This is something I came up with after watching the first half of season 5 and listening to Black English' 'Stay with me'. I do not own Suits or the song. Hope you'll like it.
Stay With Me
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Harvey and Jessica had sat together in silence for a while when they heard two panic-stricken voices approach fast.
"Rachel, what's going on?!"
"I have to find Harvey!"
They turned around to see Rachel enter Harvey's office. Donna lingered a bit behind and Harvey wondered if it was because she felt like she would be trespassing.
"Rachel, what's going on?" Jessica asked calmly, even though Harvey knew for a fact that there wasn't much more bad news she could handle.
"Mike just got arrested for fraud..!" she choked out and started to cry.
Harvey jumped up in shock. He didn't know what to say. He stared at Rachel. Donna entered and held Rachel to comfort her, looking as shocked as everyone else. Out of habit Harvey let his eyes wander to Donna's and their gazes locked briefly before Donna focused her attention on Rachel again.
Harvey averted his gaze to the ground.
"If you'll excuse me, I've got work to do" he mumbled, still in shock and then left his own office.
.
.
It was well into the wee hours of the night when Harvey had gone home. He sat on his couch with anger pulsing through his veins. Not the sharp, sudden, flashy kind of anger, but the kind of anger that builds up over time. The kind of anger that started to be ever-present and increased with every disappointment, every wrong-doing, every mistake until it all became blurred and all he was left with was lots and lots of anger.
Harvey had spent the night trying to think of a way to get out of this. To find the solution that would solve it all. But he felt like he was wandering a maze without an exit and every path kept him trapped inside. As Jessica had pointed out, this wasn't the kind of situation where they could afford going in blinded by emotions. They had to be as sharp as they could be, but that was something he had been struggling with for the past few months. What didn't help either was the fact that he had been drinking way too much when he still thought his resignation was the worst that would happen tonight. The alcohol still clouded his mind and ignited his emotions.
So there he was, sitting on his couch, waiting to sober up. Something that wasn't very likely to happen very soon, as he was still sipping his scotch.
Then, there were two soft knocks on his door. He knew who it was the second he heard them, but only when he opened the front door did he realize how happy he was to see her.
"Hi…"
"Hi…"
"Do you want to come in?"
Donna smiled almost shyly as she walked in.
"I was coming to see how you were doing" she said.
Harvey opted for his neutral face and nodded, hoping it would convince her that he was alright. To Donna, however, he showed more emotions than he had in a long time and it hurt her to see him so worn down.
"I know how hard this must be for you, Harvey. I came as soon as Rachel went to her parents…"
Donna looked at him sincerely. Harvey looked down.
"Thanks".
An uncomfortable silence followed. Donna stood in the middle of the living room, holding her purse with both hands, not knowing where to look. Harvey kept staring at her, determined to say something to make the situation better, but coming up empty. He leaned against his counter and fidgeted with his glass of scotch.
Donna eventually regained her confidence and broke the awkwardness.
"For as long as it takes to fix things for Mike, we should put aside whatever it is that's going on between us and work together" she declared.
Harvey bowed his head and looked down.
"I can't" he said and peeked up at her.
"Why not?" Donna replied, frustration lining her words.
"Because I'll know you'll go back to Louis afterwards and I can't go through that again."
Donna opened her mouth but didn't know how to respond. Still, she wasn't going to back down from this topic.
"Are you saying I can't help you help Mike?! Because I need to do something for him..!" she said as she took a few steps towards him.
"Donna, as I said before, I can't both comfort you and help Mike to the best of my abilities."
Harvey turned away from her and walked over to the other side of his living room.
"I know that" Donna replied as she followed him. "But there must be something I can do to help you."
"There isn't."
"Why the hell not?!" Donna practically shouted.
"Because it's all too complicated..!" Harvey threw back as he turned to face her. "And for me to give Mike my best, I have to un-complicate it!"
"You are the one that's making it complicated, Harvey!"
"Alright, you wanna help? Then do what you always did and explain my feelings to me!" he said, meaning for it to sound frustrated, but sounding far too helpless for his own liking.
"How can I when I don't have a clue about your feelings?!" Donna answered in frustration. "That's the whole problem..!"
"And we're back to the start…" Harvey said, exhausted and sad.
They were silent for a moment.
"Maybe that's not such a bad thing…" Donna said softly. "Maybe this is our chance to work it out."
Harvey looked at her and didn't care that she might see right through him or that his eyes would betray how vulnerable he was.
"I'd like that…" Harvey said hoarsely.
They stayed silent for a while, nerves settling in their guts. They both wanted to open up, but it felt like their bodies wouldn't cooperate.
Donna eventually managed to speak.
"Okay, so I'll start" she said nervously. "When you asked me if I wanted everything, I said I didn't know and that was the truth because I never let myself think about that. But I understand that it was too much to ask from you to tell me how you loved me when I didn't even know how I felt myself-"
"No," Harvey interrupted her. "It wasn't too much to ask. You deserved to know, and I even though I didn't know then, I still should have given you a better answer, but I've thought about it a lot over the past few months and I want you to know how-"
This time Donna interrupted him.
"Harvey, you don't have to… I've thought about it a lot as well, and I don't think that it matters."
Harvey looked at her in confusion.
"What do you mean?" he asked softly.
Donna averted her gaze.
"We have nothing in common. You love sports, I love ballet. You love fast cars, I love the theater. I am always going to want us be a unity, and deep down you are always going to want to be a lone wolf. All we have in common is our love for our job and our love for our firm…"
Harvey knew what the conclusion to her argument would be. He sighed.
"Perfect qualities for a working relationship."
"Exactly."
Donna looked him in the eye again and for a second he thought he saw a glint of a daring look, begging him to challenge her. But he didn't, because he knew she was right.
"This realization wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that I made that decision for the both of us after… the other time,... does it?"
"No, it doesn't. Because after you made that decision, I decided to let things run their course…"
"And we never became anything more than friends…" Harvey filled in.
"And we were happy" Donna added.
Harvey nodded. "And as soon as we tried to force it to become more than friends…"
"Shit hit the fan" Donna said with a small smile, hoping to diffuse the tension.
Harvey looked at her with a quasi-disapproving look at her choice of words. He walked over to sit down on his couch and put his glass on his coffee table. Donna followed him and went to sit at the other end of the couch, her feet popped up under her. She leaned her head against the backrest. They stared at each other in silence.
"So… I guess we talked it out" Harvey said after a while, unable to hide the sadness in his smile.
"We let things run their course and it turns out we were never meant to be more than colleagues and friends." Donna stated and sighed, never breaking eye contact. She smiled faintly.
They stared at each other in silence for some more time until Harvey spoke up.
"I shouldn't have been so angry at you for leaving me. It was the first thing you told me after you said you wanted to work for me… I should be thankful that you stayed as long as you did. We both know you had every right to be dreaming of something better…" He smiled lovingly. "You're Donna".
Donna smiled back. 'Something better didn't necessarily mean leaving you', she thought and fought hard to swallow the words.
"I'm sorry that we weren't friends and that we weren't working together either these past months" she therefor said instead.
"Me too" Harvey answered.
"But now we will be working together as friends to help Mike, right?" Donna asked.
"Right…" Harvey answered wistfully. Then, to cover up his mood. "As long as Louis doesn't start throwing tantrums over it."
Donna laughed. "He won't."
Harvey smiled a genuine smile at hearing the sound of her laughter. She noticed it and threw him a sideways glance as she went to sit up straight and put her feet back on the floor. Only now did she notice how tired she truly was.
Harvey figured she was getting ready to leave and even though he would probably see her again in four hours, he didn't want her to go.
Donna rose to her feet and stretched out a bit. Harvey got up as well.
"I should go" Donna said. "We should try to get some sleep or neither of us will be able to help Mike tomorrow."
Harvey looked at her and hesitated. He hesitated for so long that Donna noticed it. She looked at him with those eyes that seemed questioning and knowing at the same time.
"Why don't you stay here" he eventually said and tried to sound casually. "It's way too late to go home now."
Donna kept looking at him. She seemed shocked at first, but Harvey hoped she was just a little taken aback. The longer she kept staring at him with her lips slightly parted in deliberation, the more he wished he hadn't said anything. Though he had just said it because he didn't want her to leave, they both knew what he had really meant and there was no going back now.
But at the same time, he knew if he hadn't asked now, he would've never been able to again. They deserved to say goodbye to what turned out could never be them.
Donna blinked. Her features softened.
"Okay" she said.
Harvey knew he shouldn't smile so broadly in light of tonight's conversation, but he couldn't help himself. He slowly walked over to her while he never took his eyes off of hers. He stopped right in front of her, took her purse from her hands and placed it on his coffee table.
Donna kept looking up at him from underneath her eyelashes. His trademark grin softened into a tender smile. He placed a hand on her waist. His other brushed a strand of hair aside, softly touching her cheek.
Donna smiled for the first time. Harvey realized he should pay close attention to every single detail like this, for it would be the last time he would ever get to see it. Pushing the thought to the back of his mind, he focused on her eyes instead.
They were playful, like they were the other time. And they were reassuring, like they were when she was still his secretary. And they were confident, like they were 99% of the time. And they were scared, like they were the other per cent of the time when her heart was on the line.
Harvey knew his eyes mirrored hers. And then he saw something in hers he knew was in his as well. Love.
He kissed her just as she pulled him closer to her. Their arms wrapped around each other faster than they became aware of what was happening. They kissed and couldn't get close enough. They removed each other's obstructing clothing while they made their way to his bedroom. Only when every part of their bodies touched and only when they looked at each other and kissed each other softly while they made love, did they realize what was really true.
They were never meant to be – apart.