These characters are not mine, I make no money from this.
Question of the Millennium.
We Interrupt This Fanfiction Showcase for an Important, Soon-To-Be-Outdated Reference.
Konoe Konoemon and his fellow Headmasters from the whole of Academy City had called for an urgent meeting under Mahora's famous World Tree, the biggest landmark in the whole city. Everyone had been summoned. From the lowest student to the most respected teacher, from the filthiest of delinquents to the most law-abiding School Council Presidents, all of them had gathered in a tight crowd, and all of them but Katsuragi Keima, who was too busy playing his PFP and its latest galge, and Ayumu 'Osaka' Kasuga, who was chasing after a butterfly, paid the utmost curious attention.
At the feet of the gigantic tree, Konoemon took his place at the honor podium to address the massive audience. Behind him sat, in a tense silence, Kuno Kouchou from Furinkan, Monokuma from Hope's Peak, Kazahana Mashiro from Fuka, Ryuugazaki Washu from Akihabara Junior High, Kiryuin Satsuki from Honnoji, a certain sinister hooded figure from Youkai Academy, Principal Tendo from Old Matsumoto High, Tsuboi-sensei from Jindai, Ohtori Akio, Ruben K. Ashford and his granddaughter Milly, and the fat bastard from Sainan, who for once remained in a state of quiet, contemplative calm.
"Fellow educators," Konoemon began through his microphone, and thus the whole speakers system around the crowd. "Beloved, respected students, and their assembled families. Thanks to all of you over coming here, to help us address this most important question that baffles us to no end. This perplexing conundrum that has vexed the best minds amongst us. Perhaps today, working together, we will be able to rectify this situation, for everyone's sake. We dearly hope so, at the very least," he sighed deep and sadly before gesturing for a nearby, huge flat screen dominating the audience. "And so, we ask you, hoping for your complete sincerity in answering..."
The massive screen showed a single, titanic image of... a dress.
"Is this dress white and gold, or blue and black?" Konoemon grimly asked.
The silence swept from the directive staff towards the so far chattering and confused audience, who now stared fixedly at the image deployed before them.
Finally, Evangeline A.K. Mc Dowell snorted. "Duh! Anyone can see it's black and blue!"
Mina Tepes gave her an annoyed glare. "Did that sealing spell mess your eyesight up, as well? It's evidently white and gold!"
"You're freaking blind, Princess! How can you ever mistake black and blue with white and gold?"
"Akiraaaa!" Mina turned to the tall black haired boy with her. "It's white and gold, isn't it?"
The boy blinked, taking a good long look at the screen. "I don't know, Princess, it looks black and blue to me..."
"Gack! Betrayal!" Mina gasped.
"Black and blue!" Narutaki Fumika and Momo Deviluke cried.
"No! White and gold!" Narutaki Fuuka and Nana Deviluke countered.
"It's black and blue!" Tsukino Usagi shook a fist up. "Back me up here, Mamo-chan!"
"Baka Usagi! It's white and gold, white and gold!" Tsukino Chibi-Usa chanted. "Tell her already, Mamo-chan!"
Chiba Mamoru pulled his glasses out of his breast pocket, put them on, and blinked. "It looks blue and gold to me..."
"THAT ISN'T HOW IT IS!" both of them yelled at him.
"Oh pleaseeeee!" Shirai Kuroko sneered. "What's wrong with your eyes, people? It's just plain obvious it's bla—"
"Gold and white," Misaka Mikoto opined.
"Gold and white, like Oneesama said!" Kuroko nodded with a smile and without missing a beat.
Itoshiki Nozomu blinked, looking all around, at the quickly escalating and heating discussions growing all around him. "Oh, for the love of Kami-sama! Is everyone around here insane? What does it matter? Why are we here worrying about such a silly subject of all things? Hey, is anyone listening to me...? Hitou-san...? Rin-chan...? Hello, hello...? Oh. Oh, well." He sighed, then tossed his hands up and struck the Despair Pose. "I'M IN DESPAIR! ABSURD SOCIAL TENDENCES LIKE THIS HAVE LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"
Calmly, Monokuma pulled out a card with a '9.5' written on it.
"Polka-dotty red and green!" Sasaki Makie opined.
"Ah! No matter the colors, Sakura-chan would look LOVELY in that dress!" Daidouji Tomoyo swooned.
"No, really, Skinny over there is right," Tamura Umeko opined, "What does it matter? The colors of the clothes are inconsequential, so let's all take ours off and have some real fun!"
"Sounds like a real plan," Kitami Reika nodded sagely.
"Mom, please, you're embarrassing me...!" Tamura Makoto groaned.
"Blue and black!" Hinata Natsumi hissed, standing her ground before a very strange and tall girl with a blond wig on a green frog's head.
"Gold and white, like a Golden Premiere Edition Gundam!" the freaky blonde hissed back, as Kuno Tatewaki dreamily checked her out.
"Keep it low, will you?!" Hasegawa Chisame growled, trying to sketch the dress up on a random sheet. "And does anyone have a golden crayon or something, whatever?"
"Gyah! It's Phantom Thief Arsene!" Honsho (not Naba!) Chizuru pointed frantically. "She's stealing the screen with the black and blue dress! And seriously, check that ass out!"
"Save the white and gold dress, someone...!" Maehara Shinobu cried at the top of her lungs.
"There's no dress! The dress is a lie!" yelled Suzumiya Haruhi, running around waving her arms, with a tinfoil hat on. "A lie! And Chao Bao Zi nikuman are made of people!"
Finally, Kurokami Medaka coughed loudly, instantly imposing silence as she stood up. Everyone paused as they looked at her, even Phantom Thief Arsene, who had been hitting Negi in the head with the giant-ass screen to make good on her escape.
"This," Medaka shouted, tightening her fists at her sides, "is a work of fanfiction! A prose medium with no color, especially once it's posted in , where colored text is not an option! So very obviously... THE DRESS IS BLACK AND WHITE!"
Gasps of shocked realization abounded everywhere, while Monokuma nodded his energetic approval.
At last, Konoemon sighed in relief. "... and that settles it, then. Thank you so very much, Kurokami-kun. Now, since we are already here anyway, what if we move on another topic of shared interest? Let's discuss this young Ishihara fellow, for starters..."
The end!