Dearest Delia,
My heart is in two pieces. I still feel the love that radiated from you every day, from your smile, your touch, even though it seemed that we were destined to drift along in this world. I remember, what felt like moments ago, how the sunlight strained through that dusty window, shining on your fringe, your cheek. It was as if you wore a halo and I was in the presence of an angel.
And the other half… the other half dwells in the truth. The truth I always felt, that you and I could never be, even if we strove and comforted ourselves with every stolen smile. I always feared in this cold world of losing you, always in the back of my mind, but I never thought it would be so literal. The ice that pierced my heart when I received the news left me numb. Alone. I don't think I will be whole again.
You mother suggested I write perhaps, but what good could a few scratches on a sheaf of paper do to express… anything. You no longer know me and that is worse than losing you completely to a motorist's carelessness. Because you are there and yet not. And you are more alone than you will ever know.
The flat, our moment in the sun, will remain just that, a testament to what we deserve. One day you will have those yellow walls, that china. Perhaps.
I shall endeavor to write you once a day in some fleeting school girl hope that you should recover or perhaps understand what happened. I will never forget you and I will never stop loving you. It could be, by some holiday miracle, you will be well enough and I will see you again at Christmas. My past has taught me that hope is a silly thing, but my time at Nonnatus has taught me that miracles can happen. Again, perhaps.
Until we met again, forever yours
-Pats
Wiping away a hidden tear, Patience Mount dates and seals her letter before secreting it under her pillow and switching off the bedside light. Her deep sigh does not escape the notice of her snoozing roommate, but the weight it holds is something only Patsy can bear.