This strory was made basically as a mockery of all the Cliche`s that I find particularly annoying.
I do not own Naruto. If I did, oh what fun I'd have.
Chapter One: Not a name dealing with the number Nine, a Fox, or Demons of anykind...? Well that Can't be Naruto...
When Uzumaki Naruto went for a walk, to help deal with what happened on the bridge not but a day ago, he did not expect to be shanghai'd. He was just walking along, contemplating the words Haku had presented to him about ninja life and people close to one's heart, and simply did not notice his attacker until it was too late.
And now, four years, a new name, and a new skill set later, he did not expect getting back into Konoha would be this easy. He was sure that he'd have been marked a missing nin.
While he did not leave of his own accord, Naruto (known to the people of the copse of islands six hundred miles south of the mainland, where he spent the last four years, as Marley) did leave. And while he was known to interact with the Third Hokage on a regular basis, Sarutobi could not be seen showing him any favoritism. So it was an assured fact that he would be on the list of missing nin.
He supposed a couple other factors aided his entry. While on the islands, Jamaica he was told by the locals, he was deprived of ramen. Forced to eat other foods, Naruto grew larger than he supposed he would be had he stayed in Konoha. He learned also that while ramen may be good, apples and steak was, by an emourmous quantity, superior to it in all way.
He now stood at six foot six, nearly a head taller than his former sensei.
The second was the name he gave when he was asked. For the last three and a half years he had been called Marley by everyone he was in contact with. The locals told him that Marley was the surname of a great prophet from their distant past, and that he received the moniker as both an homage to the man of their legends and to honor Naruto's ideals of right.
So when the guard asked his name, Naruto replied with, "Marley."
Finally, he was not quite the same loudmouth that he was those years ago. For the first three months he was all over the islands, energetically looking for a route home of any kind. After those three months when he realised he'd just have to wait he went back to the largest island and found an area to train. Wouldn't do for him to come back to find that bastard, Sasuke, way stonger than him because of complacency. It was on the third night of his training, when he was winding down, that he caught sight of the most beatiful scene he'd ever come across in all his life.
The full moon, still low in the darkening sky, was just above the deep blue sea, casting it's silver light on the water surface. The coconut trees to eaither side made a beatiful frame, almost like a picture. A warm gentle breeze caressed him and the sounds of the waves lapping softly at the sun bleached sands added to the atmosphere.
It truly opened his eyes to the beauty of the world. From then on he still trained hard, but he took speciffic time off to go and see more of the natural beauty of the islands. It was around this time the Locals took to calling him Marley.
So it was not the hyper active child, who gave off a sense of anxiety and wanting to move constantly that approached the gate, but a young man with a serene smile who gave off a sense of peace and tranquility.
But other than that he was quite sure he would be spotted for the gennin that left only a few years ago.
He made no attempt to hide who he was. He didn't cover his blonde, spikey locks or, god forbid, dye them. He wasn't wearing contacts to hide his stunningly blue eyes. He didn't even have makeup over his wiskers.
Perhaps he did confuse the guard a bit by not wearing all orange. He was wearing a sea blue t-shirt, but the same color of eye blinding orange pants. He also wore a pair of simple sandals, not the specially made ones shinobi wear.
He figured that maybe the gate guard just didn't know him well enough to actually be able to tell that he was the Kyuubi Container that disappeared those four short yeas ago. Surely, once someone who knew his face better saw him, he would be arrested and brought before the Hokage.
That was okay though, he hadn't betrayed the village so if he explained that and gave a report of what he did while on the islands of Jamaica he would probably get off with being under house arrest for a period of a few months.
He found himself to be wrong when, while looking at the Hokage monument and it's new head, he walked into his former team mate, Haruno Sakura.
He expected to be yelled at, knocked unconscious, and dragged before the Hokage.
Instead he recieved a look of vague recognition before a frown adorned the pink haired young woman's features.
"You should watch where you are going, sir," she said to him.
Dumbfounded, Naruto gave a brief apology and offered her a hand up.
She took it, dusted herself off and looked at him again, "You must be new here. What's your name?"
Again on reflex he gave the name Marley.
"So, what are you here for, Marley-san?"
Finally over his shock at the lack of recognition, Marley decided that maybe his prankster side would make a small appearance again.
"Oh, I decided some time ago that I'd like to be a ninja. I've picked up a thing or two here and there and decided finally it was time to align myself with a village. Konoha is my first choice," Marley said with a smile.
"You'll want to see the Hokage then. I'll escort you to her," Sakura said.
"So the current Hokage is female," Marley mumbled. He had thought the new head on the monument had looked a little feminine.
"Of course she is," Sakura said with a slight frown, "Senju Tsunade of The Sannin, is the Fifth Hokage. Practically everyone on the continent knows that."
Marley scratched the back of his head and put on a nervous grin, "Sorry, I've been out to sea while I trained for the last few years so I may not be up to date on some things."
Sakura seemed to buy his excuse and proceeded to lead him to the Hokage's towere.
On the way there Marley noticed the he seemed to be drawing the attention of the female population. He hoped that this was not a bad sign, that he wasn't about to get his own fanclub or anything. Izzy wouldn't like that.
+--- End Chapter one---+
This is a mock fic so Don't expect long chapters or quick updates.