Meat 666
(Laboratory of Doctor Weird, zoom in with music etc)
(Dr Weird's voice is heard: Gentlemen…)
(Scene opens inside his lab where Dr Weird is nowhere to be seen and Steve stands in his usual place)
Dr Weird: BEHOLD!!!
(Long pause)
Steve: Uhh…. What?
Dr Weird: Am I not invisible?
Steve: Wow! You're invisible?
Dr Weird: No you idiot!
(Dr Weird's head appears from nowhere and eats Steve)
(Cut to opening sequence with theme etc)
(Scene opens in Plutonians' ship, staring down at Earth)
Oglethorpe: Look at them down there… Zey are a clever bunch those earthlings… but now WE shall have our revenge! Fire the evil laser!
Emory: What evil laser?
Oglethorpe: You know… ze new one ve got from my Uncle Bob
Emory: Uncle Bob is a psycho
Oglethorpe: Ja, he has been known to lose it sometimes—FIRE ZE LASER!
(A laser shoots down towards earth, it is black and an evil voice laughs as it shoots down, towards the Aqua Teen's house. There, Meatwad is playing with his toys in his room, then rolls out to the living room where Shake watches TV)
Meatwad: Hey Shake
(Shake stares)
(Meatwad stares)
Shake: …
Meatwad: … make me a san'wich
Shake: Screw you, you little… little… Shake struggles to think up an insult
Meatwad: … little what?
Shake: I don't know, shut up, I'm trying' to think He watches TV
(Frylock rolls in)
Frylock: Hey Shake, look what I got
Shake: Oh god! Not another one of those stupid things you make that do something really cool, and then you don't let me play with it, cuz it's "not a toy"
(The black laser beam fired from the Plutonian ship bursts through the roof and hits Meatwad. His meat trembles a bit then settles down)
Meatwad: Ow! Damn!
Frylock: What the hell was that?!
Shake: Whoa, damn! It must be a sign from God. You are the new Messiah, Meatwad!
Meatwad: I am?
Shake: Yeah. Now we gotta nail you to a cross an beat you to death the way they did in "The Passion of the Christ"… directed by Mel Gibson
Meatwad: An' starring Jim Caviezel
Shake: Shut up! No one cares about him!
(Frylock examines the hole and examines Meatwad)
Frylock: Meatwad, are you okay?
Meatwad: Yes I am, Frylock, thank you for asking
Shake: Jim Caviezel died so that Mel Gibson could have a wicked awesome movie, about Jesus.
Frylock: I wonder… I can use my new invention to see what that black blast was!
Shake: Oh no, Dork alert! Professor Frylock is gonna play with his new toy. Yeah I said it, it's a friggin toy.
(Frylock floats to his room and brings his invention into the living room. It is shaped like a machine gun pointed at a downward angle standing on stilts)
Shake: A gun? I gotta tell you, Frylock. This is a damn good invention!
Frylock: It's not a gun, Shake, it's a powerful machine used to examine chemical compounds and reactions, and even examine the supernatural
Meatwad: Shoot some of that in my eye, I wanna see chemicals an ghosts
Shake: No!! I wanna see ghosts! You're a pussy, you can't see ghosts!
(Shake shoots himself in the eyes with the mist the gun shoots out)
Shake: Aahh!!
Frylock: Dammit, Shake! It doesn't work that way
Shake: Oww! cough cough feels like friggin pepper spray!
Meatwad: You dumb as hell, boy
(Frylock shoots the mist at Meatwad, then examines the viewscreen on the machine)
Frylock: Hmm… it appears you were shot with some kind of laser beam… made by… Satan?
Shake: Satan?
Meatwad: Satan?
Shake: I got sprayed in the eyes by devil juice? Gross! Those horny lil' bastards stink! Like rotten eggs! That's what fire and brimstone smell like. Rotten eggs.
Frylock: This doesn't look right, lemme check again
Meatwad in an evil, deep voice: You ain't sprayin' me again with that evil juice, potatohead!
Frylock: Meatwad!!
Meatwad: normally Yes?
Shake: What, you think that's impressive? I've seen better.
(Shake walks away)
Frylock: I think you've been infected, Meatwad
Meatwad: Okay
(Meatwad rolls on after Shake)
Frylock: W—Wait! Meatwad, get back here!
(Scene switch to outside, where Shake is nailing a cross down in the lawn)
Frylock: Shake, what the hell is that!!
Shake: Oh god. And you were supposed to be the literate one! It's obviously a "t"
Meatwad: What the hell is that?!
Shake: We're gonna nail Meatwad to the cross, sacrifice him for our sins
Meatwad in demonic voice: Don't bring that Jesus shit near me, cup!!
Frylock: Damn, son!
Shake: You get over here, you satanic meatlump!
(Shake chases Evil Meatwad with a miniature cross)
Frylock: to himself I must solve this mystery of Meatwad's sudden demonic possession. If that is what it indeed is.
(Camera lingers on Frylock pondering while Shake stands behind him. Silence.)
Shake: … You done?
Frylock: I'm outta here
(Frylock floats back inside. Scene shift into Frylock's room where he uploads the information from Meatwad onto the computer. Soon Meatwad jumps in, chased by Shake)
Shake: Burn the house down, Frylock! Meatwad has been possessed!
Meatwad: I have not!
Shake: You are a liar! And Jesus hates liars! He said so!
Meatwad: Nuh uh!
Shake: It says it in the bible under… Pepe 11:38 "Jesus hates little meat balls that lie"
Meatwad: It does not!
Frylock: Will you two shut up! I'm on the brink of discovering what's afflicted Meatwad
(They all gather around the computer screen)
Shake: It is a demon screen! Shut it off before it provokes the demon in Meatwad!
(Shake throws the mini cross into the computer screen and breaks it)
Frylock: Shake!!!!
Meatwad: Aw, come on!!!
Frylock: What the hell has gotten into you, Shake?
Shake: Meatwad did it! He summoned it out of my hand with his witchcraft!
Meatwad in evil voice: Silence yourself, Cup, before you enrage the wrath of hell!
Frylock: We've got to figure out what's wrong with Meatwad
(Meatwad shrieks in his evil voice and goes flying out the window)
Shake: Damn!
(Shake and Frylock go chasing after him. Scene shift to Carl's pool where Meatwad is twirling around in the water, causing a small typhoon, which carries Shake and Meatwad inside. Meatwad being chased by Shake.)
Meatwad in evil voice: FOOL! You shall never catch me!
Shake: Oh yeah? Swim a little closer and say that to mah face, mutha!
Frylock: Shake, what the hell are you doing?!
Shake: What's it look like?
Meatwad in evil voice: You gonna get an asswhuppin'!
Shake: Oh yeah, sure, with ME chasing YOU! Get over here you meat devil!
(Frylock pricks Meatwad with a syringe)
Meatwad in normal voice: Ow! Damn!
Shake: What the hell is that?
Frylock: Oh nothing. Just an empty syringe that I used to suck out the demon from inside of Meatwad.
(Syringe is empty)
Shake: …… did it escape?
Frylock: stutters No, dammit! It's just too small for you to see. Like an atom
Shake: Yeah well I don't believe in atoms. Too small to see, too small to touch, if I can't have any contact with an object in this lifetime, it is dead to me.
Meatwad: I believe in atoms.
Shake: You?! You, who thinks God is a misshapen lump of meat!
Meatwad: He is!
(Frylock floats off into his lab, leaving Meatwad and Shake arguing. Scene shift to Frylock's room. Inside, he examines the syringe bottle and ejects the empty air into a glass to look at through his microscope.)
Frylock: I wonder what's been altering Meatwad in this wa—oh my god!!
(View from microscope, showing a little skull head bouncing around, then multiplying the way cells do. Shake has wandered in, with Meatwad stuck on his straw)
Shake: "Oh my god!" There, you did it again, "oh my god." You're too easily surprised, Frylock. You gotta stop that, you're gonna make an ass out of yourself.
Meatwad: Is it the demon?
Frylock: Whatever it is, it's multiplying fucking fast!
Shake: Out of my way, let me see!
Meatwad: No, Shake, nooooo!!!
(the room explodes, along with the Aqua Teen's house, creating a hole in the space time barrier and sucking in Carl's house, then the neighborhood, then the world. The Plutonian ship gets stuck in the hole. Emory and Oglethorpe come out.)
Oglethorpe: Oh no, ve're stuck! Let's go push
Emory: Wait, what the hell happened out here?
Oglethorpe: …
Emory: …
Oglethorpe: …
Emory: …
Oglethorpe: Push, mothafucka!
(End credits)
Written by Whitedragon777 a.k.a kathleen L.
Completed 12/8/04