This work is a translation of Le Perdre Pour Nous Trouver by the wonderful missxfuruba.
I'd like to thank her for her help, her advices and her cheerfulness during this translation! It really was a pleasure working with you~
As I said, this is a translation so it might contain some mistakes. I apologize if that's the case, but don't hesitate telling me if you notice some.
Author's notes: Hello everyone! Here's an OS that I started on 27 December! Yes, it gave me a hard time but I managed to finish it! I wrote this OS to let off steam of a story that happened to a friend of mine (I therefore approach a true story, but very very romanticized and remixed my style, let's just say that the triggering event of the story is a true story.).
For those who don't like it: be careful to the light smut in the last "big" paragraph at the end.
Disclaimer: nothing belongs to me except the story, because it's an AU. But the characters are not mine.
I hope you'll enjoy it despite the very awkward dialogues (I have a lot of trouble), and I also hope that it's not OOC (if it is I erase everything and I start again xD). Well, for Castiel, it has to be a little because of the AU context where his story isn't the same, I gave him a bit more personality, but I like to stay in what I like so here we go...
The OS is 12,450 words long, so have fun! Happy reading!
Losing Him To Find Us
Heart heavy with remorse, he finished filling the last page. A signature, one last look, and it was over. He had had no choice. He had run out of time. It had been necessary to decide quickly and in the interest of the other. That didn't stopped him to feel awfully bad, filled with a guilt that he would keep for a long time. There only remained the hope that it was for the better.
Dean had faced many difficult choices in his life.
When his mother had died, when he was only 7 years old, he had to choose between going on the roads with his father or staying with his little brother who was only 4 with his uncle Bobby. Despite his young age, he knew how the consequences of his choices would be heavy, and he took his life in hands for the first time. Nothing meant more than his little brother, and Sam had just been deprived of his mom, he would need Dean with him. And Dean would always need Sam.
When he had learnt of his father's death ten years later, hit by a car as he had left a bar dead drunk, Dean had to choose the words that would be said during the funeral, the flowers and the photos that would accompany the ceremony as he would somehow comfort his younger brother. With John disappeared the hopes of one day be able to fill the absence of a sincere father yet mysterious and distant.
When Sam said he would like to pursue higher education after high school, Dean had to choose between finishing his training in order to start his own business or get to work to pay the registration fee to college. Sam had tried to dissuade him, but Dean attached more importance to the future of his brother than his. In addition, work as a mechanic in Bobby's garage was more than enough for him. He hadn't more ambition than that.
When Bela asked him -or rather demanded him- to choose between her and the alcohol to which he was becoming unnecessarily too dependent, he chose to pull himself together and to attend group meetings. He had been clean for three years now. He had done it out of love for her, for Sam and his friends.
Life hadn't spared him but he had knocked about as they say. He had become someone good and stayed on track, despite his few deviations. Life had wanted him and Bela to separate. Too much routine in their relationship, the little magic that had once existed was gone and they were talking only as to fill the heavy and filled with doubts silences. It had been better as well.
Dean had thus found himself alone again in his spacious apartment. Mechanic at just 26, he began to find the time long. Of course, he had many friends, family and an exceptionally quiet life. But he lacked someone. Someone who would be at home in the evenings when he would return, with whom he would spend his nights, with whom life would be easier, more amazing, and with whom every moment spent together would be magical. Dean wished to meet someone who would need him, as he would need them.
And then one day, his charming little brother had an idea. An idea that Dean had initially wanted him to regret but which proved to be, over weeks, something precious.
Sam came to visit him on a Saturday. It's when he opened the door that Dean saw and guessed what this damn giant expected from him. At Sam's side was a small black and white fur ball. The thing in question furiously wagged its tail and seemed to be the happiest little beast of the earth, with its large admiring eyes landed on Dean, its future owner.
The owner in question threw a murderous look at his brother.
"Out of question, Sam."
"Dean. This is only a puppy, it won't hurt you, quite the opposite."
"You're the one who wants a dog, I don't!"
Sam sighed. He wouldn't leave. Dean needed company. A pet was the perfect solution to his loneliness. A little dog who would depend on him and would always see him as the most precious gift that he could have, a home.
"Let us in, and I'll explain."
The elder took a moment for reflection. On the forehead of this puppy was written 'DANGER', he knew it. Dogs damaged everything, losetheir hair everywhere even in food, and relieved themselves in the most delicate place of the house, where it was the most bothering. Dean clearly didn't want this in his home. And that's why he let Sam and the thing into his home. To argue and convince his brother that he didn't want it. He absolutely didn't. No way.
Later, Sam greeted Dean and wished him a good weekend with his new little roommate. The latter had gone to explore his new home, cheerfully wagging his tail in all directions. From time to time, he casted a glance on the human who peered at him suspiciously. This human would be his owner, his friend, his home.
This little being which was barely two months had already gone through all the rooms of the apartment, and Dean had tried to follow it everywhere, as he feared any breaks. He didn't control anything. He couldn't control this little energy ball that bustled in every corner of his home, and it put him in a strange state of panic.
He still couldn't believe that Sam had managed to convince him to keep the puppy. Meanwhile, his brother mastered the best technique of puppy eyes on him, it was a fucking foregone conclusion. Dean still hoped that the real puppy wouldn't follow his example. By the way, he had just lose it from sight. He started a strange race hailing "Doggy! Hey! C'mere you dog!".
He finally concede defeat after thirty minutes of research. He sat on the couch, beer in hand and began to think of all that this situation meant. Okay, he was lonely. Okay, he wanted a little unexpected in his daily grind. But did this unexpected had to manifest in the form of that little black and white Labrador typed dog?
What a pain!
He was stuck with... with a walking bladder which had just relieved itself against the coffee table without him to notice. Oh crap! Everything but this. Everything but a pet. Dean hated dogs.
The fur ball decided to leave his hiding. His owner had apparently not understood the principle of the hide and seek game. He would try to explain it later. For now, he was seriously starting to feel the lack of contact and he began to tire. He therefore went into the kitchen, still wagging his tail, trying to look as cute as possible. He stopped in front of Dean and sat before him, then tilted his head. Dean stared at it, wondering what he had to do. He smiled at the questioning look that the animal seemed to have.
"What's up? Sorry, ain't nothing to eat for you, lil' boy."
The puppy barked, its own barking propelling it on all fours. Dean rolled his eyes, unable to help but being touched. He finished washing the urinary damage of the new squatter and sat back to finish his beer. The dog followed suit and found itself at the bottom of the couch. Dean was watching and guessed that the creature cogitated on how to reach his level. It was quite fascinating, he had to admit. Seeing this little being struggle with its small size, jumping as high as it could to be with him. It was captivating, and adorable.
Dean finally gave in and lifted it from the ground to deposit the puppy next to him. Without noticing, he began a monologue.
"See lil' boy, I don't know if can keep you, I don't exactly have the animal (là je dois te dire que je ne sais pas s'il vaut mieux mettre pet xD) (Là je dois dire que j'ai un doute maintenant xD)streak, ya know?" The dog was having a wash obediently. "The thing is that I hadn't planned to have a mutt. Frankly, I think you'd be better off in a family with kids. They'd like you probably more than me and you'd have more things to chew and destroy." Dean turned his beer in his hand, the puppy had stopped its wash and stared at him carefully. "The truth is that I don't know if I'll be up to it."
Then the look called him out. The look that seemed to say "You're my everything. You're my only reference. I need you.". It was full of admiration, of a want of care. He looked so fragile, snuggled against him like this.
Dean had the impression that the dog had understood his words. If it hadn't grasped the meaning, the puppy must had intercepted the doubts that emanated from his words. The animal had listened, paid attention to his voice, and surely would it again. For Dean represented his world, his safety.
There he realized. Nothing would ever be the same for both of them.
"We can still try, right?" He smiled gently stroking its top of head. The puppy slowly closed its eyes and fell asleep against the thigh of its owner. A ritual that would be repeated many times.
Their first cohabitation weekend was punctuated by yelling, racing and whining. The dog persisted to do its business against the coffee table in the living room and didn't react when Dean took it out. The latter would have made a nervous breakdown for a long time if the puppy wasn't so cute. It has a way with how to avoid being scolded, with its expressive green eyes. After a moment, Dean had enough and went out alone for a walk for almost an hour. On his return, he saw a black dot rushing to his feet, whining. It had taken more than a quarter of an hour by holding it against him to calm it.
"Calm down, I won't leave you. Even if you piss all over when you shouldn't and that you're a real glue pot. I'll keep you lil' boy, I promise." The puppy relaxed to the sound of his calm and serene voice.
Dean explained to it (despite the fact that the dog would never answer) that the next day he would go to work, and he couldn't take it with him. He would limit access to the lounge and the kitchen until he returns. Ha, and (je ne connais pas cette expression. Ou c'est une faute de frappe?) (euh quelle expression ? ^^') (ha and) (ça n'est pas une expression en fait, c'est juste une exclamation suivie d'un autre mot et moi qui n'ai pas géré la punctuation correctement xD), eventually, he would consider a name, even if he were to call it "lil' boy". But there were a lot more cool names for a puppy, and his would have one that would impress anyone they would meet.
Thus, despite the entreaties of his brother, Dean decided that the four-legged creature would be named Zeppelin, Zep for convenience. The puppy had naturally assimilated his name, even if he would pretend not to hear it to escape the sermons after misbehaving.
A routine settled. Days passed without Dean noticing. Zep began to incorporate the concept of being clean and it was not long before he was found before the door, whining. The coffee table was not going to suffer for the greatest happiness of the owner. Before Dean left for work, he always checked the water dish and biscuits and gently stroked the head of his companion, who was still sleeping on the couch (this dog obviously loved having a lie in) and signaled that he was leaving. Despite the sensational beginnings regarding the faculty of the puppy to bear the separation, Zep had been able to understand that his owner would always come home. And indeed, Dean returned for the lunch break, would take him out for his business and would eat in a hurry before leaving again.
Dean had managed to arrange his schedule to take care of the puppy as it should during the week. He told himself that when the animal would be bigger, perhaps he would take him with him to work and then attach him where they stored the car wrecks. So the dog could get some fresh air and see the employees activate around him instead of being locked up. Weekends, Zep was entitled to a take out that usually lasted all day. Dean took him in the park that was at a 2 minutes' walk from home. There he could teach him some tricks and make him exert himself more than weeknights. Not to mention he also took with him when he saw his friends, or Sam who was very proud to see how Dean was attached to the dog.
Life with Zeppelin was easy. On occasions, the puppy would do silly things (particularly chew everything that might lie around) but it remained minimal compared to what Dean had feared. And he loved this dog. They had woven in a very short time a strong link and a great affection for each other. Zep often trailed in his legs and when Dean settled in the evening to watch TV, the animal always came to snuggle against his thigh, begging for hugs and cuddles. Sometimes he would occasionally go to sleep with his owner when the latter did not ejected from the bed because he moved in his sleep.
Weeks passed, and Zep was growing fast. The white of his fur spread out from under the belly to his long black spotted legs and refined by his crossing. He wasn't a pure race, his truffle was fine and extended as well as his black tail. Sam had said he would be smaller and thinner than an adult Labrador. But seeing how he was growing up, Dean didn't buy it. Zep was now 4 month old and reached his knees level. One evening, while he dozed off slowly on the couch, he began to think about how in two months his life had changed thanks to his dog. To feel that somehow, Zep awaited him, he needed him and he loved him for no additional consideration that attention, made him happy and proud of what he was. Dean felt accepted, and privileged to such an attention he couldn't help but give to his companion in return.
That was bliss.
So why today was he finding himself forced to sign those damn papers? Why, when everything was so perfect, had he to part with his dog?
Dean had so much questions and frustration within himself. It was his fault. If he hadn't lost sight of Zep in the park, then nothing would have happened. Everything would have continued to be perfect. But it had been a different story altogether. Zep had run far away in the park and had come back to Dean hobbling. The latter thought he had banged into something and that it was only a sprain. He would take him to the vet later for a splint or something like that. But Zep was limping more and more by the hour and was whining louder and louder. Dean tried to touch him so he might know where the pain was coming from, but the dog had tried to bite him. And it was too late now to take him to the vet.
He passed the night near Zep who was almost agonizing, the pain apparently coming from his left hind leg. The dog had cried out the whole night, and Dean hadn't been able to choke back his tears. He couldn't do anything to ease his animal's suffering and it was killing him inside. At daybreak, he had wrapped Zep in a blanket and headed as quickly as possible to his vet. The latter sent the dog for X-rays and announced to Dean he had a fractured femur.
A fracture. Phew! It wasn't something serious. It would be fine for his dog, he would just need a plaster cast.
And that's where he was wrong. The vet explained that a fracture at this place had to be operated. The operation cost almost a thousand dollars. He felt like he had received hammer blow. He didn't have the money. It was almost a month's salary and the little savings he had kept had served for Sam's studies. The vet, dismayed, tried to reduce the cost at nine hundred dollars. Same difference. The bills and the rent had just been paid, Dean hadn't much left on his account. And no one could lend him the money so fast, and Zep couldn't stand the pain.
"When you take a pet, you take it on! I swear people really are jerks today!"
Dean gritted his teeth and retained himself to answer back to the remark. Who could pay such amount of money like that? What were the chances that it had been a fracture that needed an operation? Why did it have to happen to them? Why the hell hadn't he been more careful of Zep?! It wasn't Zep who deserved to suffer like that, but himself!
He asked what he could do, and the vet said in a disdainful tone he had to call an association for animals, and that's what he did. The woman on the other end of the line was comprehensive and explained that Zep could be operated the next day by their surgeon for a cost of six hundred dollars. If he couldn't pay, then he he'd have to sign an act of abandonment and give him up for the shelter. Being a puppy and only four months old, the animal wouldn't have any problem to get adopted.
And Dean didn't have the money. He had merely a hundred dollars left to end the month. He looked at Zep. Zep was sitting at his feet, staring at him, wagging his tail and tilting his head. This so adorable look on his face which seemed to say "What do we do now? Are we going back home soon?", and Dean had to choke back his tears and give in. Because he couldn't let his dog in this situation and for him to be healed as soon as possible, he signed the act of abandonment without any possibility to take him back. A last look at his dog, full of regret and bitterness. One last word, a barely audible whisper "I'm sorry". Then he went away, leaving his best friend.
Once seated in his car, he stared at the veterinary office. He was hoping they'd take good care of Zep. His Zeppelin, who wouldn't go back home with him. During the ride, he let the tears run. When he stopped in front of his place, Dean was suddenly overwhelmed by an unspeakable anger. He hit the steering wheel several times, cussing, then buried his face in his hands, repeating that it was his fault and how much he blamed himself.
When he entered his apartment, he lost his temper against the veterinary office. How dared they judge him like that? Why did a simple operation cost so much? What gave them the right to take his dog away? Why in this way?! Why the hell had his dog been taken?!
For three years, he hadn't been drunk. A year earlier he had started drinking beer again, moderately, without any withdrawal reaction. He hadn't any bottle of hard liquor in his home anymore, and in this moment, he missed it cruelly. He didn't want to think about anything, he wanted to forget. Forget the pain to not see Zep here ever anymore, beside him. Forget how he had loved him, how he needed him now. He wanted to forget everything, didn't want to suffer anymore. What was the point of having loved him so much if he had to lose him two months after? Only two months. It seemed to him that it had been much more, like Zep had always been there. And now the poor thing was alone in this office, waiting his owner in vain. He'd be transported to the shelter for his operation then placed in cage until he'd recover. Alone in this cage, alone waiting for someone to come and take him. If only...
He had promised him that he wouldn't abandon him and that he would keep him forever. Dean hadn't kept his promise. He had made the worst decision of his life, and he would regret it forever.
He fell asleep on his couch, exhausted. His phone awoke him two hours later. It was true, Dean had called Bobby to tell him he couldn't come to work until the late morning and it was already noon. His uncle was certainly worried. He picked up the phone and told the story with a heavy heart and broken voice. Bobby was dismayed by his story. Dean was expecting blames (it was his fault after all) but his uncle didn't do so, quite the reverse. Anyone would be benevolent when hearing such a story, and everyone around them knew how Dean loved his dog, how he would have never abandoned him. That was unfair. The mechanic was furious of such a system. Separate an owner of his animal almost forcibly because of a money problem? That was unreal! He tried as best he could to convince Dean that he had done the right thing.
"We'll find him, son. There aren't so many shelters in town."
"I don't have the right to take him back Bobby! They won't let me get him back! And I don't even know how much they'll sell him. Probably for a weighty sum given the cares he'll receive."
"Yeah, so? I don't have much, but I can at least give you a hand! I keep trying to tell you we'll try to find him! If we manage to, we'll take him with my name! And while we'll be at it, I'll tell that damn vet what I think 'bout all of this crap!"
Dean silently thanked him. He was relieved to not be the only one appalled by the situation. But he knew that the chances of finding Zeppelin would be slim. He was way too cute. As soon as he would be put on display, he'd be adopted before Dean had the time to find him. Maybe that was for the best after all. Zep would certainly find a better family.
Bobby wanted to give him his day off, but he refused. He had to take his mind off all of that and work. His uncle said interiorly that he wouldn't overburden him 'cause his nephew and almost son wouldn't be in great shape.
It was a hard day at the end of which Sam came to see his brother to support him. Seeing Dean in this state of sadness, the youngest was determined to do all he could to find the dog. The very next day he called the shelter and ask if the operation had gone well and where he would be brought later. He repeated the calls the next day, this time to be told that Zep had recovered well but the shelter refused to say more. The puppy was considered as being without any owner, and they didn't consider it very moral to send the dog back in the hands of the one who'd let him. Sam was beside himself and hung up straight back. He decided that he would go there every day until he found the puppy.
Dean no longer reacted and preferred for the topic to be avoided. He didn't think he was worthy of getting his dog back after what he had done to him.
And then three days later, he received a call from Sam. The latter was sorry. He hadn't found Zep in time. The puppy had just been adopted.
Basically, Dean had expected that and preferred trying to forget all the story. He however wanted to know what kind of person had taken Zeppelin in. His brother had understood from the vague explanations of the employees that a young single man had presented himself at the refuge, seeking a pet to remedy his loneliness. Just like Dean before. The latter deeply hoped that this man would treat his dog well, because after all the misfortunes he had suffered, he deserved to be pampered. It was the end of a story for him but the beginning of a new one for Zep. Thinking this way reassured him and motivated him to forget and move on.
Months passed and Dean had to get used to the silence that reigned at his appartment when he came home, the feeling of emptiness left by Zep. His friends had often invited him to take his mind off and, the work helping, he finally got used to it. Dean got over this story and Sam began to talk to him about adopting another dog. The older was categorical and refused curtly. Of course he had got over his experience, but he didn't want to ever go through that again. He certainly wasn't going to risk suffering again and hurt his animal! Never ever again!
Sam never mentioned it again.
During a weekend, Dean decided to go hang out at the park which wasn't far from home. The sunny days were coming and the temperatures were mild. He quietly watched the children play. Some were doing a soccer game, others were running after each other and he noticed some trying to train their dog. It was a big Bernese mountain dog (which was certainly scalding seeing the apparent thickness of its fur) which obstinately refused to listen to his young owners. The dog apparently didn't want to fetch the stick and was running around the children, as if it defied them to catch it. Dean watched the sight with a softened look and vaguely wondered what Zep looked like now? How tall was he? If he wasn't wrong, the dog was eight month old now. Did Zep remember him? Dean had heard of the dogs' ability to remember their owners even after years of separation, but he really doubted it. It was better for the dog to have forgotten him.
But Zep had kept Dean in memory. He didn't understand why he had been taken away from home. All he knew was that his leg was hurting and that Dean would do anything he could to heal him. Oh sure, he had been afraid when he had been put in a cage and when he'd been brought on the operating board, but he had been brave and had recovered well. So why wasn't he going home? Had this anything to do with the sad and guilty look of his owner the last time he had seen him? Probably. It was another person who brought him out of his cage and took him home. A very nice man, very soft with a gentle look. Over the months, Zep ends up to come to terms with the situation and thought he would stay with his new owner, because he seemed very lonely. He was taken for a run very often, in another park, and he continued his learning of life with enthusiasm, forgetting the days past in cage.
It was sunny this Sunday, when his owner decided to go for a longest walk than usual. They found themselves in another park that Zep recognized quickly. He had often played here with Dean. They had great fun together back in the day! Well? Wasn't that him, over there? Leaning on the back of a bench, looking up to the sky? He came closer to check.
Dean heard it. This so familiar whine that begged for cuddles. He opened his eyes and looked down at green eyes fixed on him. Zeppelin. He hardly dared to believe it and refused to move, or even just blink.
"Zep?" The dog barked, jumping on the bench, and threw himself on Dean. The latter, who didn't really have time to understand started laughing, clutching his dog against him. He was there, Zep was there and he seemed in top form. The dog was licking his face, whining, and Dean struggled to stop him, he was heavy now!
"Stop it, boy! That's disgusting!" Zep continued however to whine happily. "Yeah, glad to see you too!" Dean groaned feeling the dog's claws on his legs. He'd become a beast or what? "Woh move!" He gently pushed him off the bench and Zep sat before him, waiting for his famous pat on the head. "Quiet tall for a puppy, aren't ya Zep?" Dean was smiling. He'd never thought he'd see him again, not in this park. He stroked his head gently, tenderly.
"Zeppelin?" The dog turned his head toward the one calling. Dean followed his gaze and fell on a dark-haired man about his age walking toward them, a thin smile on the lips.
"I'm sorry if he bothered you. In general he never goes away from me." The man was polite. Dean got up slowly and smiled back. He didn't seemed like a bad guy, given how Zep was in form.
At the time, Dean didn't know what to say. Should he introduce himself as Zep's previous owner? The latter was sitting between the two, contemplating the conversation, if there was a conversation. Dean resolved himself. "No problem. I guess he recognized me."
"You already know my dog?" The man seemed pleasantly surprised and kept his smile. Dean suddenly noticed his interlocutor's blue eyes. He certainly had many conquests with a weapon of seduction like that.
"Actually, I'm his former owner." The man lost his smile and Dean began to panic internally.
"Oh." Dean looked down. The man stared at him attentively, looking for answers. "I was told he had been abandoned because of his accident to the leg."
"It's more like I couldn't pay the fees and I had to part with him so he could be healed." Dean didn't raise his head. He still felt guilty and would understand for the guy to be angry and lecture him. He just wanted the best for Zep.
"It must not have been easy, given the reunion that I have observed." The stranger bent down to be at his dog's level and gently stroked him. "I guess you must be glad to see him." Their gazes met. Dean could read in it understanding and a great sweetness. He smiled and held his hand.
"Dean Winchester."
The stranger looked at the hand for a moment and then also smiled, drawing himself up. They shook hands. "Castiel Novak."
Finally, they spent the afternoon together, mostly talking about Zeppelin. By the way, Castiel had preferred to keep the name. First, because he thought the dog was used to his name and he would take a while to adjust to another, and then because he liked it rather well. It was original and he loved the artist Zep had been called after. Dean learned that he had adopted Zep because the apartment he had bought was too big for just one person, and if he had to take a dog, may as well take one from a shelter. Zep had suited him right away. Castiel meanwhile, learned under which circumstances Dean had to adopt the dog and then to part with two months later, and he sincerely sympathized.
Then they came to really get to know each other. First through their various habits regarding the daily life with Zep, then more intimately through their curiosity for each other. Castiel worked in a publishing house. He proved to be a great fan of books and his readings were the most diversified, from great classics to cookbooks, for example. Contrary to Dean who was a real movie fan and who had mainly read comics, or books about cars and mechanic.
Communication between them was simple, and had come naturally. They meandered along the streets, Zeppelin leashed beside them, scampering along joyfully. His owners could maybe stave off their loneliness together, after all? He felt very well how the two men were relaxed and he watched the gazes full of fascination they were exchanging.
Finally, the day passed and nightfall was quickly here. Castiel had to go back home, and he would take Zep with him. Dean had knots in his stomach. He wanted to ask to see the dog again, to stay in touch for news, but he was only a stranger that Castiel couldn't trust. He looked down to the ground at the thought. At least Zep was fine and had been taken in by a good person. This man seemed generous, loving and more patient than him facing some mischief made by his dog. Dean would content himself with it. Fate might do its work again.
"Would you like to have my contact details?" He froze, then lifted his eyes into Castiel's who was perfectly relaxed and smiled awkwardly to him.
Dean only managed to articulate a mere "Huh?" as a response.
"It turns out that I have a rather irregular pace of life. Sometimes I have to leave for tedious meetings that last for hours, and I usually ask my sister to watch over Zeppelin. But I can sense that she no longer desire to serve as a dog sitter." Dean stood there, so to speak, dumbfounded. Was he really understanding what this guy was driving at? "So... As I see you get along pretty well, I might consider let you watch over him occasionally, if that's possible? And if you agree." Castiel chuckled slightly.
Dean was stunned. "You're serious? You'd trust me and entrust Zep to me when we barely met? What if I'm a horrible guy and I take him back forcibly one of these days?" A short silence ensued during which the two men sized each other up.
Castiel slightly chuckled again. "I don't really know. Let's say I trust Zeppelin. It might be weird, but I don't think you're a bad person. So, do you accept my proposition? And technically speaking... you aren't that horrible to look at, you know?" Dean raised an eyebrow and then relaxed, this guy was really nice... and handsome.
They stared at each other a moment. Castiel perceived the gratefulness attributed to him. If he could even just a little appease the guilt of the man in front of him by entrusting him his dog -which would actually help him out- then he would. And he couldn't deny that there was an ulterior motive there. After all, he couldn't help it if he had a soft spot for the green eyes of this stranger, could he?
Dean agreed without further delay to exchange contact details and then stroked Zep's head. "See you soon, boy." The dog protested when he saw his former owner move away, but Dean didn't turn back. Zep then turned his head to Castiel who stared back.
"You had concealed that you knew a man this... attractive." The dog whined and swallowed. He would have introduced Dean to his owner earlier, had he known! "Come on, we're going home. You will see him fast enough." Castiel gave him a wink and a knowing smile before heading toward his apartment, Zeppelin on his heels.
Dean fell asleep light-hearted. He had seen his dog again! Fate had offered him a nice surprise this time! He had found Zeppelin! And Zep had remembered him and had literally thrown himself at him! What a day! What a fucking good day! Nothing could ruin that! And certainly not Castiel! Definitely not this guy, with his blue eyes, his gaze so intense, so mesmerizing.
Mesmerizing? Did he just think that?
Whatever. What really mattered, was his dog. According to Castiel, his leg had healed well and Zep had quickly regained his vitality. His habit of chewing and eating whatever he found had forced Castiel to be more careful with his things he used to leave lying around anywhere. The dog had given good habits to the owner and vice versa, which showed that both complemented each other very well and they had established a similar bound to the one Dean enjoyed with the animal. Good. Everything would be fine.
That night, Dean dreamed of his memories, bringing him back to the days of high school where every teenager is still trying to find themselves. He was 16, and it was the first time he had looked at a boy in the same way than a girl, with fascination and desire. This kind of thing at that age had tended to get him worried. What would think his father? That still alive parent he only saw a few days per year...
And he had his first carnal experiences, with girls of course. Then he had a friend -whose he did not remember the name- whom he had confided about his... liking. The boy had been a great support for him and Dean had been able to forge his own opinion on homosexuality. It was not grave, love was love no matter the color or gender.
He had one day the courage to confide in Bobby and Sam. His uncle had asked him time to get accustomed to it, but he had added that he wanted Dean to be happy, no matter if the person he chose was a man or a woman. His family would always be there for him. But what about John? Nothing. The last time Dean had seen his father, he hadn't had the courage to confess his bisexuality. Did he really deserve to know when he was never there for him? Finally, John died and his eldest son always kept this famous question within him: would his father have loved him for what he really was?
The years had gone by and Dean had loved in many different ways. He appreciated each of relationship he had had, whether it lasted for a single night or a few years. Bela had changed many things for him. She could show how much life had to offer, if you took the trouble to try to achieve your objectives. Looking back, Dean had realized that she had been his first serious relationship, with whom he had planned more than a life together. But people change, and they were no exception.
"Our paths have crossed and we've lived unforgettable things. Today, our aspirations and our lives have changed. It is better to separate now, before eventually ruin everything with crises and harm us. I don't want to be one of those people who have well-ordered lives, it's not for me. It's up to you whatever you want now. You must live, Dean. All you risk is to be happy." With these words she had packed her bags and after a last kiss, she was gone, a beaming smile on the lips. And Dean had done the same, he had to move on. Bela had made him stronger and had given him some of her courage, indestructible.
A few days later, Castiel brought Zeppelin at Dean's. After a cup of coffee, he left for his meeting he could already see last at least 3 hours (what an idea to do this kind of meeting in evening!).
Dean discovered that Castiel had difficulties to be patient when he was tired. He was getting grumpy but did everything to hide it so as to not seem rude. Grumpy but civilized, it was adorable. Dean was starting to appreciate the owner as much as the dog, and the evening with him was like a flashback. Like these evenings spent watching TV, Zep remained lying on the couch against Dean's thigh. He had even became tall enough to put his head on his leg. Nothing was like before, but somehow that was better.
Finally weeks passed, and everything in Dean's life changed in ways he would have never hoped. He had definitely become friend with Castiel. The two men saw each other almost every weekends and some weeknights when his meeting time sullied the editor's available time. Zeppelin kept growing up, and saw his life pass between Castiel and Dean's apartments. Sometimes the mechanic watchedhim during week's afternoons. In these moments, the dog was tied in the fresh air at one of the car wrecks and spent his time sleeping or watching. Dean had concluded that the dog, though turbulent, enjoyed his lifestyle and showed no displeasure. That brought him a certain relief.
"You know I feel more and more like we set up a joint custody system for Zep?" Dean was amused by the situation, while Castiel was in front of the TV, flipping on all channels in search of some interesting program. He was amused by his friend's remark.
"Do you think so?" He glanced at Zeppelin, lying at his feet, peaceful. "Is it bad?" He turned his head toward Dean who was bringing chips and beer. "I mean... Does that displease you?"
"No. I just find it funny." The mechanic sat on the couch next to Castiel, neither too close, nor too far. He was starting to lose his bearings, he wanted to become closer to his friend. It was a desire that he controlled less and less well. "Give me the remote, I know what we're gonna watch."
Castiel looked at him, puzzled, then his face lit up, not in the good way. "Oh no, I had forgotten we're Thursday."
Dean had a huge grin "Oh yeah. Dr. Sexy's awaiting us".
His friend made an annoyed face. "You know you can see it in replay, rather than making me suffer this."
The mechanic burst into laughter. "Why would I deprive you of this? I know that you pretend to hate it."
Castiel grabbed one of the beers laid on the coffee table. "This isn't because I know all the names of the characters that I necessarily like it."
"You love to criticize the show." Dean took a sip of his own beer. He knew that he and Castiel never agreed on the programs they chose during their TV evenings.
They didn't have the same tastes at all, and loved to annoy each other with their favorite programs, and in general, the evening ended up becoming a comical war of arguments. Not that it bothered them. They loved casting barbs at each other. They had both discovered that each had a strong character. While Castiel was more reserved than Dean, he had nevertheless clear, sharp opinions and was struggling to let go of it, especially when it concerned "Dr. Sexy, M.D.".
The latter smiled. "The only thing I love in this is the actors' physique."
Dean turned towards him with a seductive smile. "There's a good reason he's called Dr. Sexy."
Castiel's smile faded and he stood gaping. He was suddenly embarrassed. "What exactly are you insinuating?"
Dean didn't immediately understood where his friend was driving at. Then it was clear. "Oh." He sniffed and brought the beer to his lips. Castiel didn't take his eyes off him. "I thought... I mean..." He coughed to hide his embarrassment. "Sorry, I tend to forget that everyone isn't... like me." He looked down at Zeppelin who was observing the discussion.
His friend straightened and frowned, puzzled. "You told me that you had lived a serious relationship with a woman. So I thought..."
Dean hastened to reply. "Hey, it's not because I loved a woman that I don't like men either." The atmosphere was suddenly tensed. They had never talked about "it" properly speaking. He was waiting for any reaction from his friend, an attentive gaze on him.
Castiel seemed to relax. He nodded and smiled again to Dean. "I also tend to think that if a man loves women, he doesn't like men."
Dean relaxed and guffawed. "You can't give each of us the same label, dude!"
"What? You're the first bisexual man that I meet, how was I supposed to know?" Then he laughed and settled back comfortably on the sofa.
"I should have told you sooner." Dean made turn his beer bottle between his fingers.
Castiel didn't pick it up. They watched the show in silence. When the ad appeared on the screen, the editor rose to take another beer. He stopped halfway between the kitchen and the living room, then turned towards Dean and whispered in a tone of confidence. "In fact, I should also have told you that I prefer Dr. Sexy to nurse Amber."
Dean turned and stared at his friend a while before sighing with a slight smile. "Now we're in the picture." Then he winked to him.
They finished the evening quietly, both lighter of their confession. It was true that they had never asked "this" question since they knew. For Dean, it had been blindingly obvious that Castiel preferred men. But going to bed, he wondered if it wasn't because he hoped to have his chance with him. Fortunately for him, the doors were still opened.
Opened on what? That, he wasn't sure he wanted to answer. He only knew this man for two months. He liked him, and how! And certainly more than he was willing to admit. Beyond the new owner of his dog, he had come to know Castiel Novak, the man. Physically, he was totally Dean's type, with his brown, always tousled hair and his blue, penetrating gaze. He found himself desiring him when they were together, wanting to touch him. When they saw each other, Dean would do what he could to get a light touch of hands, arm, shoulder and he wouldn't realize it before Castiel was gone. Even his personality appealed him. This guy, stubborn, reserved but couldn't help saying what he thought. Dean liked this sincerity, this insurance that his friend was developing at his side. Castiel was really... fascinating, lovable.
Oh crap.
He was really starting to weaken. Could he really allow himself this kind of desire? Because although he really liked to see Castiel, at the beginning it had been mainly in order to be with Zep that they had sympathized. The publisher found an arrangement with this situation and Dean could see his dog whenever he wanted. Of course, now there was this quite unreal friendship between them, but it was Zeppelin who really united them. What if Dean messed everything up with Castiel? What would happen? He wouldn't only lose a good friend.
This inner conflict gave him a headache, and that's grumpy and not really motivated he got up for work the next day.
Nevertheless, the situation between the two men hadn't changed. Zeppelin could see that his two owners were frustrated with this situation. When they returned home coming back from Dean's apartment, Castiel would only talk about the mechanic and Zep was attentive, more and more eager to see the final outcome of their relationship. But nothing came. He had seen friends dog get it on much faster than these two, it was almost depressing. But what could he do? He didn't understand humans well enough to know how to help.
Weeks eventually become months, during which both men were busy with their respective occupations. Benny, Dean's colleague, had been on sick leave and workload had, therefore, accentuated. Castiel, though, started the period of collection of writings, and he had to run around among his authors to get the manuscripts. He got a lot of stress and weariness. Both had less and less time to see each other, both having other people to see, so they called each other regularly and Castiel would sometimes stop by the garage to drop Zeppelin for the day, but he'd only stay for a few minutes. Sometimes the publisher was so busy that Dean wouldn't even see him and Bobby would tie the dog himself.
Dean had just come home on a Friday night, ready to enjoy his weekend, when he received a text. He grabbed his cell phone and his lips stretched into a wide grin when he saw the name of his texter. "I'm sorry for dashing by when dropping Zeppelin, however I would have liked to see you when picking him up." Castiel was apologizing sulkily? Dean giggled. It was the kind of laugh he usually reproached to couples, the kind of laughter he found silly. This time it was clear, he was totally succumbing to his friend's charms.
"Sorry for having offended his majesty. I got an oil squirt, the time to clean my face, you had picked Zep. Dude, there's a life after work. You could have stayed here for dinner to celebrate the weekend" Then he put his phone on the sink in the bathroom before taking a shower. Right out, he looked at his texts.
"An oil squirt?" Dean burst into a laugh. Castiel and his habit to retain THE pithy detail of a text...
"Yes, an off-guard moment. You sure you don't wanna show up for a TV evening?" He put his phone in his pocket and began to tidy around in his apartment, trying to focus his attention on something other than the fact that he was almost frantically awaiting Castiel's response.
Response he received after five long minutes. "Who were you thinking about to be distracted?" And Dean immediately imagined Castiel with the mischievous look he rarely showed, when he wanted to worm some private truth out of his friend. He read the rest. "I can't, I get up at 4 am tomorrow to go begging a novelist to give me his pages."
Dean raised an eyebrow and wrote. "The one who writes only at night and when he's smashed?"
"Bingo. I can't wait, in the ironic sense. Won't you answer my question? :)"Oh no. When Castiel started to put smiley that was bad. It meant he wouldn't drop the case, or his idea. In truth, while Dean was working on the car, Bobby had come to tell him that Castiel was waiting for him. And he, like a beginner, had wanted to hurry to not miss his friend and say goodbye to his dog. He had forgotten to pay attention and made a wrong move which had led to a, to say the least... humiliating disaster.
He didn't want to say that to Castiel. "I won't answer because I don't remember Cas. I think about a lot of things when I'm working to take my mind off. Like you do when you check your novelist out when you visit him."
"There has to be a compensation to my misfortune. And you won't make me believe that you don't know what you were thinking about. I know cars a bit, you really have to be the ultimate beginner to receive an oil squirt." Dean imagined him laughing on the couch in front of the TV with Zep tilting his head toward him, not understanding the mirth.
He had just been called a beginner. It was mainly the fault of this idiot blue-eyed publisher! But he couldn't reply this. So he gave in, determined to make him drop the case. "It seems that I'm just a beginner then."
"If I ever have a problem with my car, remind me to ask Bobby or Benny to take charge :p" Well, at least he had dropped the case, but was determined to piss him off with texts and smiley throughout the evening. Good, Dean liked it, even though he found himself a little crazy and silly to admit it.
"Screw you Cas!" Was all he was able to respond. He was hopping that Castiel wouldn't take it at face value and that he would see that Dean was saying this as an immature defense. Because yes, that was it. Damn pride.
"I'll see what I can do about that. On another note, I managed to take a day off next weekend." Well. Fortunately, the publisher wasn't easily offended, but it annoyed Dean to know that Castiel had someone at the moment... no, he had said it in jest.
"You're free on Saturday and Sunday?" In general, it implied for the two men to go to the bar and end the evening watching TV, completely drunk. Besides, the mechanic didn't understand how he had managed to contain his lower instincts being drunk and so close to Castiel. It was one of the things he was the most proud of.
"I thought we could go hiking Saturday." Oh no. Anything but that. If Sam hadn't managed to convert him to this kind of nature worship, Castiel wouldn't either. No way.
"Have fun in your woods, I'll see you atbar in the evening."
"Dean. Think about Zeppelin, I think he doesn't exert himself enough at the moment. It would do some good to him to get some exercise. And it would also do some good to you. With all the beers you down, you're going to get a belly." What? Castiel dared criticize his amazing athletic physique? He kept fit enough just by working all the week long! Cas should be the one to do sports. That being said, spend an entire day with Castiel and Zep -moreover, being sober-, he had to admit that he liked the idea.
"I don't have a beer belly! I'll see if I haven't anything planned and I'll let you know." He, Dean Winchester, would go hiking with his dog and a sexy publisher he dreamed of discovering carnally. It sounded spectacular.
"Ok. Good week-end, I'll wait for news from you!" Dean sighed. He had to admit that he was missing Castiel. Never mind, he would put his pride aside and go to this stupid hiking, if only to give his friend the leisure to make fun of him complaining. He felt completely stupid.
Sam invited him to have a drink the next day. Summer had taken spring's place and it was already July. The two brothers were on the terrace and were giving their news. Sam knew that Dean had found Zep and had become friend with the new owner. He hadn't met him but knew him enough through his brother's words, fact he found funny. But recently, something had changed in the words about the famous Castiel. As if the man had suddenly become Dean's focus. The latter still talked about him as much, but with more and more enthusiasm and his phrases usually ended with a weary sigh. Sam had finally understood. His brother was in love.
"You should tell him, Dean." He was certainly not going to stop himself from teasing his brother about it. It was way too funny, way too unexpected.
"Tell him what?" The mechanic seemed to be disconnected and was looking at the younger with big questioning eyes.
"What do you think?" Sam let out a sigh, then smiled widely. "Or just jump on him outright, it should convey the message."
Dean froze and turned pale in one go. He stammered. "That's... that's not... not like that."
"Oh I think it is. He completely mesmerized you. You just have to tell him, I'm sure you don't let him indifferent." Well. Given the look on the older's face, Sam realized he had been too hasty in his words and that he'd have to make him catch on his own feelings first. It would be long. He remembered Bela. Dean would keep insulting her, he'd become mad when his brother talked about her, and Sam had been slow to understand that in fact, his brother did that just to keep the bit of pride that this woman was stealing with a smile. They had a fascinating relationship where neither of them wanted to concede the fact that they cared about each other. It had taken them ten months of killing each for one of them (Sam never knew who) to crack and for their relationship to eventually evolve to the couple stage.
But here, that was different. Castiel seemed to be a steady man, and that already, was the opposite of Bela. Anyway now Dean needed this kind of life: a quiet one. The eccentric and irregular everyday life had run its course.
The two brothers were immersed in their respective thoughts, when Dean let out in a whisper "You think I'm... this?"
"If the word you're looking for is in love, then yes. I think you are. But you're the one who must feel it. I never met him." Dean seemed deep in thought. He was reviewing the situation. Sam guessed that this truth had wandered for a while in his brother's mind, but like many other things, he refused to admit it. He himself had trouble with feelings, it was also why he was still single. The Winchester brothers in all their splendor, feelings challenged because of the lack of a mother (or at least, Sam thought that it was where the problem came from). But they both knew that for nothing in the world they wanted to look like their father, who had shown almost no attention to his family. Sam thought there was still worse than them, but in the meantime, Dean still had problems to indulge in what he felt.
Finally, Dean's ideas eventually fall into place. And as a result, there was only Castiel.
Castiel and his bad-temperedness, Castiel and his habit of always spill his beer, Castiel and his hoarse laugh, Castiel and his charming look, Castiel and his piercing gaze, Castiel and his so desirable body.
Castiel with whom he could really live for the rest of his life. Dean faced all these thoughts. He didn't feel less silly.
"Shit Sam!" He buried his face in his hands. "I feel like a teenager now! Or an idiotic and silly starry-eyed girl!"
Sam relaxed and laughed. "You don't have to be ashamed! I think it's great!"
His brother raised his head. "Really?"
"You look happy." He didn't depart from his smile. He was also happy, his brother deserved it.
Dean remained aghast of what was happening. He was fucking in love. "What if... he, he's certainly not the same."
Sam concentrated for a moment. "You told me he's gay, right?"
The mechanic looked up to heaven. "You know that doesn't mean anything."
"No, okay, but for a while, I've wondered. If he didn't like you ever so slightly, why would he let you watch over Zep? Why would he call you almost every day?"
"It just means we're buddy Sammy."
"A simple buddy wouldn't go to yours on a Thursday night knowing he's going to be bored stiff watching a show that he hates."
Dean smiled faintly. "Must be for the beer then."
Sam looked up to heaven. "Or to see you, idiot."
The older sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Don't know. Too complicated."
"You should tell him."
Dean didn't want to risk anything. If Castiel rejected him, he could probably not see Zeppelin anymore and he would lose his friend. But he also knew that he would regret not trying. He had rarely taken initiatives for himself, and had always regretted it. Not that he regrets the choices he made for Sam, no! But he missed a lot of opportunities without daring to seize them. He had almost not taken the one of being with Bela. Everything seemed to be doomed to failure and yet...
You must live, Dean. All you risk is to be happy.
She was right. He had to shake himself up and gather his courage. He wouldn't let Castiel to someone else.
Dean raised his eyes from the table to look at his brother with the slightest smile. "Thank you Sammy." He was in a funk, fucking scared to death. But he hadn't felt this good in a long time. His brother smiled back and then they separated.
The week passed, between phone calls and text messages exchanged with a certain publisher. So Dean promised to come to this famous hike that deterred him. The idea of tackling THE topic had vaguely come to his mind, but the mechanic had decided that it wouldn't be the case. Not his time. He more easily pictured himself confiding as they would be in front of a TV program with a good beer in hand. At best they would end up in the room of one of them and torrid lovemaking would follow, at worst, the other would go back home, putting an end to the discussion. But there, he was really afraid. In mountains these two options were transformed the following way: at best they would end up having sex on the bare ground or against a tree with insects to piss them of, at worst Castiel would throw Dean off a cliff.
So it was in the mindset of a good time, simple and relaxed, that the mechanic went at his friend's. They took Castiel's car, strongly criticized by Dean who was equally well rebuffed by the publisher who took a vexed look without really being so.
Zeppelin was sleeping in the back of the car, and sometimes felt the want to roll his eyes. His owners could really be noisy when they bickered... or flirted. He was a real dog now, he could better understand how love and affection worked. He'd had the opportunity to experience this when he'd met Snow, the little cocker from the second floor. He'd soon be one year old! And he couldn't do it anymore with the two humans sitting before him. He had tried shoving Castiel so that he trip over Dean. With no results. He had also tried to hide in Dean's room for both men to come get him and to understand what he expected of them. A waste of time. In the best case, all he got was to be scolded by the two owners at the same time. At least on this point, they agreed. As a result, he had finally gave up and decided not to force fate. He would seize the opportunity when it would present or his owner would do it without needing his help. Meanwhile, all this sexual frustration he knew to be the only one to sense would eventually drive him crazy.
They arrived on a mountain parking lot. It was sunny and the air was less heavy to bear. It wasn't too hot compared to the city below. The perfect weather for a hike, which didn't motivate Dean so far, unlike Castiel and Zeppelin who were real energy balls.
The hike wasn't less comic, probably more for one than for the other. It had been punctuated of several "I've had it!", a few "Stop complaining and keep advancing!", the "We'll arrive at any moment now!" and finally the "You already said that two miles ago, you bastard!". Zeppelin had fun running in the forest, too happy to be surrounded by nature, which made smile the two men behind him.
After a few hours walking, Dean couldn't take more. He had to rest. "Cas! Stop! I'm dead."
Castiel, who was about a hundred yards in front of him turned around with a smirk. "You really make a fuss about nothing! We're not really far anymore." They could hear the birds and insects around them. The publisher felt so good to be away from the city, away from his work environment. He came closer to his friend who was trying to catch his breath and was obviously wondering what he was doing here.
"You keep saying that since earlier. Stop purveying dreams to me." Castiel burst out laughing.
"It is true this time, though." Dean found a rock on which to lay.
"You go ahead with Zep, I'll catch you up. I just need ten minutes." Zeppelin turned up, wondering why the walk was interrupted. Dean wasn't really sporty.
Castiel gave in. "Okay, ten minutes! You just have to continue along the trail, we'll be at the end of it."
Dean looked at him then smiled. "See ya later."
His friend resumed his walk with Zep already striding off again far before him.
The mechanic leaned on the rock and pulled out his water bottle, become warm because of the heat. He really wasn't made for that. It'd be the last time Castiel would make him do something like that. In fact, he was sure that his friend could get him to do anything, and it made him smile. It made sense, he loved him. And Cas knew how to make Dean give in, they knew each other pretty well now.
He allowed himself to contemplate his environment, the nature around him. Surroundings that changed him from his usual routine in the city and at the garage. Dean didn't hate being in nature, as long as he wasn't asked to spend the night in, nor to go for a hike. Instead, he saw it as a moment of relaxation, a nap on a lakefront suited him perfectly. Settle down, that's what he liked. Aside from exhaustion, Dean couldn't stay grumpy, because he was with Castiel. The latter was smiling like a child who discovers the mountain for the first time. It was lovely to watch.
He lingered to think about him. How would he react if he knew what Dean felt for him? Would he be embarrassed? Happy? What would happen to their relationship after that? It was a bottomless pit of issues that took place in his head.
After a while, he stood up. What was the point of thinking about all of this? He had to seize the moment, and at the moment he wasn't with Castiel. Dean put his backpack on his shoulders and continued on the rest of the trail. He had slightly exceeded the ten minutes granted by his friend, and this one would make a remark about it once Dean would have caught him up. He laughed in advance, it was his way of bothering him.
He finally arrived after a ten minute walk in the woods. But he saw neither Castiel nor Zeppelin. Where were they gone again? Dean stayed a few minutes to wait but he still saw no one. Suddenly a ball of anxiety began to form in the pit of his stomach. What if something had happened? No, he hoped not. He was inevitably getting ideas. Or maybe he wasn't? He began to call Castiel and Zep, but no answer came to him. He decided to move. Maybe they had had the stupid idea of going on an adventure out there and they had left the trail. The anxiety ball continued to grow in his belly and Dean couldn't help thinking that there was a problem.
By dint of calling wildly, he finally heard a sound of feet that was going in his direction. He quickly recognized Zeppelin. The dog was panting and above all, he was all dusty, full of soil and leaves stuck to his fine fur. It made his blood boil. "Zep! Zep, where's Cas?" He looked at the dog carefully, his eyes hinting that he expected something from him. He was trying not to panic, it never helped in this kind of situation.
This kind of situation.
Castiel had probably suffered a bad fall somewhere. "Zep, we must find Cas! You gotta take me to him, geddit?!" The dog stood there for a moment, watching him, then quickly retraced his steps, Dean on his heels. He was hard to follow, through brambles and bushes. Dean had to keep him in sight, and continued to call Castiel, or rather yelling his name. His heart was beating fast, too fast, but he didn't care. Nothing would be fine as long as he wouldn't have found Castiel. Damn fucking idiot! If he had stayed with him, nothing would have happened! Fuck, where the hell was he?!
Zeppelin continued his race and Dean had only one thing in mind, finding him. Findinghim alive and unharmed. Fear gripped his senses and panic tears began to form at the corners of his eyes. If ever anything happened to Castiel, HIS Castiel, he wouldn't know what to do. He didn't want to lose someone he loved again. The story with Zeppelin resurfaced. This pain, this fear gave him the energy to run faster. He could only do that and yell. Dean cursed the lack of telephone network and his incapacity to protect those he loved, who disappeared and when they would return, were injured.
The race seemed to last an eternity. Suddenly, Dean heard a voice, that voice. "Cas?!"
"I'm right here Dean!" He headed without delay to the place from where the voice was coming from, Zeppelin with him.
He emerged from behind a bush to see his friend, safe and sound. Dean blew, still panicked and saw that Castiel was fine. The latter was standing before him, his camera in his hands and looked at him worriedly.
"Dean? Are you al-" The mechanic threw himself on him and hugged him tightly, still under adrenaline. Castiel, surprised and seeing the state of his friend, responded to the embrace and closed his eyes.
"I thought... I thought that... FUCK CAS! Don't ever scare me like that again!" A tear ran down his cheek, relief.
Castiel breathed slowly, he tried to soothe him. "I'm fine, we're both fine." Dean's gaze drifted on Zeppelin. Yes, they were fine. That's all that mattered. "I'm sorry I frightened you. You took time to arrive so I thought... I wanted to take a panoramic photo. I should have waited for you."
They stood there, entwined, Castiel feeling that his friend needed that to calm down. He gently ran his hand through Dean's hair, who gradually relaxed under the touch. Neither knew how long they stayed there, one in the arms of the other. There had never been such close proximity to each other, and they took the time to appreciate this contact, this sweet fullness.
Dean finally put an end to their embrace, but didn't actually pulled away. He was about to say something to apologize when he saw it. The look Castiel was giving him, this silent invitation, this desire in his eyes. He didn't dare believe it at the beginning. The publisher's hand slipped from his skull to his neck and he laid his lips against Dean's. Dean lost all control and took him in his arms, one hand gripping his waist, the other on Castiel's cheek whose free hand clutched at his friend's T-shirt. A simple kiss, so sweet, which deepened when one of the two men opened his mouth to initiate more passionate contact, more humid. A bewitching kiss, which let foresee those wants suppressed for too long, sincere feelings and an infinite tenderness. Their tongues mingled with envy, more and more envy. Dean's hand came down from Castiel's cheek, brushing his neck and came to rest on the shoulder blade of his friend for more contact, more and more contact. Castiel let go of the shirt and was slowly sliding his hand on the small of Dean's back. Breaths were jerky, they couldn't do more, but didn't want to break their embrace. They wanted more, now.
They parted, panting but didn't stop to look in each other's eyes. Dean took a time to put his ideas in place. Castiel loved him, he was telling him in this silent exchange. He wanted him, right now.
But he quickly pulled together when he saw the place where they were. He looked away and saw Zeppelin lying a few feet away.
"What about we go back home?" Castiel took his hand and stared at him with that look, mischievous, playful, but also impatient. Dean smiled and they began the descent which was oddly faster. Arrived at the publisher's, Dean threw himself on the lips he had just tasted. The embrace resumed where it had stopped. They went to the bedroom, kissing passionately, bumping into some furniture of the apartment. T-shirts ended up on the floor.
In the bedroom, the rest of the clothes was removed as quickly as possible. The skins brushed, caresses were sweet, intoxicating and breaths mingled. Always more contact, more and more envy and desire. The moans rang out. Possessive hands were clutching the body of the other, frictions were frantic. The bodies merged amid cries of excitement and incessant pleas. The voices were still raising louder and louder, in languid litanies glaring of pleasure with every hip thrust. The only audible words were names whispered in erratic breaths and moans of pleasure. Pleasure, violent, transcended the bodies. Jolting breaths and then an embrace.
Lying against each other under the covers, Dean and Castiel continued their caresses. The door opened on Zeppelin who appeared in the doorway of the room.
"Don't tell me he waited that..." Dean felt like he was an exhibitionist now.
Castiel burst into laughter. "It seems so." He sat down and patted on the edge of the bed. "Come here Zep."
Zeppelin didn't need to be asked twice and sat down on the legs of his owners, relieved that he hadn't been forgotten. Castiel laid back down in Dean's arms, who was contemplating his dog. He thought about everything Zep had provided him...
"I still can't believe it." He thought about Zep, as a puppy, relieving himself against the coffee table, and panicking when his owner was leaving a room of the apartment. Zep, who had been taken from him because of his irresponsibility.
"Back in the mountain, you were afraid that I disappear?" Castiel was looking at their dog. "A bit like him?"
Dean's throat tightened. "I don't want to live that again. I don't know what it is. A fucking twist of fate or just chance, but I still can't believe what's happening to us."
Castiel didn't reply. For him it was strange too. He had wanted to adopt a dog and now found himself in the arms of his first owner. And what if he hadn't gone to walk that day? What if he hadn't adopted Zep? What if Dean had been able to heal him? What chances were left to them?
"It took you to lose him to find us." Dean thought about this word for a while. It was true, he had lost Zep. But by finding him again he had also find Castiel. He wondered what was meant by "us", was this their couple? Or maybe Zeppelin and Castiel? Or finally their little family? He didn't know. For now, he had Zep and Castiel. And even if the situation seemed very ironic in the end, he was happy. He couldn't be happier.
While he slept, his head buried in Castiel's neck, a vision appeared to him. The day when, opening the door to his little brother, his eyes fell on a small black and white fur ball.
Author's notes: Thank you to Marianclea who corrected and helped me finish this OS when I wasn't inspired!
I hope you enjoyed it! I thought about cutting it into two parts but I really didn't know where to cut lol
I'll start translations again now! See you soon! (for those who wonder about my friend, we managed to find her dog before he ends up adopted and he was returned to her, now she's very happy with her dog :D)
Thank you for reading!