Is this the real life?

No. This can't be happening. No! He's too young, damn it!

Is this just fantasy?

You did your best, they all said. It would have taken a miracle…

Caught in a landslide

God…or fate…or whatever…really knew how to pile it on.

No escape from reality.

Even poker, even gin, even sex couldn't get rid of that face…so young…so innocent…so haunting…

Open your eyes

Sleep. Sweet, blissful unconsciousness.

Look up to the skies and see

Even the cloudy sky seemed to be in mourning for that kid.

I'm just a poor boy

He looked so young…there's no way he was old enough to be in this hellhole…

Don't need no sympathy

If he was too young, then this was his own fault, said a bitter, harsh, resentful voice. He should have thought about this before he lied about his age.

Cause I'm easy come, easy go.

Little high, little low.

It would be so easy to fall into that attitude…

Any way the wind blows

…callous and spiteful and cold…

Doesn't really matter

…where nothing mattered anymore…

To me.

…but that couldn't happen. It was impossible for someone who cared so much to turn in to that. Not if they refused to let the war win.

Mama

Dear Dad…

Just killed a man

I lost a patient today. Real young. Too young.

Put a gun against his head

I feel like it was my fault.

Pulled the trigger, now he's dead

If I hadn't been so damn worried about saving his arm…maybe I could've saved him. If I had amputated, the infection wouldn't have killed him.

Mama, life had just begun

I just couldn't stand to tear apart a boy who looked like he should still be in the seventh grade. I wanted to try to give him a better quality of life, a thing most surgeons wouldn't be so concerned about.

And now I've gone and thrown it all away

But a great thing about life…it's got qualities.

Mama, oo-oo-oo-oo, didn't mean to make you cry

I always wanted to make you proud, Dad. I guess I can't even do that right.

If I'm not back again this time, tomorrow

Thanks to me, that boy's family's gonna get a letter instead of a son. If I don't make it out of this war, don't be surprised. I won't be.

Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters.

Just promise me you won't miss me too much. Sleep came in waves, rendering the letter unfinished.

Too late, my time has come

That face was still there. Nightmares would last far longer than waking pain did.

Send shivers down my spine

Back in the OR. Don't worry, you'll be fine. The kid passed out from the anesthesia.

Body's aching all the time

In post-op, the kid was screaming in pain. What could have gone wrong? What did I miss?

Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go

By the time the doctors figured it out, no amount of penicillin would save him. He was too far gone.

Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth

He would be going home in a pine box.

Mama, oo-oo-oo-oo, I don't wanna die

You did the best you could, the boy said. It would have taken a miracle to save me.

Sometimes I wish I'd never been born at all

Well, why can't I work miracles?!

Hawkeye awoke suddenly, brow covered in sweat and tears on his face. Trapper's look from across the room told that last outburst hadn't been in his head.

"You're not God, you know," Trapper said.

"I know. But if God's not gonna save these kids, who is?" Hawkeye sat up from his cot and put his face in his hands, not even trying to hide the tears anymore. "I just can't take it when those young ones come in here, the ones that should be safe at home in school, and they're all torn up and covered in blood."

"None of us can, Hawk." Hawkeye looked up.

"Oh, yeah, I don't notice anyone else talking in their sleep or waking up sobbing over a dead patient."

Trapper couldn't think of anything to say. True, no one else took it as hard as his friend did, but he knew it was only because Hawkeye was a better surgeon than anyone else in the whole outfit and just wasn't willing to accept that he couldn't save everyone. All the old clichés came to mind, You win some, you lose some, You can't save the world, You're not God, all of them overused and each one just as useless as the last. He got up off his cot and walked over to the still, where he poured two drinks. He handed one to Hawkeye and sat down in the chair next to his friend's bed.

"Thanks," said Hawkeye despondently.

"Hey, I think I know something that'll cheer you up," said Trapper, staring thoughtfully at Frank, who was still asleep.

Instantly recognizing that mischievous glint in his friend's eye, Hawkeye lay back on his cot. "Not tonight, Trap. I need some sleep." He thought for a minute, then added, "I need another drink," then drained his glass.