One Meaning
By ~Sapphire Espeon~
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Author Note: I have decided to edit and revise my old works before moving on to new material. Whilst far from being masterpieces, my aim is to improve the readability, flow and content of each story.
Card Captor Sakura and all respective characters belong to CLAMP.
'Sakura' gradually discovered that she had deep feelings for 'Syaoran', her then-boyfriend. She was, however, too afraid to admit her true feelings to him, so bit her tongue and vented them through writing.
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Eight letters. Three words.
…One meaning.
So why is it so hard to say it? I have no idea if its even gonna make any impact on him.
And that truly scares me.
The emotions that I have started to feel…they almost go beyond explanation. Defy it, if you will.
First, there is the pain. Its not sharp, or sudden. It's more a dull, unrelenting…ache of numbness that settles itself inside you. It sits behind your eyes, in your throat…and around your heart. This is the pain I feel when I make him hurt. When others make him hurt. His pain becomes mine.
Fear is what keeps the words on the tip of my tongue. It's what creates only silence when I go to say it. It's what makes me stop, backpedal. Fear of laying everything on the line, everything we stand for, everything that we've grown to be. Fear that this will disappear. Fear that he'll say it just to make or keep me happy. Fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, fear it will be unrequited.
I want his happiness, I yearn for it. I'm not sure whether I am the one who will ultimately provide that for him, but I do hope he finds it.
I do not know if he will ever come to love me. There are a lot of things that I am uncertain of. I cannot make him to feel a particular way about me, that way about me. I cannot beg, plead, nor force him. That is a decision that is his and his alone. Heck, I'm not even sure if love is a decision. Perhaps it is the one emotion that humans have no control over.
So here goes. Wish me luck, cross your fingers for me.
For he is my everything.
"Syaoran?"
"What is it, Sakura?"
I look down for a moment, attempting to gather any courage I can. I can't seem to find much...My heart is beating furiously, I can feel my face heat up; my cheeks turning a bright, flaming red. I look up into his eyes…they seem to radiate a soft warmth from them, which makes my heart flicker with the smallest sliver of hope.
"I…."
"….love you."
*
'Syaoran' gradually came to love her, and voiced this. But their love was not enough, and after several years broke up on the premise that the two were better suited as friends.
~Sapphire Espeon~