We Break and Then We Rebuild, a house, m.d. fanfic

We Break and Then We Rebuild

This takes place during Ugly, right after the scene where Cameron is practicing what to say to the reporter, after she managed to embarrass herself on camera, claiming that she loved Dr. House.

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"Do you think they'll let me clarify?" Cameron asks, eyes hopeful as her shoulders heave down, the confidence erased from her face. She spins away from the mirror.

Chase sighs. "You want the truth?"

Cameron's eyebrows wrinkle slowly. "Yeah," she says, almost hesitantly. She knows he doesn't understand why she's so determined to fix her verbal faux pas. She's aware that he believes she's too invested in this matter.

Chase stands up, frustration written all over his face. It's clear he's annoyed with her. She half-expected him to be.

"I don't think anyone, and I mean anyone..." He has to emphasize this word in order to indicate that it's House he's talking about. He's looking to hurt her, like she's hurt him. "Well, it's just that I'm sure that nobody cares about what you said except you."

Her eyes narrow as she turns to watch him walk away. And you, she thinks sadly.

"Hey," she says, finally finding him in the lounge, ready to set things right. That's what she does. She fixes things, not people. She's never been one to change people, much as House might disagree. But situations, arguments, disagreements...well, she's great at smoothing over discrepancies such as these.

He barely looks up over the newspaper that's positioned in front of him only to keep her at a distance. He never reads the paper and she knows this. She'd roll her eyes at this gesture, but she doesn't want him thinking she finds his reaction childish. That'll start an entirely different fight.

She slides down next to him, looking at his profile. "Are you giving me the silent treatment," she asks, half-heartedly, trying to lighten the mood slightly. That was essential when talking to Chase, she had learned. If she made the problem seem less significant than it was, he'd eventually come around. In fact, this time, she didn't understand his reaction fully. She'd embarrassed herself on camera, and now she wanted to make up for it. What was the real issue there?

"No Allison," he says as if he's sick of her. She waits patiently, eyes drilling into him. He glares at her. "You can never take a hint, can you?"

Cameron shrugs. "I guess subtlety isn't one of my strong points," she offers, lying to him.

Chase makes a huge scene out of turning the page in the paper. "You obsessing over what House thinks of you still, it's just..." he pauses, searching for the right words, perhaps debating whether to say what he really thinks. Intuition wins over rationale. "Well, it's just pathetic."

Cameron blinks rapidly, pulling back slightly. "I don't care what he thinks," she manages after a beat. It's a weak defense, and she knows it, but it's the best she can come up with.

"Oh please," he scoffs, thoroughly disgusted. She's never heard that tone in his voice before, at least not when he was speaking to her.

"It's just...she caught me off-guard," Cameron begins. "I didn't really know what I was saying. And it all came out wrong. I got so defensive about them taking my comment out of context, and I started falling all over my words. It was humiliating. I just wanted to reclaim a bit of my dignity back, that's all."

She can see it in his eyes, he's considering buckling. He can hear the desperation in her voice. She can hear him reasoning that maybe she's right. Maybe it was a silly mistake. It could have happened to anyone.

He rustles the paper dramatically, and she sighs loudly. He's not going to back down so easily this time. Because, it hadn't happened to anyone. It had happened to her. And now, any doubts Chase had buried about her being over House were dug up and sandwiched between them, keeping her at arm's length from him.

"It was unprofessional," she tries again. "I was rambling...I didn't...."

Chase slams the paper down, creasing it in all the wrong places. "Why don't you just go and beg for your job back?" he asks coldly.

Cameron's eyes widen. She's done begging for forgiveness. She doesn't believe she's done anything terrible enough to warrant such frigidness. She's on her feet in seconds.

"This is ridiculous," she announces. "If Foreman had been there, he would have laughed," she insists, hands on hips. "A reporter made me sound dumb. That's all!"

"No," Chase says, calmly, trying to make her look idiotic for acting emotionally. "That's not all. Apparently you need to get over House."

Cameron shakes her head, wondering briefly why all men can be such children. "You need to get over yourself," she snaps.

Chase shrugs, acting wholly unaffected. "I'll work on that," he smirks. "But getting over me shouldn't be an issue for you," he says smugly.

Cameron's wild-eyed. "Oh, so that's it?" she says incredulously. "I obsess over one thing and you're just going to call it quits?"

Chase sighs, crossing his arms as he leans back against the plush sofa. "Seems to me that the only thing you ever obsess about is House."

She half-laughs at his accusation. "You're insane," she says, unable to think of anything else to combat his allegation.

"Fine, I'm insane," he says nonchalantly. "Now why don't you go tell him how much you love him in person?"

Fury sweeps over her face. She thinks about screaming at him. She considers throwing that damn newspaper in his face. But she knows he's expecting her to react this way. An emotional attack will further confirm his crazy theory. He's half-hoping for it. He's a lot like House in this way. He'd rather be right than happy.

Refusing to give him this final satisfaction, she turns expertly on her heel and manages to walk out of the lounge with as much poise as she can gather.

Two days pass since the incident with Chase. She never approached the reporter about explaining her interview. She'd been too baffled by Chase's behavior. Sometimes, she felt like the man in the relationship. They went at her pace, followed her rules, and he was always the one who attached too quickly. She knew it was hardly his fault, but it felt better to blame him anyway.

Of course, they may no longer have a relationship, she reminded herself. He wasn't going to cave like he always did this time. He was taking a stand, and while she was sure she'd go see him eventually, she wasn't ready to apologize...at least, not until she believed she had something to apologize for.

To her surprise, she isn't distracted from her work the way she usually is during times of personal upheaval. She's not analyzing every little detail of their argument, not even hoping that he'll magically show up and tell her that she was right and he was wrong. None of this happens, and she wonders if her lack of worry over the tiff is the real problem.

Peeling the skin tight latex gloves off of her hands, she takes hold of the chart she's set aside, the patient whose mysterious ailments are no longer in her job description to diagnose. She leaves it on House's abandoned desk, knowing he'll eye it in the morning and his curiosity will peak.

"Hey," she says, running into Wilson in the hallway. He's heading towards his office. "Working late?" she asks, noting the cup of cafeteria coffee in his hand.

He nods, his eyes looking beyond exhausted. "Cuddy called me in," he answers. Cameron assumed she must have woken him up. He doesn't look even remotely alert. "Dropping a file off?"

Cameron nods. "Yeah, weird case," she says simply. She can't even remember half of the symptoms anymore. She treats hundreds of patients a day. They all tend to blur together at the end of her shift.

"Did you watch the documentary?" he asks. "They aired it tonight."

Cameron shakes her head a little too eagerly. "I...kind of didn't want to."

Wilson smiles reassuringly. "You weren't in it," he adds, a little too knowingly. He pats her shoulder lightly as he walks by.

Cameron's eyes narrow in revelation as she turns to face him. "Wait, Wilson?" she begins, stopping him. "If I wasn't in it, then how did you know that they did film me?"

Wilson's mouth opens slightly then clamps shut, realizing his mistake. "Cuddy was given all of the footage," he explains meekly. "She gave it to House."

Cameron's shoulders drop, disheartened. If Wilson had seen the tape, there was no doubt House had. She steps into the elevator, slightly agitated. He was going to have a field day with tormenting her.

"Dr. Cameron," House teases as she steps out of the elevator shaft. Ignoring him, she picks up her pace, wondering if this might dissuade him from following.

She should have known it wouldn't.

"You know, you look much prettier when you're angrier," House smirks, managing to follow her outside.

Cameron spins around. "House, I'm tired. I've been working for twenty hours. I haven't eaten since yesterday and I really just want to fast forward this conversation so I can go home." She sounds a bit childish and she knows this. She just doesn't care anymore. "So? What is it?"

House eyes her curiously. "Nothing," he says, indicating that he's not ready to reveal his motives for seeking her out.

Cameron sighs. "Okay, fine. I'll put your tortured mind to ease. I am not in love with you. That reporter caught me off-guard. I did love working for you. I loved my job, but I don't want it back. I'm much happier now."

House blinks. "Yes, you look it." His tone is sarcastic. He grins knowingly. "How's Chase?"

She sighs. "I don't know," she admits.

"Interesting."

She's fuming now. "If you must know, I'm on my way to his apartment right now." Liar, she thinks. But now that it's said, she knows that she's going to end up there. Only Chase could make her forget the embarrassment of being confronted by House about such a personal statement. Apologizing doesn't seem so terrible anymore. She's too exhausted to be proud.

House nods, extending his cane in front of his legs to prevent her from walking away. "Why?"

The question is simple and blunt, yet it could imply so many things.

"Why what?" Cameron asks, biting her lip in nervous anticipation of his explanation. She's not sure this is a conversation she wants to be having. Of course, she also knows that she could always outrun him, leaving him to infer whatever he pleased from her absence. On second thought, that might be worse.

"You could have said anything," House begins. "You could have said I was a great doctor. That I was smart or unconventional. Anything. The best you could think of to say was that you loved me?"

Cameron brings a hand to her head, pushing back her bangs. "House," she begins, warning him to drop the subject. "I was with a patient. I was tired. I..." She pauses, giving up the facade. "I said it because I meant it," she answers at last. He appears to be taken aback by her response, but remains still. "But I meant it exactly the way I said it. I did love you House. And I don't just mean romantically." She shrugs. "Sometimes you were even a good friend."

He winces, surprised.

"I said I loved you House," she clarifies, digging her car keys out of her purse. "I never said I still did."

She walks away, wondering if she's exposed herself too much, but knowing inwardly that when it came to House, she always ended up giving away entirely too much of herself. She could consider this her tragic flaw.

She unlocks the door slowly, dropping her purse into the passenger seat, and before she gets in, she hears his voice, faint but strong.

"Never said you didn't either."

Cameron shuts the door, fidgeting with her rearview mirror. He was right. There was always that small problem.

But, in an effort to push him further away, the way he'd pushed her back so many times before, she set out in the direction of Chase's apartment, mind heavy and burdened. She could tuck away any affection she had for House, pushing it further and further down until one day she realized she couldn't find it anymore.

At least, that was the plan.

"I'm sorry," she says, pressing her luck by pushing open his front door and letting herself in. Her eyes are glistened with tears and she's sure he's already misinterpreted their meaning.

He sucks in his breath slowly, and she can tell he's deciding whether to let her back in or not. Cameron's almost desperate. He always lets her back in. She know that one day he won't. She wonders vaguely what will happen when he finally gives up on them.

"You look tired," he says, fixing her a cup of tea. She follows behind him instinctively, just wanting to be near him. She's too vulnerable to be alone right now.

"I'm exhausted," she admits, accepting the cup graciously. Her eyes thank him over the rim as she sips the strong liquid. "I've been at the hospital for nearly a day."

Chase nods, familiar with the feeling. "They showed the documentary," he adds, like an afterthought, like it isn't an important issue.

Cameron nods. "Wilson told me. I didn't watch."

"Figured you wouldn't," Chase says. "You weren't in it," he adds, looking up at her, a strange, wild hope in his eyes. "You talked her out of using your material?"

Cameron's unsure what to say. This is her way back in, if she truly wants to be back in. She realizes she'll have to lie, but somehow, with this relationship, she's okay with stretching the truth. Her intent is good, and she wonders if somehow, someday that might be enough for him.

"Well, they didn't air it, did they?" she replies, lips curling into a familiar half-smile. It's hardly a lie. It's an implication.

Chase smiles, allowing her to hug him loosely. Her head drops back onto his shoulder, his body heat making her feel tired all over again.

"I don't want to work for him again," she tells Chase. "I'm happy where I am." The flash from the familiarity of those words cause her to see distant blue eyes peering at her sadly, trying to unravel her, trying to figure out the puzzle that is and always will be Allison Cameron.

She jars the thought from her head, pulling back to concentrate on Chase's eyes instead. "I am sorry," she replies, "I never meant to hurt you."

It's a sad apology, but it's the best she can muster, and if it disappoint's Chase's expectations, he never lets on to this fact.

"It's okay," he says, the same way he's said it a thousand times after all of their disagreements. "It'll be okay."

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