Twelve steps
At the devils door
I do not own bleach
" speaking",
Ichigo's thoughts
" Ichigo speaking",
Sometimes I find myself two steps from redemption
But,
I, only take one
And,
I end up at the devil's door - Ichigo Kurosaki
The circulation has been restricted
The vein is prepped
The needle drawn
And, for a moment…
The grey fades, replaced by vibrant colors and the rain ceases
But, only for a moment…..
" Fuck…",
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Son, It's for the best…
You have to admit you have a problem…..
I cant go through this again, not after your mother….
Big brother's hurt he has all these boo boo's on his arm….
Were your friends Ichigo, we can see you have a problem we only want to help….
The veins in your arms, they've collapsed…..
One more time Ichigo, One more time and you could…die
Screaming
I can hear it like a far off whisper, I want to move, I want to fight against the blurred faces and hands clawing at me.
I ask myself if this is hell, are these demons clawing for my body ? , relishing in the fact that they finally got my tainted soul.
Suddenly, I don't want to fight anymore
It doesn't rain in hell…..doe's it?
Beep…
Beep….
Beep…
Beep…
Suddenly, I see a bright light. No, this is wrong. They'd never let me in here.
I'm proved wrong as I see an angel standing above me, a black haired, violet eyed angel and suddenly I want to grab her, touch her, anything just to know she's real and that this isn't a sick joke.
Suddenly, I can move
She grabs my arm before I get too close, her heavenly lips are moving but, I can't make out the words.
Suddenly she sticks a needle in my arm, talk about a sick joke.
I can barely make out the smell of antiseptic, and I knew right then I wasn't dead.
And yet I wondered if that was a good thing as my world faded to black.
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Isshin Kurosaki paced the floor near where his son laid in a hospital bed, his angelic sleeping face, hiding well the demons buried deep inside. Isshin seemed impatient, deep in thought and indecisive over the matter at hand. His knuckles ran white as he gripped the brochure in his hand even harder as he paced. He stopped suddenly, seemingly reaching a decision and judging by the look in the eyes, a decision that was far from easy to make. Standing at the foot of the hospital bed Isshin Kurosaki made a solemn vow and spoke in a low whisper.
" Not again son, I stood by and let your mother destroy herself, I will not let that happen again.",
He sat the crinkled brochure on the bed before he exited the room.
Bleach Hospital Rehabilitation Center
We believe in a fresh start
843-555-6468
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Addiction is a disease, at least that's what they told me. But, is it really that simple. Can twelve steps really bring me redemption ? If anything it seems laughable. I'm not ignorant like those around me, I know what I've done. I've lied, stolen and hurt everyone that's ever cared for me and to be honest, I don't seek redemption, more like oblivion. It's no less than I deserve anyway. Addiction is not a disease, we are.
We…
Are…
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" Ichigo"
We sat in a circle, not even thinking of looking one another in the eyes. We all knew what we were and what we looked like, after all it was hard enough just to face ourselves in the mirror let alone a group of us.
" Ichigo"
Yes, we were a group of fuck ups. All with our own problems and choice of abuse, but we all had one thing in common.
Everything we touch, falls apart
" Ichigo",
Welcome, to the island of misfit toys
" Ichigo",
" WHAT",
My tone of voice must of came out harsher than I meant because everyone sitting in the circle, jumped. Even with my attitude the blonde woman overlooking our group gazed at me with expecting, sympathetic, pitying eyes.
And
It
Pissed
Me
Off!
" Ichigo, we were going around and admitting we all had a problem, it is after all the first and biggest step to recovery.",
what did she want from me? What did she really want me to say, Hi my name is Ichigo Kurosaki and I have a heroin addiction. Chh…so cliché
So I winged it….
" You're my fucking problem ",
Even with my outburst she looks at me with pleading eyes, just begging me to cooperate.
" Please, Ichigo I'm only trying to help",
I don't know what it was, maybe it was the fact that everyone I know has said those words to me, maybe it was the withdrawal I was feeling which was like shock therapy to my gut.
Whatever it was, I got mad…..
" you want to know my problem",
My tone of voice was rising as I stood up quickly knocking the chair that was under me over in the process.
I rolled my sleeves up quickly, showing my track marks off like a red badge of courage and judging by the looks in their eyes, the marks must have been worse than I originally thought.
" I'm a fucking Junkie",
Everyone in group looks down in shame as I bust out the j word
" I shoot so much dope into my veins that they collapse ",
Looks of shame turn into pity and…disgust. Oh man what an all time low, judged by a group of junkies, what a joke.
" I've bitten every helping hand that's ever reached towards me",
Suddenly, I don't feel so angry anymore. My eyes sting and it hurts to swallow.
" I'm nothing but a burden to everyone around, I'm selfish and stupid",
I didn't even recognize the broken voice that came from my own throat, and suddenly it dawns on me, all that I've done and continued to do.
I think of my old man…..
My mom…
My little sisters….
People that once called me friend…..
Suddenly, I feel dizzy, I feel sick…..disgusted
I swear I can hear the devil laughing, as I finally realize
Im…a…..monster, and in that moment I've never wanted to shoot up so much in my life.
It seems these twelve steps will be the longest steps I've ever taken in my life.
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Could not get this idea out my mind, any way ichigo is seventeen in this next chapter rukia and others make their appearance