A/N: First The Office fic... Please be nice. :)
Err... These lines (--------------------------) mean a break in the story, so the characters can put in their thoughts on what's going on.
Summary: The Dunder-Mifflin crew takes a trip. Not just any trip... a road trip to a paper convention in Lincoln, Nebraska. Can Pam and Jim handle driving the mini-vans? Can Ryan handle Dwight's narcolepsy and shoulder-drooling antics? Will Michael get through the trip without being decapitated? Pre-Casino Night. Jam, along with other implied ships.
Mini-Van Wars
"Everyone, this is your captain speaking. Listen up." Michael said as he came out of his office.
"What are you captain of?" Dwight asked, still typing on his computer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I'm captain of everything." Dwight said, as he looked into the camera. "Dodgeball, Jim, the supermarket line. You see, when I was smaller, my grandmother, who's body was savagely "ruined"," he made little quotations with his fingers, "by a wolf, took her half eaten hand and ran it across my forehead.'You will make a great captain one day', she said.'I'll be there to watch you become one.' The next day she died."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I don't know. Pirates. The love boat." He wiggled his eyebrows as he made that statement, "Make something up." he shrugged. "Anyways, pile on into the conference room. Important notice from Corporate." He walked on by.
Pam got up from her chair and passed Jim, "Since when has Michael called anything 'important' from Corporate?"
"Not since a branch closed down in Philadelphia, and he held a celebration party." Jim replied, that small smile reaching his eyes.
"Wasn't that when Phyllis drank too much and started a game of strip poker?" Pam questioned.
"...I think I've blocked that incident from memory." Jim pretended to think about it, "Yeah, definitely blocked."
When everyone was seated and Creed had gotten out his pillow to ensure full sleeping pleasure, Michael grinned and slapped his hands together. "So, isn't someone going to ask me what important news Corporate sent over?"
"If it's another branch closing down, then I hereby ban strip poker at the celebration party. Especially if it's instigated by Phyllis again." Angela spoke.
"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad. The police didn't make a big deal out it when Dwight decided pull a Rocky and run outside when he won." Michael laughed.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Toby winced. "I had forgotten about that... We sure had to pay a hefty fine for that one."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Michael, what is it? You can tell me, and then I can break it to everyone else. Did our branch close down? I think that I should be the one to break the bad news if we did. I am Assistant Regional Manager, you know." Dwight looked excited.
"Assistant to the Regional Manager." Michael corrected. He looked behind himself at the giant picture of the Nebraska Huskers' symbol pasted up over the wall. "Oh, wow! What's this?"
Silence engulfed the room.
Except Creed, who was snoring.
"...What's that? You're asking why there's a huge picture of the Nebraska Huskers' symbol hanging on our wall, Creed?" Michael misinterpreted the snoring.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"It really does sound like he's speaking." Michael said, embarrassed.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Phyllis elbowed Creed, who was obviously woken up from his nap.
"What's that, Michael?" He asked, confusedly.
"Why, I think it's a picture of the Nebraska Huskers' symbol!" Michael answered, happily.
"Why is there a picture of the Nebraska Huskers' symbol hanging on our wall?" Angela asked sharply. "Did Corporate really approve of this, or are you just screwing us?"
"Innuendo." Michael replied.
"What?" Angela said. It wasn't really a question... More of a remarkish 'What? '.
"I mean, Corporate wants the Scranton group of us to go to the Paper Convention down in Lincoln, Nebraska this year." Michael caught himself.
Again, the silence made its return.
"...ROAD TRIP!" Michael screamed, a bit girlishly.
"We're driving?!" was the general shocked reply.
"Well, Corporate was going to have us go by air, but then I demanded everyone come with us. So, we couldn't afford all the airfare by a long shot. Well, we could've. But then we would have gone bankrupt. Besides, driving will be more fun. We can get to know each other." Michael smiled. "We'll be one big, happy family when we come back."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"I don't want to be 'one big, happy family'." Angela looked directly into the camera. "All families, except mine, freak me out."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"...What if we don't want to go?" Toby asked, speaking for almost everybody.
"Well... Attendance is mandatory." Michael said, hurt that anyone would even want to ask that question.
"Michael... I don't think our branch can afford that right now. We can't have a charter bus, so everyone would be driving their own car, which would be a huge gas waste. Not to mention hotel room rentals, and food for everyone."
"We're renting two mini-vans. There will be two hotel rooms. One for girls, one for boys. Nothing's wrong with sleeping on the floor. If those midget people from Lord of the Rings can sleep on the ground, then we can sleep on hotel floors. That saves gas money and hotel room moolah, which would make up for food and alcohol. There, problem solved."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"It would be just like Michael to mention alcohol. I think it's his main food group." Pam smiled.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"...I refuse." Angela answered. "I'm not sleeping on the floor, I'm not sharing a mini-van for four days with a bunch of people that I don't particularly like," she looked at Dwight with an apologetic look, "and I'm not spending my hand-earned money on alcohol, because I don't think that I could buy enough to stand you people for more then one hour."
"That's too bad, Angela. You're coming anyway." Michael smiled. "I want this to be a life-changing event. We leave next Monday. Start packing up and telling family members."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
"Corporate tells the branch manager a year prior to the trip to the paper convention. That means that Michael has been holding in this information for a year and he decides to tell us a week before we leave." Jim sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "I didn't even know it was possible for him to withhold information this long. He usually likes to talk."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
"Life-changing my ass." Stanley replied. "It'll be life-altering in the way that I'll have to check myself into a mental institution when I come back."
"That's the spirit." Michael smiled.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: New chapter up soon. Hopefully this was good. It gets funnier as it goes on, I think. But then again, I've got a bit of a biased opinion.
Next Chapter: The Dunder-Mifflin crew gets ready to head out. Michael and Kevin (of all people) fight over what type of mini-van they're going to rent. Jim and Pam get some pranks ready to play on Dwight while they're away. Oscar sets some boundaries. Dwight packs some illegal fireworks which get set off at a most unfortunate time. And all the Dundies have an interesting conversation about why the paper convention is set in Lincoln, Nebraska.
Will they ever get on the road?