Neon Genesis Evangelion is © Gainax/TV Tokyo. Series distributed in the US by ADV Films. Movies distributed by Manga Entertainment, a subsidiary of Palm Pictures.
This story happens after Shinji has killed Kaworu. For the purpose of this AU, it is assumed that Asuka did not go comatose after the Section 2 agents found her and brought her back.
Tortured Soul
By Kayn (Kale on ff.net)
Proofreading by The Master Chief
Chapter 01
Black clouds covered the sky and it began pouring heavily. Shinji could hear the rain pounding against the window. The boom of the thunder so strong it shook the glass. Lightning lit up the sky for a brief moment and then vanished. Inside his room, he stared up at ceiling with his tear-streaked face and more tears were ready to burst from his watery eyes.
Why? Why do people that I get close to always hurt me? He asked himself internally between fits of sobbing. Why must other people suffer because of my actions? He took a moment to reflect on all the pain that has been caused by him: From Touji's sister being hurt, to him being forced to watch as his heartless father made his Eva nearly kill Touji, and worst of all, him killing Kaworu. He cried himself to sleep as the images flooded his mind without stopping.
When morning came, Shinji got up earlier than everyone else like usual and started to make breakfast just like he did every morning. It had become more of a habit than anything else – Asuka never cooked on her turn, and Misato's food was unbearable. He ignored the fact that it was still raining outside although lighter then it was before he fell asleep. He knew Asuka's and Misato's habits and when they would get up. Quickly preparing breakfast for everyone else, he carefully set the table then walked lifelessly back to his room and fell onto his bed. He didn't want to have to endure either of them.
Asuka had actually awoken before her alarm clock, which was right next to her, went off and she turned it off with her left hand. Asuka then just stared up at the ceiling like she had been doing since the 16th Angel when she couldn't even get her Unit 02 to move.
Why do I stay here? Asuka thought despondently. I can't pilot Unit Two anymore, and even if I could, the Angels are all defeated. And Hikari's gone now that the city's destroyed... I've no reason to be here...
Asuka rolled over to try to go back to sleep, hoping to avoid her thoughts. However, sleep decided to evade her this moment, refusing to come to her as she lay on her bed with her eyes closed. Not that she welcomed the nightly visions of her mother coddling that damned doll, or the image of her mother dangling from the roof of her room with said doll next to her. She hadn't had a peaceful night's rest ever since the 15th Angel attacked.
I need to find something to keep me busy so I don't think, Asuka thought as she got up and went over to her dresser to pick out clothes to wear.
After picking out her clothes for the day, Asuka went out into the dining room. She saw breakfast on the table, and as it looked edible, Shinji had clearly made it. However, her roommates weren't around. She shrugged it off, then ate her breakfast in silence, having too many of her own problems to really care at the moment.
Misato lay listlessly on her bed, staring blankly at the wall before her. Her eyes were red and irritated from yet another bout of uncontrollable crying, a nightly ritual since Kaji's death. She didn't want to get up; she didn't want to do anything. All she could think about was what a fool she was for being too stubborn to admit her feelings to him. Now it was too late. She would never be able to tell him now. She turned over her in bed and pulled her covers over her head. She just wanted to avoid everyone right now.
Back in his room, Shinji turned onto his back to look up and stare at the all too familiar ceiling of his room again, as he had been doing for hours before. I really ought to leave, Shinji thought. With my purpose fulfilled, Father doesn't need me anymore. No one needs me anymore. No one cares.
Shinji got up and walked over to his closet. He pulled his jacket off of a hanger and slipped it on, then grabbed his SDAT player and silently opened the door to his room, slipping out and closing the door as quietly as he could. He passed through the living room silently to reach the door of the apartment. Looking over his shoulder one last time, he sighed, then slipped on his shoes and opened the door and walked out. Probably won't even notice I'm gone now, Shinji thought ruefully as he closed the door behind him. It's not like Misato or Asuka ever cared.
After finishing her breakfast, Asuka went into the living room, plopped down onto some pillows and turned on the TV. She flipped through the channels for a while trying to find something that would distract her for a little while. Nothing was on, so she turned onto her back and looked up at the ceiling. She was bored, very bored. In her desperation, she stopped flipping channels on this rather disturbing little animated series. In the show, a guy would change from a guy to a girl or a girl to a guy depending on the temperature of water. She shuddered at the thought of having to endure that herself.
Asuka looked out the window and saw the sinister looking clouds overhead and the rain falling steadily downwards. How depressing, she thought. She heard the door to the apartment open and close. The show wasn't really holding her attention anyway, so she walked over to the door to see exactly who was coming in or going out. Whoever had opened the door was already out of sight by the time she got there. Was that Shinji? Asuka wondered. I haven't seen him all day. Asuka went to Shinji's room to see if he was still in there and opened the door. She found the room empty, with everything in the normally neat room in a state of severe disarray, clothes and bed sheets strewn across the floor haphazardly. So that was him going out the door, she thought. Maybe I should go tell Misato. Asuka exited Shinji's room and headed towards Misato's room.
Shinji put the earplugs to his SDAT in his ears and pressed play as he waited in the elevator to reach the first floor, slipping it into his pocket so he wouldn't need to carry it. Shinji calmly walked out as the elevator door opened, calmly walking out of the apartment building. He started walking in a random direction, ignoring the fact that the steadily falling rain was soaking him. He didn't have a destination, but that didn't bother him. Indeed, a lack of direction was the story of his life.
Asuka knocked softly on Misato's door. Getting no response, she knocked a little bit harder.
"What is it??" Misato asked in a muffled, raspy voice.
"Shinji's gone Misato." Asuka replied.
Misato quickly rose from her bed and opened the door. "Oh no," she sighed, a look of frustration in her eyes, "not this again."
"What do you mean?" Asuka asked curiously as she examined her guardian, noting her irritated eyes and her severely frazzled look, even more so than normal. She must have been crying, Asuka thought. Wonder why...
"He's done this before, Asuka." Misato explained in a soft, trembling voice. "It was after he defeated the fourth Angel and saved his friends' lives." She paused for a second; taking a deep breath, she then resumed her story "I had given him a pretty hard time because he didn't retreat when I ordered him to... He ran off after that, wandering Tokyo-3 and the surrounding countryside for two days before Section Two found him camping in the woods with his friend Kensuke."
"Why am I not surprised that he of all people would do that kind of thing?" Asuka asked.
"Asuka, he could get hurt out there, maybe even killed!" Misato growled in rage at the German girl's apparent apathy. "Don't you even care!?"
"No," Asuka shot back flatly. "Why should I?"
Misato was just about to yell at Asuka when they both hear the screeching sound of a car slamming on its brakes. "What the hell was that?"
"Let's take a look." Asuka said, genuinely curious as to what had just happened.
Both Misato and Asuka made their way out onto the balcony and looked down at the street below. On one side they saw a minivan that was turned facing the sidewalk and blocked both lanes of traffic. They looked to the left of the minivan and a saw a small body of a boy lying on the road, his right arm twisted into an unnatural position. A crowd of people started to gather around the boy.
Misato's eyes opened wide in shock and horror "Shinji!" Her wail sounded heavy and laced with grief; she knew this could only end badly. Saying nothing, Asuka just stood there, staring at the almost surreal sight before her. She didn't even notice the single tear running down her left cheek.
Author's Note: Thanks to The Master Chief for pre-reading for me and helping me improve my story.