Whatever it Takes
Chapter One: Down a deep, dark hole.
What does it take to get someone back?
A/N: Max's POV. Alec gets hurt. I'm not sure if there will be future chapters. That will depend on my muse.
Don't own anything related to Dark Angel
DA~DA~DA
I was in a meeting with Mole and some of the others. We were knee deep in work and trying to figure out how we were going to make it through the next few days when I heard the uproar from the floor in TC. My natural instinct was to wonder what that dumbass Alec had done and my thoughts were mirrored by Mole's aggravated reaction when he rolled his eyes and hissed, "Princess."
We'd been getting on each other's nerves lately with the siege looking like it could go on for a long while and tempers and patience running as low as the supplies. Alec was constantly trying to keep everyone loose but his immature antics and the volatile results had started to wear thin on some of us. I tried to ignore the commotion but I could only wonder which one of Alec's stupid scams had gone sideways and how I was going to be left cleaning up his mess. Without a word, I stood up and stormed out of the meeting determined to kick some butt.
Mole and the others followed suit, scrambling gleefully over each other to get a better view. Their lively banter was punctuated with predictions and wagers on Alec's fate. I pushed the door open and with a nasty scowl looked down on the floor trying to make sense of the panicked movements that seemed out of place with what I thought was the cause. I heard someone yell for the medics and then I saw him being dragged in; Joshua holding something that used to be a shirt now soaked in blood against Alec's head and three or four others holding his limbs as they carried his lifeless body into TC.
I remember the look of wild panic in Joshua's eyes and the plaintiff wail of his voice as he called my name over and over again. I remember the horrible ashen pallor of Alec's face in stark contrast to the deep crimson blotches dripping onto the dirty floor. I remember Mole pushing me aside as he rushed to help his comrades while I stood frozen to the spot.
I remember standing in the corner of the infirmary, not knowing how I had gotten there, watching the medical team work furiously and hearing my voice telling them, "Do whatever it takes." I remember the looks on their faces as they understood there was no other possible option but to keep Alec alive. This wasn't just anybody, this was Alec and despite what I thought of him minutes earlier, I didn't know what it would do to us if we lost him.
He was rushed into surgery and we were left standing in the corridor, unmoving and not knowing what to do with the anger and the fear pulsating through us. Logan had the presence of mind to take over and organize us into groups; some donating blood, others keeping TC going and some working on getting medical supplies. As the surgery dragged on and our adrenaline wore out, we sat and waited and tried to console each other. That's when I was told what had happened, how the supply run had gone bad, how Alec got between a crazed Ordinary and Joshua as the gun went off. How he saved Joshua possibly in exchange of his own life.
I remember swallowing down the bitter fear as I stood and watched the exhausted medics make their way towards Joshua and I. Their faces were unreadable, their shoulders slumped and their scrubs splattered with blood and god knew what else. They explained the bullet had carved a tunnel deep into Alec's brain and that it would never heal. They told us the surgery was extremely difficult and despite being transgenic, they couldn't tell if he would ever regain consciousness let alone speak or walk. Each word felt like an exploding grenade ripping through our hearts. Then I heard the sound of my world collapsing as I held onto an inconsolable Joshua.
Next thing I remember, I was staring down at the sad and expectant faces of TC. I was there to deliver an update on Alec's condition but it was much more than that. I remember thinking there are promises one should never make but I needed this as much as everyone else and although I didn't spare them the grim details, I promised we were going to get him back.
I remember the crushing pressure in my chest when I saw him next. Alec was unrecognizable. He was being kept alive by machines, his chest rising and falling to the air being forced into his lungs through a tube jammed down his throat. His face was puffy and swollen, his eyes a mass of bruises, his head swathed in bandages with tubes and wires snaking in and out of his body. I remember the overwhelming sense of quiet and stillness and thinking this wasn't Alec. Our Alec was a ball of energy; adventure, danger and fun. Our Alec wasn't here and as silly as it sounds I was angry at him for leaving this impostor in his place.
DA~DA~DA
We took turns waiting for him to come back. Joshua was a constant, refusing to leave Alec's side, waiting impatiently for his friend to wake, humming softly and rubbing circles over his chest. Sketchy sat with him, chattering nonstop about the goings on in TC and the outside world even if he didn't have any clue whether Alec could hear him. Mole appointed himself Alec's bodyguard and stood outside the infirmary certifying that no one came in without being scrubbed clean and dressed in regulation hospital garb. When the lizard man sat with Alec, he studied his friend with military precision. You could see the heartache in his eyes each time he left that room with nothing to show for his effort. The rest of us took over the washing, changing and turning duties making sure Alec was clean, warm and comfortable.
After a week, the medics began to wean him off the respirator and the sedatives. We waited to see whether he would regain consciousness. He didn't but Alec started to show signs of life, flexing his fingers and moving his eyes beneath his lids. Nevertheless, he was still lost to us and I missed hearing his annoying comments. Stupidly, I wished he was putting us on and told him as much one night when the solitude became too much for me.
"You better be dreaming of getting that lazy ass of yours out of bed," I choked out as I clutched his hand.
Even my threats weren't enough to wake him.
DA~DA~DA
One morning the medics came in and removed his bandages. It was the first time I witnessed the extent of the damage and how his skull had been cracked open. The scars were more grotesque than what I had imagined; ragged and angry with stitches crisscrossing the left side of his head. I was mortified because I could only imagine the kind of destruction that lay underneath. Until then, I didn't really understand the depth of the hole that Alec had fallen into. Until then, I really thought we could somehow get him back. Now, I wasn't so sure. I wasn't so sure I had done the right thing and the doubt was eating me up. For the first time since this all went down, I cried.
The next day Sketchy came in carrying some of his knit caps and a shitload of bravado. I watched him struggle to sound normal and keep himself together before the unsightly scar.
"Hey Alec, what's up?" he asked, pulling a chair next to the bed. "How you feeling today?" He gently fingered Alec's arm. "You really need to wake up and see this. The girls are just killing themselves to get at you. They're lining up outside your door and practically fighting each other to get in. Just the type of action you'd enjoy, huh?" Sketchy laughed but it was hollow and joyless. He shifted uncomfortably before pulling out a few of his hats.
"I know it's not your style, but take it from me, you need to upgrade your wardrobe." Sketchy tugged at the Alec's gown in mock tease, "I know just the thing." The young man laid the hats on Alec's chest then he held up his hand as if to stop Alec from speaking.
"Now, I know what you're gonna say, but Mole already made sure these caps have been washed and sterilized so don't give me any grief about them." Sketchy watched for a reaction but when none was forthcoming he continued, "Alright, I'll pick one for you." He fingered them pensively then chose a brown and tan one.
"This one's my favourite," he said before guiding it over Alec's head, careful not to catch on the stitches or the draining tubes. Sketchy's hand lingered, tucking some errand strands of hair from Alec's mismatched haircut. He stared for a moment before his eyes welled up with emotion.
"It hasn't been the same without you, buddy," he added in a strangled voice. He straightened out the cap until it looked just perfect. "Hurry up and wake up, okay?" he pleaded and with that swiped at his eyes before leaving the room.
DA~DA~DA
Alec opened his eyes today but unlike those TV shows he loved to watch, there was no miraculous snap your fingers and Alec is back moment. Alec stayed awake for lack of a better word, a few minutes at a time but his eyes were empty, without recognition or awareness. Joshua was heartbroken but steadfast, never leaving his friend's side, masking his disappointment and gently willing Alec back.
I couldn't mask my feelings so easily. My guilt was ripping at me and once again I seriously doubted my order to the medics on that fateful day. Did I really do the right thing by Alec? What if he was somewhere in there, aware of his surroundings and not able to communicate? Worse still, what if he wasn't and he never got better? My responsibility in all of this was like a rock weighing me down in an ocean of doubt. I was mad at the world and myself and my natural instinct was to take my anger out on Alec just like I had done a thousand times before.
"Get back here you dumbass," I ground out, hoping and praying. But Alec just stared back mindlessly from 10,000 miles away and my heart clenched violently until I just couldn't breathe anymore. "I'm sorry," I whispered guiltily. "I'll do my best to make it better…I'll do whatever it takes."
I searched his eyes and all I kept hearing was his voice taunting me with his typical comeback, 'didn't know you cared, Maxie.' I prayed one day he would.
DA~DA~DA
One morning, I watched Joshua come in and out of Alec's room and realized Alec was visually tracking his friend. I had Joshua move from one side of the bed to the other, always across Alec's line of vision. Each time we waited patiently until Alec's eyes followed. Eventually he started to turn his head subtly in the direction of his friend's voice and I could tell Alec was always more relaxed when Big Fella was in the room. In my mind, I kept hoping it was because he was still protective of Joshua, and felt at ease when the dog man was close by and under his watchful eye. I tried to stop this kind of thinking, I told myself I was reading too much into this because I knew it was dangerous to hope. It was painful, so painful to want, but my heart couldn't bear the alternative. I would rather die a thousand deaths hoping than to never imagine Alec coming back to us.
DA~DA~DA
Alec could hardly move his right side. The doctors concluded this was the result of the location of the wound. They spewed some medical jargon about his left hemisphere sustaining the bulk of the damage. We didn't have to understand it, we just had to try and fix it. The medics didn't give us much hope for improvement but when pressed, they agreed to show us exercises we could do to help Alec get stronger. We put together a schedule, taking turns with his rehab, strengthening and loosening his muscles getting him ready to get out of that bed.
Alec started tapping his left hand on his chest. It was jerky and uncoordinated and the medics thought the movement was some sort of nervous tick, spasm or electrical impulse. We believed them. They were wrong. We were all wrong.
DA~DA~DA
Alec hadn't made a sound since awakening. We tried to get him to respond to simple yes no questions by tapping his hand, blinking his eyes, or squeezing our hands. We couldn't get anything meaningful out of him and we couldn't tell whether he didn't understand or couldn't coordinate his movements to answer.
Everyday Joshua asked if he wanted ice chips. One tap for yes, two taps for no. Sometimes Alec didn't respond and other times he tapped continuously. But today, we could tell Alec was more alert, his eyes brighter, more focused. He watched Joshua intently and listened to the question. Joshua made Alec repeat his answer several times and this time it was consistent, always the same; yes to ice chips. Big Fella yelped happily and I almost kissed the jerk.
"What took you so long?" I teased.
Alec stared back. I swear I saw something akin to a plea in his eyes and I almost came undone. I knew in my heart that Alec was in there somewhere and I kept wondering how I was going to get the old Alec back from inside this body that drooled constantly and couldn't t smirk or respond to what we were asking of him.
DA~DA~DA
The medics thought it best to try to get Alec to eat real food and get him off the feeding tube. Joshua was the only one who had enough persistence for all of us and in any case he wouldn't allow anyone else feed Alec.
It was a slow process. First, we had to get Alec to sit up and if done too quickly, caused intense dizzy spells. Once Alec was in a sitting position, it could take up to an hour for him to get through a small bowl of soup. He had trouble holding his head up and swallowing and usually ended up with more soup dribbling down his chin than down his throat. Only Joshua's devotion was equal to the task. The dog man would uncomplainingly wipe up the mess and start the whole process over and over again. Joshua never lost patience or got frustrated even when Alec was unable to hold down the little he had eaten and his only option was to draw his friend into his shoulder and allow his shirt to be soaked in regurgitated liquid so Alec wouldn't choke on his own vomit. None of that mattered to Joshua as long as Alec got better.
Normally, I would visit during lunch or supper time, but lately I just didn't have it in me to watch. It had been three days and I told myself to suck it up and show Joshua some support. I plastered my best smile and sauntered into Alec's room. Joshua was palming Alec's forehead while trying to position a small spoon into his mouth.
"Hey Big Fella. Hey Alec, how's it going today?" I asked and rubbed Alec's arm.
Alec didn't look at me and Joshua shrugged halfheartedly. "Slow," he offered before focusing on the task at hand. "Come on, Alec can do it…just a little more," he encouraged.
He worked the spoon past Alec's lips before tipping the contents past his teeth and into his mouth. Joshua turned and placed the spoon on the small tray table and quickly used his free hand to support Alec's jaw. Alec's mouth worked convulsively, lips smacking and his jaw making chewing motions. After what seemed like hours, he attempted to swallow while Joshua held his forehead and murmured encouragements. Alec's left hand fidgeted throughout; tensing, clenching and trying to reach up towards Joshua.
It was like being punched in the stomach watching him struggle with such a simple task.
"Good job, Alec," I lied.
He looked away.
Joshua tentatively let go of Alec's head and watched as his friend continued to work the tiny spoonful of food around in his mouth. "That's it… Alec can do it…"Joshua whispered eyes bright with hope.
Then Alec's head flopped to the side and Joshua didn't intervene.
I watched the liquid dribble out the side of Alec's mouth. "It's okay," I consoled, grabbing a towel to wipe it up.
Joshua stopped me and huffed dejectedly. "Alec need to get stronger," he said, turning back to his friend. "Alec…head up…come on, up…head up…"
I could see the jerky attempts Alec was making to follow Joshua's instructions. He dipped his chin towards his chest and tried to use the momentum to lift his head over and over again, but to no avail. He finally stilled when his breaths came in short pants. Joshua placed his hand across Alec's forehead, pushed it back and kept it in place while he wiped Alec's mouth and chin. He held him like this for a few moments, allowing Alec some time to recuperate before asking if he was ready for more. The whole scene was ripping at my heart. I told them I'd be come later then left before my eyes betrayed me.
DA~DA~DA
It was mid-morning as I walked towards the infirmary. I sensed something was up when Mole made me scrub again and all he offered was a grunt in response to my greeting. I walked into the Alec's room expecting to take over some rehab exercises from OC or Sketchy but instead it was empty, lights dimmed with Joshua sitting quietly, watching his friend and rubbing his arm.
"What's wrong?" I asked worriedly.
Alec's eyes were closed and he wore a pained expression on his face.
"Alec not feeling well," Joshua said softly. He touched Alec's forehead lightly, checking for fever even thought there was a device clipped to his finger. I glanced at the monitor, it flashed 106.8.
"What happened?" I asked, searching for the medic on duty.
"Alec woke up too warm... couldn't hold down food," Joshua related without taking his eyes off his friend.
"Where's the medic? Why aren't they giving him anything?" I questioned.
"Doctor injected medicine a few minutes ago," Joshua confirmed.
Alec grunted as he turned his glassy eyes towards the dog man then tapped twice on his chest before raising his hand sluggishly and tapping twice on his lips. I could see this was deliberate on Alec's part and Joshua smiled at the surprised look on my face.
"Alec talking now," he said with a measure of pride in his voice. "Alec not just answering questions…Alec lets Joshua know what he needs." Joshua stroked Alec's forehead. "Good, Alec," he praised, grabbed the Styrofoam cup off the tray table and spooned a small amount of ice chips into his mouth.
"When did this happen?" I asked elated, but dumbfounded.
"Few days," Joshua replied.
"Why didn't you say anything?" I felt my lips quirking into a stupid grin.
Joshua shrugged noncommittally and sighed as he rubbed Alec's arm. "Didn't want Max to be disappointed if..." and left the rest unsaid. That's when I realized how much in tune he was with all of our moods. "Alec is in there," he said in a low voice. "Need patience to get Alec back."
I nodded gratefully. "I'm glad he has a friend like you."
"Alec doing all the hard work," Joshua said, turning away, clearly uncomfortable with the attention. "Joshua wish he could do more," he whispered sadly.
That's when I finally noticed the toll this ordeal had taken on Joshua. How he had watched his friend almost die and now he watched Alec come back to life but not living yet. It was easy to be fooled by Joshua's cheery demeanor into thinking that maybe he didn't fully realize what was going on. But Joshua put up a brave front for Alec's sake, always believing Alec was aware and therefore trying to hide his disappointment and hurt from his friend.
"You should get some rest," I urged.
Instead he looked down at his friend. Alec was tired, pale, and uncomfortable. His breathing was noisy and his eyes slid shut every few seconds then fluttered open while his hand gripped at the sheet before releasing it repetitively.
"Alec talking now," Joshua repeated and leaned closer. "Alec want Joshua to stay?"
Alec released the sheet and tugged Joshua's hand toward his chest.
"Alright, Josh stay," Big Fella said, pulling the chair closer to the bed as Alec began to groan.
"Together?" Joshua asked.
Alec tapped his friend's hand in acknowledgment before wrapping his fingers around Joshua's big paw. I watched this non-verbal conversation, marveling at the irony that Joshua understood him quite easily.
"Alec start?" Joshua implored, waiting hopefully.
Alec sighed deeply before letting out a long groan. Joshua smiled and let his friend continue before he joined him, humming an old children's song. Big Fella rubbed slow circles on the transgenic's chest as Alec's eyes drooped tiredly.
I stood back and watched in amazement as Joshua's humming and Alec's groans melded into one. Joshua comforting his friend like he had done from the very first day and Alec trying to reach out to us the best way he knew how. I couldn't help but smile because I truly believed there was reason for hope and this was just the beginning. I leaned into Joshua and laid my chin on top of his shoulder so I could watch them both. I didn't know how far we could take this but I knew we would do whatever it takes because Alec was on his way back and three of us were together. Again.
...