathe a small sigh of relief, being careful to not inhale the chilled night air too deeply, lest it evoke a coughing fit. Deep down though, he knew that wasn't the only reason he was here tonight. Earlier talking on the phone with Gibbs, though it had only been about work, he had felt something unusual and unfamiliar, a strange connection, like he could feel the man as though he'd reached out and touched him. It had confused him momentarily but under the circumstances, he'd had to box it up and put it away in a corner of his mind until a better time.
Summoning the energy, he got out of the car, locked it and walked purposefully up the steps and with a contented sigh, breathed easier when the doorknob turned easily and the door opened. He stepped in and closed the door behind him, the warmth of the fire heating the entire room and the smell of burning pine washed over him. Grateful for the comforted feeling, he hung up his coat and his suit jacket, took off his tie and unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt. Then, he turned to head toward the basement, figuring that was where he would find him.
When he turned, he stopped abruptly and blinked twice. Gibbs stood in the room, less than ten feet away from him. He took in the bright blue eyes and time-weary but still handsome face of the man in front of him.
It's good to be home. The thought flashed in his mind unbidden and he blinked again in surprise as the two men just stood and looked at each other, their gazes intense but with a comfort familiar and only possible through their long association. Home, Tony thought. This house, this man, this moment…all of it represented home. Despite his tension and fatigue, Tony knew on a soul level that this was what he had always wanted.
Tony felt every emotion rise up in him, filling his mind, soul, body and then out like a waterfall, flowing in, through and out of him, thunderous, like Niagara Falls.
He took a deep breath, trying to gain control of the emotional onslaught but it must've shown in his eyes because Gibbs stepped up to him, his crystal blue gaze fixed steadily on him showing warmth and concern mingled together. Gibbs wasn't quite in Tony's personal space but close. Tony felt the adrenaline flow out of his body with the waterfall, releasing the impatience of the interminably long wait, followed by the investigative pace of tracking down a potential terrorist turned potential assassin and then subsequently shooting said assassin…all of that alone would've been too much for any mere mortal but then discovering that his father yet again let him down…it was just too much on top of too much. As strong as Tony was, for all the strength he had in spades, even he had a breaking point.
The air around the two men felt charged, but also familiar, comforting and timeless in a way Tony had never experienced before. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He had no words and his soul ached…for what, he wasn't sure right now, all he really knew was that everything he needed and wanted was here and now and he couldn't be anywhere else.
Tony had the fleeting thought that he wasn't looking at Gibbs. He was looking at Jethro. The thought anchored him in the present and the swirling feelings seemed to fade. When Jethro stepped into Tony's personal space and put his arms around him, it was the most natural thing in the world to return the gesture and rested his head on his shoulder and felt Jethro's head at his neck, the silver hair slightly tickling his chin. Tony was approximately 2 inches taller than Jethro but in that moment as he felt the arms tighten around him, he didn't feel any physical difference at all. He reveled in the strength he didn't feel like he had at that moment.
They stood there in the living room that way, Jethro's arm strong and sure around Tony's waist while the other rubbed his back soothingly. Tony held on, his own arms strong and sure around his low back and waist, accepting the comfort and breathed in the familiar scent of wood and coffee. Tony couldn't remember the last time he'd been held or even hugged anyone, not counting Abby's bone-crushing embraces. His soul shifted and sank and he tightened his own arms around the man. This tenderness, this moment, this closeness, deep, intense and certain welled up in him.
Jethro splayed his hands across Tony's back and pressed lightly into the flesh. The tautness of the lower back muscles were silent testimony to the tension in his body. Jethro lifted the other arm and splayed his fingers across his upper shoulder blade and the muscles there were even more taut. He let his arm drop down and he pulled Tony into him, holding him tighter. Tony, in turn, tightened his embrace and the it only took a few seconds for Tony to realize they were chest to chest, abdomen to abdomen and thigh to thigh. He felt the body heat warm him and he relaxed in the intimacy of the embrace. Tears stung the back of his eyes as his soul cried.
Neither man could have said how long they stood there like that as emotions shifted and coiled around and through both men. It was Jethro who loosened his hold first but he didn't pull away. Instead, he laid a hand on Tony's arm and took a step forward guiding Tony to the couch. Tony stepped with him and Jethro sat down by the arm rest, shifted back so his right leg rested against the back of the couch and with the hand still on his arm, guided Tony to sit down against him.
Tony didn't hesitate and when he sat, Jethro released his hold on his arm and shifted his own position so that Tony's back was to him. His hands immediately rested on Tony's shoulders while Tony settled into his seat.
Tony was beyond questions, too tired and heart sick to do more than follow his lead. He closed his eyes and let the feeling of Jethro's hands on his shoulders wash over him. He felt the warmth seep into the tense muscles and when gentle pressure was applied on both sides, he groaned in understanding and acceptance of what was going to happen. Gently at first, the pads of his fingers pressed into Tony's muscles, testing their pliability. The tension, resistant at first, was no match for the determination. Gradually applying more pressure, Jethro's hands worked the muscles in the shoulders. Tony intermittently gasped and sighed in pain and pleasure as the tight muscles resisted and then undulated. After a few minutes, he realized his own hands were unbuttoning his own shirt and when Jethro moved his hands toward his neck and touched the bare skin there, Tony hunched his shoulders and let his dress shirt fall off his shoulders. Jethro dropped his hands to reach for the bottom of the shirt and pulled it up and helped Tony out of it, gently tossing the shirt to the nearby chair. Jethro pulled his undershirt up as well, not that it was hard as it was worked loose and Tony pulled that up and off as well, tossing it to land on his other shirt.
Jethro's hands returned to his neck and without the burn of the fabric chafing his skin under the massage, Tony closed his eyes again and let himself fully relax. A fleeting thought washed over him that Jethro's touch felt more intimate than even the last time he'd had sex which was so long ago he couldn't recall exactly when that was. As the massage of his neck and shoulders reached the deep tissues that would've been painful had Jethro started that way, all he could do was groan through the release of tension and rush of endorphins that soothed the soreness.
Tony's head dropped as the muscles loosened and he turned his head to crack his own neck, feeling the vertebrae pop and settle, releasing more tension in his body. He sighed as the pain of the action dispersed and then turned to crack the other side. That crack was louder and he gasped aloud at the momentary pain but soon settled again. Jethro's hands shifted down to his shoulder blades and his second gasp of pain echoed loud to his own ears. Jethro eased up on the pressure, allowing the heat of his hands to soak into the tight muscles before resuming the massage. Using more tenderness than pressure, Jethro worked the muscles there, only moving on to the next set when he felt Tony relax, usually accompanied by a sigh that expressed his relief better than any words could.
When his shoulder blades relaxed, Jethro kept his hands still on them, keeping the heat applied. He leaned forward, letting his chest touch Tony's back. Tony automatically leaned back into him. Jethro let them hold that position for a moment and then he whispered, "Stand up." Tony groaned in what could only be described as disappointment. "Shhh," Jethro soothed. "Trust me."
Tony's skin was aflame with the sensation of having the other man's hands and warmth on and against him. He swung his legs off the couch and stood, allowing the other man's strength to support him as he did. He automatically held his hand out to Jethro and helped him to his feet. Jethro kept hold of Tony's hand and led the man upstairs and into the master bedroom. Jethro kept hold of Tony's hand and pulled back the linens. "Get comfortable, lie on your stomach in the middle of the bed." Tony hesitated. Jethro squeezed his hand. "Trust me," he said in a soothing voice. "I'll be right back." Jethro gently released him and disappeared into the adjoining bathroom.
Tony let the whispered voice wash over him and something else settled inside him. He loosened his belt and took off his pants and socks, leaving him only in his boxer briefs. He got in the bed and lay on his stomach, shifting over to the middle. Tony heard the flush of the toilet and briefly, the sound of running water, then silence for a moment. It was then he realized how comfortable the bed was and he settled down. It was odd being in Jethro's bed like this but at the same time, it felt natural too. Trust me, the words replayed in his mind. After all these years of knowing him, how could he not?
Tony heard the bathroom door open and in a few seconds he felt Jethro climb up on the bed and settled on Tony's left. He felt Jethro's work-worn and calloused hand rest in the middle of his back, letting the heat seep into his skin. Tony shivered involuntarily and then felt Jethro shift his position. His other hand came down to rest on his shoulder and then he felt the hand on the center of his back glide up to his other shoulder. It was then that Tony realized that there was oil on Jethro's hands and that the oil was warming his skin as Jethro applied pressure and reworked the shoulder muscles again.
Tony groaned as the sensation of the slick hands worked his muscles, lightly going over the muscles already soothed but progressing downward to the shoulder blades briefly before reaching his lower back that had not yet been tended. When Jethro got there, he shifted his position again and straddled Tony's thighs so he could better work those muscles. Tony trembled as he did so and shifted his own legs closer so he had room. The pain in the lower back muscles, the application of more oil and the feeling of the strong hands soothing him was too much. The tears that had stung his eyes earlier burned and when Jethro applied pressure at a certain spot and his back muscles popped, Tony cried out softly in pain at the release of pressure and then his back shifted again and he settled. He felt two tears escape his eyes at this release of tension and as Jethro repeated this on the other side of his spine, more tears flowed from his eyes. Letting up on the pressure, Jethro massaged his lower back for a little longer, letting the oil soak into Tony's skin until it was dry and slowly worked his hands back up his body until his hands rested on either side of Tony's neck, letting the warmth soak in.
With a smooth motion, Jethro lifted himself up from where he had straddled Tony's thighs and settled to the right of him, his hand glided across Tony's back. Tony's body heaved with sobs as once the tears started he had not been able to stop. Jethro settled down beside him and brought his hand to Tony's face and gently wiped away the tears.
Tony opened his eyes and he saw that Jethro regarded him with tenderness. Jethro put his arm under Tony's head and with one hand on his shoulder, guided Tony toward him, pulling him into an embrace, his arm wrapping around Tony's upper back and bringing the other one in below it.
As Tony's head came to rest on Jethro's t-shirt clad shoulder, the tenderness of the moment overwhelmed him and something in his chest loosened and opened. With the force of a tidal wave, a thousand emotions he had held in burst and the tears flowed bringing the Niagara Falls inside of him out. The lump in his throat hurt so hard he couldn't contain it and with a strangled cry, the sob wracked his body. Jethro's arms tightened around him and held him.
"That's it, just let it go," Jethro whispered in his ear. "I gotcha, let it go."
Neither man knew how much time passed before Tony calmed down. By then, Jethro was stroking his hair as well as soothing his back and Tony held on to him, reluctant to separate, needing the anchor of physical contact. As Tony's emotions settled, he inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of Jethro's body. After a long day of work, the man had no business smelling as good as he did but he did. The wood, the coffee, the man himself. His body relaxed deeper and he realized how close they lay together, his foot rested against his leg. Tony had an arm around Jethro's mid-section and Jethro's arms were holding him snugly but not tightly, one around his mid and the other around his lower back.
Tony lifted the arm around Jethro's chest and wiped away the last of his tears and shifted his position a little and rested his head against Jethro's upper arm before turning to look at him. Even though the room was dark, the room was illuminated enough from the streetlamps for him to see Jethro's face. He smiled at Tony softly and lifted his hand to brush Tony's hair back. Jethro motioned his head toward the bathroom door. "You need to drink some water. Then come back and get some sleep. Been a hell of a day." Jethro leaned in slowly and kissed Tony's forehead and Tony noted how soft his lips felt against his skin. He hadn't thought he could possibly be more exposed than he already was but that soft, warm kiss on his forehead loosened something in his mind, seemingly at the exact spot where he was kissed. Emotions he didn't have words for enveloped him. It was then he realized his eyes had closed at the gentle contact and at that moment, he knew that something in him was permanently altered. That simple kiss centered him in a way nothing else ever had and in that moment, despite the exhaustion, he was completely present in his body, mind and soul. First, he felt his weariness. Second, he realized was that he was thirsty and third, he had a full bladder. He opened his eyes again and let a smile touch his lips as he looked at the man in bed beside him, leaned up and kissed him, letting his lips gently graze Jethro's before he turned out of the embrace and sat up, giving himself a moment before standing and walking to the bathroom. It was only once he closed the bathroom door that he realized that Jethro had kissed him back as though they'd kissed a thousand times, as natural as the hundreds of silent conversations they'd had with just a look.
Once his bladder was empty, he then observed the items on the counter. To his surprise, there was a second, clean glass in the bathroom and he filled it with water and drank it. Near the glass was a new toothbrush, obviously set out for him. With a smile he made use of it before braving the mirror and looked at his reflection. His eyes were red and his face tear-stained. He was flushed from the emotional release. By the set of his shoulders he could see where the tension had been released as compared to how his shoulders looked just that morning when he dressed. Funny how you can see tight muscles in the mirror, but then, as an athlete, Tony had always been attuned to his own body and he was as fit now as he had ever been, even if his chest hair was starting to get a little gray strays. He took a washcloth from the shelf and washed his face, letting the warm water soothe his eyes before drying off.
Finally, he switched off the light and exited the bathroom to face Jethro who sat up in bed waiting, lights still off but the blankets had been turned back on his opposite side inviting Tony to return. Tony's heart swelled at this silent gesture and he moved toward the bed and gratefully sank down into it. Before he could reach for the covers, Jethro threw them over him and he settled down, repeating the gesture earlier that invited Tony to snuggle into him. Tony accepted the invitation and immediately noted that the t-shirt Jethro now wore was dry - he must've changed it while he was in the bathroom - and as his leg brushed against Jethro's, he realized the man wore flannel sleep pants that felt soft and warm against his leg. Tony sighed and closed his eyes, breathing in the fading scent of the laundry detergent he used and scent of the man himself. The last thing he remembered was Jethro's right arm cradling his head and neck and his left curling around his waist.
-00-
Consciousness returned slowly. Tony realized he wasn't in his own bed. There was an arm around his waist and a warm body snug against his back. He breathed in and recognized Jethro's scent, the combination of sawdust and a slight lingering aroma of coffee. Tony took in his surroundings without moving, flashes of the night before jogged his memory. Slowly, he opened his eyes. It was barely getting light out so Tony knew it was very early in the morning. He felt the arm around his waist tighten briefly as though he was being hugged and smiled, acknowledged that he loved how that felt. He laid there for a moment and realized his chest still felt open as though it always had been and he welcomed the loss of that unexplained tension he didn't even know he had until it was gone. He inhaled deeply, realized it was easier to do so than it had since before he got the plague and felt his lungs open up. He stretched like a cat, felt the muscles and bones pop in his shoulders and arms. Jethro loosened his arm from around his waist as he did so only to let it settle back once Tony finished stretching and relaxed again.
Tony shifted his arm so that it rested on top of the arm draped around him and let his hand settle on Jethro's hand. He squeezed as though to return the hug. Jethro's arm tightened around him and Tony snuggled back into him as Jethro snuggled forward. Tony realized that Jethro's arm was under his pillow and was cradling his head. After a moment, he felt Jethro's fingers lazily stroke his hair.
Tony purred into the touch and his body went limp against his. The soothing motion of his hair being stroked relaxed him all over again and he dozed, enjoying the warm presence beside him. He drifted in and out of a doze until finally, he felt the man next to him move.
"Need to hit the head and make coffee. Go back to sleep if you want. Still early. Come down when you're ready," Jethro spoke softly, kissed Tony's temple and gently working his arm out from under the pillow.
Even under the blankets, he felt cold once Jethro left the bed and slowly, he opened his eyes again and rubbed the sleep from them. He noted the sun was up and shining through the closed blinds and he yawned and stretched and sank back into the covers. He felt relaxed and well-rested. He couldn't remember the last time he slept so well. He could get used to waking up like this everyday.
After a few minutes the aroma of coffee drifted up to him and he smiled and remembered when he had first laid eyes on Jethro the night before and felt like he was home. The coffee aroma inspired that same feeling again and he wished to hold on to that feeling as long as possible.
Slowly, he pulled back the covers and swung his legs out to the side of the bed. He realized then that his back and shoulders didn't ache like they so often did when he first got up. His muscles were relaxed. As he stretched and popped his back, he smiled at the sense of well-being that flowed through him. No tightness in his body for the first time in he couldn't remember how long. He stood up and found his pants neatly folded on the bureau, his socks on the floor near the bed and pulled them on. He made a pit stop in the bathroom before making his way downstairs. As he descended, he took a deep breath, trying not to be nervous but unable to stop the feeling. In the dark of the night and dusky early morning, intimacy had been easy and natural. Now in the stark clarity of daylight, would it…could it possibly be the same?
As he stepped into the living room, he found Gibbs sitting on the couch drinking coffee with the newspaper strewn out over the coffee table. Tony noted that he wore faded jeans and an old t-shirt and part the paper lay neglected over his lap.
"Morning," Jethro said and then smiled at Tony, his eyes briefly dropped to gaze at the man's bare chest before he looked toward the kitchen and jerked his head briefly. "Coffee is still fresh. Want to refill mine while you're in there?"
Tony smiled back and set aside his trepidation. He reached for his shirt which lay draped on the chair arm and he pulled it on before taking the empty mug from Jethro's hand. In the kitchen, he was surprised to find the sugar already on the counter for him and there was hazelnut creamer. He smiled as he added both to the empty mug and then poured coffee for both. As he handed the other man his coffee, their fingers brushed and Tony sat down beside him on the couch. They savored their coffee for a few minutes and finally, Tony looked over at Jethro, his eyes full of his thoughts, wondering if after last night, he was thinking the same thing.
Jethro set his coffee down and closed and folded the newspaper and set it aside before his gaze met Tony's. "You okay?"
That was the impetus Tony needed to remember to breathe. He let out a harsh breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding. As he met Jethro's eyes again, he saw the same trepidation in those eyes that he felt in himself. As both recognized the emotion in the other, they smiled again and released nervous laughter. "This shouldn't be so hard to say," Tony finally said. "I want to say so much." He forced himself to breathe. Focus. Inhale. Exhale.
Jethro sat up straighter and leaned toward Tony. "I'm listening."
Tony took a deep breath. "When I'm with you," he said slowly pausing to remember to breathe. Focus. Inhale. Exhale. "…I feel like…" he trailed off, his nerve endings threatening to jump out through his skin. He took another deep breath, willing the words to be said, "…I'm home." Having said it, he exhaled the breath more slowly, his body relaxed as if by saying the words, the emotion behind it released with it.
Jethro regarded him, his eyes searching his face for a moment before he smiled, the real, rare, million dollar smile that Tony had only seldom seen and right now, that smile was directed fully at him. Seeing the man smile compelled him to smile. "Same here, Tony. When you're not here, house feels…empty. I feel empty."
"Really?"
Jethro nodded, a slight flush staining his cheeks. His voice was hoarse as he spoke, "You outlasted three marriages, hell four marriages and…I hate it when you're not here."
"Me too," Tony admitted.
Tony's lips automatically parted when their lips met. His heart beat faster as he tasted coffee and the man himself in that kiss, moaning when Jethro's tongue teased his lips, seeking entry. A rush of electricity charged through his body as his own tongue swept Jethro's mouth and he pulled the other man to him, possessing him with his arms as much as he did with his tongue. Meeting no resistance, he let his hands brush through the Marine haircut, down his face, neck, shoulders and sides. He felt Jethro's hand rest against the spot where he so often had been the recipient of head slaps and Tony whimpered as Jethro stroked his hair with one hand and stroked his neck with the callused fingertips of the other. The sensation went straight to his hips as though that rush were hands themselves and pulled Tony's hips to arch involuntarily, looking for contact, friction, sensation. He made contact with Jethro's thigh and he responded by pushing Tony back so he was laying against the pillow against the arm rest of the couch. Jethro half-stood and settled one knee against Tony's groin and rested some of his weight on the man's lap, never breaking the kiss though both hands rested on his shoulders and upper arms.
Tony's arms swept up his back and back down and he inhaled deeply through his nose and sharing the breath with the other man, his kiss both excited and soothed him, wanting more and more. Gradually, reluctantly, they parted and Jethro's head tilted forward to rest against Tony's. Their eyes met and a brief but silent conversation took place with their focused gaze. Jethro leaned in and kissed him and smiled a little when he felt Tony's hand cup and stroke his jaw before his hand splay over his neck.
When they broke apart this time, Tony licked his lips and met Jethro's eyes again. "I didn't realize how much I needed this," he said, his voice just above a whisper but trembling a little as the emotions he didn't have words for last night were suddenly clamoring in his head.
Jethro lifted his finger and traced Tony's lower lip with it. "I could feel you last night after you called Tim to have him look into the marshal. It was like…I could touch you even though you were at the airport and I was at the office."
Tony blinked once, twice. "You felt that too? That feeling is why I came here last night."
Gibbs leaned in and kissed him, a soft, tender kiss rather than passionate. "Wanted to see you so much, was relieved when you showed up."
Tony's smile was soft. "I could get used to the functional mute not being so mute if you're going to say stuff like that."
Jethro chuckled. "Don't get used to it."
Tony laughed. "How about a little used to it? A man can only have so many one-sided conversations. A little help now and then?"
"You planning to stick around to listen?"
"As long as you'll have me."
The gaze Gibbs fixed on Tony was intense and his voice firm. "I will never let you go."
"Promise?"
"Always."
Tony's mega-watt smile lit up his face. "Up, Marine."
Gibbs looked at him a little puzzled. "Why?"
"I thought you would help me pack."
Gibbs grinned. "Food first, then we need to get boxes."
Tony leaned in and kissed him again before he could get up. When he pulled back this time, he let another grin reach his eyes. "Thank you, Jethro," Tony whispered, suddenly overcome with emotion.
"For what?"
"Last night, the last 14 years, now."
"Could thank you for the same thing. "No one has made me laugh the way you do since Shannon."
"Really?"
"Really." They leaned in for another brief kiss, needing the physical as well as emotional connection. "Come on," he said softly. "Need more coffee before we go."
Tony chuckled as Gibbs went to the kitchen. He pulled his shoes on and smiled a little. Yesterday's hell felt a million miles away and for the first time in his life, he felt grounded. He could finally put down roots.