Moves Like Joffrey

Summary: A musical tribute to the beloved King Joffrey I.

Disclaimer: no infringement intended, entertainment only

[Verse 1]
Just shoot for the whores
If it feels right
Then aim for my heart
If you feel like (Oh, no…Don't…[whimper]….)
And take me away, make it okay
I swear I'll behave (Ha, ha, ha…Yeah, right)

You dared ask control
So I waited
Put on a show
Now we're naked
You say I'm a kid
My ego is big
I don't give a shit (Kill them all!)
And it goes like this

[Chorus]

I'll cut out your tongue
And I'll know you
Kiss me when you're drunk
Oh, I'll show you (Mother?!)

No one moves like Joffrey ("Say that once more and I'll slap you again." Tyrion frowns)
Nobody got the moves like Joffrey (Slap)
Only Joffrey got the mooooooves like Joffrey (Slap, slap, slap…"Uncle, I'm telling Mother!" slap)

I don't need to Try to control you (Hah, try…)
Look into my psychotic eyes and I'll own you
With them moves like Joffrey (Slap)
Nobody moves like Joffrey (Ax slams down on heads)

Only Joffrey got the mooooooves like Joffrey ("We've had idiot kings and mad kings…" Tyrion fumes.)

[Verse 2]
Maybe it's hard
When I've had you broken and scarred
Nothing feels right (Why is she not yet screaming?!)
But when you're with me
I make you believe
That I've got the key (Oh, you're my lady)

So get on my horse
We can ride it
Wherever you want
Get inside it ("No, really, cut the horse open and put her inside.")
And you want to steer
But I shift all gears (Joffrey sneering from throne)
I'll take it from here
And it goes like this

[Chorus]
I'll cut off your tongue
And I'll own you
Kiss you when I'm drunk (Save her face, I like her pretty)
Cause I'll show you (all…All of you! I am the King, damn it!)

All the moves like Joffrey (Vicious kick of old lady)

King Joffrey got the moves like Joffrey (Kill them !)
Nobody got the mooooooves like Joffrey

I don't need to Try to control you (Off with their heads!)
Look into my eyes and I'll own you

With the moves like Joffrey (Kill them all!)
I've got the moves like Joffrey ("Look, Dad, look! I'm the conqueror King! Oh, Dad…Take me hunting!")

Nobody got the mooooooves like Joffrey

[Confidential whisper to Margery…]
(if)You wanna know how to make me smile
Take control, own me just for the night
And if I share my secret (I wet the bed in dread of everyone)
You're gonna have to keep it
Nobody else can see this (Cause after all, you did bed Henry VIII…)

So watch and learn
I won't show you twice
Head to toe, ooh baby, watch me slice
And if I share my secret
You're gonna have to keep it (Or, else…)
Nobody else can see this (Or will, when I'm through with you.)

And it goes like this

[Chorus]
I'll cut out your tongue
And I'll know you
Kiss you when I'm drunk
And I'll show you (Fires crossbow, splunking sound, girl's scream)

All the moves like Joffrey (vicious slap)
King Joffrey got the moves like Joffrey (Babies being run through, mothers screaming)
Nobody got the mooooooves like Joffrey

I don't need to Try to control you (TRY?)
Look into my Hound's eyes and I'll own you

With the moves like Joffrey (slap)
I've got the moves, I'm Joffrey (kicks old man in stomach)
Nobody's got the mooooooves like Joffrey (Looks to see angry mob heading his way... "Mother!")

"All right, that's enough...The king is tired."

"I'M NOT...TIRED!"