A/N: I do not own the characters, they belong to CP Coulter and to Glee/FOX. The song is I Have Nothing by Whitney Houston.
Logan felt empty. After years of searching for the piece that he always felt missing, he thought he finally found the person who could fill the void. And he had been rejected.
Well, sort of.
Logan was in love and he knew who he loved, loved him back. But for some reason, he didn't want to be with Logan. He said it hurt too much to commit to someone who falls in love with someone new every three months. He said that it would hurt more than almost dying and being in a coma when Logan would inevitably move on. Logan had said he loved him, and he had called Logan a liar.
"I love you, Julian."
"Don't say things you don't mean."
"I mean it. It may have taken me a long time to realize it, but I know it now, and I feel it now and – "
" – And in three months some other boy will catch your eye. You don't love me. You love the idea of someone being in love with you."
"Why are you fighting this so hard? I love you, you love me, why don't you want to be happy?"
"BECAUSE I CAN'T TRUST YOU!" Julian yelled slamming his fists against the table. "I can't trust that you won't wake up one morning and realize you don't love me anymore. I can't trust you not to break my heart. And I can't trust myself to let myself be happy with you, even if it's just for a day. Because when it ends, and lord knows it will, and when it ends it will kill me to finally know for a fact that I'm not good enough for you." Julian finished his rant, his fists clenching the edge of the table and his eyes full of unshed tears.
"Why are you so convinced that it's going to end? Why do you not believe me?" Logan asked quietly, not even trying to keep the anger out of his voice. "What can I do to prove that I love you?"
"There's nothing you can do."
"….But I'm nothing without you."
Logan felt empty. He woke up in the morning, drank his coffee, went to class, did his homework, and then went to sleep. He took his pills everyday without complaint. He avoided eating in the cafeteria and going to Warblers practice. He didn't talk to people and he didn't sing anymore, he just went through the day and slowly started to become just another body in the mass of boys at Dalton. The first few weeks Derek tried to talk to him, tried to get him to be the person that he used to be. Kurt tried to talk to him, Blaine tried to talk to him, anyone that was ever part of Logan's life in some way tried to talk to him – everyone but the person who Logan wanted most. Logan would lay awake most nights; he could hear Julian screaming in his sleep. Logan would lie in his bed and wish that he could just hold Julian and make him feel better, but Julian wanted nothing to do with him.
After two months of Logan completely shutting down, Derek was fed up. It was bad enough before; having Julian moping around like a sad puppy when Logan would never notice how he felt. And now it was worse. Because Derek had to listen as both his best friends' cried themselves to sleep every night because they were too stubborn to let themselves love each other. Derek was tired of listening to Julian scream in his sleep, knowing that Logan would be able to fix him – if he let him. And Derek was tired of seeing the life sucked out of Logan as he tried to pretend he never existed.
"DAMNIT WRIGHT." Derek nearly broke down the door to Logan's room, strolling in and yanking the covers off of Logan's curled up body. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
"Nothing." Logan didn't even get up to fight Derek.
"LIKE HELL NOTHING. You have been emotionally checked out for MONTHS. Both you and Julian are acting like the other one has died and this NEEDS. TO. STOP."
"Is this what dying feels like?"
"…What?"
"Is this what it felt like when Casey walked out of your life?"
"What?"
"I feel like I'm dying; I might as well be dead. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm nothing without him."
"Lo…" Derek trailed off, unsure of what to say. "…Yeah. That's how it felt when Casey walked out of my life. It hurt like hell."
"How did you get over it?"
"I didn't."
Logan and Derek were quiet for a moment. "He makes me want to be a better person." Logan started quietly. "He makes me want to try to keep my temper and to not be a complete fuck up. I never really cared what people thought of me. I always operated on the 'you don't like who I am; you can go fuck yourself' mantra but it bothers me that he could find fault in me. When everything always went to shit, I could always count on him to have my back. I could always count on him to come back to me no matter what." Derek sat on the bed, listening to Logan talk. "I feel so empty without him in my life. I feel like nothing is worth living for unless I can wake up every morning with him in my arms, knowing that he loves me as much as I love him. I am literally dying without him, Derek. All I want in this life is to be with him, and have him want to be with me too." Logan stopped speaking, his voice choking up at the end.
Derek reached over and squeezed Logan's hand. "You should tell him that. It's not too late. Your name is still the name he whispers when I go into his room at night to calm his nightmares. He asks me about you, everyday. He still loves you, he just doesn't think he deserves you."
"He deserves the whole world."
"So tell him."
Both boys fall silent, and in a rare moment of affection, Derek leans over and pulls Logan into a hug, whispering, "it's not too late."
The cafeteria bustled with boys, loud noise erupting at every table. Julian sat at a corner table with Derek, Kurt, and Blaine, picking at his salad. It had been just over two months since his confrontation with Logan, and Julian was miserable. He thought that it was for the best, to protect his heart, if he shut Logan's "feelings" out. Julian had done fine for the past three years loving Logan without having anything in return. He thought he could handle it. He thought Logan was saying what he thought Julian wanted to hear. But every day Julian watched his (former?) best friend slip further and further away, from him – but never once moving on to someone else. It hurt Julian to know that he caused that much pain in Logan, but Julian didn't know how to make it better. He never really knew what to do right for Logan.
Suddenly the cafeteria doors burst open and Logan walked through them, a determined look on his face. The cafeteria fell silent as everyone watched Logan make his way over to the back table where Julian was sitting. Logan stopped short, a few feet away from Julian.
"Logan – " Julian started before Logan put his hand up to stop whatever it was Julian was going to say. The whole cafeteria was silent as they watched, waiting for Logan to do something. Logan stood there, staring at Julian for a moment before he started to sing, his voice cracking a little bit since he hadn't been singing lately.
Share my life, take me for what I am
Cause I'll never change all my colors for you
Take my love, I'll never ask for too much
Just all that you are and everything that you do.
"Oh my god." Kurt whispered, immediately recognizing the song Logan was singing.
I don't really need to look very much further
I don't want to have to go where you don't follow
I won't hold it back again, this passion inside
Can't run from myself
There's nowhere to hide
(Your love I'll remember forever).
Logan began walking forward, closing the space between himself and Julian, his eyes never breaking contact.
Don't make me close one more door
I don't wanna hurt anymore
Stay in my arms if you dare
Or must I imagine you there
Don't walk away from me...
I have nothing, nothing, nothing
If I don't have you, you, you, you.
Logan reached out and grabbed both of Julian's hands, pulling him up on his feet so that he was standing in front of Logan.
You see through, right to the heart of me
You break down my walls with the strength of your love
I never knew love like I've known it with you
Will a memory survive, one I can hold on to
Julian couldn't pull his eyes away from Logan's, knowing that his eyes were brimming with tears, just as Logan's were. Julian knew Logan hadn't sung anything since their talk two months ago.
I don't really need to look very much further
I don't want to have to go where you don't follow
I won't hold it back again, this passion inside
Can't run from myself
There's nowhere to hide
(Your love I'll remember forever)
Logan let go of Julian's hands and brought his own hands up to cradle Julian's face.
Don't make me close one more door
I don't wanna hurt anymore
Stay in my arms if you dare
Or must I imagine you there
Don't walk away from me...
I have nothing, nothing, nothing
If I don't have you, you, you, you.
Julian couldn't help but lean into Logan's touch, letting the tears fall freely down his face. He was so tired of running from Logan and from his feelings and Logan was right, he DID deserve to be happy with Logan.
Don't make me close one more door
I don't wanna hurt anymore
Stay in my arms if you dare
Or must I imagine you there
Don't walk away from me
Don't walk away from me
Don't you dare walk away from me
I have nothing, nothing, nothing
If I don't have you, you, you, you.
Logan finished singing, holding the last note long and clear before finishing, standing in front of Julian, his heart out for the world to see. The entire cafeteria waited silently, to see what would happen next.
Julian put his hand over top of Logan's and squeezed it tightly.
"I missed you so much." Julian murmured before bringing his other hand up to Logan's head and closing the space between them, lips crashing together. Logan gasped into the kiss, letting go of Julian's face to put his hands around Julian's waist and pull him closer. The entire cafeteria erupted into cheers as Julian and Logan kissed, oblivious to the rest of the world. When they finally broke apart Logan brushed Julian's bangs out of his face as he gazed down lovingly at him.
"I love you, Julian."
"I love you too, Logan."
Logan felt his heart explode. He lifted Julian up and spun him around, causing Julian to let out a very undignified squeal.
"Oh god, you two are going to be one of those really sappy couples, aren't you?" Derek drawled, trying to sound annoyed, but not hiding the look of pure joy at his friends' happiness from his face.
"Oh this doesn't mean we love you any less, D." Julian joked, turning away from Logan for a moment to wink at Derek.
"Yes it does. My whole heart belongs to you, Julian Larson." Logan leaned down and softly kissed Julian on the mouth.
"Awwww" Kurt cooed, while Derek made vomiting noises.
"Oh get a room you two. SOME OF US are trying to eat here."
Logan reached around Julian for a moment to shove Derek on the shoulder before reaching out to grab Julian by the hand. "Come on, let's not make poor Derek lose his lunch. He needs to eat enough to put himself into a food coma."
"Why?"
"Because food comas make you sleepy and trust me, he's going to want all the help he can get going to sleep tonight unless he wants to listen to us all night."
"Logan!" Julian gasped, hitting Logan on the shoulder, blushing at what Logan was implying.
"OH GOD!" Derek groaned as Logan dragged Julian out of the cafeteria. "What have I done?" Derek moaned as he dropped his head onto the table, but not before he saw Julian and Logan kissing outside. He would never say it out loud, but the moment when Julian and Logan finally got together was one of the best moments in his life. Derek knew there would still be fights to come and sappy moments, and probably many a night where he would hear them through the ridiculously thin Stuart house walls, but at least now Derek knew that things would be looking up. Things weren't perfect yet, but they were pretty damn close. And if he had to suffer so his friends were happy, Derek would suffer away. Because he was nothing without his best friends.