Time Enough
What Came Before
"Mairi!"
The girl in question looked down from her hiding place in the tree. Her nut brown hair fell around her face, the elaborate hairstyle destroyed. She was tired of avoiding her mother, and angry that they had sold her off to an old man. Now, she was expected to just smile and attend a wedding feast.
"Mairi?" The voice belonged to her little cousin, Nate. She liked the kid and he was smart enough to keep her hiding places secret. At the moment, he was climbing up her tree, careful not to pull at the silk of her dress. Mairi hated dresses. She reached out a hand to help Nate, but he ignored it and continued climbing.
"Nate, you shouldn't be out here. Your mother thinks I'm a bad influence on you and I would hate to see you get in trouble again because of me."
The thin face with serious gray eyes grinned at her. For the past three weeks, since coming to Vigil's Keep, Mairi had been secretly teaching Nathaniel Howe, Nate, how to sword fight. They'd had to sneak out at night and use the music room, but the twelve year old was a quick learner. Soon he wouldn't need her, he'd be able to take care of himself.
"She will assume I have been doing something wrong regardless, and then I'd be in trouble anyway. Why not earn it?"
She looked down and away. The feast was in a few hours, and this would be the last time she could share a secret with Nate. He wouldn't be allowed to attend the feast and afterward, well... there wouldn't be an afterward for her. Nathan's hand covered hers.
"What's wrong Mairi?" She sighed. It was time, she had to tell him what she could and then prepare herself for the party. Mairi had to fight the tears that threatened to fall.
"Nate, I won't be here, after tonight." She wondered if he understood. He generally did, he was a smart boy.
"You aren't getting married for two more days. Why won't you be here?" He was confused and hurt. Mairi and Nate's sister, Delilah were the only two who really cared about him, and Mairi only got to see him for a few weeks a year.
"Nate! My parents betrothed me to someone who was shaving before I was born. I don't want to marry an old man. I want to fall in love." Nate made a face of disgust at the last sentence but said nothing. He idolized his cousin and what she wanted, he wanted.
"Maybe, at the party tonight, you will fall in love and Aunt Helena will let you marry him." Nate smiled encouragingly.
Mairi wasn't so naive, but she loved Nate and his optimism. She leaned over from her precarious perch and gave her little cousin a hug.
"If that doesn't happen, Nate." She couldn't stop the tears, she didn't want to leave him behind. "Know that I love you best."
"I love you best too, Mairi. If you leave, though, I'll find you." The little boy was crying into her shoulder. She just rubbed his back gently, knowing he'd received a beating for some trivial manner that morning.
"You better find me, Nate. I'd hate to be lost forever." They held on to each other tightly for a while. She let the little boy cry as her tears flowed too. Finally, they separated. The little boy rubbed his eyes to remove the stain of tears. Mairi's heart pinched knowing that she would miss seeing him become a man. Nathaniel Howe was a man destined for greatness. She lifted his chin and looked at him in the eye. "Make me proud, Nathaniel."
She slid out of the tree with practiced ease and melted into the shadows of the enclosed garden. She needed to fix her hair and dress for the evening. She had two hours and much of that time would be preparing her escape.
The Feast
Mairi fidgeted with her hair, the intricate braiding and ringlets made her feel like a fool. So did the ridiculous dress her mother had picked out for her. Her face stung from the blows that her mother and aunt rained down on her when she voiced her desire to wear something else. They'd applied powder, kohl and rouge to cover what they did. Now, she felt like a painted doll or something far worse with the way that the Arl of West Hills kept looking at her.
At least they didn't realize that she had taken all of the gold sovereigns that were part of the dowry, and most of the small silver wedding gifts. They were packed and hidden away for easy transport. Now, she only had to endure.
King Maric was so very handsome as he spun his lady around the dance floor. She smiled watching them. They looked so very much in love.
Her eyes slid to her betrothed and she wanted to cry. He was older than the King and had children of his own. At the feast, she'd been seated by him and cringed as he stuffed food in his face. She couldn't look anywhere but her plate, which she didn't want to touch. Arl Gallagher Wulff may have been good looking to some, but he was just so old.
Shivering at the thought of the wedding night, Mairi wrapped her arms around herself and walked onto the terrace. Another hour and she could leave the feast, leave Vigil's Keep, leave Ferelden. Hopefully, no one would notice her absence until well past dawn. She took a deep breath and could almost taste freedom. She looked around and saw no one, so she allowed herself to dance with her imaginary prince. Her arms held as if her dancing partner were real. Her dark blue eyes slid closed as she imagined his embrace, a sweetly seductive smile gracing her face.
He watched her from the shadows for a minute before he could break the spell that she had woven about him. Teagan Guerrin, newly made Bann of Rainesfere, had watched the bewitching bride to be all evening. Normally, he didn't care for the overly powdered, fashionable women but this young woman was different. Her grace and the simple beauty that could be seen through the powder had captivated him from the time she entered the dining room. She had hovered at the edge of the dance floor, avoiding her betrothed and all other offers to dance.
And now, he'd caught her, outside, dancing alone.
He waited until she had spun again, getting closer to his hiding spot. Seeing an opening, he slipped into her arms and took up the lead. Her eyes remained closed, preferring to keep him anonymous, but he watched her bite her lower lip with nervousness.
As the music came to an end, Teagan thought about slipping back into the shadows, but didn't want to let her out of his arms quite yet. Her eyes opened and he drowned in the deep, shining darkness. He knew her eyes were blue from his study of her, but in the soft dark lessened only by the lights of the Keep, they were the color of midnight. He watched as her tongue peeked out and wet her lips. It was an invitation to kiss if he ever saw one.
He leaned down and took her sweet mouth. His hands slipped from their dancing stance to her waist and pulled her in. One hand slid up her arm, with a glancing caress along the side of her bodice to cup her jaw, angling her head so he could deepen the kiss. Teagan licked the seam of her lips, asking for entrance to her mouth. On a moan, he was granted entrance.
Such a shame his brother could not have purchased him such a wonder. He could think of many ways he could teach this beauty. He backed away slowly as the knowledge that he belonged to another pushed its way into his mind.
"Please, forgive me my lady. I... could not resist your charms." Teagan went for charming, hoping that she would neither scream nor slap him for his liberty taking.
Instead she mutely pulled away from him. Her dark eyes huge in her face, and she looked panicked. Her gloved fingers touched her lips and a single tear slid down her cheek. Turning, she fled into the darkness of the gardens. Deciding that retreat would be the better part of valor, he walked back into the loud, garishly decorated great hall. Eamon was leaning against the south wall and watched his brother walk in.
"What have you been doing?"
"How much did Wulff pay for the Thurlow girl?"
Eamon's eyebrow reached for his hairline. "Why?"
Teagan reacted to the suspicious tone, deciding not to explain but deflect, as usual.
"She's quite young to be marrying him, don't you think? I hope I never stoop to marrying a child just for the bedding."
Eamon glowered at him. "Leave it alone. Maric approved the match."
"But... she is obviously unhappy." Teagan started and then stopped, realizing that his brother, being exceptionally astute, would know what happened.
"Leave it alone. And wipe the rouge off your lips."
Freedom at a price
Mairi stood at the ship's railing and watched the city of Amaranthine slip away. As the buildings shrank in the distance, the feeling of freedom grew. She took a deep break, grateful that she wore a simple servant's dress as opposed the tight uncomfortable torture devices that her mother insisted she wear.
The hem of her dress was weighted down with gold sovereigns and her small valise had a hidden treasure trove of silver and jewelry. The sea air felt good against her face, free of paint that her mother had insisted was all the rage. Her hair finally free of the complicated styles.
Mairi flipped the braid over her shoulder and switched to the other side of the ship. She had paid well for passage and most of the crew and the few passengers thought her a paid bride going to see her husband to be. She chuckled, they were half right. She'd been a paid bride, but it wasn't he husband she was seeking. She would be in the Free Marches in less than a week. Someday, she would be able to send for Nate. He'd be a man then, and free to leave his father's house.
A tear slipped down her cheek as she thought about her little cousin. So much hurt for one little boy. They had been two of a kind, so her father had said. They were too wild for their own good. She didn't see that in Nate, he was curious and brave and so very good. He wasn't wild. She'd left him a note, slipped it into his arrow quiver that hung in the armory. He might not find it for weeks, but she knew he would. Just as she knew that if and when he could, he would find her.
She closed her eyes, thinking that she would see Nate smiling at her, soothing away her fears. Instead, Mairi was greeted with the memory of her first kiss. She only wished she had known who he was. The handsome man fit every dream of a lover that she ever had. He was what she had wished for since she read her first novel. For one night, he had been hers. For one kiss. Then she had run, like a ninny.
'At least,' she thought, 'I'll have had one perfect kiss.' She tucked that thought deep in her heart and turned once more to the Free Marches. Free Marches, she liked that, it was a good start for a new life.
The Cost of Perpetual Liberty
Tennant and Sons is what the plaque said. Mairi looked at it in satisfaction. Her fingers touched the beveled wood and caressed it with pride. She adjusted her bonnet and veil and walked into the business she had built on her wits. Mister Tennant, was an invalid. Well, Mister Tennant did not truly exist but only she and her manager knew that.
Her manager had been a gift from the Tethras clan in Kirkwall. They had wanted a foothold in Ostwick, and she was growing a business, living hand to mouth as she did so. They hit it off immediately. The younger brother, Varric, had been her contact within the dwarven merchant's guild. He'd been the one to send her Giles.
Giles was twenty-eight and a better manager she could not have asked for. He's the one who suggested that she have a husband, an imaginary one as a real one would want control. Giles' handicap for running his own successful business was that he was an elf.
They'd had a passionate affair when she was nineteen and when their ardor cooled, they remained friends. He'd also been the one to suggest that she mark her face in a way that would further hide her identity from the curious nobility.
Filled with pride, and the knowledge of a full workload, she pushed open the doors of the warehouse. The workers, mostly elven, saluted her as she passed them by. They were loyal to her and "her husband" as she had been to them, paying a living wage comparable to that of humans. She knew each one personally, as well as their families; visiting their homes for births, deaths, illnesses and weddings.
She sat behind her husband's large oak desk and started working on the ledgers. She was engrossed in the world of numbers when he door opened and shut quietly. Mairi heard it, but thought it was probably Giles and he could wait. Business came first.
"Ahem." Her hand stilled, the voice uttering the sarcastic throat clearing was not Giles. Mentally, Mairi went through her schedule. She wasn't expecting anyone. She looked up through her lashes and saw a solemn young man with slate gray eyes. The face was at once familiar and strange.
"Mrs. Tennant?"
"Yes, may I help you. Unfortunately, my husband is ill. I can assist you though." She fell back on the professionalism. Mairi smiled widely.
"Why wasn't I invited to the wedding?" The man's scowl made her nervous. He was acting like he knew her. She narrowed her eyes. "It would be the least you could do after leaving me with only a note in my quiver."
She chuckled as she placed her beloved cousin, Nathaniel. He'd grown up handsome, though few would say so to his face. She liked the character the sharp blade of a nose gave his face. She ran around the desk and gave him a noisy kiss on the cheek.
"I've missed you. I wanted to write, but..." Her voice trailed off. It was true. She had a desk drawer filled with half written letters to him.
"I know. I wanted you to, but." He smiled. "Would you like to know what has transpired in your absence?"
"Not really, but tell me anyway." She'd never looked back once she was on that ship. She'd set foot in the Free Marches and had transformed herself into a capable woman. Mairi thought happily of her townhouse that she had purchased with her own money and the business she'd built up. Nothing Nathan could have told her would take that away.
"Your parents disowned you." She snorted at the comment. Mairi didn't care. She had enough of their love with strings to last her a lifetime. She was still wary of 'love' but it didn't stop her from continuing her girlish dream of prince charming.
"My mother had you branded as a thief. There is a reward for your capture and arrest. The Arl of West Hills married someone even younger than you about a month after you disappeared. For a while there was a huge man-hunt looking for you. The King was worried that you were abducted by slavers and refused to allow my mother to list you as a thief while that was a possibility. It's been an exciting six years. " Nate's smile was the one of the few things that she missed about living in Ferelden. A faint memory teased at the edges of her mind, a memory that not even Giles could erase, a tall handsome man with devastating lips.
"Where did you go, Mairi?" Nate's question pulled her back from her reverie.
"I came here, almost straight off. I made a friend and well, he and his family helped me set up. I've been here the whole time." She smiled. Nate shook his head, it wasn't what he was asking but she would deny that dreamy look on her face as she slid into the past. He'd heard rumors that she'd been compromised before she disappeared into the night. Her debaucher was everyone from the Arl of West Hills to the head of the Howe stables. Nate had his own thoughts about it, but kept quiet.
"So, when do I get to meet your husband or your friend?" Nate's eyes narrowed.
"If you must know there is no Mister Tennant, and my friend is the head of house Tethras in the dwarven merchant guild. There is nothing untoward going on." She hedged. She was hiding something and Nate knew it, but too much time had passed for them to have the easy friendship they'd once knew. "Why are you here, Nathaniel? Did you leave your family? Do they know where you are?"
"My father sent me here to become a man." Nathaniel said dryly. Mairi let loose an unladylike snort of laughter.
"Is he blind then? I wouldn't have expected that." Mairi said it with a grin, but she knew that his father's continued disapproval grated on him.
"He has sent me to squire for some Lord here in Ostwick. I saw you in the market the other day. At first I wasn't sure, but then I saw your eyes and asked around. My family might know I am here, but not you." He watched as the fear that had been in her eyes since his admission faded. "The tattoo hides you well, you look almost Dalish." Nate traced the design that crisscrossed her forehead. "Now that I have found you, are you going to run again?"
She shook her head, overwhelmed by the conflicting feelings. She wouldn't run from Nate, ever.
"No, but I don't know if you should ever come here again. It won't be safe for either of us."
"I'll put it about that I knew your husband when we were younger. Most people don't pay attention to me unless I have duties to attend to. May I come by for a visit so that I could reminisce with your husband, Missus Tennant?" She smiled and nodded. When he left, she penned a hasty note to Varric Tethras. She would need to start moving most of her liquid assets out of Ostwick and into a place where she could access them if she had to run. Varric and his father would understand, just as they had six years ago. Then she wrote a note to Giles; he needed to be prepared for the worst should it come. She wouldn't run from Nathaniel, but she would be thrice damned if her family got her again.
She couldn't remember happier days since Nathaniel came to Ostwick. He would discharge his duties during the day, while she ran her business. At night, they would masquerade as her own guards and do the rounds checking on her ships and warehouses. Her little cousin had learned some nasty tricks of his own while growing up in the tomb of Vigil's Keep. More than once, they'd had to explain to the city guards why some bandit or another was lying bleeding on Mister Tarrant's property. Mairi thought it would be obvious; it was either from the cluster of arrows sticking out of him, or the multiple stab wounds. She thought it best to keep her mouth shut most times, though.
Nathaniel still wrote to his parents and with every return letter, she saw him withdraw further and further into himself, becoming sullen. To draw out his less restrained side, Mairi taught him the trick of sliding in and out of the shadows, becoming the darkness. Working in the warehouse exposed her to a variety of poisons and toxins but instead of using them directly, she had a special mixture made that would cause enough confusion to allow her to escape if need be. Mairi had nearly perfected the art of dueling and had taken commissions when she'd first come to Ostwick, to duel for the wealthy and lazy, but always in the guise of a man. Those assignations, more than the dowry money, had made her business. Still, Nathaniel taught her the art of blinding and dirty fighting. She always grinned as her straight-laced cousin resorted to street fighting.
Mistakes
Mairi scanned a missive from her cousin, asking her to be free for an evening. Knowing that she would not respond by letter, she sent an envelope with a coin in it, agreeing to adventure. She left the warehouse in Giles' control and prepared for an evening of entertainment with Nathaniel.
She bathed as usual and slipped her mass of hair under a wig that she had made as part of her male disguise. Then she bound her breasts as tightly as she could, and hid the rest of her womanly form with a light, loose shirt and vest. Mairi's breeches fit like a second glove and clung tightly to her curves. Her seamstress, a relative of one of her dockworkers, created the whole outfit to fool the eye without adding any padding. Tall boots helped to complete the look of a dissolute nobleman's son or duelist. As always, she kept her rapier and a wicked dagger at her waist.
Nathaniel arrived at the town house shortly after dark and took his mate drinking. Somehow they ended the evening at the brothel. Mairi had kept her wits about her, not drinking much, just enough to avoid scrutiny. The whorehouse was something altogether different. She understood Nathaniel's needs though. He'd lived in Ostwick for a year, and had been without a woman. Once he'd asked about her intimate life and she immediately told him that while it was none of his business, she took care of her needs and he should do the same, which apparently was why she found herself at "The Birdcage", a whorehouse, with her cousin. Mairi rolled her eyes. Nathaniel had few friends, and fewer that he was comfortable with. She sent her comfortably drunk cousin upstairs with a pretty young thing and paid for his pleasure. Then she asked for a private room, with no company thank you, to wait until he was done.
Once inside the room, she removed her wig and shook out her hair. Then she sat on the bed and looked at the small selection of books. Quietly, Mairi drank the cup of wine she brought in with her and settled in to read for at least ten or fifteen minutes. She didn't believe, or at least want to believe, that he would last any longer than that. Engrossed in the book, she didn't hear the door open or shut. She didn't even look up until the light by the bedside was blown out.
Her book was taken from her hands and set aside. Mairi's eyes narrowed.
"This isn't funny, Nathaniel." There was no immediate response but she felt herself being gently but firmly lowered to the mattress. 'No, not Nathaniel', she thought. Mairi felt someone sliding their hands through her heavy hair, playing with it, running it through their fingers. She pushed at the form on top of her. Suddenly, lips brushed against hers, sending electrical currents all along her spine. A frisson of awareness surged through her body, she knew the man who was kissing her. Only one had ever caused this sensation. Her leather clad leg pulled up and hooked over the man's slender hips. His lips slid from her mouth to her ear. A gentle kiss was placed where her jaw and ear met. A soft, needy moan escaped her lips.
"It's not Nathaniel." Steady hands untied her vest and pulled her shirt from her pants. A warm hand slid under the fine linen shirt and skimmed over the breast bindings. Her back arched, her body instinctively following the path of his fingers. She was torn with indecision as the skin of his hand made contact with her flesh. Mairi knew she should stop this, but need stalled her words. Teagan grinned at her response to his touch. His teeth scraped her neck as he started to work his way down. "Oh, sweet lady! If I'd known of this before, I would have saved you."
Pleasure was interrupted with the understanding that this man, the one she had dreamed of, thought she was a whore who masqueraded as a boy. She brought up her other knee sharply, and rolled out from under him. Quickly, she replaced her wig and retied her vest. As she rushed out, she left a message with the madam for her companion, Nathaniel. Once out the door, she forced herself to blend into the shadows. She bit back tears that she didn't know she had and made her way back to the townhouse.
About two hours later, she heard a knocking at her door. She ignored it. If it was the guards were looking for her husband about a problem on the docks, they would move on to Giles. If it were Nathaniel, she wasn't ready to see him. If it were anyone else... she didn't care. She undressed carefully and slipped into her cold bed. Her cheeks felt hot and the tears stung as they slid down.
Running Once More
Months had passed since the incident at the Birdcage. It had taken days for Mairi to even talk to Nathaniel. Once or twice she thought she had seen the noble that had kissed her in the darkened room, or someone very like him.
If it were him, he'd gotten even better looking. Mairi rolled her eyes each time that she had that thought. It's not like she hadn't put herself in that position. She'd been in a room in a cat house, alone, and every time Mairi remembered that, she wanted to kick herself. The dreams she'd had following that night put the ones from all those years prior to shame. There were intimacies that she had never explored when she had been with Giles, but now she wondered and wanted the experience. In just a few minutes with hot, sliding hands, the nobleman made every night of passion with Giles seem so pale and wanting. All the man had done, really, was kiss her. Mairi kept telling herself that; that his touch hadn't burned her skin and made her shake, even now in the broad light of day.
Sitting at her desk she dropped her head to the wood and bounced her forehead on it once or twice, hoping that it would knock some sense into her over heated imagination. Mairi sighed and pulled her accounts back in front of her. Everything was in order. It always was. She finished with the ledger and had pulled out her book of invoices, to check on the status of shipments when her door slammed open.
"I can't believe that the rumors are true. My backstabbing daughter has involved herself in trade."
Mairi didn't look up, she knew that voice. Her mother had found her. Hopefully, her mother's sister hadn't decided to visit too. The woman was still talking but Mairi had tuned her out. It was the easiest thing to do. Perhaps, if Mairi ignored her long enough, Helena Thurlow might just go away. What Mairi didn't expect was the sharp slap of the bony, beringed hand. Shocked and angry, she looked up at the matron. She hadn't seen her mother in about seven or eight years. Mairi could have lived a lot longer without any symptoms of withdrawal. She narrowed her eyes at her mother.
"Go away. Pretend I'm dead, or sold into slavery... or whatever you want really. I don't care. Go home." Mairi was proud of herself for not shouting at the woman.
"You dare!"
"I did when I was sixteen. I don't have to 'dare' any longer. If you really wanted to find me you could have any time. So, why now? Why come looking for your prodigal daughter now. Who is it you want to sell me off to now?"
"We didn't sell you off, it was a marriage negotiation. Not many men wanted a woman as hoydenish as you." Helena had told herself time and again that it was Mairi's wanton behavior and not her own desire for more lands that had her agree to the marriage contract.
"Well... now I'm spoiled goods. Go away. I have a business to run." Mairi opened the door and motioned for her mother to go through it. Lady Thurlow raised her nose haughtily and sailed through the door. It was only when she had left the establishment that Mairi closed the door and sagged against it. When she was steadier, she called Giles into the office. The day she had always dreaded had come. She handed him all the documents that Varric said he would need. The ownership would be transferred immediately to a new alias and Giles would soon gain the lion's share of profits.
She would take the rest of the day to pack. It was time for her to go. She penned a quick note to Nathaniel, telling him where she was going this time. He still couldn't follow, he was in service to someone; but he deserved to know where and why. She walked out the door, leaving a business that was a much her home as anywhere.
Tears blurred her vision. She found a courier and sent him off. Walking blindly, she paid little attention to her steps. She didn't need to see to reach her little house. Mairi walked into a solid obstacle and bounced off it confused as to its existence. Standing in front of her was a handsome man, about a half a head taller than she. His green eyes twinkled with mischief as he looked down into her face. She looked beyond him and noticed they were three doors away from her home.
"May I escort you home, my lady?" She looked deep into the emerald depths to see if he was kidding her, but no guile shone through. She knew that voice, those lips, those hands, intimately.
"Thank you, my lord. No. I am not far from it now. Please excuse me." She made to push by him , but he set his hand on her arm, not holding her, just stalling her.
"May I ask one question, please?" She looked into his face; a hundred possible questions flooded her mind. She said nothing, so he plowed on. "Will you allow me the pleasure of your company this evening?"
"I am afraid that will not be possible." Her stomach clenched. He still thought her a doxie.
"How about tomorrow evening? It has taken me a long time to find you. Please, say yes." His voice caressed her skin, urging her to go with him.
"No. Not tonight. Not tomorrow. Not ever. I afraid I am unavailable to be anyone's company I thank you for the kindness though." Her stomach clenched. His merest touch still set every nerve on fire with need but she could never be with a man who thought her a lady of the evening. She pushed past him and disappeared into her house. She got everything that was portable together. Varric would gather the rest for her and send it on. Within an hour, she had fled, leaving almost no trace.
Teagan Guerrin had kicked himself, almost as hard as she had. He should have known that she wouldn't have lowered herself to working in a house of ill repute. Then, that pup, Howe, had bloodied his nose for the insult he'd paid her. Teagan had searched the entirety of Ostwick after, looking for her, hoping to find her and apologize. Women generally fell all over him, but this one always ran away. His pocket contained scraps of the most ridiculous poetry, written for her, about her. His hand clutched at the pieces of paper, promising that he would reveal them to no one but her. Mariri. He'd called her Mariri.
Suddenly she was in front of him, conjured by the Maker, himself. His mouth wouldn't work right. He hadn't noticed the tattoo before, and her eyes were even more enchanting. He almost lost control and kissed her right on the street, and she a gently bred woman. She wouldn't talk to him, which he could understand to a degree, but she wouldn't give him the chance to explain. Then, just like before, and the one night so long ago, she was gone. How could he explain to Eamon that he couldn't marry anyone because the woman he wanted was the one who kept running away from him. Eamon would laugh until his side broke.
Trying Again
Mairi looked out over the city of Starkhaven. She already missed the ocean and wished that her parents didn't have such a hold over her. Varric Tethras had arranged this little home for her. She'd already sent a kind note to him, proving that she was still a slave to her upbringing. The money from the shipping business that she'd left behind was still coming in.
She'd gone to Kirkwall first and met with Varric and his brother Bartrand. The elder Tethras was irritating and condescending but Varric was charming. No wonder his father had put her in touch with the handsome storyteller. Only he could completely erase her from the Free Marches. It didn't help that Lady Howe and her mother had again placed trumped up charges against her.
After a week, she had moved from Kirkwall to the house in Starkhaven. The Tethras family technically owned her shipping business, but forty percent of the income came directly to her. Her savings that she had sent to Varric had been hidden in various accounts with the merchant's guild throughout the Free Marches and she had a line of credit, thanks to the Tethras name.
A breeze off of the Minanter River was refreshing but couldn't compare to the smell of the Waking Sea. She sighed and stepped back inside. She left a letter with Varric to send to Nathaniel. Mairi looked at some of the paperwork that Varric had given her. He'd given her a list of contacts so that she could start anew, but she had enough money to live comfortably for a while. She decided lie low, and dream... just for a little while.
Nathaniel looked over the letter that had come from Kirkwall, special messenger. He'd ready it twice. Mairi was fine and in her new home. It didn't say where that new home was, but if she were safe, he'd let it go, for now. Nathaniel looked at the man standing over his desk.
Bann Teagan Guerrin had been asking about Mairi every day. Nathaniel's eyes searched Teagan's. He didn't care that the man had a prosperous hold in Ferelden. He'd attempted to compromise his cousin, and if that wasn't enough, he'd made enough of a stir in the whorehouse trying to follow her, it had drawn the attention of his parents and hers.
If he wasn't so angry at the man, he would have laughed.
"She isn't here." Nathaniel needed leave to go to Kirkwall, where the letter had originated. "I can pass along a message through the appropriate channels, if you like. But, Ser, I think it would be best if you forgot about my cousin."
Teagan Guerrin glared at him. One mistake. One stupid mistake and this puppy had decided to bare his teeth and bar the gate. He'd tried to see where the letter had come from. He'd run out of time and had to return to Rainesfere. Eamon and his lady had been having difficulties, all stemming from Eamon's continued interest in Alistair, the bastard boy that even he'd grown fond of. Well... he would do what he could to keep the peace between the Guerrins.
"If she asks about you, I'll let her know how to reach you." Nathaniel sneered the words and watched the older man walk out the door and grinned. Mairi will get a chuckle over the set down he'd just delivered. Well... he was fairly sure that she would.
The trip home had been miserable. How had he screwed up so badly? Had he misread the signs? Teagan frowned at his luggage and considered what had happened.
He'd found the woman of his dreams. Mairi. Even now her name was a prayer on his lips. His body had ached for her after their close encounter at the Birdcage. Teagan had been sent to Ostwick by Eamon's request as a favor to the odious Arl Howe. All Teagan was supposed to have done was check on Howe's son Nathaniel. No one had known that the Thurlow girl would be there. Mairi. He smiled, and then scowled, damn female. He'd seen her, once in Nathaniel's company before the incident but hadn't been positive of who she was. Teagan had spent two weeks, ignoring his duty and searching out the woman with the deep blue eyes.
He walked over to his desk and looked at his correspondences. A letter from Helena Thurlow, accepting his suit for her newly found daughter lay on his desk. Teagan read it and laughed painfully. The mother might have him, but the daughter would not. Sitting, he found himself thinking of the fear and panic on Mairi's face at their last meeting. He thought she was running from him. Teagan tried to remember what he had written to Thurlow and the truth hit him painfully between the eyes.
Mairi wasn't running from him, although his actions had not helped. She was running from her family, just as she had done a decade before. The only connection to her family she had allowed herself was Nathaniel Howe. He had ruined her serenity as surely as she had ruined his. If Mairi had only allowed him to explain. He had to get Nathaniel to disclose her location to him, convince the man that he was serious in his intent. No other woman stirred Teagan like Mairi did.
Months later, Teagan found himself at his brother's estate. He promised himself he wouldn't stay, at least, not in the castle. The tavern had rooms and a willing wench that he could bury himself in for a short time. Right now, he found himself awaiting his brother's pleasure.
"Teagan!" Eamon sounded hearty. It was never a good sign for Teagan, the man must have cooked up some new scheme to marry him off. He listened and groaned as his brother dove into the traditional speech about needing to settle down and see about getting heirs.
"The Couslands have a comely young daughter of marriageable age. I think you should go there and see if she would suit you." Eamon smiled encouragingly at Teagan. The younger man sighed.
"I am sorry brother, but I am afraid I must return to the Free Marches. My new business venture needs a bit more of a hands on approach." Teagan avoided his brother's searching gaze, but it was no use.
"She is gone, Teagan. I don't know why you persist in this. If the Maker wanted the two of you married, he would have facilitated it by now. Accept that fact and move on. Get married. You will find yourself in love with your wife soon enough."
Teagan's heart pinched but he wouldn't give up on her, not yet. Mairi was still out there and, Maker willing, still free.
"I'm going to the Free Marches, brother. It's business. Maybe you will get lucky and I will find my wife there. If not..." Teagan didn't want to contemplate what would happen if he couldn't find her or if Nathaniel wouldn't cooperate.
"If you don't. I suggest leaving the running of your Free Marches concern to someone in the Free Marches." It hurt Eamon to see his brother so, especially when he was so in love with his own wife. Teagan needed to settle down though, his once pristine reputation was being torn apart by the string of wealthy widows that he had had affairs with.
"Wish me good hunting then." Teagan stood and left the study. Eamon just watched him go.
"Good hunting, brother."
Forsworn Release
Nate watched his cousin carefully. It had been three years since she ran from Ostwick. Her mother was a terror, certainly, and his mother could kill with a word. He had no illusions about her need to escape, but it hadn't made her happy.
The Mairi he knew in Ostwick and before was bright, loving and happy. She'd grown a business from nothing and could afford to live in the lap of luxury, but it wasn't the money that had made her happy. It was the work and the people that had put the smile on her face. There were times that he thought she was looking for someone, but she never spoke to him of anyone beyond the impersonal thoughts of a friend. She was nearing thirty and still had not really married. Nate could understand her fears, he couldn't stomach a marriage like his parents had, but he knew that not all unions were like that.
"Mairi?" He touched her hand and wished that they were siblings, or that he was comfortable talking about life and love. He was as clueless as she though.
"Hmmm?" Her mind had been occupied as they walked through Hightown. She was back to hoping to find something that wasn't there. Her eyes clouded over when she returned to their conversation about the rumors about Ferelden.
There had been a number of refugees coming into Kirkwall as the fear of a blight ravaged Ferelden. There had been no major incursions of darkspawn but with forces gathering, many just wanted to get out of the way. Little beyond rumor was known, but Nate worried for his home and his family, or at least his sister.
"I was thinking of going back home, Mairi." He touched her arm and felt her jump, just a little. When she looked at him, her mask of calm was in place. He knew that she hated the idea of him leaving, but wouldn't stop him if that was what he wanted.
"Come with me, Mairi. You don't have to go home. No one else needs to know." He held her hand, and a touch of the little boy she knew melted her heart.
"You don't need me to go with you, Nate. If you need to go, to help, then I'll help you get there however I can, but you don't need me, and haven't for a long time." She kissed Nate's cheek and fought not to cry. He had been the one constant in her life for so long and the pinch in her heart felt like a sting of betrayal. She thought that she'd have so much more now. A husband she could love, children, maybe a business she could be proud of. Now, even the illusion of family was shattering as he made plans to leave her. Selfish... she knew that. Mairi bit her lip and forced herself to scan the crowd hoping that he had received her letter and finally come for her.
Nate had told her months ago about Teagan Guerrin's search for her, but pride or fear had kept her from writing for so long. Mairi had written though. A simple, heartfelt apology for acting so shamefully when last they'd met. She'd also asked him to either write back or come to Kirkwall, to her. Neither had come to pass.
"What if I get into trouble?" He smiled at her but Mairi looked away, hurt lancing through her body. She wanted him to stay, which is more than could be said for his family. They hadn't spoken to him in years, not since he'd left the service into which he been placed. Another layer of guilt painted itself on Mairi's soul. Nathaniel had been her rock, but he needed his own life. He needed to move on.
"That's an awful big if, Nate. I'll always be there for you, just send word." Mairi couldn't look at him, reaching out blindly for his hand. She squeezed it once gently and walked away. Within moments, she was lost in the crowd, simply gone. Nathaniel tried to find her, but gave up quickly. If Mairi didn't want to be found, she wouldn't be. He pulled a letter out of his pocket. It had been addressed to Mairi, but the feminine hand in which it had been written worried him. Nate read the missive again.
"Dear Mrs. Tennant,
I am sure that while your intentions are pure in wanting to clear up any misunderstandings between you and Teagan Guerrin, please desist. He has been happily married for many months now, and I am quite sure that his fine Lady Wife would not appreciate your attempts to lure him to your side. I am certain that we understand one another. I will pass along your good wishes for a long and happy marriage on to Bann Teagan.
Regards,
Arlessa Isolde Guerrin"
Nathaniel narrowed his eyes. If Teagan had married, one of his family would have written him a note. Gossip was food for the Howes. No such word had been forthcoming. He wanted Mairi to come with him. He'd held the letter back, hiding it from her. Nathaniel would find out the truth and then, if Teagan were unmarried still, he would find a way to lure Mairi into Ferelden... into meeting with Teagan. Nate promised himself that he would see Mairi happy if it cost him everything.
At His Brother's Pleasure
"Why am I here again?" Teagan's question was asked in good humor as he sat sprawled indolently across a chaise.
"The King is calling in all of his forces. They want to stop the possibility of the blight before it can truly start." Eamon looked up from his correspondence and considered his brother. The man was going on thirty-four and still hadn't married. His last trip to the Free Marches to find a bride had been a failure. Teagan had made a name for himself as a rake, cutting a swath through the eligible widows of the nobility. He had steered clear of the eligible young maids that were looking for husbands though. No woman had managed to snare him, but at least he had stopped looking for the Thurlow girl.
"They? They who?" Teagan's voice pulled Eamon back.
"The King, and the Grey Wardens."
"Logain's reaction to all of this has been... what?" Teagan wasn't fond of the Hero of the Dane, but he had to admit that the man's military acumen was generally correct.
"He has been adamant against using any outside help. I don't think he'd even allow reinforcements to come in from the Free Marches for fear that someone might be from Orlais." Eamon shook his head. "So, we are to bring every able bodied man to the fight. Starting at Ostagar."
He offered Teagan a drink, but the younger man declined. The last time Teagan had tasted Eamon's brandy, it seemed off. He pulled from his personal flask instead.
"I should get back to Rainesfere then, and gather my troops as well." Teagan stood up with a slight wobble. He hadn't eaten and had been drinking all afternoon. Much of it was because Isolde would come in and fawn over her husband while winking at him. The alcohol reduced the feeling of nausea. She hadn't been around in a few hours and Teagan shuddered to think what she might be doing.
"Stay the night. Your room is prepared, and then we could decide the course of action. Duncan, the Grey Warden, is expected tomorrow with his new recruit, a mage from the Circle. You should stay and meet them." Eamon was all pride for hosting a Warden and his recruit. The excitement stirred Teagan and against his better judgment he agreed to stay. Hopefully, Isolde would have her hands full with the preparations.
Dreams and Nightmares
Teagan rolled over as the dream took him again. Mairi was lying in his arms; her long hair undone and streaming over them like a silken curtain. Her long, slender legs slid across his, begging for attention. It was a dream, Teagan had no illusions about that. Years had passed since touching her skin, but the scent of her never left him.
His dream self focused on making love to her mouth, not worrying overmuch about the rest of her. The kiss was delicious and soft. Her mouth opened to him, her tongue flitting in and out, as his aching hardness wanted to be doing. His hips thrust upward and could hear her laugh softly. Her mouth slipped from his to caress his cheek, "Not yet, love." Teagan moaned.
He'd had her twice already, and was ready to dance on the edge of the void again. His hands slipped along her skin, relishing the velvety feel. Mairi pushed him onto his back and fitted him to her core. Slick and hot, and oh so ready for him. "Mairi."
The snik of his bedroom door closing changed the dream, someone else was coming. He pushed it away and held fast to Mairi. 'Only a little more,' he thought, 'I want to hear her scream my name. Please, sweet Andraste, please. Don't take her from me yet.' Already she was slipping. The harpy had come and the nightmare was beginning again.
He rolled over, hoping Isolde would leave, pretending sleep, aching with a want that he could not sate. His covers shifted and her warm naked body pressed against his. Teagan's aching erection begged him to reconsider. The woman in his bed knew no shame. She had to have come from her marital bed to his, and the thought sickened him. When her hand slid down his side as an enticement, he jumped from the covers, and grabbed his things.
"Enough, Isolde. This cannot go on. You are married to my brother. That first night? It was a mistake as were the others after it. Each time, I told myself that it would be the last. Leave. Now. Or I will tell Eamon." He kept his voice low and struggled into his clothing. His body ached and he wanted release, but not at this cost, not with her.
"Teagan, please. You don't understand what it is like. To ache like this. Eamon... he... he doesn't."
"I'm done, and gone. Tell my brother what you will. I'm leaving to assemble my forces in Rainesfere. I shall meet him at Ostagar, and await his displeasure there." He finished fastening his coat and started to walk out. She clung to him for a mere second before he flung her to the floor. He would not be returning until this had been resolved. He loved his brother, but Teagan could not stay knowing that this is what she wanted and expected for her hospitality. Maker, he needed a wife. He wanted a wife.
Landsmeet
Mairi pulled her cloak tightly around herself. She felt so exposed, though she had never been to Denerim before. Her hand shook as she studied the map that Nate had sent her. She'd been staying at the Gnawed Noble tavern under an assumed name,and heard about the tumult at her Uncle's estate.
Mairi only felt for Nate, knowing that he would take the news of her uncle's death hard. Neither she nor her cousin had a real love for Rendon Howe but, knowing that it was a warden that had delivered the fatal blow, it was even harder to take.
She clutched the note and the map. After looking for her cousin for weeks, and being led all over blight torn Ferelden, she'd finally been led to Denerim. When Mairi got her hands on Nate, she was going to kill him. Her hands shook as she looked at the map for the hundredth time. Waiting wasn't going to make what she had to do any easier. The note said that he was being held at Arl Eamon Guerrin's estate under the suspicion of conspiring with his father. Nate asked her to speak to either Arl Eamon or Bann Teagan about releasing him.
Her heart beat painfully in her chest thinking of seeing him again. She smoothed down her finest gown and twitched at the edges of her cloak. She'd spent more than an hour on her hair and clothes just in case she ran into Bann Teagan. Mairi knew that the chances of that happening where slim and none. She took a deep breath and forced herself to walk forward. Eamon's estate was just ahead. She walked up to the main door and knocked stoutly.
The door was opened by a haughty looking butler, not that Mairi remembered any other kind.
"I need to see Arl Eamon, please, or Bann Teagan. It is important." She smiled slightly but not to widely.
Mairi was ushered inside and taken to a richly decorated parlor. Her childhood came flooding back to her, calming her nerves. She ran her fingers over the back of an upholstered chair. She didn't miss this life... much. The heavy door leading from the parlor opened, the breeze it created brushed her skirts. Mairi turned and while she hadn't expected to see Bann Teagan, she had thought that at least the arl would have come in. Instead of either man, a slender woman about her own age had entered the room. They studied each other for a moment. 'This is what I would have looked like had I married the Arl of West Hills.' The woman was still beautiful, but she looked angry... hard. The lines on the other woman's face still weren't present on her own.
"Who are you? And what do you want with my husband?" The woman had a distinct Orlesian accent. Mairi took a deep breath and extended her hand. She did everything that her mother said was appropriate for one lady meeting another.
"Good afternoon. My name is," Mairi hesitated. She hadn't used her name in so long, but she had to give this woman something. "My name is Mairi Tennant. I met Bann Teagan in Ostwick. I..."
Mairi didn't get any farther than that. The woman smiled, and Mairi got a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. "Oh? My husband didn't say anything about meeting anyone like you."
"I... uh... um. I received a letter, from my cousin." She held out the note, but the woman didn't even look at it.
"I'm afraid I can't help you. My husband is at the Landsmeet. I'm sure you have heard of it. Until he is done there, he will not be home. You will have to try later. I'm sure the arl could help you." The woman's smile could have curdled milk. Mairi looked down at the note, a little lost as to what to do.
"Thank you for your time." Mairi realized that she was too late, as the woman's words sank in. She settled her cloak more firmly about her shoulders. She curtsied slightly as was expected from someone of her rank. With as much dignity as she could, she left the arl's estate. She managed to get most of the way to the tavern before the tears streaked down her face.
Mairi sagged against a wall and cried. The hope of a young girl dying, and she was far to late to do anything about it. Eventually, cried out, she walked back to her room in the tavern and did what she could to repair the damage to her looks. She would go to the Landsmeet and approach the arl to ask for the release of Nathaniel. She could avoid Teagan and save her heart, what was left of it.
From the Shadows
He felt a prickling on his neck, and wanted to turn around to see what was causing it. He couldn't look away from the tableau in front of him. The petite warden was going against Teyrn Loghain Mac Tir. The warden told him recently that she liked a challenge causing Teagan to marvel at Alistair's luck had when finding this lovely lady, and was grateful that the Maker matched his nephew with such a strong beauty. He'd known a woman like that once but he hadn't been as lucky as Alistair.
As it was, Sarina was a whirling blur of death, the dual blades slicing through Loghain's armor as if it were nothing. Blood from the cuts seeped out. Soon, Loghain called a halt, beaten with his opponent barely winded.
Everything spun even further out of control. Teagan rubbed at the back of his neck. A choice was being presented. Make Loghain a warden or kill him. Sarina looked back at Alistair. The two of them shared a look that Teagan could only envy. Within mere moments, or so it seemed, Loghain was dead and Alistair was King. Alistair had also announced that he was intent on marrying his warden love. The new King and Queen were too wrapped up in their love for each other to either notice or care the commotion around them.
The prickling on his neck picked up again. This time he turned around. The shadows on the lower floor were deep, but he sensed movement within them. Teagan tried to be patient but he was beginning to move toward that feeling.
A woman's shape flickered in the shadows, the late afternoon light caressing and highlighting her face. It was the same face that had haunted him for almost two decades. 'The Maker has a sense of humor,' he mused. Not caring what anyone thought, he moved even closer, stalking his prey. Teagan's hand shot out and encircled her wrist, jerking her forward. She fell roughly against him, her mouth opening slightly in shock. He lowered his mouth and claimed hers. Hoping that she would stay against him, Teagan released her wrist and wrapped his arm around her waist.
"Mairi." Her name was a prayer on his lips. When he pulled away, she was looking up at him, tears in her eyes.
"You... I'm too late." Her voice shuddered and broke.
"What do you mean?" He wasn't talking loud enough, choosing to speak against her ear, hoping he wasn't dreaming.
"I heard about... that you were married. I..." Mairi struggled against him.
Eamon walked up to Teagan and Mairi. "Teagan? What is going on?" Little was going right for Teagan's older brother this day.
Teagan's hand slipped back to her wrist, believing that if he was not careful, she would run from him again.
"This woman is under arrest for sedition against the Grey Wardens, sowing dissent while in the Free Marches." His voice was little more than a harsh whisper. Eamon looked at the woman in Teagan's arms and understood.
"Guards. Arrest this woman. Take her to my estate so that the Wardens can dispense justice." Eamon's voice carried across the Landsmeet chamber. Alistair sauntered over and took in the situation.
"If she is truly under arrest, she needs to go to Fort Drakon."
Mairi looked at Alistair and paled. The hair on the back of her neck bristled. Her dark brows narrowed over sapphire blue eyes. Mairi started to struggle harder. If that man, King or no, thought she was going to Fort Drakon, he was mistaken. Teagan glared at Alistair, trying to make him understand.
"She is wanted for crimes against house Guerrin, first and foremost, your highness. Justice will be taken care of to the satisfaction of all. Thank you, your highness."
Her wrists were clamped in irons. Mairi struggled and glared at Teagan.
"I will... escort her to the estate." Teagan stepped behind her gripping her wrists. Eamon tried not to grin.
"Let me go, Bann Teagan. Please." Her voice was cracking with stress.
"Soon, Lady Thurlow or is it Mrs. Tennant?" Teagan's voice was soft against her cheek and he felt her start to relent. "I have spent far too long trying to find you." When they had reached the outside hall, he spun her around and claimed her mouth.
Denerim
Teagan was pacing the floor at Eamon's estate. He had removed his doublet and loosened the ties on his vest and shirt. He'd found her. His joy evident by the constant smile on his face, nothing had been able to wipe it clean. Yet, she was not so certain, she was convinced that he was married. He sprawled in one of the fine upholstered chairs in his suite of rooms. Questions flooded his mind. She thought he was married? Who in their right mind would tell Mairi that?
Outside his door, he heard footsteps. Soft tread of a woman. The guards were ordered to keep Mairi inside, but not to keep others out. Who ever was in the Estate, was seeking his guest. Teagan's eyes narrowed and realized that the answer to all of his questions pointed to the Lady of the house, Isolde. He could hear the accented consonants that she had never been able to erase. She would always be an Orlesian, a foreign beauty and troublesome one. Isolde had left her precious Connor at home, hoping that both he and Eamon would forget that the boy needed to go to the Circle. Whatever the mages had done to free the boy and his father, would not hold forever. He lurched out of the chair when it was apparent that she was not going to leave his guest's door.
"Isolde, a word with you for a moment." Teagan was shaking with rage. He'd only wanted to be rid of this woman. She would always be his brother's wife, but that did not give her the right to harass him or his guest, even if that guest was locked up and under guard.
"Of course, Teagan." He sighed, at least she kept up the illusion of being a faithful wife around the house guards. These men and women were loyal to Eamon and Teagan had known many of them since before Isolde and Eamon were married. She sailed in all smiles. The slender beauty over to his large bed and sat down on it, reclining slightly. If he had seen Mairi in this position, nothing could have kept him from her, but Isolde was another matter.
"What did you say to her?" He had managed to keep his voice moderately low.
"I. I do not know what you mean, Teagan! I... I was merely inquiring about our guest. She should be made comfortable." Her expression had turned sly and she shifted positions again, more blatant in her proposition.
"Why does she think that I am married. She said that she met my wife this morning, before she went to the Landsmeet." Teagan's brows furrowed. "She said that she came here. Looking for her cousin."
"She is obviously lying, Teagan." Deciding that he would not join her on the bed, she slinked over to him and ran her hand seductively up his arm. She got closer to him, her lips almost brushing his neck. His hand's gripped her upper arms and he thrust her away from him.
"No, Isolde. She isn't but you have been. I'm done with it, with you. If I lose my own brother, so be it, but he will know."
"Teagan, what make you think that he will believe you over me? I'll tell him that you took advantage of my sorrow during his illness, when I was weakest."
"Stop it Isolde."
"I'll tell him that you forced yourself on me over and over. That every time he left the estate, you were there, taking over his husbandly duties. You will lose your brother, your nephew... you lands. You can do nothing. Do you think that woman in there would have come looking for you if you weren't landed. She was tired of whoring and thought that since you expressed interest, and had land, she could convince you to be her protector. At least for a little while. All I have done is help keep you safe, Teagan." Her arms moved just a little, reaching for his pants. He jerked backwards, pushing her at the same time.
"Leave her alone, Isolde. Punish me all you want. But what happened between us? It never should have happened. I never should have been that intoxicated, and let you in. That was my fault, letting you in my room when I was incapable of thinking clearly. I was mourning my loss, the loss of her... the woman in that room." He pointed toward the adjoining wall. He realized that he would have to find other accommodations, because Isolde wouldn't leave her alone as long as they were both under the same roof. It didn't help that Eamon would cast him out as soon as Teagan told him what had gone on between him and Isolde.
"You won't throw your brother away on a whore. You're mine. Haven't you figured that out yet? Mine."
Teagan heard a sound at the door. Eamon was there. Teagan closed his eyes, Maker, he hadn't wanted his brother to find out like this.
"Teagan, is this true? Have you had... relations with my wife?" The question was asked quietly and calmly.
"Yes, brother." He would have left it at that, he had no excuse for what he had done.
"When?"
"The first time was shortly after I came back from the Free Marches the first time." Teagan couldn't look his brother in the eye. "When I had lost Mairi. The last time was more than four years ago."
"Also when you had come back from the Free Marches. I suppose I should be grateful to the woman that you won't have to go to the Free Marches any longer to look for her." Guilt wracked Teagan but he couldn't go on without telling Eamon.
"How many times?" Isolde crumpled to the floor sobbing. Eamon hadn't even spared her a look.
"Four, maybe. Certainly no more. Eamon..." Teagan began. Eamon held up a hand stopping Teagan's plea.
"Take your woman and leave. I... I need to resolve this. I heard what was said when neither of you thought I was there. I will consider this as I decide what will be done. Your lands and title are safe, granted to you by Father, no matter what my wife thinks or how I feel. Now... go."
Teagan looked at his brother and felt a wrenching in his heart. He never wanted to hurt his brother, but after the first time, Isolde had blackmailed him into continuing the relationship, holding Eamon's pain over his head. Instead of prolonging the hurt, Teagan grabbed the doublet he'd thrown over the chair. Most of his things were kept in his private apartments in another part of Denerim. The guards would send along the rest, he hoped.
Teagan knocked on the door where Mairi was being kept. He unlocked the door and looked in, half expecting to get a chair to his head. She was sitting on the bed, her hands in her lap. Her wrists were reddened from the shackles he had put on her. All Teagan wanted to do was go to her and kiss the redness away. She looked up at him. Her hair was in disarray and she looked lovely.
"We need to go. Where are you staying, we will pick up your things on the way to my apartments."
"I... don't want to go with you Bann Teagan. I. I need to find my cousin." Her words were hesitant.
"You don't want to come with me? You weren't searching for me? I... fine, I won't keep you. Let me know where you are staying, and I will deliver you safely there." Her words blindsided him. Mairi's mouth had been sweet against his, her passions matching Teagan's. So why didn't she want to be with him/
"I don't want to be any man's mistress. I wouldn't want to be wife to a man who had them."
"I don't have any mistresses. I... I know that you won't believe me but I am not married, have not been married, and from the looks of things at this very moment won't be married. Mairi, I have looked for you since that night we first kissed. I wanted you then... I... I want you now." He hurried to where she sat and knelt in front of her, his head bowed, a supplicant in search of salvation.
Mairi's hand shook as she tentatively touched his hair. She marveled at the soft silky thickness of it. He leaned forward and placed his forehead against her knees. The tears that he could not shed for so long, for himself, his brother, even her, fell as she sought to comfort him. She murmured soft nonsense words, all the while stroking the back of his head.
"Teagan? Let's go, I need my things, and then... we'll talk." She bit her lip. She wanted to walk away, but she couldn't. Her heart had been so tangled up in this man, she needed to try.
He looked up, his eyes reddened from his tears. "How much did you hear?"
"Most of it. Your... your brother's wife is very loud, and I feel very much the fool." She looked away.
He touched her face, turning her toward him, smiling when her eyes finally met his.
"Come on then. I will take you to your rooms." He stood and extended his hand. She allowed him to assist her in standing. There was a slight movement by the door, and Mairi turned to look. The woman was there, glaring at them. Mairi smiled a bit wickedly and before Teagan could look that way, she drew him in with a gentle touch. She leaned up slightly and kissed his lips, slowly, taking her time. Teagan, surprised, let her take the initiative. His hands coming to rest on the outside of her hips, holding her, but not pulling her in. Mairi's arms snaked around his neck, and she rested her body lightly against his, giving him strength even as she took from him. The kiss seemed to go on forever, gently nibbling at his lips. She pulled back slightly and grinned at his foggy eyed look.
"Take me home, Teagan. We have much to discuss." She purred the words, curling her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck.
Unable to speak and unsure if he could walk, he placed his hand in hers, and let her lead him from his brother's estate.
Tempting Fate
Teagan looked around the Gnawed Noble Tavern, proud to be led into the establishment by such a beautiful woman. A few heads turned and looked at the two of them, he hadn't let go of her hand since leaving Eamon's and was enjoying letting her lead. When she would pause, he would raise her hand to his lips. Teagan would have rather taken her lips but unless she turned to him and asked for it, he'd done enough to embarrass her in public. He'd kissed her soundly in front of all the nobles of Ferelden and the new King.
She tugged on her hand, absently, trying to shake him off, but he ignored the hint. He'd spent the short journey trying to memorize her with every sense he could. As they moved from the brightly lit dining room to the dark hallways of the tavern, he stopped her to claim her mouth once more. There was a slight pause before she kissed him back just as ardently, her fingers plucking at the ties of his doublet. They fumbled in the semi-darkness until the two of them started to laugh at their mutual need.
"Teagan. I really must gather my things." He could feel the rise and fall of her breasts against him, and every part of him tightened, pulsing as her hands clenched and unclenched his shirt.
"Are you going to invite me in, my lady? I would hate to worry that you are going to run on me again." To encourage her to say yes, he skimmed his mouth along the slender column of her throat.
She moaned and tried to turn away, but he just moved to the other side, grinning wickedly. She wasn't moving away, well... not much. Her hands slipped along the front of his shirt and then around the back of his neck, encouraging him closer, as soft moan escaped her lips.
"Teagan." She moaned his name softly and it was the sound he wanted to hear forever.
"Mairi, we need to get out of the hall. Please, love." He said the words softly, breathing them against her neck. "Please." Teagan breathed in and tried to rein in desire, it would not do to take her in public. He refused to open the woman he planned on marrying to idle gossip and vicious half-truths.
She released him and turned slightly in his embrace, fumbling with the key. The only physical connection between them was the touch of his hand on the small of her back. He prayed that she would open the door soon, before he had to take her in the hallway. He heard the click of the lock and sent up a word of thanks to the Maker. She opened the door and pulled him inside.
The room was small and neat causing him to frown as he looked around. 'If this is what she is used to, then I hope she will be pleasantly surprised at living in Rainesfere.'
"I'm sorry that..." She wanted to apologize and hated thinking that he didn't approve of her standard of living. His eyes flew to hers, and realized her fear.
"No. Never apologize. I'm sorry. I... I should have gone after you sooner. Found you, made your cousin tell me. I should be apologizing to you." He walked to her, wanting to tell her everything at once. He kissed her hands gently, fighting the need to ruin her for any other man. "Tell me what we are packing, and I'll take you to my apartments. It isn't as nice as Eamon's, but you will have your own room..." His voice was strained as continued to fight his strangling need. He hoped she wouldn't want to sleep away from him, but he would defer to her needs not his; his needs, however, had started making demands of their own.
She reached out her hand and waited for him to take it. Then, she backed up and sat on the bed, pulling him with her. He had a questioning look in his eyes, but he wasn't going to fight it. Mairi slipped her hand up his arm and hooked it around his neck, drawing him to her. He watched for signs of hesitation, remembering his ill-fated and inappropriate advances in Ostwick.
"Mairi? Are you sure about this?" He spoke quietly, wanting her to say yes... to say no. He stayed propped up on his arm, just out of reach of her mouth. She smelled delicious and it was difficult to stay away from her.
"I... please, Teagan, don't ask me this." He moved away from her; if she couldn't voice her needs, he couldn't push her. "I don't have the words to explain."
He put his finger against her mouth and watched as her lips brushed them, her eyes sliding to half-mast, her desire clear on her face.
"Come to me, Teagan." Her eyes looked sleepy and he had never thought her quite so beautiful. His low chuckle rumbled along his body as he forced himself up and away, wanting anything but to leave her warmth and softness.
"Hmmmmm... No. Come along love. The walls here are paper thin and I hope to make you moan. Come home with me Mairi. I need you somewhere I can protect you." At that word, protection, the image of Nathaniel lying in a prison somewhere had her pulling away. "What is it Mairi?"
"I got a note, saying that your brother was holding Nathaniel."
"Eamon is... no." Teagan shook his head both to clear it and emphasize his point. "He isn't holding anyone neither here nor at Redcliffe."
Mairi's stomach clenched as she pushed up from the bed, her long chestnut hair falling haphazardly from her simple bun. She opened her pouch and produced both the letter and the map; her hands trembling. Teagan took the short letter from her and read it twice, his head shaking in confusion as he tried to reconcile the contents of the letter and what he knew to be true. Ice chilled his ardor as he read it yet again.
"Sweet. Gather your things. I truly feel that you are no longer safe here. We need to leave, immediately." He looked at the letter again and panic built inside him. If it was from Nathaniel, then they had nothing to fear for themselves, only her cousin. If it was not from the last male Howe, then someone was manipulating Mairi and she wasn't safe, not in Denerim and possibly not in Ferelden. For Teagan, Mairi's safety was far more important than the looming blight.
Temptation of Night
Teagan was delighted with Mairi's reaction to his bachelor apartment. She smiled and blushed as he showed her to the guest room, Teagan lingered in the doorway watching her explore. She turned to see him still standing there and walked over to him, bringing her hand up to skim her fingers softly along his cheek.
"I keep thinking that I am going to wake up, and find this all a dream." Her voice held just a hint of sorrow. "If it is a dream, Teagan, don't let me wake."
He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her in to him, holding her fast and burying his face in her silky tresses. She turned her face into his neck as well and he could feel the tears burning his skin.
"This is no dream, sweet. We are finally together, and I will keep you safe." He whispered the words, her trembling told him that she had heard.
He pulled back slightly and framed her face in his hands, first kissing away her tears and then placing a gentle, lingering kiss against her lips. He didn't want to leave her, even for a moment, but he had to make sure that she was safe.
"I need to send a note to Eamon, and inquire about your brother. If he hasn't heard, perhaps the new King and his bride-to-be know what's happened or if he is in Denerim. I promise you, I'll find out what's going on."
She nodded and turned back to the room, hugging herself.
Teagan was gratified to hear that his brother had responded so quickly and cordially. Nathaniel Howe was not being held at either his estate or in Redcliffe. Neither Alistiar nor the other Warden saw him on their tour of Fort Drakon and the Arl of Denerim's estate had been cleared, prisoner's freed and no sign of Howe's eldest son.
The news got even more disturbing, as all of the missives ended with a request to go to Redcliffe and join the forces there. Mairi would need to be packed up again to come along, He wouldn't leave her here, he had to keep her safe, but first he had to tell her.
She sat stunned on the edge of the guest bed, looking uncomprehendingly at Teagan. How or why would she have gotten a letter about her cousin if he weren't even here. Teagan also told her that they would have to leave Denerim in the morning to meet up with the troops in Redcliffe. Mairi blanched at the idea of running into that woman again. Teagan had worries too, but he needed her nearby and safe. They moved through the apartment and packed what they needed for travel, passing each other but always taking the time for a small touch of reassurance. They ate dinner at the small dining table and Teagan was shocked by the intimacy of it all.
"Something wrong?" Her voice showed both humor and nervousness.
"No. I was just remembering the last time I watched you eat." Teagan paused. "You are even more lovely now."
She blushed and looked away. "You shouldn't say things like that."
"Why not? It's the truth. I never thought that I would get to spend time with you like this. I wanted it, but it never occurred to me that the Maker would favor me so." He wiped his mouth and stood up from the table. Noticing that she too had abandoned her meal, he held out a hand to her. She blushed deeply and placed her hand in his, lifting herself gracefully from her seat. "Now, as much as I would love to spend the night staring at you... we should probably get some sleep, we will have a long day of travel before us." He kissed the back of her hand and escorted her to her room. It took a supreme act of his will to shut the door between them.
Once the portal was closed, he leaned against it, wanting her to open it and invite him in. He waited just a minute longer and then walked to his room. Quickly he divested himself of his clothing and prepared for bed. He had just slipped under the covers when there was a tap at the door.
"Teagan?" He hoped that he wasn't dreaming her voice on the other side and started to slip out of bed but he hadn't a stitch on. He got back under the covers and tried to position himself so that his nakedness wouldn't be so obvious. She knocked again.
"Come in." He had his knees raised under the covers and his arms wrapped around them. Mairi walked in wearing a night robe over her shift, her nervousness at being in his room so late at night written plainly on her face. He moved toward the center of the bed and patted the edge, inviting her closer. "What's wrong, Mairi?"
She turned and shut the door, leaving her palm flat against the wood for a minute before turning back to him with a fire in her eyes. Sure that he was watching her, she slid the night robe off her shoulders and let it pool on the floor at her feet. Teagan swallowed roughly; sure that he was imagining all of this. Mairi moved slowly toward the bed, the flicker of the candlelight illuminating her silhouette. Teagan's mouth went dry. She lifted her shift slightly so that she could place her knee on the bed. Soon, she was kneeling on the side of the bed, her knees barely touching his flank with only the covers separating them.
Slowly, Mairi leaned forward and touched her lips to Teagan's. Her small hand was hot against his chest and his heart pounded rapidly, blood thrumming through his veins.
"Mairi? Do you know what you are asking?" He could barely breathe the words, but she nodded at him. She reached up to push one of the shift's straps from her shoulder, but his hand reached out and stopped her. Releasing his legs, he turned toward her, his hand trembling slightly, Teagan slid the strap toward her shoulder while he pulled her closer to him. He kissed the exposed skin, biting lightly and licking her skin. She speared her fingers through his hair, holding him against her, her breath coming hot and fast.
He caught hold of the other strap and pulled hard, exposing her breasts to his gaze. Teagan watched as her pale skin pinked with embarrassment. He shifted her slightly so that he could continue to kiss and lick along the expanse newly exposed skin. He didn't want to give her a chance to rethink her decision to enter his room. His tongue flicked over a nipple, and was rewarded with seeing it pucker with arousal. Teagan smiled and lavished attention on first one and then the other, taking his time, listening to her labored breaths with delight. He freed one hand from her breasts and started to run it up her leg, pushing the shift up. Grasping her flank, he pulled her on top of him, leaning back against his headboard. Mairi was pressing her breasts to his mouth while he slipped one of her legs over his lap, encouraging her to straddle him. He growled with barely suppressed frustration as he felt trapped by the blankets still between them.
"Teagan." Her voice was breathy and the sound of his name on her lips encouraged him to further liberties.
"Sweet. If we go any farther, I cannot guarantee that I will be able to stop."
"Teagan, I don't want you to stop. Please. I've... I want this. I've wanted you, for so long." Mairi removed her shift, baring all of her body to him, showing him her willingness to give herself to him. The blush that covered her body made her all that more delectable. He rolled over, holding her tightly until she was beneath him. He pulled away just long enough to disentangle them from his blankets. His arousal throbbing, she reached out tentatively to touch him, eliciting a hot groan.
Mairi reached out and pulled him closer, willing him to enter her and brand her soul. She hooked her leg over his hip, rocking her heat toward him, pulling him closer. He lifted himself up onto his hands, looking down at her, giving her once chance to stop him. Finally, he rocked forward, thrusting slowly but steadily until he was fully seated inside her. She cried out his name and pulled him closer, wanting to feel all of him. He pulled out as slowly as he could, teasing himself as he was her. Teagan leaned down and took her lips, his tongue thrusting in her mouth just as he was thrusting deep inside of her.
He could feel his release coming but tamped down the need as best he could, teasing and testing her responses, pushing her toward release as well. He wanted this, wanted her. She was finally his, in every way. Teagan knew the next step, the Revered Mother in Redcliffe would marry them as soon as they arrived, should he ask. Mairi whimpered beneath him, her hips bucking more urgently. Taking that as a sign, Teagan picked up his pace, matching his thrusts to her moans, his fingers plucking gently at the tight peaks of her breasts, teasing and tempting her. He could feel when she broke, her body gripping his like a velvet vise. A few more thrusts and he would follow her beyond the void. When his release came, it hit him like a storm and she the only shelter. Teagan held tightly to her as they both returned to earth, stroking her hair lightly and kissing her tenderly.
He pulled free of her and got up to get a damp cloth to clean her with. She was so sated, she could hardly move, but continued to moan softly with need at his touch. Once he'd cleaned them both, he crawled back into the bed and pulled her tightly to him. Her ear just near his mouth, he kissed the delicate shell and felt her edge closer to sleep.
"I love you Mairi." He whispered the words.
"Yes," was her sleepy reply.
"Marry me." He smiled, hoping the response would be the same.
"Yes." His heart soared and Teagan didn't care if she remembered the conversation or not, he would hold her to it. He would take a nap and then nudge her awake to make love again, as many times as he could before dawn, before Redcliffe. She would be his. His heart already belonged to her.
Redcliffe
She hid a laugh behind her hand. Teagan had been so... attentive, since the night before. He had woken her up a number of times during the night to make love, each time longer and sweeter than the previous. Mairi couldn't remember the last time she had been kissed so tenderly or often, and regardless of the haste with which Teagan said they must reach Redcliffe, he was riding almost leisurely along, pulling her off the road to kiss or make love frequently.
Just thinking of his touch, made Mairi's face heat. They'd been traveling most of the day and as darkness began to set, Teagan found an inn and got them a room. He'd told the innkeeper that they were husband and wife. The innkeeper must have known him, because the man asked Teagan, solicitously, how long they'd been married. Teagan grinned and told him it had been the day before, at the conclusion of the Landsmeet. The subject then changed to what had happened during the Landsmeet and the disposition of both the King and the Wardens. The innkeeper's wife took charge of Mairi and led her up to a fine room with a large bed. The woman promised that she would bring up a tub so that the new bride could clean herself after the hard ride from Denerim. Mairi blushed.
Teagan came up to the room while she was bathing. At first, she was embarrassed to have him see her completely nude, but he'd come over and took a soft cloth to wash her back. Teagan's touch was gentle but arousing, and soon, she was trying to pull him into the small tub to have him even closer to her. He managed to stay clear until she was out, and then, he slipped into the water and washed quickly. It was only after he had bathed that he came to her, skin smelling clean and feeling hot. Each and every time that they had found release in each other's arms, he asked her to marry him. She smiled at the joke and would say yes. She knew it wouldn't actually happen. Teagan needed a wife who was young and capable of having a lot of children. Her childbearing days were long gone.
Sensing a change in Mairi's mood, Teagan kissed her neck and stroked her hair until she started to respond with her limitless ardor. He would convince her that they were meant to be married. They would reach Redcliffe soon. He'd already arranged to have a letter sent to the Revered Mother in Redcliffe to be ready to marry them when they arrived. He would make love to Mairi until she was either senseless or incapable of saying no to him.
Teagan woke up just past sunrise, with a feeling that something was terribly wrong. He looked over and saw that Mairi was still lying beside him, sleeping soundly. He walked over to the window and saw the sky turn red. They had little time for play today, he thought sadly; they would have to ride hard to get to Redcliffe soon. He wouldn't leave the hold without plenty of assistance. Teagan dressed and went to rouse both the innkeeper and stable master. He was going to hire a coach to take them as quickly as possible to his brother's home. Having left the men to do his bidding, he ran back upstairs to see Mairi packing.
"I was just coming to get you." His voice seemed to startle her as she was shoving her things into a pack. She looked back at him, guilt washed over her face. Teagan narrowed his eyes. "What is going on, Love?"
"I thought..." She couldn't finish. He wondered what was going through her mind and started to ask but when he took a step toward her, she stepped back.
"We are traveling by carriage to Redcliffe. We need to get there soon, and I am afraid that my inability to keep my hands to myself, will delay us too much." Teagan smiled as he said it, already making a plan to keep her at his side until the vows had been made. "Let's get something to eat to travel on and get going."
She nodded and tried to slide past him, but he grabbed her and pulled her roughly to him. Teagan took Mairi's mouth roughly, she resisted for mere seconds before melting into him. With her surrender, he gentled his passion and just enjoyed the feel of her against him, warm and lush. His hands traveled along her form, imprinting it on his memory so that he could always remember exactly the way she felt, so unlike any other woman he'd known. Sufficiently inflamed, he turned to pack his things, always keeping himself between her and the door, just in case. The touches between them were frequent and sweet, fingers entwining, a brief caress to one another's face, the brushing of lips in passing. Teagan watched to see her slide from fearful to wanting. What he wanted most to see in her eyes though, was love. He would get her there, he was sure of it, but he feared that the final days of the Blight would tear them apart.
He grabbed his pack and hers, took her hand in his and led them downstairs to the waiting carriage.
Now Comes the Truth
Mairi had been to Redcliffe before, looking for Nathaniel. She honestly didn't think to be returning to it, partially because Nathaniel wasn't there, mostly from a fear of seeing Teagan married. Now, the man she had dreamed about kept saying that They would be married. She couldn't believe for a minute that Eamon or the King would allow it. Teagan was non-plussed with her arguments. As far as he was concerned, they were married already, to go through the ceremony in the Chantry was just a formality. The carriage slowed to a stop in front of the castle gates and Teagan opened the door. He leaned in with a smile and a wink, then took Mairi's hand and helped her down.
Eamon had come out and while he may not have looked happily upon his brother, he was all smiles for Mairi. He asked if they had heard any news about Nathaniel and assured her that he was probably fine, and doing his part to defeat the spawn where ever he was. Mairi looked with consideration at the arl, he was tall, kind and handsome for an older man. She would think that being married to such a man would not be such a burden. Then she looked over at Teagan and smiled. The younger Guerrin was so full of life; it was hard not to be attracted to him, to love him. He was and would be, she realized, the only man she could ever love.
Teagan looked over at that moment, his eyes catching Mairi's and saw the love shining through. His heart leapt and he wanted to cut his brother's words short, to drag Mairi in front of the Revered Mother before she tried to change her own mind. Eamon laughed at the visible impatience of his brother. As a gift, Eamon had filled the castle's chapel with flowers. He had a maid show Mairi to Teagan's room to prepare for the ceremony while Teagan was to use a guest room. The maid stayed with Mairi and helped to dress her hair. One of Mairi's dresses was taken out to be aired and pressed, when it came back, one of the staff had tacked a lovely ribbon along the plain neckline, dressing it up and making it special. Mairi fingered it and realized how much Teagan meant to the people of Redcliffe. She looked in the maid through the mirror and smiled.
"We are all so happy that the Bann has found you! He's looked for you so long, and never gave up," the joy of the occasion lighting up the girl.
"He... he did?" Mairi was surprised and confused.
"My mother was the housekeeper here when Teagan first came back with stories of the woman he'd seen. She knew right then that the Bann would spend his life with that one girl. Then, when she... you... weren't brought here, we all worried. Every few years, the Bann would disappear; Ma would say that he was looking for his love. She'd be glad that he finally caught you." The maid had tears in her eyes as she spoke.
"How can you be sure that I'm the one he was looking for?" Mairi was growing concerned that she had become a surrogate for his boundless affection. The maid grinned wickedly and dug through one of the Bann's drawers. Mairi was shocked but curious. Finally, victorious, the young woman came back with a sheet of paper and placed it in front of Mairi. On it was her name and a piece of the worst poetry that she had ever read. She and the maid giggled over it for a bit, but then the maid became serious.
"The arlessa found a stack of these poems one day and she was furious. We never understood why though."
Mairi swallowed hard. When she looked into the mirror again, she could see that the maid knew exactly why the arlessa was so angry.
"Is the arlessa in residence?" Mairi worried that the woman would cast a pall on the ceremony.
"Yes, but no matter. The arl is excited about the wedding. The king will be here soon with his betrothed, and then you and the Bann will be married." The young woman was so excited, that even Mairi smiled. She was still smiling when the door opened and Teagan walked through. She felt like a country bumpkin near his fine clothes. He didn't seem to notice though and just walked forward until he could take her into his arms. He kissed her tenderly, and whispered things naughty and passionate in her ear. She smiled and turned her face into his neck.
Teagan looked down and saw a sheet of paper clutched tightly in her hand. He shot a look at the maid who blushed and curtsied her way out of the room. He set Mairi away from him and held out his hand, asking for the paper. It took her a moment, but then she just grinned and kept it from him.
"Mairi!" He sounded indignant but his eyes twinkled with the thought of the battle to come.
"No. You wrote this to me... and now it is mine." She held her arm behind her back, knowing full well that if he wanted the paper, he could easily take it.
"You may have it on one condition."
"What is the condition, my lord?" She stepped forward, unable to resist him. Her lips skimmed his jaw and smiled when she heard his breath turn ragged.
"Tell me that you want to marry me... tell me that you love me." He found himself needing to hear her say it. The rest of the world could hang, but he needed Mairi.
She stepped back and waited until his eyes met hers. She realized then, that he truly did love her, as much as she loved him.
"I have always loved you Teagan Guerrin. Since the night I first danced with you. I gave you my heart and never once missed it. I would be honored to be your wife." Her words shook as she spoke, but she couldn't tell him anything other than the truth. He pulled her in tightly, kissing her ardently. He heard a cough from behind him and saw his brother standing in the doorway.
"Let the poor girl breathe, Teagan, and don't mess her hair. Go to the Chapel, all is ready." Eamon shooed Teagan from the room and looked at his soon-to-be sister. "Are you certain of this my dear?"
She smiled at the arl. "Yes, my lord. Thank you for this. I know it has all been so much trouble."
Eamon took her hand and led her from the room and down to the chapel. Only a few people were in attendance, but the only person who mattered to Mairi was near the altar.
Teagan looked around the chantry to see friends from the village and the house staff in attendance. Eamon wasn't gong to let either bride or groom feel that they weren't being celebrated. Teagan didn't see the arlessa though, and looked silently at Eamon, who shook his head sadly. Before Teagan could open his mouth though, Mairi was all he could see. Teagan looked at her and smiled.
She walked sedately down the aisle on Eamon's arm until she had been delivered to Teagan's side. The words didn't matter, only the knowledge that soon nothing would keep them apart did. She had to be prompted to say the right words and soon the whole thing was over. Eamon shooed them back to Teagan's room, to prepare for the council of war that would be happening soon. Before then, however, Teagan was all hers.
