Okay, so... this thing kinda just wrote itself, without stopping for directions. I started off with the intention of writing it a humorous tone, but ... I don't know if it was lack of sleep or what, but it ended up getting progressively more serious and thoughtful and all that. I wrote it on paper (lol wtf I know) and then typed it up, which means I really did not try to make any corrections; I just typed it as was. XD I really don't like the beginning and I'm not sure about the ending, but my good friend Caity tells me they're alright, so... I guess I can take that. Besides, like I said, the beginning is like that because it was going to be kind of funny, but then it warped into me thinking too much about how realistically, Squall and Rinoa won't work, et cetera. (Sorry, kids, not a fan of that pairing. That's practically common knowledge by now.) Anyway, uh... I haven't decided if this will be a sort of prequel to the multi-chapter FF8 fic I'm trying to start (it could work pretty well!), or if it's just a stand-alone, but whatever the case? It's here, it's kind of lame, and I don't care. I need more sleep.
for your consideration
Squall is having a little trouble figuring out whether or not he's in love with Rinoa. Since he's begun to like this "depending on people more" thing just a little, he decides to ask his friends for advice when he knows Rinoa is asleep.
The first person he goes to is Quistis; she's the closest thing he has to a confidant, aside from Rinoa. "Ins– I mean, Quistis," he says, "I have a question."
"What is it, Squall?"she asks, removing her glasses and looking up from her grade book. Truth be told, she's glad for the break.
He shifts, a little uneasy at first. "...How do you know you're in love?"
"Well," she begins. "You can't stop thinking about them. You care about their well-being almost constantly. You'd trust them with your life, and you known they trust you with theirs..." She stops, having gotten rather carried away with her explanation. "Does that help?"
Squall thinks it over for a moment. He thinks about Rinoa a lot, sure. He wants the best for her and always tells her to make sure she's properly equipped for battle, "just in case." He would trust his life to her, and he is relatively certain the feeling is mutual. He nods. "Yeah. Thanks."
But he's not done. He now moves on to Selphie. He asks her the same question, and she closes her pen inside her notebook. Squall asking for relationship advice is far more entertaining than planning the next Garden festival (at least for now).
"When you're sure you wouldn't mind seeing them every day, every night, for the rest of your life." She grins. "Plus, you hear a little song inside your head whenever they come near! ...Okay, maybe not quite, but ... if you know it'll never get boring, you're good!"
Squall isn't sure he can handle Rinoa all the time. Often, sure, but all the time? They come from different backgrounds and have different beliefs and values. While it may not get too boring, it would probably get frustrating, whether for him or for her. "Alright, thanks," he says, and walks away. Selphie smiles at his back and returns to her plans.
Next is Zell, and Squall thinks it's probably a shot in the dark. But he's always been thorough, so to him, this is necessary. Zell is shadowboxing in the front hall, and Squall pulls him aside to ask.
"Ha! What a question to hear from you!" Zell almost laughs, but thinks it unwise, so he answers. "It's easy! See, it's all about how much ya got in common! I mean, you gotta have things to talk about, you know? Otherwise, you're gonna be spending a lot of time staring at walls!" His girlfriend walks up to them and asks him if she's interrupting, and he says, "Nah, I got a sec. Whatcha need?" She continues, asking him if he's reading anything good lately, and if not, she's just finished a great science fiction book she thinks he'd like. He becomes noticeably excited and tells her to hang onto it and he'll pick it up later. She nods and leaves, and Zell turns back to Squall. "See what I mean? Man, I love that girl."
"Yeah," Squall replies. He and Rinoa don't have much in common at all, really. Her taste in music, books, movies, and leisure activities differ from his. She likes to talk, he still doesn't all that much. She prefers day, when she can get up and do things, and he prefers night, when he can relax and unwind. She craves freedom while he likes structure and routine. He wonders why he's never really noticed these things. Now that they've been brought to his attention, he feels himself getting closer and closer to reality. He's now seeing that she's really more of a friend, just like the others.
His last stop is Irvine, who is on his way from the cafeteria to the quad. But upon hearing Squall's query, he stops where he is to help him out.
"You're asking the right guy, you know," Irvine says confidently. "Savin' the best for last, huh?"
Squall shrugs. Irvine nudges him and continues.
"Well, anyway, I just so happen to be in love, so I can tell you firsthand." He leans back against the wall. "Okay. With me, it's like this: yeah, I worry about Sefie when she stays up all night trying to plan the best festival ever. I get scared when she tells me her nightmares about the attack on Trabia Garden. I'd protect her with my life, and she's told me she'd stand up and take a hit for me. Tiny little Sefie! Anyway... when we're apart, I feel like something is missing... a part of me, you know? I'm happiest when she's around and I know she's okay. I'd love to see her every day for the rest of my life, and if things go the right way, I will." He pauses and smiles, then goes on. "But most of all — and this is really what makes it or breaks it — I think she is the most adorable, attractive girl I've ever known or will know. And, uh, sometime soon, I'd like to, y'know... spend the night with her. She's got one of the best little bodies–"
"I get it," Squall interrupts.
Irvine clears his throat. "Uh, sorry. But anyway, all that spiritual and emotional stuff's good, but you gotta find her sexually" — he seems to put a lot of emphasis on the word — "desirable, too. Sex is a big part of a relationship! And a good one, too–"
Squall crosses his arms, which stops Irvine. "Alright." Now he thinks about what Irvine has said. Sex is not something he's thought about with Rinoa. And now that he is — as he's walking down the hall, leaving Irvine to make his way to the quad — he just can't see it. He can't see her in his bed, he can't see her naked, he can't see himself doing anything more than giving her a hug when she needs it, or accepting one from her when he needs it. He hasn't kissed her since their first kiss — has it really been two weeks? — so how can he possibly want to make love to her? She's beautiful, but she just isn't the one in a "sexually desirable" way.
He's never really wanted anything more from her than her support and companionship. Even their first kiss seemed odd and out of place... forced, even. Now that he thinks about it, there was no happy gleam in her eyes as they'd drawn apart. She'd only smiled that calm smile of hers, then suggested they go inside and have a dance for old time's sake. And that's all it had really been.
As he makes his way to his room to wait our her nap so he can talk about this with her, he thinks of something else; one of the Garden conduct rules suddenly flashes in his head like the neon signs in Deling City.
"Take time to think things through before starting a relationship."
He is stricken by this rule and its personal importance. Until now, he hasn't had the time to really think about it. The war — and their friends — pushed them together. The odds of them meeting were considerably amazing in their own right, but their relationship had been sudden. Too sudden, he thinks, considering how they didn't get along so well at first. It wasn't romantic love, it never was; it was the feeling of caring and being cared for, and the unshakable feeling that these people would only leave him if they died. If he loves Rinoa in a romantic way, then by logic, that's how he should feel about the others, too. But that is not the case; it's actually very much the opposite.
Quistis, Zell, Selphie and Irvine are his friends. So is Rinoa. He knows he couldn't take seeing them all the time, but he worries about them. He'd give his life for them, but he probably wouldn't take a book recommendation from any of them. And while he wonders where they'll all be in ten, twenty, thirty years, he's pretty certain sure he doesn't want to bed any of them. Not even Rinoa, the one who everyone seemed to think should be his everything.
And really, he can't help but think she feels the same way about this. He just needs to wait for her to wake up.
P.S. - Nonsense. He wants to bone Quistis and everybody knows it. ...I mean, uh. Yeah. Sleep.