Title: Opal
Author: Elf Asato
Written: 9/20 - 10/1
Timeline: Post, um...series?
Summary: Terazuma/Wakaba. A day in the life of Terazuma.
Disclaimer: Uh yeah, I own Yami no Matsuei...not.
Notes: While they say Opal is bad luck to anyone not born in October, it still represents Hope.
Thanks: Evil Asian Genius, Link621, Renet, and Erin French
Opal
By Elf Asato
It never was fair how she was always in reach - her light brown hair flipping out and waving when she moved, her mismatched eyes that sparkled when she was happy (which was damn near all the time), that lilting tone her voice took when she was being coy and playful - yet he could never touch her. He fingers could never feel if her skin was as soft as it looked, could never feel her warmth or touch her splendor. It wouldn't be as painful if she merely worked in his office or had another partner, but the fact that they were with each other every day in such close proximity made it excruciating at times to have such beauty and never be able to enjoy it...
Terazuma sipped his coffee - hot yet bland - and leaned back in his chair at the office, closing his yes and enjoying the quiet. She wasn't there with him at the time - no, she was with that man buying sweets for the office. He wouldn't eat them, though; he wasn't in the mood. At a nearby desk, that empath kid sat, silently filling out a form, a mission report or whatever, and Konoe was in his office talking with the secretary, but their voices were muted and muffled so nothing could be heard. The stillness was relaxing but unnerving. Presently, he had nothing to do.
"Maybe you could wear gloves or something."
"Mm?" Terazuma muttered with one eye open as he sat up slightly and forgot for the moment that the kid was an empath.
"Wakaba. You could wear gloves to touch her so you don't turn into that monster thing."
"Kuro..."
"Yeah."
Terazuma sat up fully and pretended to busy himself with work he didn't have. "Yes, but that doesn't solve the problem..."
"True."
The nice thing about talking with the empath was that Terazuma never had to fully voice what he meant.
With the office quiet again, Terazuma began to doodle on the corner of a memo advertising the office picnic that weekend and his thoughts wandered. She wanted him to go with her, but so many things made him not want to; that man, Tsuzuki, would probably be there and the life of the party, stealing Kannuki's attentions away and overall reminding Terazuma of what he thought he didn't have: good looks, charisma, convenient Shikigami, power... Kuro ruined all that for him - how could he be attractive with those marks on his face, have any charisma whatever when he had that big freakin' black thing inside him that wigged out every time a woman touched him, or even possess any power when he couldn't control his own parasitic Shikigami? - but still, there were times when things were all right and he, Kuro, and Kannuki were able to co-exist peacefully. Those times made up for any inconvenience his Shikigami imposed on him. Besides, if he went to the picnic, he would only feel lonely surrounded by all those people. It was better to say in.
A phone rang, but it wasn't his.
He looked down at his "artwork" and found that he had drawn a crude and simplified version of his resident Shikigami. If Kuro cared at all, he would have been pleased to have such a root in Terazuma's mind. Quickly, he erased the scribble and dusted the paper and desk of eraser shards, not caring that they littered the floor or that someone else would have to clean them up; this was not something on his mind. Dinner with his partner later that night at his place was the only thing he could think of.
Sometimes he wished that they weren't partners, that they didn't even know each other, but he always felt ashamed afterwards. Didn't the good times outweigh the bad? A good time could be classified as every second spent with her, but then again, so could the bad - only, the bad was internal. Often he damned himself for being the very gender that complicated his life so, but he simply wished for that...longing...to disappear. Wanting something that can never be had is bad on the heart, after all. Terazuma had enough troubles anyway.
"Hey Kurosaki..."
"I'll tell them you're out working."
"Thanks."
Terazuma rose from his desk and pushed his chair in. It wasn't hot outside, but it wasn't cold, either, so he didn't know whether to take his jacket or not. After a moment's hesitation, he decided it was a nice thing to have, so he and the jacket both left the building, navigating the hallways and hoping not to meet anyone on the way. He technically wasn't allowed to leave the office for any non-business related activity, just as Kannuki and that man weren't technically allowed to leave Meifu for something so trivial as sweets, but since it was for the entire office, it was something easily overlooked. As it always was when that man was involved.
The outside air was a bit chillier than he had expected, so he paused briefly to put the jacket on and then began walking along the path the sakura trees created. They weren't in full bloom yet, but the blossoms were just beginning to take shape and grow; it was almost like watching a child grow or a new co-worker gain experience. Compared to others, he hadn't been working as a Shinigami long, but he had plenty of experience in a similar line of work from when he was alive.
...When he was alive. It seemed so odd at times to think of himself as dead, especially when his memories from living were hazy and unclear; dying was even more muddied. Had he not daily reminders from his line of work, Terazuma might have forgotten that he had even died in the first place. Was he happier now? During the first few years of working in Meifu, he knew that answer, but it began to fade just as his memories did. Now it was something no longer on his mind, and instead he thought of just doing his job and his current plight. It was frustrating to not know when it would all end for the second time.
He paused underneath a tree and looked up at its growing blossoms, remembering how they weren't really alive... Nothing there was, no matter how hard anyone wished otherwise. Even if the sensations felt while living were perfectly the same, it still wouldn't be the same because the overhanging knowledge of death would never leave. It was a tedious and desperate existence, especially with regret carrying over from the life before. For instance, had ever felt the touch of a woman? It was frustrating that he couldn't remember, and he hadn't done anything before having his Shikigami forced on him; now that he had an opportunity and wanted to, it was too late. Terazuma knew it was unhealthy, but he couldn't help but to dwell on such things, like insects were drawn to light that burned them. ...Kuro didn't like insects.
Now that he had been walking for a bit, it seemed a little warm for a jacket, so he slipped it off and slung it over his shoulder as he continued to walk among the trees. He wasn't quite sure where he was going.
"Hajime! Oh Hajime!" She was the only one who would say his name so frivolously.
He was startled at first as Kannuki rushed up to him with arms full of goods, a little short of breath from her brief sprint. Tsuzuki followed closely behind, and Terazuma felt the air grow tense.
"Hajime, are you leaving work? Why?"
Tsuzuki's gentle and concerned smile was frustrating and left Terazuma inarticulate.
Kannuki persisted in an almost motherly fashion. "Are you sick? Do you want to cancel dinner, or shall I come over with soup, or--"
"Don't be so worried, Wakaba, and give Terazuma a chance to answer!" Tsuzuki laughed as he put a hand on her shoulder, which only incensed Terazuma further.
"Well--"
"Oh Hisoka! You're coming out here, too? Why don't we all have a picnic here during our lunch break?" interrupted Tsuzuki, smiling as he tried to break the tension.
"Idiot," Hisoka murmured as he walked past and grabbed the sleeve of Tsuzuki's coat. "Strange spiritual residue from a string of murders... We have to investigate."
Tsuzuki pouted but recovered quickly. "All right. See you later, Wakaba!" It was better for the two men to not acknowledge each others' presence much; fights were inevitable, and Tsuzuki always seemed to want to avoid those so...
Terazuma actually didn't mind arguments, though he stewed over them afterwards, because it made his adrenaline rush - a familiar and comforting sensation from long ago, yet an indication of danger and fear. Even though he tended to react to people like that man badly, the simple rush that came after an argument was enough to make him feel alive, if only for a little while. Arguments upset Kannuki, though, so Terazuma exercised restraint - he really did - when dealing with Tsuzuki. But sometimes restraint wasn't enough.
"Chocolate pastries. Do you feel well enough to have one?"
"I'm not sick, Kannuki. I just came out here for a walk..."
"Oh."
Terazuma turned around and began to walk back to the office with Kannuki trailing behind. She knew when to give him some space but never how much; he wanted her closer than she realized.
Determined to ask something, she struggled to keep up alongside him against his long and brisk pace - it wasn't fair; her legs were shorter than his. "Hajime, we're still...having dinner at your place, right?"
At the mention of it, he became more guarded. "Yes, of course. Why?"
"Um...nothing, just wondering."
"You don't...have any other plans, do you?"
Kannuki tripped over an exposed tree root but recovered quickly as Terazuma paused to wait for her. "No, no, I don't," she answered hurriedly, falling back into a quickened pace against his slow, languid one. He really could have been nicer and taken smaller steps, but perversely he liked seeing her try so hard to keep up with him; it made him feel better about things.
Back in the office, Kannuki offered the pastries to everyone as Terazuma resumed his not-work at his desk; against his original plan, he ate one of the sweets simply because she offered it to him. It was the closest he could ever get to her, he felt. But even as Kannuki brought the office to life as she always did - from the secretary to that eccentric scientist to those floating chicken things - he still felt lonely. It was pathetic that he'd feel that way when there were so many people present... Perhaps it was a little bit of himself from when he was alive, but he felt that due to , he was a threat to the others, that one day Kuro might decide to go berserk for no apparent reason, or a woman might touch him by accident. If it were up to him, he'd even steer clear of Kannuki out of fear of hurting her. But she was his partner, and she could bring back the humanity in him if his Shikigami took over.
...She was his partner because of that...
It just really wasn't a good day for Terazuma, despite nothing gone wrong. He could feel it; the day wasn't his.
So Terazuma doodled until Konoe actually had work for him to do, and then after that and the great battle with the photocopier, he wrote another chapter to a crime novel he had been working on since he was alive. It wasn't very good literary-wise, according to that empath, and this was nothing surprising to Terazuma, who knew that writing wasn't his strong point, but it kept him busy during slow periods and provided amusement to his partner; she inquired on the novel's status every once in a while as well and even offered worthy suggestions.
The end of the workday came quickly for Terazuma, and when he came home, he had but a few short hours before Kannuki would be arriving. It made him nervous for her to be over alone with him for dinner, because, while Terazuma exercised self-restraint rather well, she was a beautiful girl and he was a man who was attracted to her yet could never touch her; there was always the possibility of something going wrong (or something going right then wrong). It was a bad business all around, but...
An hour spent tidying up - he rather optimistically made sure the bedroom was presentable - passed and so did another spent trying to complete the crossword puzzle and ready the kitchenette to cook at the same time. Soon after, Kannuki was there at his doorstep with a few bags of what looked like lettuce, tomatoes, and cucumbers. She was painfully early.
"I thought we'd cook something healthy," Kannuki smiled as Terazuma took the bags to the kitchenette, embarrassed that he didn't have the time to clean himself up more - while she had changed outfits, he was in the same.
"Ah, together?" he murmured.
"Of course! How else would you want it?"
"I was worried that I'd have to find some way to cook and entertain you."
"What good is a man in the kitchen by himself?"
Terazuma meant to say something but kept quiet. When he died, gender roles were just beginning to change, he knew, but he also knew that Kannuki had died much earlier than him... "What were you planning on making?"
"Oh, um...something I saw in a restaurant. I don't know what it was called, but it looked like chicken and salad between two slices of bread," she tried to explain, looking hesitant, and Terazuma knew that the night's meal would be an experiment.
They worked alongside each other in the kitchenette, cooking the chicken, and conversed sporadically over their days, memories, the office, things that had trivial significance... With her, he truly felt comfortable. When the chicken was cooked, they readied the lettuce and fruits, toasting the bread, and laughed about the little things even though Terazuma hadn't been in the mood to laugh before. Kannuki had that kind of effect over him, as she did everyone else.
Once their creation was complete, they sat down to a quiet dinner as Terazuma poured cheap wine into the two glasses - comforting but dangerous. She giggled and said something in French, but he didn't understand; unlike her, he knew no other language besides his native tongue. He didn't ask for clarification, though, and sat down with her and began to eat.
"This is good, Kannuki. You did a great job."
"You made it, too."
"...Nah, I just did what you told me to do."
She giggled again and sipped from her glass of wine.
Absently, Terazuma noticed how she held it under her tongue before swallowing. The flavor of wine - even cheap wine - was best savored that way. How many other men would be observant enough to notice a little thing like that about her? Not many, he hoped, as the thought of Kannuki being with other men made him uneasy. He wasn't worried about that man stealing her (he suspected that he was more occupied with the secretary), but there were those twins, and... The other men weren't cursed with such an affliction, at least; they could touch her if she let them.
"Thank you for having me over, Hajime. I had a wonderful time cooking and eating with you."
"...You're leaving now?"
"No," she said quickly, looking vaguely embarrassed. "I mean, if you want me to, I will, but...we haven't cleaned up yet, and I haven't finished my wine..."
Terazuma was glad.
They cleaned the dishes together in the kitchenette - Kannuki washed while he dried - and then they sat on the couch with their glasses when they were done.
"Hajime..."
"What?"
Appearing a bit hesitant at first, she rose from the couch and crossed the room to where a stereo was, turning it on low before facing him and explaining, "I thought it might be nice to have a little music."
"...Yuki Saori?"
"Um, I don't know these singers nowadays."
"She was a folk singer during the Seventies."
"Oh..." she said, embarrassed as she laughed and admitted, "It's been a while since I died. I'm old."
Terazuma knew this but didn't mind.
"Hey, um, since we have music playing, would you like to dance?" Kannuki asked, and the uncertainty was obvious in her voice.
As close as he would have liked to get to her, Terazuma had many reasons to say no. His transformation was one, but the others... Quite simply, he barely knew how to dance, and what he did know, he was awful at, which made him extremely reluctant to make a fool of himself in front of the girl he liked; he could keep in time, and when he was persuaded to dance, he was stiff and uncomfortable. He acknowledged, though, that he just wasn't cut out for that sort of thing.
"...Not really," Terazuma muttered.
Looking disappointed-but-trying-to-hide-it, Kannuki turned the stereo off and sat back down on the couch. She took another sip of her wine but didn't bother to hold it under her tongue unlike before.
"Erm, sorry, Kannuki. I just wouldn't be a very good partner to you, and Kuro..."
"I understand." She didn't.
He took a brief swig from his glass as they sat in uncomfortable silence, and he pulled the classic maneuver of stretching his arm, conveniently draping it just above her on the couch back.
Kannuki looked at him and giggled a little, her mood suddenly brightened as she reached back and pulled his arm down by the sleeve so that it was draping her shoulders. "You're so silly sometimes, Hajime."
"What? Why?" Her earlier actions had taken him by surprise.
"You always do this," she smiled as she leaned against his side and reached around with an arm to envelop him in a hug; she was careful not to touch him directly. "Acting so shy... Have I ever rejected you before? I wouldn't do this if I didn't like you."
Terazuma reddened, a bit flustered, as he managed to get out, "W-well, I never know! You're always so - I mean, you...there was that one guy, and..."
She stared at him blankly for a few seconds before laughing. "What are you talking about? I like you a lot - geez, I even think I love you, Hajime! Is that what you think when..."
He was confused and startled; at the time, he didn't know what he thought. "Wakaba..."
"Hajime," she said as she stared up at him, "I like you, all of you, and Kuro as well. You don't need to be shy with me."
Saying nothing, Terazuma resolvedly dipped down and tried to keep his bearings as he, in a single act of taking charge of the conflict between his affliction and desires, kissed Kannuki's clothed shoulder lightly. He felt light-headed afterwards as he straightened back up and watched her face cautiously. "You said..."
"I know what I said," she said simply as she smiled at him, "and thank you..." Placing her hands on his shoulders, Kannuki brought him down slowly so that they were closer together, and his face and lips were dangerously close to hers.
The feeling of light-headedness intensified, but so did that longing and desire that he had been experiencing for far too long. Eventually, desire soon won out as Terazuma set his hands on Kannuki's narrow waist and leaned in for a final act of defying his parasitic Shikigami's control over his life. He'd kiss her; he'd kiss her and Kuro would just have to deal with it. However, he knew very well what it felt like to lose control entirely, to unwillingly surrender all to another being, and it felt too close for comfort - too close to the point of struggling to keep his right of mind. His desire was overpowering also, and he was frustrated and unsure of which was stronger.
...But even if something went right, it would go wrong.
In desperate defiance of both forces, Terazuma pushed her away, panting because he and Kuro had come too close to exchanging roles, as Kannuki looked briefly stunned; she understood, though, and he was glad she did. "Sorry."
"Kuro, right?"
"Yeah..."
"Well, it's getting late and we have work tomorrow, so..."
"You're leaving now?" There was a curious combination of disappointment and relief in his voice.
Kannuki stood up and finished the last of her wine, tossing a smile to him as she affirmed, "I'll see you tomorrow, Hajime."
Terazuma let her out with a brief goodbye and then, once she was gone, headed to the shower.
He looked at himself in the mirror, looked at his cat-like marks that set him apart and made him unattractive, he thought, and the worn lines on his face that were a byproduct of the constant stress he was under. Still, Kannuki...Wakaba liked him - loved him, even - and that was precious to him. It was something instrumental in keeping his hope for a different day alive. Unlike other women, he could touch her, though not directly, and that was something gravely important in his mind, something that kept him going, gave him hope that tomorrow...would be different.
But today was the same, and Terazuma idly wondered if it could be vindicated by a cigarette after his shower.
End
Author: Elf Asato
Written: 9/20 - 10/1
Timeline: Post, um...series?
Summary: Terazuma/Wakaba. A day in the life of Terazuma.
Disclaimer: Uh yeah, I own Yami no Matsuei...not.
Notes: While they say Opal is bad luck to anyone not born in October, it still represents Hope.
Thanks: Evil Asian Genius, Link621, Renet, and Erin French
Opal
By Elf Asato
It never was fair how she was always in reach - her light brown hair flipping out and waving when she moved, her mismatched eyes that sparkled when she was happy (which was damn near all the time), that lilting tone her voice took when she was being coy and playful - yet he could never touch her. He fingers could never feel if her skin was as soft as it looked, could never feel her warmth or touch her splendor. It wouldn't be as painful if she merely worked in his office or had another partner, but the fact that they were with each other every day in such close proximity made it excruciating at times to have such beauty and never be able to enjoy it...
Terazuma sipped his coffee - hot yet bland - and leaned back in his chair at the office, closing his yes and enjoying the quiet. She wasn't there with him at the time - no, she was with that man buying sweets for the office. He wouldn't eat them, though; he wasn't in the mood. At a nearby desk, that empath kid sat, silently filling out a form, a mission report or whatever, and Konoe was in his office talking with the secretary, but their voices were muted and muffled so nothing could be heard. The stillness was relaxing but unnerving. Presently, he had nothing to do.
"Maybe you could wear gloves or something."
"Mm?" Terazuma muttered with one eye open as he sat up slightly and forgot for the moment that the kid was an empath.
"Wakaba. You could wear gloves to touch her so you don't turn into that monster thing."
"Kuro..."
"Yeah."
Terazuma sat up fully and pretended to busy himself with work he didn't have. "Yes, but that doesn't solve the problem..."
"True."
The nice thing about talking with the empath was that Terazuma never had to fully voice what he meant.
With the office quiet again, Terazuma began to doodle on the corner of a memo advertising the office picnic that weekend and his thoughts wandered. She wanted him to go with her, but so many things made him not want to; that man, Tsuzuki, would probably be there and the life of the party, stealing Kannuki's attentions away and overall reminding Terazuma of what he thought he didn't have: good looks, charisma, convenient Shikigami, power... Kuro ruined all that for him - how could he be attractive with those marks on his face, have any charisma whatever when he had that big freakin' black thing inside him that wigged out every time a woman touched him, or even possess any power when he couldn't control his own parasitic Shikigami? - but still, there were times when things were all right and he, Kuro, and Kannuki were able to co-exist peacefully. Those times made up for any inconvenience his Shikigami imposed on him. Besides, if he went to the picnic, he would only feel lonely surrounded by all those people. It was better to say in.
A phone rang, but it wasn't his.
He looked down at his "artwork" and found that he had drawn a crude and simplified version of his resident Shikigami. If Kuro cared at all, he would have been pleased to have such a root in Terazuma's mind. Quickly, he erased the scribble and dusted the paper and desk of eraser shards, not caring that they littered the floor or that someone else would have to clean them up; this was not something on his mind. Dinner with his partner later that night at his place was the only thing he could think of.
Sometimes he wished that they weren't partners, that they didn't even know each other, but he always felt ashamed afterwards. Didn't the good times outweigh the bad? A good time could be classified as every second spent with her, but then again, so could the bad - only, the bad was internal. Often he damned himself for being the very gender that complicated his life so, but he simply wished for that...longing...to disappear. Wanting something that can never be had is bad on the heart, after all. Terazuma had enough troubles anyway.
"Hey Kurosaki..."
"I'll tell them you're out working."
"Thanks."
Terazuma rose from his desk and pushed his chair in. It wasn't hot outside, but it wasn't cold, either, so he didn't know whether to take his jacket or not. After a moment's hesitation, he decided it was a nice thing to have, so he and the jacket both left the building, navigating the hallways and hoping not to meet anyone on the way. He technically wasn't allowed to leave the office for any non-business related activity, just as Kannuki and that man weren't technically allowed to leave Meifu for something so trivial as sweets, but since it was for the entire office, it was something easily overlooked. As it always was when that man was involved.
The outside air was a bit chillier than he had expected, so he paused briefly to put the jacket on and then began walking along the path the sakura trees created. They weren't in full bloom yet, but the blossoms were just beginning to take shape and grow; it was almost like watching a child grow or a new co-worker gain experience. Compared to others, he hadn't been working as a Shinigami long, but he had plenty of experience in a similar line of work from when he was alive.
...When he was alive. It seemed so odd at times to think of himself as dead, especially when his memories from living were hazy and unclear; dying was even more muddied. Had he not daily reminders from his line of work, Terazuma might have forgotten that he had even died in the first place. Was he happier now? During the first few years of working in Meifu, he knew that answer, but it began to fade just as his memories did. Now it was something no longer on his mind, and instead he thought of just doing his job and his current plight. It was frustrating to not know when it would all end for the second time.
He paused underneath a tree and looked up at its growing blossoms, remembering how they weren't really alive... Nothing there was, no matter how hard anyone wished otherwise. Even if the sensations felt while living were perfectly the same, it still wouldn't be the same because the overhanging knowledge of death would never leave. It was a tedious and desperate existence, especially with regret carrying over from the life before. For instance, had ever felt the touch of a woman? It was frustrating that he couldn't remember, and he hadn't done anything before having his Shikigami forced on him; now that he had an opportunity and wanted to, it was too late. Terazuma knew it was unhealthy, but he couldn't help but to dwell on such things, like insects were drawn to light that burned them. ...Kuro didn't like insects.
Now that he had been walking for a bit, it seemed a little warm for a jacket, so he slipped it off and slung it over his shoulder as he continued to walk among the trees. He wasn't quite sure where he was going.
"Hajime! Oh Hajime!" She was the only one who would say his name so frivolously.
He was startled at first as Kannuki rushed up to him with arms full of goods, a little short of breath from her brief sprint. Tsuzuki followed closely behind, and Terazuma felt the air grow tense.
"Hajime, are you leaving work? Why?"
Tsuzuki's gentle and concerned smile was frustrating and left Terazuma inarticulate.
Kannuki persisted in an almost motherly fashion. "Are you sick? Do you want to cancel dinner, or shall I come over with soup, or--"
"Don't be so worried, Wakaba, and give Terazuma a chance to answer!" Tsuzuki laughed as he put a hand on her shoulder, which only incensed Terazuma further.
"Well--"
"Oh Hisoka! You're coming out here, too? Why don't we all have a picnic here during our lunch break?" interrupted Tsuzuki, smiling as he tried to break the tension.
"Idiot," Hisoka murmured as he walked past and grabbed the sleeve of Tsuzuki's coat. "Strange spiritual residue from a string of murders... We have to investigate."
Tsuzuki pouted but recovered quickly. "All right. See you later, Wakaba!" It was better for the two men to not acknowledge each others' presence much; fights were inevitable, and Tsuzuki always seemed to want to avoid those so...
Terazuma actually didn't mind arguments, though he stewed over them afterwards, because it made his adrenaline rush - a familiar and comforting sensation from long ago, yet an indication of danger and fear. Even though he tended to react to people like that man badly, the simple rush that came after an argument was enough to make him feel alive, if only for a little while. Arguments upset Kannuki, though, so Terazuma exercised restraint - he really did - when dealing with Tsuzuki. But sometimes restraint wasn't enough.
"Chocolate pastries. Do you feel well enough to have one?"
"I'm not sick, Kannuki. I just came out here for a walk..."
"Oh."
Terazuma turned around and began to walk back to the office with Kannuki trailing behind. She knew when to give him some space but never how much; he wanted her closer than she realized.
Determined to ask something, she struggled to keep up alongside him against his long and brisk pace - it wasn't fair; her legs were shorter than his. "Hajime, we're still...having dinner at your place, right?"
At the mention of it, he became more guarded. "Yes, of course. Why?"
"Um...nothing, just wondering."
"You don't...have any other plans, do you?"
Kannuki tripped over an exposed tree root but recovered quickly as Terazuma paused to wait for her. "No, no, I don't," she answered hurriedly, falling back into a quickened pace against his slow, languid one. He really could have been nicer and taken smaller steps, but perversely he liked seeing her try so hard to keep up with him; it made him feel better about things.
Back in the office, Kannuki offered the pastries to everyone as Terazuma resumed his not-work at his desk; against his original plan, he ate one of the sweets simply because she offered it to him. It was the closest he could ever get to her, he felt. But even as Kannuki brought the office to life as she always did - from the secretary to that eccentric scientist to those floating chicken things - he still felt lonely. It was pathetic that he'd feel that way when there were so many people present... Perhaps it was a little bit of himself from when he was alive, but he felt that due to , he was a threat to the others, that one day Kuro might decide to go berserk for no apparent reason, or a woman might touch him by accident. If it were up to him, he'd even steer clear of Kannuki out of fear of hurting her. But she was his partner, and she could bring back the humanity in him if his Shikigami took over.
...She was his partner because of that...
It just really wasn't a good day for Terazuma, despite nothing gone wrong. He could feel it; the day wasn't his.
So Terazuma doodled until Konoe actually had work for him to do, and then after that and the great battle with the photocopier, he wrote another chapter to a crime novel he had been working on since he was alive. It wasn't very good literary-wise, according to that empath, and this was nothing surprising to Terazuma, who knew that writing wasn't his strong point, but it kept him busy during slow periods and provided amusement to his partner; she inquired on the novel's status every once in a while as well and even offered worthy suggestions.
The end of the workday came quickly for Terazuma, and when he came home, he had but a few short hours before Kannuki would be arriving. It made him nervous for her to be over alone with him for dinner, because, while Terazuma exercised self-restraint rather well, she was a beautiful girl and he was a man who was attracted to her yet could never touch her; there was always the possibility of something going wrong (or something going right then wrong). It was a bad business all around, but...
An hour spent tidying up - he rather optimistically made sure the bedroom was presentable - passed and so did another spent trying to complete the crossword puzzle and ready the kitchenette to cook at the same time. Soon after, Kannuki was there at his doorstep with a few bags of what looked like lettuce, tomatoes, and cucumbers. She was painfully early.
"I thought we'd cook something healthy," Kannuki smiled as Terazuma took the bags to the kitchenette, embarrassed that he didn't have the time to clean himself up more - while she had changed outfits, he was in the same.
"Ah, together?" he murmured.
"Of course! How else would you want it?"
"I was worried that I'd have to find some way to cook and entertain you."
"What good is a man in the kitchen by himself?"
Terazuma meant to say something but kept quiet. When he died, gender roles were just beginning to change, he knew, but he also knew that Kannuki had died much earlier than him... "What were you planning on making?"
"Oh, um...something I saw in a restaurant. I don't know what it was called, but it looked like chicken and salad between two slices of bread," she tried to explain, looking hesitant, and Terazuma knew that the night's meal would be an experiment.
They worked alongside each other in the kitchenette, cooking the chicken, and conversed sporadically over their days, memories, the office, things that had trivial significance... With her, he truly felt comfortable. When the chicken was cooked, they readied the lettuce and fruits, toasting the bread, and laughed about the little things even though Terazuma hadn't been in the mood to laugh before. Kannuki had that kind of effect over him, as she did everyone else.
Once their creation was complete, they sat down to a quiet dinner as Terazuma poured cheap wine into the two glasses - comforting but dangerous. She giggled and said something in French, but he didn't understand; unlike her, he knew no other language besides his native tongue. He didn't ask for clarification, though, and sat down with her and began to eat.
"This is good, Kannuki. You did a great job."
"You made it, too."
"...Nah, I just did what you told me to do."
She giggled again and sipped from her glass of wine.
Absently, Terazuma noticed how she held it under her tongue before swallowing. The flavor of wine - even cheap wine - was best savored that way. How many other men would be observant enough to notice a little thing like that about her? Not many, he hoped, as the thought of Kannuki being with other men made him uneasy. He wasn't worried about that man stealing her (he suspected that he was more occupied with the secretary), but there were those twins, and... The other men weren't cursed with such an affliction, at least; they could touch her if she let them.
"Thank you for having me over, Hajime. I had a wonderful time cooking and eating with you."
"...You're leaving now?"
"No," she said quickly, looking vaguely embarrassed. "I mean, if you want me to, I will, but...we haven't cleaned up yet, and I haven't finished my wine..."
Terazuma was glad.
They cleaned the dishes together in the kitchenette - Kannuki washed while he dried - and then they sat on the couch with their glasses when they were done.
"Hajime..."
"What?"
Appearing a bit hesitant at first, she rose from the couch and crossed the room to where a stereo was, turning it on low before facing him and explaining, "I thought it might be nice to have a little music."
"...Yuki Saori?"
"Um, I don't know these singers nowadays."
"She was a folk singer during the Seventies."
"Oh..." she said, embarrassed as she laughed and admitted, "It's been a while since I died. I'm old."
Terazuma knew this but didn't mind.
"Hey, um, since we have music playing, would you like to dance?" Kannuki asked, and the uncertainty was obvious in her voice.
As close as he would have liked to get to her, Terazuma had many reasons to say no. His transformation was one, but the others... Quite simply, he barely knew how to dance, and what he did know, he was awful at, which made him extremely reluctant to make a fool of himself in front of the girl he liked; he could keep in time, and when he was persuaded to dance, he was stiff and uncomfortable. He acknowledged, though, that he just wasn't cut out for that sort of thing.
"...Not really," Terazuma muttered.
Looking disappointed-but-trying-to-hide-it, Kannuki turned the stereo off and sat back down on the couch. She took another sip of her wine but didn't bother to hold it under her tongue unlike before.
"Erm, sorry, Kannuki. I just wouldn't be a very good partner to you, and Kuro..."
"I understand." She didn't.
He took a brief swig from his glass as they sat in uncomfortable silence, and he pulled the classic maneuver of stretching his arm, conveniently draping it just above her on the couch back.
Kannuki looked at him and giggled a little, her mood suddenly brightened as she reached back and pulled his arm down by the sleeve so that it was draping her shoulders. "You're so silly sometimes, Hajime."
"What? Why?" Her earlier actions had taken him by surprise.
"You always do this," she smiled as she leaned against his side and reached around with an arm to envelop him in a hug; she was careful not to touch him directly. "Acting so shy... Have I ever rejected you before? I wouldn't do this if I didn't like you."
Terazuma reddened, a bit flustered, as he managed to get out, "W-well, I never know! You're always so - I mean, you...there was that one guy, and..."
She stared at him blankly for a few seconds before laughing. "What are you talking about? I like you a lot - geez, I even think I love you, Hajime! Is that what you think when..."
He was confused and startled; at the time, he didn't know what he thought. "Wakaba..."
"Hajime," she said as she stared up at him, "I like you, all of you, and Kuro as well. You don't need to be shy with me."
Saying nothing, Terazuma resolvedly dipped down and tried to keep his bearings as he, in a single act of taking charge of the conflict between his affliction and desires, kissed Kannuki's clothed shoulder lightly. He felt light-headed afterwards as he straightened back up and watched her face cautiously. "You said..."
"I know what I said," she said simply as she smiled at him, "and thank you..." Placing her hands on his shoulders, Kannuki brought him down slowly so that they were closer together, and his face and lips were dangerously close to hers.
The feeling of light-headedness intensified, but so did that longing and desire that he had been experiencing for far too long. Eventually, desire soon won out as Terazuma set his hands on Kannuki's narrow waist and leaned in for a final act of defying his parasitic Shikigami's control over his life. He'd kiss her; he'd kiss her and Kuro would just have to deal with it. However, he knew very well what it felt like to lose control entirely, to unwillingly surrender all to another being, and it felt too close for comfort - too close to the point of struggling to keep his right of mind. His desire was overpowering also, and he was frustrated and unsure of which was stronger.
...But even if something went right, it would go wrong.
In desperate defiance of both forces, Terazuma pushed her away, panting because he and Kuro had come too close to exchanging roles, as Kannuki looked briefly stunned; she understood, though, and he was glad she did. "Sorry."
"Kuro, right?"
"Yeah..."
"Well, it's getting late and we have work tomorrow, so..."
"You're leaving now?" There was a curious combination of disappointment and relief in his voice.
Kannuki stood up and finished the last of her wine, tossing a smile to him as she affirmed, "I'll see you tomorrow, Hajime."
Terazuma let her out with a brief goodbye and then, once she was gone, headed to the shower.
He looked at himself in the mirror, looked at his cat-like marks that set him apart and made him unattractive, he thought, and the worn lines on his face that were a byproduct of the constant stress he was under. Still, Kannuki...Wakaba liked him - loved him, even - and that was precious to him. It was something instrumental in keeping his hope for a different day alive. Unlike other women, he could touch her, though not directly, and that was something gravely important in his mind, something that kept him going, gave him hope that tomorrow...would be different.
But today was the same, and Terazuma idly wondered if it could be vindicated by a cigarette after his shower.