Dearest Idiot Muggle Fans,
Recently Dumbledore, (the bloody idiot) has me signed up for a Muggle Studies class, something about improving my social skills and helping me become more open, he really is loosing his mind, my social skills are fine. Why would I want too be more open twored your kind? Anyway, too the point, as a so called 'fun day' these little…laptops were brought in, and we all went on a fieldtrip too the 'internet'. I happened to find an astonishing amount of material devoted to me.
While it is marvelous that you muggles worship me for my intelligence and strikingly good looks, I was appalled at the majority of fan fiction I happened to find. Only a select few really captured me, most had me doing the most ridiculous, appalling and disgusting things. The highest affront on your parts (you know who you are) is not only turning me into a fairy (you would call it gay or homosexual I believe) but then pairing me with Potter! I am far from gay, and if I were, you best believe I wouldn't want anything too do with Potter. Also, I would NEVER love Granger, or any of the Weasel brats, all those scenarios where the youngest Weasly brat has a crush on me, well, I wouldn't doubt it, however, I would never want anything too do with her. That said, I won't even comment on the number of stories that have me in rather incestuous relationships with non other than my father.
And so, mudblood scum, if you have nothing better too do than write about me (actually, you probably don't) then lets keep me in character. You are a bunch of pathetic individuals, and if I believed in compassion, I would be sorry for you. However, I won't waste my time. Oh, and Warner Brothers, tell Tom Felton, the prat that plays me in your movies, to stop making me so ugly, and wash his damn hair, anyone in doubt about my true personality should know that JK Rowling gets it right most of the time, save when she has me being a complete wimp.
Draco Malfoy
(A/N: Ok, lol, I love Draco Malfoy, and I fully support the D/H pairing, I just think most people make them fall in love too fast. If you fancy putting Harry with Draco, go ahead, lol, I don't think it could happen, but whatever totes your boat. The only thing in this letter that I wrote from Draco's point of view that I really hate is incestuous relationships, I think that perverts a wonderful thing.