Author: Shiva Darkwater | Fandom: Gravitation | Rating: PG-13 for talk of rape and angst | Summary: Possession rules you, until you can no longer think of anything else…(Kitazawa vignette) | Status: Finished, one-shot | Email: melancholy@sunrise-sunset.com | Disclaimer: Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami; I'm just borrowing her characters without asking. | Warnings: Obsessed Kitazawa reminiscing about little Eiri-kun, short, that's about it. | Strategy: I'm sick of seeing Kitazawa portrayed as some evil jerk that deserved to die. |
Pretty When You Cry"… Possession is the most extreme form of fear. When you feel yourself possessed to do something that you regard with the most profound horror or repulsion or disgust, that's the basic fear." – William S. Burroughs
The memory of you is all I have left… I'll never forget that sweet, selfless boy who continuously ran to me for help. Whether it was trouble in schoolwork or in his small life's problems. I, his most treasured sensei, would fix every obstacle in his way.
It's been six years since I last held him in my arms; who knew I would have missed it so much? Who would have known that I've watched over him all these years, to see what kind of man he would grow into? But gone is my sweet little Eiri-kun… replaced by someone cold and isolated.
But is all of that hatred of the world really reserved for only me, Eiri-kun? Deep inside I know it isn't. If you truly hated me I'm sure you wouldn't have began using my name. When that pink-haired child calls you Yuki… do you think of me? Do you remember how much you loved me? When he sighs the name after orgasm, do you remember how you used to sigh the exact same way?
You can't lie to the dead Eiri-kun; I know your every thought and feeling. I know how much you remember me. You spend countless dollars on the most expensive psychiatrists to try and rid you of your memory of me, but nothing can keep you away from me now. No one can stop me…
I've always loved you dearly… perhaps too much. Nobody except the two of us realize that love turns into possession. I suppose that's one of our little secrets, ne? I loved you, with all of my heart so much that possession was the next step. I wanted to possess you, take you away from everything that ever hurt you, to take you away from that ever-endearing 'nii-san', Seguchi.
I know I lost control while drinking… I know you kept trying to get me to stop… It was the worst pain to see you plead like that, for me to stop drinking, for me to stop hurting you… But I couldn't stop. It was like an addiction. And I must admit, through your pain, those tears in your remarkable eyes, only drove it on further.
Drinking was my weakness. That night, I was desperate. Desperate to take you away from Seguchi. Both of us loved you. But I wanted you to myself. I wanted to break you so you could never run to Seguchi again, and I would mend the pain in your heart. And I would possess you. And you would be mine.
History has a habit of repeating itself, ne Eiri-kun? People unconsciously seek out those who resemble themselves without realizing. One of the reasons I grew so attached to you was because your innocence reminded me of my own when I was younger. And why have you grown so attached to that Shuichi of yours? Because he also holds the brightness that you've lost.
Possession Eiri, someday your own love for him will hurt him. But only through pain will two people get closer; like us. Pain is sin, pleasure is sin; it says so in any religion you hear of. But both of them feel so alike, and both have the same result. No pleasure is reached without the presence of pain. They're both addictions that drove me on all that time.
You never gave me that second chance, the chance that everyone deserves. So I watch over you, waiting for my chance when I can hold your broken soul once more; and I will. It's only a matter of time. And I know you'll never forget me, because you love me.