Hogan's Heroes and Hawaii Five-O belong to CBS. No copyright infringement is intended. Toby Cockatoo belongs to me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
"I don't believe it!" Danny Williams shook his head as he put the phone down. "Carter wants me to go Christmas shopping with him!"
"For the keiki back in, what's dat place, Frog Jump?" Kono laughed. "You gonna help him pick out presents for his grandkids? Chin would be better at dat!" Carter, a widower for several years, had grown children and more than a few grandchildren. Of course he'd want something special for them.
"What about some nice Aloha shirts?' Steve suggested. "They won't find anything like that in Bullfrog, North Dakota."
"Or ukuleles?" this from Chin.
"Don't forget the macadamia nut candy," Kono added. "The chocolate-covered kind."
Yeah, Bruddah," Chin was being helpful, "He could find everything right in the International Marketplace!"
"No, no, guys!" Danny laughed. "He wants me to help him find a present for Toby!"
"What about a better lock for his cage?" This was Steve's suggestion. That bird was notorious for his escapes, probably a result of having spent some time in the tunnels under Stalag 13.
"Newkirk's supposed to be taking care of that one. LeBeau's making him some special muffins. Hogan and Kinch are getting him some toys." The big white bird was an honorary member of the Boys from Barracks 2 and Carter was one of them, so . . .
Steve got the message. "Things are quiet around here right now. Go help Carter with his Christmas shopping." He thought for a minute, then added, "How about getting Toby a female of his species?"
Danny shuddered. "No way, Steve. Two 'Toos would be one 'Too too many!"
o-o-o-o-o
Danny pulled up at LeBeau's and wandered out to the terrace for a cup of coffee. The little French chef, always glad to see a Five-O friend, obliged with a grilled mahi-mahi sandwich garnished with a fresh mango salsa as well. "Even Steve would approve," the curly-haired cop grinned as he munched the master's creation. McGarrett was infamous for his insistence on healthy food – something the lead detective was certain Danny's snacks often weren't.
"Waiting for Carter, mon ami?" LeBeau said. "He called to say that he and Newkirk will be here soon. They were delayed unexpectedly."
"By Toby, I guess," Danny said with a laugh. "Sometimes I think that bird can read minds!"
"At least Andre's," LeBeau replied.
Danny had finished his sandwich (He'd declared it "a winner.") and was just starting on a chocolate-macadamia sundae, when a very familiar "Hi! Hello! A-lo-o-ha!" told him Carter and Newkirk had finally arrived. Unfortunately, so had Toby, wearing a parrot-sized Santa hat. The bird hopped gracefully to the table, bowed to his guests – or was it hosts – and waited for LeBeau to present him with a left-over muffin, his current favorite treat.
"I thought we were going Christmas shopping for him!" Danny pointed to the excited cockatoo. "So why did you bring him along?'
"He wants to pick out his own present," a sheepish Carter replied. "And I don't think he's gonna like what Newkirk got him. He'd rather have a set of lock-picking tools."
Danny pointed to the formidable beak that was currently tearing into a treat. "He's already got the equipment to pick any lock in the Islands." He watched the parrot play with his food, then added, "So, where are we going?"
"How about the International Marketplace?" Carter answered. "There are so many shops there that he's bound to find something he likes."
And so much trouble he can get into. Danny wisely kept the thought to himself.
A few short blocks later, Newkirk, Danny and Carter, and an entourage of kids attracted by the bird's chatter, reached the jumble of shops that made up the Marketplace. Toby's attention was caught by the area's centerpiece, a gigantic old banyan tree. Just what a cockatoo wanted! He could have so much fun exploring all the nooks and crannies a tree like that provided. He bounced excitedly on his person's shoulder. He wanted that tree! Three more bounces, a quick flight, and the tree was his!
"TOBY!" a distraught and embarrassed Carter called to his pet. "Come down from there!" A maniacal laugh was the only response, that and Newkirk's laughter.
Danny squinted his eyes and rubbed his forehead. He felt a cockatoo-sized headache coming on. Why did I ever agree to go shopping with Carter? I'd rather be chasing criminals!
He got his wish when he spotted an HPD officer cornered by an angry tourist. The man ranted about the lack of protection for law-abiding citizens. Someone had stolen his wallet! "Lifted it right out of my pocket!" the man complained loudly, attracting a crowd.
The young detective was about to offer his assistance when Newkirk nudged him "It's an old dodge, Mate. Used to pull it myself back in my less law-abiding days. Watch the crowd,"
Danny followed the Cockney's suggestion. Who was he to argue with a master thief? He spotted two men working the crowd. With everyone's attention focused on the argument, the men had a perfect opportunity to lift several fat wallets. He nodded to Newkirk, then moved quickly into action.
"Five-O! Stop right there!" His challenge alerted the thieves. One man, the younger of the two, complied and held up his hands. The other one ran, Newkirk and Carter following behind. Toby, intrigued by the action, obviously planned for a cockatoo's enjoyment, dive-bombed the escaping thief, landing on his head with a triumphant "ACHTUNG! HALTE!" in perfect imitation of a Gestapo major of his acquaintance.
"Get him off me!" the thoroughly cowed would-be thief yelled as the delighted bird bounced several times, yelling "Heads will roll! Raus! Raus!" Newkirk quickly subdued the man, adding. "Don't move unless you want my feathered friend to put a hole or two in your ear." Toby studied the aforementioned part of the man's anatomy. That might be interesting! He opened his beak just as Carter grabbed him.
Toby eyed the pickpocket team, then announced, in perfect imitation of a voice he'd heard numerous times, "For you, the war is over!"
"Blimey," Newkirk commented, "First Hochstetter and now Klink! That bird spent too much time in the tunnels. He probably knew all our codes!"
"Papa Bear calling Goldilocks," Toby muttered. Nobody could call him a bird brain!
Danny instructed the HPD officer to call for backup, then, when two other cops arrived, joined his friends, human and feathered. "I know the perfect present for Toby!" he said. "I'll just need to check it out with Steve."
Which was why, a few days later, Danny presented the big white bird with a certificate naming him an honorary member of Five-O.