|| Hey, heres this gayass fanfic transmancartman (on tumblr) and i wrote ||

Cartman sat at a table alone in the school cafeteria. He stabbed his shitty plastic fork roughly into the pile of mushy food on his tray. His eyes were narrowed into hostile slits as he watched his old 'friends' sit at their regular table. His regular table.

Of course Cartman didn't really give a shit about his old, pissy friends. It was something else that irritated him the most. What was that something else? Kenny, with his arm wrapped around Craig fucking Tucker.

Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

That one factor set off blaring sirens and hateful, disgusting thoughts in Cartman's mind.

He watched with a sudden sick, stabbing feeling in his gut as Kenny pulled his hood down and slowly leaned down to kiss Craig.

Cartman had been ... 'in love' with Kenny since the tender age of 8. He thought the world of the other boy, but never knew how to express it. And besides! No one even knew Cartman was gay, at least not to his knowledge, so he kept his mouth shut and left it that way.

Over the past few years Cartman became more distant. He didn't pull stupid tricks, really cut back on the nasty names and snide comments. Sure he threw Jew and Poor and anything simple like that around, but he just wasn't up for being such a brat. He wasn't quite himself.

Kyle and Stan quickly decided he wasn't fun enough anymore, so they decided to ditch him. Cartman hadn't minded. Much. He'd been angry at first, but what was the point in trying to win back shitty friends? He still talked to Kenny though. He was the only one who noticed Kenny's sporadic amount of dying, and it kind of freaked him out. He tried to buddy up to him more and more, but it never seemed to work. Kenny always went and hung out with Kyle and Stan if he had the option.

The nauseous wave crashed over him and Cartman swallowed back a mouthful of burning bile. The heavy teen stood up fast enough to make the table move. He pulled off one dirty, yellow glove and scooped up a glob of the mushy food before chucking it hard across the cafeteria. He was aiming for Craig, but of course… The goo hit Kenny square in the face.

The massive room went dead silent, dozens of pairs of eyes quickly flickering to the only boy standing, and Cartman took off like a bat out of Hell.

The hallways were empty and he rushed himself into the safe haven of one of the bathrooms. He crashed through the door and all but threw himself against one of the sink basins. Hands gripping the edges he bent over and dry heaved, struggling to get any air in.

"Shit," he gasped out.

He'd only gotten in a few gulps of air before the door slammed open again. In came the posse; Clyde, Kyle, Stan, Token and of course, Craig. Jesus Christ, if looks could fucking kill…

"The fuck is your problem, lard-ass?!" Clyde shouted and approached where Cartman still stood, frozen. Clyde's thick hands grabbed him by the collar of his thin jacket.

"Don't… fuckin' touch… me, " Cartman warned between ragged breaths.

Clyde scoffed, "I'll fucking do what I want." He brought one hand back and punched Cartman in the nose, causing the fatter teen to screech and reach up. Blood covered his gloved hand, the other held tight to Clyde's wrist. The other, surrounding boys hollered and laughed. Kyle shoved Clyde aside and pinned Cartman against the sink.

"You're such a fucking disgrace, Cartman," he had an ugly sneer plastered across his face, "So jealous because you're 'in love with Kenny!'" He drawled the last part in a high, mocking town that made Cartman want to fold in on himself. Kyle let out a nasty chuckle before spitting in his face. Cartman winced and quickly brought his knee up to strike the ginger in the groin. Kyle yelped and fell back, hands flying to grip at his crotch.

Stan charged him and with a grunt used Cartman's weight against him and threw him to the ground. Craig and Token followed his lead, and the three closed in on him. They kicked, punched and tore into Cartman. He laid curled in a ball, utterly defenseless against them. He made attempts at kicking back, making them lose their footing, but to no avail. He landed one decent dig of his heel to Stan's thigh, and both he and Token retreated away.

Fed up, Craig grabbed Cartman by the hair. He yanked him to his feet and back over the sink where they both stared at each other's reflection. "You'll never be good enough for him," he deadpanned and smashed Cartman's face into the glass. He pulled him back to admire the fast forming dribbles of blood and watch bits of shiny glass fall from his hair. Cartman grit his teeth and closed his eyes, desperately trying not to cry.

Craig let him go forcefully and leaned in close. Thin fingers took Cartman's chin and turned him to face the other boy. Craig smirked and pressed a kiss to now swollen, bloody lips. "Kenny's mine. Don't talk to him. Don't look at him. Don't even think about him," his voice almost calm, "I don't even know why you'd waste your time." He let him go and stood up, casually wiping his mouth.

"Don't pull another shit stunt like that again, fatass. You'll regret it," Stan commented in monotone. He had one arm around Kyle's waist, keeping the seething ginger upright. How the fuck had they ever been friends?

The gang of boys walked out.

The bell rang and a sudden rush of noise filled the hallway with screaming, laughter, swearing, and everyone just being loud. There was a muffled shout from Kyle, calling to someone, and just the sound of his voice made Cartman cringe.

He pushed himself upright, forcing bent knees to straighten. With a huff he wiped at his face. Blood was steadily dripping into the sink; running down Cartman's still bleeding nose and over his split lip. He was going to be sick. With shaky hands he turned on the faucet, letting water wash away some of the mess.

The hall steadily grew quiet until the only sound was the rush of water in the bathroom. To his side, the door creaked open and Cartman gasped. He made a shoddy attempt at turning the tap off, failing miserably, and shuffled into an open stall. He shut the door and listened to the sound of scuffing boots across cheap tile.

Nervous nausea back in his stomach, Cartman glanced out through the thin slit of metal to see none other than Kenny, taking in the sight of a broken mirror and smeared blood. Cartman almost jumped when he suddenly turned his head. He was looking directly at the last stall, the only closed one.

"Eric," Kenny sighed. He removed his hands from his pockets and began to pull matted food from his hair and parka.

Cartman reached up and slid the lock closed, ignoring the other boy. He sat with his back to the wall, legs crossed in front of him. He was shaking.

"What's wrong with you?" Kenny pressed as he walked to the stall. The thin metal wall thumped as he slowly slid down to sit on the other side of the door. He reached under the door and patted Cartman's leg, trying to get any sort of response from the other. Cartman flinched, drawing his knees up to his chest.

"I hate him."

There was a poorly disguised snicker from the other side of the stall. "Me kissing him really caught your attention, huh?" Kenny's sarcastic eye roll was practically audible.

Cartman tensed up and he huffed.

"I knew it would," Kenny added.

Cartman scrambled to his feet and shoved open the door open. Kenny stood with wide eyes and wild hair. Kenny's eyes shot open further at the sight of him. His nose looked broken and crooked like a witch's.

"Damn, Cartman. You got pretty fucked up over me," Kenny smirked.

The blonde bent forward as if to get a better look. He gently brushed bloody, matted hair out of his face. "You're fucking crazy, y'know that fatass?"

"Shut the fuck up, you poor piece of shit."

"I've always loved you though. You know that too, right?" Kenny offered with a cheeky smile.

Cartman's face lit up, despite its disturbed state. His stomach was churning and an annoying, childish flutter was alive in his chest. He leaned up quickly to kiss the taller teen.

Neither of them heard the door this time.

"Hurry up, Ke-" Craig stopped at the sight of the two.

Cartman jumped back and his hand crept toward the stall door again. He'd slam it if Craig took as much as a step forward, or God forbid that fucking door opened again. However, Craig just turned on his heel and walked out.

"Fuck," Kenny sighed and brushed himself off before rushing out, "Craig!"

Cartman figured he better take off home. Still bleeding, and now fighting tears, he didn't even bother to attempt grabbing his shit from his locker. He simply took off, hardly bothering to stick to the classroom door windows' blind spots as he went.

Once past the school's front courtyard he ran as fast as he could. He didn't notice the strange looks from people he passed. Home wasn't far, unless you desperately wanted to be there. When that was the case, you ran for hours. He was breathing hard enough to trigger another nosebleed and had likely destroyed his glove by the time he made it through his front door.

Ready for another round of dry heaving Cartman made his way to the kitchen. There was a note on the counter near the sink: "Poopykins! Mommy is going for a weekend overnight visit to see a friend in Denver! See you Sunday! Love you!"

Cartman crumbled the piece of paper and dropped it into his mix of stagnant dish water and blood. He absently watched it dissolve to yellow-brown mush, trying to walk his way through the events from school. Craig had always been one to make a big show about something...

Eventually he left the kitchen to make his way upstairs and into the bathroom. He took his jacket off and stared at his face. It was disgusting. Blood dried and caked, one eye and lower lip swollen, nose so fucked. He still had glass some shards in his hair. Cartman just trudged to his room.

He collapsed into bed, swallowing back a sort of whimper when the impact of his mattress actually hurt. He was going to be black and blue by tomorrow morning. If he made it that long…

Craig liked to make a show, and he liked to get revenge. If Kenny didn't say the right thing, Cartman wouldn't be surprised if Craig and his posse were on their way to kill him as soon as school let out. They would absolutely destroy him. Jesus, he'd be afraid to leave the house. What if they found ways to blackmail him?

Oh God. Okay. Stop thinking about it.

He tried to shut his thoughts down. Eventually he fell asleep, because that's all he could do at this point. He was emotionally and physically exhausted, everything hurt, and there was nothing good waiting for him outside the walls of his home. He wasn't sure if Kenny was serious about liking him, let alone loving him. Even if it were somehow miraculously true, Craig would likely be even more pissed off. He'd be out for blood at the minimum.