Hello and welcome to my first HP fanfic! It's slightly AU, but tries to follow the main events as good as possible. I hope to get your comments and critics, because I really want to improve!

Rodolphus Lestrange had done a number of things in his life he shouldn't be proud of. Nevertheless, he was. He also prided himself in being a stoic, a pragmatist, and very hard to shock. Nevertheless, there was not much left of his stoic façade when he was knocking on the door of Malfoy Manor. The door swung open and showed a very annoyed looking Lucius Malfoy in his morning robes.

"Merlin's beard, it's 6 in the morning!"

"Lucius you HAVE to help me!"

The blonde Death-Eater raised an eyebrow at his colleague, still standing in the door opening.

"Whatever it is, the answer is no."

"Lucius, don't be such an ass! I'll owe you big time, will you just listen to me?"

"Fine, I'll listen. Come in. Before you start, you can't stay here. Narcissa is 8 months far, she can't have any stress now."

"It's Bellatrix. I have to get her to St. Mungo's and really I can't do that alone!"

Lucius smirked.

"Decided to have her admitted at last, Rod?"

"No! She's having a fucking baby and it's seriously not normal how much she's screaming and I don't have polyjuice potion so I can't disguise her and it's really, really, REALLY crazy and I've never been so fucking scared in my life!"

Now his eyes widened in surprise.

"A baby? How did you do that?"

"Err… I don't have to explain that to you, do I? I mean, you performed pretty well yourself you just told me."

"No, I mean, I just thought that when a woman uses as many Unforgivables as your wife does it would render her infertile…"

Lucius looked pensively at his brother-in-law, who looked even more flustered now.

"We thought so to, it was an accident, but she wanted to keep it and now I'M IN DEEP TROUBLE!"

"Just calm down a bit. I'm going to redress and I'll see what I can do. I'm only doing it for Narcissa, and know that you'll owe me, Rod!"

He left Rodolphus pacing in the hallway, and went up to his room. Narcissa was awake too.

"What's going on? Who is there?"

"Just your sister's husband, Rodolphus. Apparently Bellatrix's having a baby, and dear Rod's not entirely accustomed to the screaming. You'd think otherwise, as fond as he is of torture. I'm going to see what the fuss is all about."

Immediately his wife was out of bed, glaring at him.

"That's my sister you're talking about! I'm going with you!"

"Cissa, that's…"

"No, I'm going with you."

And Lucius Malfoy knew from the look in her eyes that any resistance would be futile. He sighed and internally prayed that this would end well.

(Pagebreak)

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGH!"

"Yeah. I see where you're coming from."

Rodolphus cringed every time his wife's screaming echoed through the house. Bellatrix was lying on the bed, screaming her throat hoarse, her back arched and limbs in odd angles, as if she was truly under torture. It was not a pretty sight, even Lucius had to admit that. Narcissa frowned at the men's apathy.

"I'm going to find that useless brother of yours Rod, and then we bring her to St Mungo's."

"What has Rabastan to do with this?"

"The more the merrier, I guess?"

Lucius seemed to take it all in strife. Secretly Rodolphus hoped Narcissa's delivery would render the blonde as flustered as he was now…

(Pagebreak)

A little later the group apparated in St Mungo's, consisting of a screaming Bellatrix, a flustered Rodolphus, an uncomfortable and confused Rabastan, an excited Narcissa and one Lucius Malfoy, looking as if he wanted to be anywhere but there. With drawn wands –not easy for Rod who was supporting his wife, they threatened the hospital personnel. The Welcome Witch was pale white and looked as if she was ready to faint. Narcissa yelled.

"We need assistance, NOW!"

"W-w-what…"

"WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?!"

Rabastan read the names of the different floors. Artefact Accidents? The pregnancy had definitely been an accident, but Rabastan doubted a baby counted as an artefact. Creature-Induced Injuries? He was tempted, but he rather not had his nose broken by his brother. Magical Bugs and Diseases? The same actually. Then there were Potions and Plant Poisoning, not very likely, and Spell Damage. How had he never noticed this hospital didn't have a maternity ward? He was broken from his thoughts when Lucius pulled him with them.

"They're putting her on Spell Damage. I would have put her on Creature-Induced Injuries, if anything…"

Rabastan was very happy he would get to see Lucius have his nose broken very soon.

(Pagebreak)

The Healer-in Charge of the Spell Damage ward had seen a lot already, but the way Bellatrix Lestrange screamed and cried while not quite managing to push her child out was not like anything he had ever seen. Not to mention the small crowd of death-eater family members that had gathered with her. He connected the death-eater profession with fear, but not exactly the fear that was written on Mr Lestrange's face. While pointing his wand at the healer the man asked, worriedly.

"She's gonna be okay, isn't she?"

"I'll… s-see what I can do…"

Rodolphus gave the man a dark stare.

"If she dies I'm personally going to kill your whole family, children first and you last."

"She's gonna be all right."

The healer choked out. He quickly gathered as much personnel as possible. Soon they concluded there was nothing remotely abnormal going on with the delivery, apart from the fact it seemed to hurt the mother as much as a cruciatus curse would, a very well-directed and absolutely heartfelt cruciatus curse at that. One of the nurses whispered.

"How is she even conscious?"

"Magic? Iron will? Pure evil keeping her up? I have no idea…"

"Conscious or not, if this goes on she'll not be quite sane in the end…"

"As if she was to begin with."

The healers managed to speed up the delivery and at long last, after much tormented screaming, threatening hexes to the ceiling and eye-rolls from Lucius Malfoy, the baby was out and the screaming subdued. Bellatrix looked rather surprised when she was handed the baby.

"Congratulations Mrs Lestrange, you have a healthy baby girl."

That drew a remarkably gentle smile from the death-eater's lips. She held the girl and softly rocked her. With a hoarse voice she whispered.

"You, little one, have just hurt me more than anything I've ever felt. You're a talented little girl, you… Yes you are… You're a little living cruciatus curse, you…" Bellatrix chuckled. "You're going to do great things, little one… I just know it."

The Death Eaters knew they would have to leave soon, but for a little while they could just pretend to be a normal family. Bellatrix breastfed the baby as if she had never done anything else, lips folded in a strangely serene smile. Rodolphus couldn't stop himself from grinning with all the pride of a new father, and even Lucius who had tried his best to look annoyed couldn't help but coo at the new-born. For a few precious minutes none of them even thought about their daily occupations…

(Pagebreak)

"You can't do that."

The clerk at the registry office said, after hearing the name proposal from the hooded man before him.

"What do you mean, you "can't"?"

"It's not accepted to name a person after a curse."

"I know, I know, it's my wife's idea anyway. But you don't want trouble with my wife, seriously."

"I'm really sorry, but I can't register this name."

Rodolphus sighed. Of course.

"We'll see about that. Imperio!"

He smiled under her shadowed hood when the clerk got that vague look in his eyes and wrote down the necessary details. He took the birth certificate and necessary papers, and lifted the curse.

"Trust me, I did you a favour with that."

With that he apparated away to tell Bellatrix that Crucio Carina Lestrange was now officially an inhabitant of wizarding Britain. Deep down he already felt sorry for his daughter to have been "cursed" with such a name. No matter how much he did like that curse.

(Author's Notes)

Yeah, yeah, non-canon character insert with a weird name, smells like Mary Sue doesn't it? I'm really trying not to make it one, I'm not a fan of those myself, so please, PLEASE comment and criticize with tips, I need your reviews!

Also. Yes. I am making the death eaters goofier than I should. Because I can. And because I am a secret fan of Rabastan Lestrange and I think he would be hilarious if given the chance.