What the hell? This is so scary. It's all... tree-y. But Umbridge ain't scared. Umbridge is a strong woman. But Umbridge sure as hell ain't used to big-ass horsey guys taking her into the Forbidden Forest. For all I know, he could put me in a cooking pot and fry me like a womanly steak. BUT UMBRIDGE WILL DESTROY THAT HORSEY MAN AND CRUSH HIS BONES TO MAKE MY PROTEIN SH-
"Are you all right, my beauty?"
"What the ferk, pony boy? You think Umbridge is okay?"
"Do not fret, dearest. We are nearly at the home of my centaur brethren. Also, you say your name is Umb Ridge. Ah, the flower has a name," the freak says, sounding all dumb-like. I just wanna KILL HIM RIGHT THERE AND I AIN'T EVEN GONNA TRY'N MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT-
"My dandelion, we have reached the home of the centaurs. You may relax."
"I'M NOT GONNA FERKIN'-"
But wait a minute. Horsey boy's door is open and on the table- holy Hell!- cheesecake. Not the crappy stuff with the fruit either, a New York-style one, sitting there all big and gorgeous. I go straight to it and stare at it like it's some kinda poison.
"All for you, my spring blossom."
I don't even care about poison. My intestines would probably roundhouse kick the poison out of my system. I start eating and it tastes just like how my Mama Umbridge's Mama Umbridge used to make. I'm putting it in my mouth and I'm laughing and actually feeling good for the first time today.
"I am glad you are enjoying it, my nightingale. Nobody else likes my centaur mating cake."
Centaur wha-?
"You made this?"
"Yes, spring butterfly. I have always been searching for that special one who would enjoy my home-baked tokens of love. I make them every day, waiting, in hope. It's such a shame."
The words just come outta my mouth like I got bees in there or something.
"I'll stay. I'll eat your mating cakes. Every day."
"You will engage in celebrasione?"
"As long as I'm invited."
"And much...?"
Then he says some messed-up word, but I think it means something nice, so I just say "Yes, pony boy. A thousand times yes."