Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. All characters, quotes, movie and book scenes belong to Stephenie Meyer. I only own my ocs and the plot of this fanfiction.
Full summary: I'm mute. But before, I had a voice. I'm scared of life. But before, I enjoyed it. I'm faithless. But before, I believed in myths. I'm sad. But before, I was happy. I'm weird. But before, I was normal. I love him. But before, I loved him less. I lost him. But before, he found me. I want a second chance. But before, I already got one.
Warnings: oc, some bad language maybe
Ocs: Pandore Mia Swan, Lucy Kore Swan, Rafael B Swan, Michael D Swan, Femke Swan-Varn, Jim A Swan
I'm mute.
That's the first thing you probably should know about me. I can't talk to save my life. Literally.
The second thing you should be warned of is that I'm the biggest coward who ever walked this earth. Life just scares me, plain and simple.
The third thing you should understand is that I would do anything, even turn back the freaking time, to save him.
And the last thing I'm going to tell you is that I lied on the first two things.
.
.
I liked the two story house Chief Charlie Swan lived in with his daughter. It was small, alright, smaller than I was used to but cozy and dare I 'say' cute. There were three small bedrooms and one bathroom. A small kitchen and a not-so-homey looking living room and simple back- and front yard. For the first time ever, I was going to live in an actual house. Not some apartment or caravan or something like that.
I loved it.
I turned to an awkward looking Chief Charlie and smiled my biggest smile that my sister used to call the I-love-you-let-me-shower-you-with-my-love smile, to show just how much I liked it. Chief Charlie seemed to relax and I would have giggled if it wasn't for my inability to do so.
"Bella's coming over an hour. Make yourself comfortable." Chief Charlie coughed and gestured with a wave of his hand about us, "It's your home too, now."
I nodded and practically flew to my room he had showed me earlier. After closing the door, I leaned against it and closed my eyes. Here, hidden from prying eyes, I allowed myself to -finally- drop my happy demeanor. I heaved a deep sigh, willing the... well, the things that caused me pain to disappear.
Only when I was certain that they were firmly locked in a black box whose key was thrown far, far away, did I open my eyes. I let my eyes wander over the ugly landscape that was my new bedroom for the next years of my life. I wrinkled my nose at the sight.
It was orange.
I hated orange.
Which didn't really make sense because I absolutely loved oranges.
Still, I decided that I would give this poor, poor chamber a makeover when it gets a bit warmer here, in this grey town. I snorted at my thoughts. What was I thinking? This was Forks, Washington. Enough said.
I went over to my plain looking bed and flopped on my back onto it. I stared at the -ugh- orange ceiling and briefly wondered if this Bella girl and I were going to get along well. I hoped so. If I was going to live with strangers for the rest of my life, I might as well not make them hate me. God above knew how disagreeable that would be.
Chief Charlie was alright. I mean, for someone I only knew for a couple of hours, I already liked him. He was an awkward man, so it meant full of awkward silences, awkward dinners, awkward mornings, awkward evenings and all around awkwardness. But I was used to that. Awkward people were a permanent in my silenced life.
Besides, I was sure that Chief Charlie would come to feel comfortable around me. People tended to do that when they knew me better.
.
A knock on the door made me sit up.
'Enter.' I said but no sound came out of my lips. I grimaced and got up. I tended to forget that I was mute sometimes, and each time, it send a stab of... well of pain and regret and envy and all those depressive feelings, through my heart. I opened the door and was greeted by a beautiful sight.
She had brown hair and brown almond eyes. A cute button nose and fine lips. She was about my height, I think I was an inch or two taller than her. She was studying me curiously before a small -awkward- smile graced her face. Somehow, it made her more beautiful.
"Hello, I'm Bella."
She had a soft voice.
I envied her already.
"You're Pandore, right?" she confirmed and I shook my head. I mouthed 'Pan' to her and she repeated my action, thank God.
"Pan?" I nodded and smiled before stepping aside and beckoned her to enter my room. She did, looking around with a small apologetic grimace, and clutched her left wrist. My eyes followed the movement. I wondered if it was a nervous tick.
"I told Charlie that this orange was horrible." she muttered -probably not meaning for me to hear- before she turned to me and asked, "Do you like it?"
I wrinkled my nose before shrugging. Then, I pantomimed painting by holding my hand in a fist and waving it up and down. With my other hand, I pointed to myself.
She nodded, "I could help you...if you want me to."
I nodded enthusiastically, pleased by how smoothly things were going. I went over to sit on my bed and patted the place next to me. Bella obliged. I grabbed the notebook and pen that were laying on my pillows.
"Do you like Forks, so far?" I wrote, then showed it to her.
She shrugged, "I just came yesterday... but it's alright, I guess. Nothing like Phoenix."
She chuckled a bit nervously.
I liked the sound.
"You lived in Arizona? Tell me about it, please!"
Her smile widened slightly -just a fraction really- and she began describing me her former home. From there on,the conversation went more smoothly. It was like we knew each other our whole lives already. We talked -well, Bella talked, I wrote and pantomimed- about all kind of things, but we weren't overly personal. Our favorite colors, food, hobby's and lifestyles, that kind of things. I nodded and shook my head when the occasion called for it and she commented on some things I wrote.
I told her about my life.
Or at least, the short less tragic summary of my life.
She didn't say anything about it.
I was extremely grateful for that.
Bella was interested in Europe, since I had lived there my whole life. I answered her questions as truthfully and as detailed as I could. I told her that I had lived in Belgium for the first ten years of my life and then moved to the neighbor country, France, for two years until I finally migrated England for the next two years. Only recently -roughly two years ago- did I come to America and I admitted that in the beginning I had loved it but this last year, I had begun to dislike it.
I told her I was homesick.
That was a lie.
I just resented America and everything that had to do with it.
The dangerous roads and drunken drivers included.
But I didn't tell her that.
.
Later, we went downstairs and prepared dinner together -me learning to cook American dishes, much to my resentment and Bella grinning sheepishly when she didn't understand what I pantomimed, because I had left my notebook upstairs and was too lazy to go get it- and just generally hanging out.
I had to admit, Bella was the first person, outside my close family and... certain people, which I got along with really well on our first meeting. It was like we were meant to meet or something and frankly, it felt like I knew her my whole life. We just... clicked, I guess.
Bella was the silent type of girl, something she had probably inherited from her dad, Chief Charlie, and me... I was mute so I guess that, after I told her that she didn't have to fill every silence if she didn't want to. I'm mute, doesn't mean you have to break every comfortable silence, I had successfully broken her awkward demeanor.
Boy, was I wrong.
Then, Chief Charlie, who had gone on a quick errand to his work to verify that everything still worked, came home and together, we ate in the small kitchen. It was filled with awkward silences on their part while I didn't have much choice in the matter. Chief Charlie asked Bella how her day went and she responded with a clumsy summary. Chief Charlie nodded, cleared his throat and resumed eating.
After a while, he turned to me and opened his mouth to say something but he probably realized his mistake and snapped it shut.
I hid my smile by bringing the fork to my mouth and eating the American dish that I had -grudgingly- begin to like.
That was the only conversation that occurred.
All in all, I felt good.
Later, Bella forbade me from washing the dishes and actually sent me to my ugly orange room in a way only my mother used to do. I had wanted to cry at the reminder of that dead woman so I happily obliged. Back in my room, I buried my face in my pillow and let out a quiet scream.
I missed the damn woman.
.
I got ready for bed early because, school began tomorrow for me, and I wanted to be in full form because I knew that a mute European girl who is the far, far niece of Chief Charlie Swan who comes to a small town like Forks and enrolls in school in the middle of the year is bound to attract attention.
Attention meant thousand questions.
Questions meant a million answers.
Answers meant speaking.
Speaking meant having a voice.
Having a voice was the only thing the mute girl wished for.
.
I yawned as I sleepily slid the freakin' brown comforter off of me and ran a hand through my mused up hair as I watched Bella stifle a laugh at my charming appearance. She was the one that woke up by shaking me by the shoulder since I still didn't have an alarm clock.
I grinned toothily.
"C'mon, we're going to be late!" she said and closed the door behind her. I shot out of bed and grabbed the outfit that I had laid out the night before. A loose white dress shirt and light blue jeans I was planning to stuck in the light brown leather boots when I went downstairs. I went to the bathroom, washed my face and brushed my honey colored hair, deciding to let it lose, today before doing a bit of mascara and red lipstick.
Pleased with the result, I headed to the kitchen, where Bella had already prepared a bowl of cornflakes for me. My favorite breakfast. It had been one of the things we discussed yesterday: what we liked to eat in the morning, as lunch and as dinner. I gave her a grateful smile that she didn't see because her back was turned to me.
"Charlie's already gone to work." she told me, continuing to wash the dishes, "We're driving in my pick-up. Is that alright with you?"
Silence.
She seemed to remember that I was mute and turned around with a small 'oh'. I stared blankly at her before nodding my head, a -fake- grin tugging at my lips. She bit her lip, not daring to meet my eyes and a tense silence hung about us.
"I'm... I'm sorry." she whispered, after a while. Then, she leaved the kitchen. I heard the front door open. "I'll wait for you in the car!" she yelled and I heard the door shut behind her. I sighed, went upstairs to wash my teeth, and stared morosely at myself in the mirror.
What the hell happened there?
Yesterday, she was all cool and comfortable with me, not once forgetting that I couldn't talk and now, she strikes a conversation I had no way of answering. Maybe, she was nervous? It was her first day of school too, since she had just arrived Saturday, a day before me. Was that it?
Yes.
I hoped so.
.
The drive to school -I loved the old thing Bella called her pick-up- happened without further accidents. Bella didn't dare strike another conversation because she couldn't do it, even if she wanted to. She wouldn't see what I answered without taking her eyes from the road and I agreed with her that that was too dangerous for the both of us.
I was death afraid of car accidents.
The high school of Forks wasn't like anything I ever saw. It was small, built for a small populace. Personally, I found it an abomination but I think I was being biased. Bella parked the car in the parking lot, both of us aware of all the gazes that were on us. We got out of it -the car, I mean-, Bella looking at her feet, trying to avoid everyone's gazes and me... Well, I wasn't planning on appearing socially awkward and shy anytime soon so I met people's gazes and politely smiled.
"Nice ride." someone, a boy sitting on the hood of the car opposite us, commented and I shot him a wink, earning a grin.
"Thank you." Bella muttered, grabbed my hand and headed to the entree.
I waved at everyone.
.
I was trying to figure out my schedule with Bella, after we fully registered at the secretary, when someone tapped me and Bella on the shoulder. I looked up and saw an Asian boy about our age grinning at us.
"Hi, you're Isabella and Pandore Swan, right? The new girls. Hi, I'm Eric, the eyes and ears of this place. Uhh, anything you need, tour guide, lunch date, shoulder to cry on..."
I stared at him, dumbfounded that someone could be so... forward. I glanced at Bella, waiting for her to pull us out of this situation since I was unable to do so.
She appeared extremely uncomfortable, "Well, uh, I'm more of the suffer in silence type." she muttered.
I wanted to roll my eyes but refrained to when Eric turned to me with a -creepy- smile. I gave him a strained grin before hastily pulling my notebook and pen from my backpack and scrabbling an -hopefully decent- answer.
"Thank you but I'm a lone survivor."
Eric nodded enthusiastically and said, "Good headline for your feature. I'm on the paper, and you're news, babies. Front page."
Bella freaked out, contrary to me, who was ecstatic at being in a paper, "No... We're not... Please don't..." she stumbled over her words and I wrote again.
"Don't put Bella on the front page."
Eric put his hand up in a don't-kill-me gesture, "Okay, okay. Chillax. No feature for you, are we cool?"
Bella nodded, relieved and gave me a grateful smile. I winked, turned to a slightly dejected Eric and showed him another phrase.
"But I'm completely alright with it, as long as you only write good things 'bout me."
The grin that split his face was worth it, I think.
.
.
My name is Pan Swan.
My real name is Pandore Swan.
My full name is Pandore Mia Swan.
My teachers and strangers call me Ms. Swan.
My best friends call me Peter Pan.
My enemies call me 'snack'.
My mom called me My little girl.
My dad calls me Lucy, which is my sister's name.
My sister called me Twin.
My brothers call me Panny.
Only he used to call me by Pandore Bear.