He could recall it vaguely – it was a message, so faint, as if hanging on the edge of his memory.
There's a serious trial ahead of you, he recalled his future self saying, I know we're pretty tough, but this almost broke me.
Those were the words that echoed most in his head. At first he had wondered what his future self meant. As he was dropping out of the sky, it nagged at the back of his mind - did his future self mean fighting Caius? It was serious, yes, and it was a trial. He found it difficult to go against who taught him most of what he knew, against someone who he had considered as his family. But it was needed, and even if he didn't want it he faced the horror of seeing Caius pull himself through his sword. It was painful, harsh, but strangely enough, he knew deep inside that the warning did not apply to him.
He cast his eyes down from the airship, drinking in whatever was left to see. The Unseen Realm was corrupting Pulse slowly but surely. Did he mean this? Seeing the world turned back into wasteland? Inwardly he bit back a chuckle – he had seen this happen. He had lived through a dying world. And he wasn't even the last human alive anymore. This was nothing.
"Hey," he turned to his right automatically. "Do you remember that message we saw in –
His voice was cut off, his mouth forgetting how to work. He was alone on this part of the deck. What he would usually see was replaced with nothing but what was left of the sky and the airship's cold metal.
Noel blinked and turned his head back onto Pulse. Up his throat a mangled feeling settled itself, not sure if it wanted him to take a breath or exhale one. His grip on his swords tightened as he tried not to think of what had just happened. This was no time to indulge in thinking. He was supposed to be keeping guard and be on watch – but in his mind's eye he could see perfectly what he should have. A mop of pink hair, a pert nose, and a pair of bright blue eyes, always looking up at him with a sparkle, accompanied with lips that formed a smile that he had secretly been fond of.
A smile that had even made him decide to let go of the ruined future and let the world embrace its fate.
He gulped down whatever it was that was up his throat. Something heavy pressed onto his chest, and he found himself focusing on the bleak scenery before him. Chaos talking over the land, the other two airships left of their twenty-something fleet, New Cocoon's form eclipsed by the shadows of Valhalla. He needed something else to think about, something to keep his mind away from ghosts of her voice tinkling inside his head, to images of her eyes going gold – and then lifeless.
Noel felt his mouth turn into a grimace as he looked away from the spot where she usually stood. Where she last stood. He didn't know why he kept himself up there when he knew it was going to be painful. But he still did, making up excuses like keeping watch and enduring the whipping the wind gave him. The heaviness pressed again on his chest, and the feeling he had tried to gulp down revived itself.
If this almost breaks me, he thought, blinking back the tears that threatened to brim his eyes. Serah wouldn't want him crying. Then I must be made of really stern stuff.
He laughed to himself, the sound ringing out harsh and bitter. It must be really peculiar - a man who had witnessed a brother's death by his own sword…a man who had lived through the end of the world… and what almost breaks him is the death of a girl he barely knew.
When the fist came hurtling at him and broke his jaw, Noel wasn't surprised.
Nor when the other fist came and broke his nose. He had actually been expecting worse – a fine hit to the ribcage would've fractured some bones and punctured vital organs, ensuring fatal damage to the offending party. Which, surely in this case (he was convinced), was him.
"And you had the fucking guts to tell me that what I was doing was wrong!" Snow's voice boomed throughout the small conference hall. Noel could hear other voices in the din, but his head and ears were buzzing with a dull ringing after the third strike. It got him right on the side of his head, making him stumble backwards. He had even taken a couple of office chairs along with him.
"No! Vanille, Fang, get out of my way!'
"Snow, don't – "
Hope's voice was lost on Snow as he stomped over to where Noel was, whose limbs were tangled with office chairs and had blood dripping down his face. Noel could feel the bulk of a man's hands grasp whatever they could of his shirt as he was pulled upwards, feet dangling from the floor. A few gasps made it into his ears and past the dull ringing that was still inside his head.
Noel vaguely wondered if Snow could kill him with his bare hands. Idiot, he answered himself, swallowing down the blood that came from his split lip, of course he can. His head was muddled with pain and half-formed thoughts and images of Serah's eyes going gold that he couldn't really think of a proper response to Snow. After all, he thought it was only just for Snow to pour his outrage on him. It was his fault, after all. He'll take whatever beating Snow has to give, because he knew he deserved it.
"I told you to protect her –
Snow threw him to the ground with ease, and again he landed among the chairs. He felt his shoulder hit a wheel of an upturned chair with enough force to make him sure it would bruise. His eyesight was blurry, but he didn't try to raise his head and see what was going on, what was delaying more of the blows. He could only think of how sad Serah would become if she could see Snow act like this.
"And you told me you would – "
Sazh, Hope and Fang had tried to restrain the man, but Snow had pushed all of them away and had marched on to where he lay.
"You told me you would – "
Noel could only think of how Serah had described Snow once. Her hero, she had said, grinning at him like a schoolgirl. And they were about to get married, too. He could remember how often the thoughts came to him since she had saved him from his dream. Never mind what I feel, he surmised as he walked behind her, watching her and guarding her whenever they went about the worlds. She had often looked back at him and waved for him to come, or smile at him contentedly. I'll make sure she'll get the future she wants. I'll protect her to make sure she gets it.
"Fang –
There was a faint sound of locking metal.
"Haven't you done enough?"
A pregnant silence filled the air, and Noel felt ashamed to have it broken by his ragged breathing. Blood was still coming out of his nose, and the pain from both his nose and jaw made it hard to breathe. He could hear Snow panting a few feet away from him.
Hope broke the silence gingerly. "Snow, it's not his fault. Serah, she…"
Noel couldn't understand what Hope was trying to say. It was his fault, isn't it? He was helpless, as always. He let Serah do as she wished even though they both knew she was going to die if they continued. He let Caius spear himself on his sword because he wasn't strong enough to take it from his grip. He killed the goddess Etro because he wasn't strong enough to stop Caius, and he wasn't smart enough to see that his anger was what Caius wanted all along. If he just died peacefully back in his dying world and was content with it then he wouldn't have come to Valhalla. Everything wouldn't have happened. Serah still would have been alive.
Noel, her voice rang in his ears, light and airy. Don't be like that. You know it's not like that.
A sob made its way to his throat. What went out was an ugly sound – a cough crossed with a sob, accompanied by blood spilling from his mouth. Everything hurt, but nothing hurt as much as the heaviness that was in his chest, the tears that were stinging his eyes.
"I wanted to," his voice came out weak. "I wanted to protect her, I thought I had."
And then it all came, like a dam had broken inside of him. All the tears that he couldn't shed when he had held her, all the pain that he refused to feel when he knew she couldn't feel anymore. He felt it then, as he lay crumpled against upturned chairs, sobs and tears stinging against his wounds.
"I thought I had," the words were small but they choked him. "I thought I had, I thought…I thought she was safe…"
Hope felt something clench in his chest. He had heard the same words before, but to hear them again in this manner was something he couldn't steadily handle. He didn't say any more about Serah, nor did he need to. The rush of words coming from Noel didn't hear like a defense, and that was what had silenced all of them – they were accusations now, and they came from Noel's own mouth.
The fight that had him punching the lights of out Noel had left Snow. Something bitter came up his throat; he could even feel moisture stinging the corners of his eyes – but he wasn't going to let that brat see him, no. He couldn't even bear to look at him anymore. He could feel his face contort in disgust as he tried to block out the ugly sobbing, the ugly crying, the mixture of blood and tears that was streaming down that pretty boy's face. He wanted to shout more, to punch that face in further, but to see how broken he was stopped him.
He angrily slammed his fist onto the control panel of the conference room and went out quickly once the doors let him. He could feel his face still contorted in disgust. But as Snow stormed down the hallway, vaguely aware of Hope's steps following him, he felt his own throat tighten.
He didn't know if the disgust he felt was directed at Noel, or if it was directed at himself.
It was the calm before the storm.
Hope had mistakenly thought that the storm had passed once he watched the events unfold from his seat in his own airship. They had been saved, and the future they had worked hard for had been guaranteed by the closing of a paradox portal and two – no, three – figures flying out of it. He had stood up and was ready to command the pilot to fly close, to let him jump onto the one Sazh was piloting, when it all unfolded right before their eyes. Immediately the commands he wanted to say got stuck in his throat, and it took a deafening silence to remind him that what had happened was real.
When he got to Sazh's airship, he tried to make sense of it all. In the back of his mind he thought it strange that Noel was…reasonable. It didn't align with what he had observed between the two of them every time they saw each other, one timeskip after another. But Noel had only explained to him why Serah had died, in tones of grief and regret, with hints of disbelief. He could see the pain in Noel's face as the latter held Serah close to him so gingerly; he felt as if he was an intruder, and he had to look away.
They had stowed under deck once the chaos started to sweep them and the other airships away, and still, out of the corner of his eye, Hope found himself watching him. He was still waiting for a reaction, something more emotional (wasn't it already?) than the one he had witnessed up deck. But nothing happened – Noel held Serah's limp body close, a vacant look in his eyes, his movements seemingly automatic.
He should have known that back then was the calm before the storm. When he lost his mother quite a number of years back, Hope himself had his own 'calm'. He had bidden his time, trying to pluck up enough courage to exact vengeance on Snow, letting his grudge take root. It took him a while before he confronted Snow about his mother's death, and even that did not go as he planned. PSICOM forces had sent bombs their way and instead of killing Snow, he ended up owing his life to him, and forgiving him.
As semblances of days passed, Hope tried to be there for Noel. He knew losing someone you loved was hard, and when he had gone through the same predicament, he had people to help him grieve – Fang, Vanille, Sazh, Snow…Lightning. He tried to be the support Noel needed to make things easier, but his duties as Director never gave him much leeway. One day after another he had to attend meetings and discuss plans and try to restore Vanille and Fang from crystal stasis – his spare time would only come in the evenings, or what seemed like evening.
"I tried to stop it."
Hearing Noel's voice break the silence startled Hope, but he tried to not show it. They were alone in the room that housed Fang and Vanille's crystals; Noel had asked him if he could see them, and he obliged.
He tore his eyes away from the crystals, waiting for him to continue.
"When I realized that she… that her life was going to be affected, I told her it was alright with me if we didn't go through with it." Noel's eyes – one of the more intense shades of blue Hope had ever seen – were focused on Fang and Vanille, but seemed far away. "I…I couldn't imagine a world where she couldn't live her life to the fullest. I want her to have everything I'll never have…to have that life she was meant to have, and not have it cut short by me."
"Noel…"
"I want her to have that future she wanted, you know?" A smile cracked Noel's lips, but it was plaintive. "That school she was going to have, with those kids she were going to teach…the life she was going to lead with Snow. It hurt me too much to know that what we're doing would make her lose all of that. I was the one who took her away from all of that…"
Hope looked at Noel and tried to think of what he could say, but before he was able to, a dry chuckle beat him to it.
"But she wouldn't have it," Noel continued. He looked to Hope and Hope noticed that there was a glint of admiration in his eyes, a hint of amusement. "When I told her I didn't want to do it anymore she just told me she had made her decision. And that the future, too – it's something Lightning wanted. Something I wanted. From how she looks like you'd never really think she has all that pluck, huh?"
Hope could only laugh in agreement. "You'd think she wasn't even Lightning's sister – they seemed too different. I never even thought she was capable of getting angry, but she did shout at me when you guys fought that Proto fal'Cie. I was put in my place."
Noel chuckled at the memory. "You should've seen her when she got angry with a bunch of miniflan. She definitely lived up to her nickname."
"Nickname?"
"Oh. The kids back at New Bodhum – they called her Meanie Miss Farron."
"Meanie Miss Farron." Hope smiled at the label. "Serah's not the only Meanie Miss Farron I know."
"I can imagine." Noel smiled at the thought. His eyes were drawn to the crystals, and when Hope looked at Noel again he could see that the latter was getting drawn back into memories of his journey with Meanie Miss Farron. The look on the young man's face was a myriad of emotions as many memories flashed in his mind, and Hope's grip on the clipboard he was holding slackened.
Hope looked away from the young man and concentrated on Fang and Vanille, whose crystals were pulsing with a pale blue light. Have you seen things change as I did? He found himself asking the girls, who looked at the two of them with vacant crystal eyes. He was willing to give up the world for her, if it could mean she'd live longer.
She had become his world, and Hope wondered if Noel had even realized it.
"Hope."
Again his attention was called back to Noel, who now had a determined look on his face.
"Yeah?"
"When Snow comes, I want to be the one to tell him." Noel said, eyes boring into his. He hesitated to continue, but Hope could see it plainly – his resolve, his guilt, his pain. "It's all my fault. If he ever comes, I should be the one to tell him that Serah's…Serah's gone."
"Noel…"
"And…promise me you won't stop him, whatever he tries to do." the young man said. "Once he finds out, don't stop him."
On that day, alone with Fang and Vanille, Hope had agreed to that promise, albeit with hesitance. Noel had looked at him with determination and had thanked him before they lapsed into silence. Hope understood what Noel was trying to do. Snow had tried to do the same for him when his mother passed away.
"I want you to remember, though, Noel," he had said, once the younger man had made to go back to his quarters. "It's not your fault. It isn't anyone's."
Noel had only smiled at him, gave him a small nod, and went on his way.
When the day indeed came, with his assistants hurrying to the control room to deliver news of a newly activated gate, Hope inwardly knew he'd be breaking those promises. He hurried to the gate – which had appeared atop the deck – his promise ebbing away with each step. How could he let Noel tell Snow that Serah was dead, when Noel himself couldn't even say the words straight?
At the sight of blonde hair, his resolve had solidified. The words came out of his mouth even before he had fully formed thoughts. If Snow had damage to deal out then he'd deal with it later – he won't let Noel face Snow – and Serah's death – alone.
"Snow. It's…it's Serah."
Then the storm had come.
He could remember having millions of thoughts going through his mind as he jogged to keep up pace with Snow. The latter had bypassed all protocol and stormed his way through the airship. When he had finally caught up with Snow all hell had broken loose – punches were thrown, chairs were upturned and Vanille and Fang's first sights of the world was a panting Snow and a Noel beaten bloody. And when those words flooded out of Noel's mouth, accusations more than anything, he could faintly remember thinking that the storm had come.
He could barely look at Noel, who was now crying those tears he had been secretly waiting for, as if he was a bomb he had been waiting for to explode. Hope felt guilt and pain as he heard him say the words like a litany.
"I thought I had…I thought she was safe…"
He tried to stop Snow, breaking another promise, but it didn't work.
The storm had come.
Snow found himself staring at his bloodied knuckles, mind not even focused on the dull throbbing that pestered them. The scowl he had on his lips earlier had lessened into a hard line, but threatened to deepen whenever he remembered why his knuckles hurt in the first place.
Noel.
The name was sour in his mouth. He didn't even want to think about him, but the day's events left little to no option. He didn't think that the first thing he would do once he got back to Academia was to punch the boy bloody, but he couldn't think of doing anything else once he heard that dismal tone from Hope. He had been fresh out of the gate – he had hurried into the one at the Coliseum to catch it before it disappeared and was just recovering from his stumbling landing. When he looked up, Hope was just arriving, walking towards him with a couple of assistants in tow. His face…his face was troubled.
"Hope!" He had greeted. "Man is it good to be back here or what – "
No warm greeting came to him, though. Hope had extended a hand and helped him up.
"Snow."
"Hey, what's with the long face?" He accepted the hand gratefully and stood up, brushing remnants of the magic off his coat. The gold sparks fluttered away and dissipated.
"It's…" He could remember his eyebrows furrowing together as he sensed the hesitation in the director's voice. "It's Serah."
Then he knew. Hope's face, his tone, and the fact that the world was in black and green when he had arrived – he knew. His instincts knew, too. He needed no one's assistance as he stormed onto the airship and pushed aside people he didn't know, rushing to get to him. He wasn't going to have it from anyone else – he trusted him, and told him to protect her, and he wasn't going to make anyone other than who was responsible pay.
All reason left him once he had it confirmed. Seeing Noel standing there, looking lost, and no Serah in sight – it made him lose whatever thought he had. He made his body speak for himself. One well-connected hit to the jaw spoke volumes, and so did the punches he threw after.
A derisive snort went out into the air as he examined his bruised knuckles. How ironic was it, really, that when he had left them in Sunleth, he had succumbed to this strange idea that if he was going to leave Serah to anybody, it would be to that brat?
Their first meeting at Sunleth didn't let on to Snow that if he was going to choose a successor, it was going to be this brat who mouthed off at him the first chance he got. Noel's spunk had impressed him - that he had to admit – rarely did people call him out on his faults, and this boy did so without even thinking. He liked that, and he had seen the way he fought; so, Snow had decided - just for the heck of it - that if he had to leave Serah to somebody, it would be to Noel.
He didn't know that a few days later, he'd voice out his decision to the two of them once they returned. Noel's outrage on him made him guilty of what was going to happen – he knew it the moment the flan had died.
'You're the worst of them all.' The younger man had spit out at him, obviously angry that he had caused Serah so much worry. He was startled at the outburst, but Noel didn't stop at that. 'I hate your kind! You think you're everyone's protector – everyone's hero – but who do you save, really?'
His words hit too close to home. The knowledge that he was soon going to disappear didn't help alleviate the guilt he was starting to feel. Serah was just as startled as he was at Noel, too, for nothing came out of her mouth as they watched him, all the while standing by his side.
Snow had swallowed a lump in his throat. Was this how Serah felt, too? When he had left her behind?
'Do you even realize how useless you are? Do you realize what you do to the people you're supposed to protect?'
Noel's voice had grown louder by each word; Snow's guilt grew at the same rate. He tried to defend himself, and he was properly rebuked. To see the pain that had gone through the boy's face was enough for him to feel bad about what he had done to Serah. She still hadn't said anything to add to Noel's argument, or to his defense. She had only watched the two of them, in shock.
Snow didn't need any confirmation though, after that. Feeling his departure near, he had told Noel what he had decided on as solemnly as he could, trying to work in an apology in his tone.
"I guess what I'm sayin' is," he could remember having an arm around the boy a few hours ago he had just beaten to a pulp. He had tried to keep on the bravado the best he could. "You keep looking after Serah for me, okay?'
He then understood what Noel had voiced out. Serah had clutched onto him, cried, and pleaded for him not to go - nothing like how she had acted when he had left her three years ago. He tried to reassure her, and the next thing he knew, as he tried to forget about the guilt, he was floating by the Crux, alone.
Noel's words had never left his head. Seeing him so adamant about not leaving the people he cared about – maybe that was what had convinced Snow that if he was going to give up Serah to anyone, it would be to him. Because if he did, then he was sure Noel wouldn't leave Serah the way he did.
Maybe…Noel wouldn't hurt her the way I do.
When he was delivering blows to his face, something at the back of his mind told him that what he should have remembered from Noel's words was that he couldn't protect anybody. Snow hated himself for even thinking he would've given Serah to him. The words flowed out of his mouth: 'you told me you would protect her – you told me you would – ' The hurt he felt, the anger and the disappointment – he was going to make sure Noel would feel all of it. He was prepared to deal out more damage if it could mean that he would feel better, if it would bring Serah back, but Fang had intervened.
"Fang – " he had growled, ready to swat her away if she did not heed his warning. Noel needed to pay, and Snow was sure he was going to make him.
But Fang – who Snow knew deserved a better greeting than a threat – merely unleashed her weapon and locked it. She put herself in a stance and stared steely at him, putting herself in between the two of them.
"Haven't you done enough?"
It was then that he had taken a good look at the boy. His pretty boy face was now marred with blood, and the eyes that had looked up at him in anger back in Sunleth were now bowed away from him. The Noel who had stood up to him was tangled in a heap of office chairs, not even moving, not even having the heart to try and defend himself. Something hitched in Snow's stomach as he tried to catch his breath.
Snow watched the bruises on his knuckles mend themselves under the spell, tinged slightly with a greenish light. It wasn't Noel's fault, Hope had tried to explain, cornering him in a hallway a few ways away from the conference room. Serah wanted the world to have a better future. She still wanted to do it even if it meant she would…die early. He helped her make that future happen. He just helped her make what she wanted come true. It's just…
"Things... didn't go the way we wanted them to." Snow found himself repeating Hope's last words. The hard line his lips were in didn't change as he flexed his hand – it now looked fit, but it did not feel as such. There was still a dull pain that branched out from his knuckles.
His assault on Noel certainly didn't go the way he planned, too. It was too much to witness – the boy who had stood up against him and had told him that he was the worst of them all didn't even dare to raise his head. The Noel who had unabashedly helped him against a monstrous flan could not even breathe properly now, and was relegated to dragging, painful breaths. The voice that raised itself in anger against him was now small and choked, hindered by sobs and tears that had made Snow stop in his tracks.
'I thought I had', Noel had repeated to them – more to himself – over and over. 'I thought I had…I thought she was safe…I thought she was safe…'
The light of his Cure spell went out immediately once his concentration was broken.
There was a split second that Snow thought what he was seeing wasn't real. Surely I didn't make Noel into that mess, right? But the pain he felt in his hands said so. At the sight and sound of him being so broken, the anger that had driven Snow ebbed away. He had stormed out, feeling a tumultuous mix of emotions. Cheated, confused, disgusted, disappointed – there were too many to name, too many to count.
He had the right to take out his anger on Noel, didn't he? Serah had been his love, his life, and he had entrusted Serah to him. But Noel had failed – that alone was reason enough. If Lightning had known how much of a failure Noel had been she would've done the same, even worse. But Snow had stopped, even if he didn't want to. He had stopped and let the boy go, because when he had caught sight of that face and remembered his words, he knew.
The words came to his mind, plain as day. 'You're wrong,' the boy had said, looking wounded at the mention of his past. The hurt seemed to be so great that he had turned away from Snow and Serah. 'We're not the same.'
And now as Snow stared at his knuckles, all fixed up, he could only agree. Pity it had to take him the loss of a girl he had loved to realize it. They were not the same, not at all – not even with the hollow feelings in their chests, not even if they both cried and graveled to Etro for her. He didn't want to admit it, but as the next of Noel's words came to his mind, he knew it was true. The hurt they were nursing were somehow the same, yet also vastly, immensely different.
'I couldn't protect anybody.'
Thirteen times she heard the bell toll, and with each ring, she wondered if it was real or not. Each ring had brought her away from her slumber, the sound pulling her into consciousness. A voice had been coaxing her, too, out of sleep, but as she opened her eyes, what words the voice had told her had waned from memory.
What greeted her eyes was not the blue sky she was expecting, but a round, cavernous hall with vaulted ceilings – so high that before the vaults could meet, the ceiling itself had faded into darkness. She could hardly see anything, for what view she could see from the slit windows that lined the walls was nothing but black. The only illumination that served wherever she was were the stars that dotted the sky, so small and far.
Where was she? She could last remember warmth and light before she had come to, and they were very stark opposites of where she was now. There was only cold and darkness, and she was alone. She wasn't alone before…she had someone with her, someone she had said thanks to –
"Blessed One, you have come."
She blinked and looked around, searching for the source. The voice was hollow and small, yet booming and deep at the same time, like a chorus of hundreds of people. It bounced off the hall's walls, leaving behind an empty ringing.
Off towards her north she detected a light – a pale bluish silver, advancing towards her.
"Who's – who's there?"
She tried not to be afraid, but the cold and the darkness weren't helping. Was she really supposed to be alone? She had someone who would fight beside her, didn't she? She had someone who she had counted on…someone whose future she wanted to –
"It is I, from whose blood you have sprung, from whose kindness your heart was born, through whose Eyes you have seen." The voice grew louder, and the light grew closer. She blinked again, and now the light that was approaching her had come to form – of a woman, who seemed to be made of smoke and stars.
She found herself wanting to step back but was unable to - her feet had stood ground. Her eyes could barely contain the woman's form, but she kept her gaze. As she did so, a glyph crossed her mind, golden and shining. A pang of pain shot through her head.
"My Blessed One," said the woman, a sad smile on her lips. She had stopped a few paces before her, and the light that emanated from her illuminated the room in pulses, like a faint heartbeat. "You have come to me, to my aid, as your sister has done before you."
My sister…
"My Knight she has become, yet as my Knight she was destined to fall. I have blessed you with mine Eyes so you could have seen, but alas, Fate has decided to prolong this suffering."
She furrowed her eyebrows at the woman, made of smoke and stars, all silver and blue. In her mind's eye she could see who the woman was talking about – her sister, of the same pink hair, standing guard by an empty throne. But as sudden as the image came it had changed – her sister was sitting on the throne now, stiffened in a mix of marble, crystal, and gold.
"Lightning," she found herself saying. Her memories flashed before her eyes, and the goddess of chaos watched. "Lightning – and – Noel – "
"Alas, Blessed One, both on whom I have bestowed my kindness - a kindness that seems keen to not only give but also take." she said, holding up a frail silvery hand. Her light pulsated once more, faintly. "Such things we cannot discuss, for my impending death weakens me. That is why I could only come to see you here, when my Gift has brought you to the Door, for it is also where I can last manifest myself."
Her eyes widened. "You're the goddess – Caius, he wanted to kill you – "
"And in that he has succeeded," the Goddess smiled and nodded, movements slow and graceful. Her form was flickering now, more frequent than the faint beating of only a few moments ago. "But not for long, if you serve me, as your sister has done before you. Serve me and the wrongs of history will correct themselves. The Guardian of the Ballads will pay for the havoc he has wrought."
Before she could find a reply, though, the floor beneath her feet glowed white in a flash of light, and all of a sudden glyphs and other symbols she had no idea of were etched on the surface. Concentric circles of different distances from the center started to rotate about, their respective glyphs along with them, lining up, looking vaguely like the surface and the gears of a clock.
She stood there, entranced by the movement.
"What's happening?" She asked the goddess, who was of the same color as the whizzing glyphs.
"The Gate," The goddess says, looking mildly surprised. "It will soon open for me, to take me into my sleep. It will take all my power to make it not open for you." The goddess then looked at her, her color-shifting eyes boring into the girl's, holding both heart and chaos.
"Serve me, Serah Farron," her voice implored, again the voice of a thousand souls, "And the world may have salvation from the destruction it is to face."
As the gears of the Door of Souls whirred into place, the girl knew what she had to say. It came to her naturally – she held out her hand, closed her eyes and let the words flow out of her mouth, into the darkness.
Another blinding flash of white filled the air before her, and when she regained sight the Door and the Goddess were gone. She was again alone in the impossibly large, round hall, but something had changed far to her north. She stepped towards it, feet soundless against the floor. After a few steps she had found a door – also endlessly tall – and with a slight push its hinges creaked and bestowed her the sight of the world outside.
"This…this is – "
She found no words to describe what she had seen. An empty metropolis stretched before and below her, flanked on both sides by an endless periwinkle sea, sheltered by a sky both black and grey. A deafening silence filled her ears, but was once again broken by the sound of a bell tolling. Once, twice, thrice –
In the far distance she could see vague shapes of luminescent spires and circles, marking the mist with faint blue-green light. Thunder rolled and joined the cacophony of the tolling bells. Waves lapped along the shoreline, joining in the chorus.
She didn't have to guess where she was, for she had been there before. She had fought there before. She had seen it conquer the world she had saved before she had succumbed to the darkness. And now, as she looked onto the dark sky, seeing a faint outline of what had been her home hanging against it, she knew that this was no dream, no 'vision'.
She had died, and she was in the Unseen Realm.
Thirteen times the bell had tolled. The sound drowned her voice when she said it.
"Valhalla."
The mechanical whirring ceased, and the image that hovered in the air dissipated soon after. The lens shut itself, and soon a panel closed itself as well, leaving one Hope Estheim surprised beyond his wits. The papers he was holding all fell to the floor, and it took him a while to gather his senses. The Oracle Drive. How could I have forgotten about the Oracle Drive?
"Noel and Snow," the names went out of him as he put himself together. "Noel and Snow, I have to tell Noel and Snow – "
"Director!"
That's what this is all about, Hope thought, walking past another of his assistants that had hurried to him. Their incessant talking went in one ear and out the other. When Caius Ballad killed the Goddess, chaos was let out and that decimated time and space, blurring the line between the Unseen Realm and the real world. That's why the Unseen Realm – Valhalla – is taking form here. Is it the real Valhalla, though? The Valhalla where legends say the souls of the dead come to rest? If Serah's there, though, but her body is with us, that means it is – but if the worlds are colliding -
" – woke up!"
The words stopped Hope in his tracks. "What?"
There were two assistants now. Both looked frazzled like they had just came from the top deck of the airship.
"What woke up? Do you mean – did Serah – "
"No sir," said one assistant, who was trying to catch his breath. Hope realized that they were well away from the conference room he had locked himself in. "It's – hah – the Moogle – hah! The moogle woke up sir, hah, the moogle woke up – "
Hope didn't bother to ask the other assistant what he had to say. He stormed towards the room they were keeping Mog and Serah's body in – Noel had refused to let them discard of it. Hope also thought it strange that even though there was no pulse, the body never became stiff or cold, opposite of the way humans usually did once deceased. Mog, meanwhile, had been in a coma – their limited knowledge of Moogle anatomy stalled them trying to help in his recovery.
"How did you know Mog woke up?" Hope asked, pulling on his gloves as he turned left down a corridor once, then right when he came to a corner. His assistants struggled to keep up with his pace. "Did his bobble glow? Did his vitals pick up? We tried to check for vital signs but his anatomy is one of the strangest we've ever seen – Have you informed Sazh, Vanille, Fang…?"
"It was that man," the other assistant said. "That's what I was going to report, sir – that man, he came rushing to the room, and I was just out to take a little leak, and I was sure she was still there. When I came back he was panting by the door and said that 'she's not here', and I was like, 'Yes she is', and when I looked into the room she was –
"And the moogle was breathing and saying 'kupo kupo – '"
Hope stopped abruptly, sending his assistants careening into him. He gave them no notice - what had taken his, however, was a Noel Kreiss who was standing in the doorway, looking at him with wide eyes, again brimming with tears. Before he could say anything about what he had seen in the Oracle Drive, however, he got the wind knocked out of him once the younger man rushed to him and hugged him out of sheer relief.
"She's not here," Noel said. Hope could easily hear the joy in his voice, and tried to pat the boy on the back. But Noel's arms were too strong to combat, so he was just left standing there, getting even more wind knocked out of him.
"She's not here!"
The joy was infectious, and even Hope found himself smiling as Noel gave out a laugh.
"Do you know where to find her then?"
Another voice had joined the conversation, and Hope found himself free of Noel's grasp. Snow was standing a few feet from them, hands in his pockets.
"Snow…" Hope said, eyes darting from Snow to Noel. He made to step between the two of them and was about to explain what he had seen in the Oracle Drive, but he was again interrupted.
"I started everything," Noel started. "I got us into this mess, I got Serah into this mess."
"Noel, it's not your fault – " Hope tried to say, but he found no audience. Snow was staring intently at Noel now, and Noel at Snow.
"I'll get her out of it, Snow," he said, many things etched into his voice. "I'll give her back to you even if it's the last thing I do."
Hope looked past Noel and asked Snow for confirmation. He raised his eyebrows, and once they locked eyes, he got Snow's nod of approval.
"No you won't," Hope said. He looked at Noel and Snow and found it hard to believe that only yesterday the latter had the former lying injured by his hand. He felt a wave of pride as he said his next words. "We'll get her out of it."
Snow gave the younger man a nod, too. It was small, and it took a lot of what he had, but it was worth it.
"We'll get her back."
"Hey, you ready?"
Noel looked up from his shoes to see Sazh hovering by the door, his guns shining in their holsters. Since they had landed onto whatever Pulse had transformed into, he got to see a lot more of Sazh, who often prowled the airship's halls and inspected its status.
"Ready as I'll ever be," Noel answered, standing up. He felt the weight of his double swords on his back and found it comforting. "You?"
"Pretty much." The pilot says back at him. He grinned. "It's a pity I'm not going to be out there with all of you, though. I'll miss it – just like in the old days."
Sazh had opted out of their scouting party even though he wanted to. His son Dajh had survived the Time Crash with them, and they all understood that he couldn't leave him for too long.
"And how about you, little Mog-thing?" Sazh asked, poking the flying Moogle as he floated by.
"Of course I am, kupo!" Mog answered, voice small and shrill. Noel never knew he'd find so much comfort in the Moogle. "I'm always ready, especially if it's for Serah, kupokupo!"
"Hey, I thought you were loyal to Lightning?"
The moogle pointed its staff at Noel. "Don't make me choose, kupo!"
Sazh laughed at the display and poked his head further into the room. "Well, once you're out just go directly into the loading bay. Hope and the others will be waiting for you there. I'll put you guys down to the lowlands myself."
Noel nodded in thanks and proceeded to scan his room for anything he left behind. Any spare potions, phoenix downs, or items that they would need, he had placed in his storage pack for future use. Once Serah had disappeared from the airship and Hope had shown them the new recordings in the Oracle Drive, they had decided to land and find Valhalla to put an end to it all.
Fang, when informed of the current goings-on, signed up immediately. 'I've been cooped up in that crystal for too long,' she had said, and had gleefully put on a display of twirling her weapon, sending lots of Academia assistants scrambling about to avoid the blades. 'It's about time I get to kick some ass!'
Vanille had agreed to the plan as well. 'You've done so much to get us out of the crystal. It's now our time to help you and those two girls out, huh?'
Hope, actually, was the one who was met with the most resistance. And strangely enough, it was not from himself, but from the rest of Academia. Those left of his assistants were distressed to hear that he was planning to go out into Pulse, but he had calmed them with words that proved his standing as Director true.
"I won't force you to come with us," Hope had said to the faces looking at him, some of them with blank expressions – some shocked, some hopeful. Of the once thousands-strong Academy, there were only tens of them left under his command. "Once we land, the other two airships will land with us. Anyone who wants to go into Bhunivelze should disembark from this ship and board the others. If there are any of you who would like to brave this journey with me, you are all welcome to stay here."
"You're not going to go into Bhunivelze, Director Estheim?" a voice from the crowd said. They were all cramped into the mess hall of the ship, all in yellows and whites and cyans. Fang, Vanille, Sazh, Snow and Noel stood out like sore thumbs – three of them more so, still attired in Pulsian clothes.
Hope shook his head lightly and gave a small smile. "Unfortunately I will not be boarding the ships to Bhunivelze." Out of the corner of his eye he could see Fang's smirk when the gasps of disappointment came form the crowd. "I'll be staying down in Pulse – Valhalla – to get into the heart of things, to see what's going on and stop it."
He could see that protests were going to go up against him so he held a hand upwards. The buzzing stopped, and he took a breath before he continued.
"The Academy has been with me throughout my journey," he said, eyes roving over the crowd. He put down his hand. "Since a hundred years ago, five hundred years ago – the Academy has continuously helped me and has continued my work with unfailing dedication and loyalty. You've all welcomed me warmly whenever I wake up to another time, another place. I owe you all more than I can repay. In this time of imminent danger, I can't let the people who have done so much for me be forced to give up their lives or families. Even if we're looking at a dreary present, I still want all of you to make the most of it.
What we've all achieved has been currently put on hold by possibly the biggest paradox we've ever come to face. The land we'll be arriving onto will not be the same as the Pulse we have all been used to. There will be more dangers. There will be more threats. All of you – you have done so much for the Academy, and for me as well. The only way I can thank you is to make sure you are all safe."
They all didn't expect what had happened after. The crowd went into applause; 'Director Estheim!' and 'Director!' and even variations of 'marry me!' went up in the air. Fang had laughed out loud at the suggestions, and Hope repeatedly found his face planting into his palms as Fang's teasing never came to an end once the crowd had dispersed. Snow had clapped the director on the back, a smirk on his lips as he said 'Boy, is Lightning gonna be proud of you or what?' Vanille only giggled and echoed the same thing.
As Noel made his way to the loading bay, he felt a warm feeling swelling in his chest. Those left of Hope's followers – as Fang had labeled them – wished him luck and nodded his way when he passed. When he reached the bay he found the rest of their party waiting – Hope, who had forgone his Academia attire and had on something more suitable for combat, the ever-cheerful Vanille who had a smile on her face, Fang, whose lance was already out and ready, and Sazh, who was waving at him from the control panel. Snow was also there, giving him a grin and a nod in acknowledgement.
He could remember more of that message now, the message that he had written to himself long ago, still hanging slightly by the edge of his memory.
There's a serious trial ahead of you, but this almost broke me. Those were the words that often came about in his head. But now the message was continued, longer than he remembered.
Just don't give up and don't give in.
The whizzing and buzzing of the gears invaded their ears as Sazh set the deck into motion, the drawbridge descending slowly into the earth.
I know it's weird coming from yourself, but trust me.
The wind bit at him once the drawbridge opened enough to let it in. But he could only smile as he looked around him – gone were the days of him wandering alone, gone were the days that he was begging for death. Gone were the times that he thought Serah's death had broken him. As they stepped towards Pulse to reclaim what they had lost, seeing that he was not alone reminded him again of why he had started his journey.
I know you can do it.
"Let's get them back." Noel found himself saying. He was met with vigorous nods of approval. One by one they headed down the drawbridge as it met the land with a thunderous thud, each person sending him a gesture of support - a grin from Fang, a smile from Hope, a playful pinch from Vanille.
This almost broke me, Noel thought as he stepped off onto Pulse, exchanging a grin with Snow. Serah would probably be proud that they were working together. But I know it won't.
Because I'll get you back, Serah.
I'll get you back.
A/N: Jesus, God, and holy, divine Etro! It took me so long and so much to write this! I've been plagued by this fic ever since I finished the game, and I've written and re-written so many parts of it that I think I have another 7000 words left as scrap. I even wrote in parts for Vanille, Fang and Sazh, but they didn't work out the way I wanted them to. : (
It is such a great relief to have this finished. I hope you guys liked it, and please, if you can, leave a review! : )
Also, if they're out there reading this, I'd like to give a shoutout to the lovely writers of the equally lovely Noerah fics out there, especially LilacsBloom and drinktea. If you haven't read them yet, go do so. Now! :))
PS: Okay, some of the bits regarding Hope's speech with Academia: what I was thinking of was that the merging of the worlds is going on at a slow rate, and Bhunivelze is still operational. Well, at least that's that it looked like during the ending. So Hope is sending off the people who want to be reunited with their families or those who want to check on what's happened to them to new Cocoon, and have them as far away from Valhalla x Pulse as soon as possible.
LOL And I know it's not really Noel x Serah but I think the character POVs touched in on that? Subtly? Yes? No? ) Review if you want to tell me anything!
FFXIII, FFXIII-2, all characters and names belong to Square Enix ; )
EDIT: I don't know what happened, something's weird and the story seems to have deleted itself. A paradox? : ) So to that first reviewer who left his/her review, if you can, please leave it again. I never got the chance to see it. :))