AN: Thanks to the encouragement of DarkFeenix and others who enjoyed my previous fan fictions, I finally got around to launching my (hopefully) lengthy ShizNat fic. The fic will take place shortly after the HiME festival, and will focus primarily on the relationship of Fujino Shizuru and Kuga Natsuki. Bunches of credit to DarkFeenix, he is a very helpful fellow ShizNat fan, and I feel honored to share my thoughts and opinions with him. Hope you guys enjoy, I will be updating this fic with its second chapter in a few days at max.

Disclaimer: I do not own Mai-HiME or any of its characters.

Natsuki did now know when and how she had ended up in front of her doorstep. Just a few moments ago, she was on her bike, getting drenched from the cold icy pelts of rain that fell so fluidly from the angry gray clouds.

Her fingers were numb.

Out of nervousness or abuse of the snapping winds, she couldn't tell. Clutching her helmet she stared at the door, dully nothing the warm brown paint chipping on the doorframe. She kept staring, and her clothing hung tightly on her skin, damp with rain.

Running a tongue over her chapped lips, she hesitantly raised her hand, and forced herself to knock on the door. She was greeted with moments of silence, before it swung open in response.

The inside of her house was warm. All of her jumbled scattered thoughts crashed in to each other in a mess, as a slightly surprised familiar form stood before her. Gold light filtered from beyond the door, bathing her freezing form.

"…Natsuki?"

A few more moments of silence blanketed the two of them. And it was not until Natsuki had nodded and given a weak attempt at a smile, had Shizuru ushered her in and promptly close the door behind them.

She couldn't remember much after that.

There was warmth, and the fact that her damp sweater and jeans hung too tightly on her skin. Shizuru did not speak much. Or maybe she did. At the moment, Natsuki could not hear anything besides the beating of her heart, resounding emptily throughout her ears and pulsing painfully in her wrists. The beats were achingly loud, each one long and painful, as if her body was playing a symphony. Slowly she fell in to a drifting sleep, lulled by the bass thumps of her heart pounding fiercely against her chest.

When Natsuki had opened her eyes and awaken from her sleep, she immediately realized how dark the room was. She blinked multiple times, attempting to push away all remains of sleep. Natsuki frowned, vaguely noting how the room was still warm, but not as bright as she remembered. Groping blindly, she caught a fistful of blankets and an arm.

Instincts had immediately kicked in, the years of being forced to be alert, instantly catching up to her and shoving her forcefully back into reality.

Only after Shizuru had so quickly opened those burgundy eyes, did Natsuki realize that she was not in mortal danger, and that the gentle strips of light the moon had slipped inside the room were not flames of hot red fire, licking at her skin.

It was quite the far cry from the immediate fear that had filled her heart, not recognizing the room she was in, or the person she was laying in front of.

"S-Shizuru."

She had not meant to sound so weak, so frail, so needing.

But she was greeted with a smile. A small smile that spoke so many volumes to her, the crinkling of the eyes and the slight glow that filled those empty checks, all of which were slightly dizzying her.

Words were still not exchanged between the two. Natsuki lay on the bed, with Shizuru across her, sitting on an aging wooden chair. Both muted out the loud rhythm of rain pounding so solidly against the glass windows.

"What were you doing out in the rain, Natsuki?"

The question cut through the air, quickly and quietly tarnishing the silence that had settled so nicely, in the now quite stuffy room.

"I was…"

It was not until after the two words spilled out of her mouth, did she realize a startling revelation.

What was she doing out in the rain? Easy, she was…she was, searching. That was right, wasn't it? She was lost and confused on what had happened. What had happened just days ago. What did she have to do now? Would anything change? Did she want it to? Would everyone be okay? Would they all hate each other? Would she care?

Natsuki shut her mouth.

Shizuru was not a fool. Quite the contrary actually, she was a very observant woman. And when it came to Natsuki, it did not take much to know when something was wrong. Something was wrong now, and she was not surprised. Because deep inside her self, she knew something was wrong with her too. She inwardly smiled bitterly, at the fresh memory that had brought nothing but sheer terror, which had so easily exploded and ripped the lives of twelve girls. How long had it been since then? It couldn't have been more then eight days.

Shizuru sighed and with no other thought or concern, gently reached out to comfort her friend, and immediately drew back at the slight flinch the younger girl unintentionally slipped.

"I'm sorry Natsuki."

Drawing her slender hand uncomfortably on the armrest, Shizuru inwardly winced at her mistake of trying to touch Natsuki at all. After the events that had so freshly been burned in to her mind, she would not have been surprised if she was met with a much harsher reaction.

Nodding weakly, Natsuki realized the painfully uncommon reaction of Shizuru that her flinch had made, but still made no move to correct it. She simply did not know how. Shizuru was always her pillar of support, always the silent supporter who stood so faithfully at her side. But what could she do now, now that the cause of her problems; the cause of this enormous dilemma inside her was Shizuru herself?

Glancing quickly at Shizuru, she bit back an apology. What would an apology do? Things were not the same way they were before. She could no longer stand to be near Shizuru's presence, without the awkward silence breathing down her neck.

Just lying across from her, was giving her more headache and heartache then she had thought it would. The uncomfortable air around the two was unbearable. Four years of such a loose easy-fitting friendship was instantly torn to shreds, and Natsuki was desperately running after the pieces.

She wanted to go back. She wanted so desperately, for it to be a Friday. She vividly remembered how after school on Fridays, Shizuru and Natsuki would always occupy themselves with each other. They would listen about each others rambles and complaints, and make small talk. Shizuru naturally did all the talking, but it was only in her presence was Natsuki free to smile, free to laugh, and felt comfortable with. But then again, this was before Shizuru had tarnished her hands with the blood of innocents, supposedly violated her trust, and saw herself, the perfect porcelain mask being broken in to countless shards, leaving Natsuki more confused and alone then she ever cared to remember.

The dull pounding of her heart beat impatiently at her ribs as she adjusted her stare to Shizuru. When their eyes met, Natsuki silently chewed at her lower lip. Without even realizing, she sat straight, and raised her arm, her firm grasp clamping on to the hem of Shizuru's left sleeve

"I-I…I'm sorry Shizuru."

The words hung in the air, painting the furnished room with its confused yet desperately sincere tone of voice. Natsuki's eyes didn't leave Shizuru's face; she herself not knowing what she wanted to hear. She was sorry, yes. Sorry for everything that had happened, and sorry that she was so helpless against the colossal wave of unwanted feelings that constantly pounded at her frail and vulnerable mind and soul. She was sorry for everything.

The two had stared at each other, the stares being slow and painful, striking deep chords with the strings of their hearts. And Natsuki had not found herself startled, when Shizuru had opened her mouth and let loose a barely audile whimper, a short and sad plea, and gently dug her head softly in to the crook of Natsuki's neck. The tears wouldn't stop coming, and her neck was bathed in salty tears.

Natsuki lay there, unconsciously rubbing her calloused hand on Shizuru's clothed backside. If this was all it took, to break the uncomfortable silence, she felt she could do this forever. But she did not know, if the sound of Shizuru's broken raw tears were any better then the tidal waves of pain and confusion that pushed so potently, questioning their strength to get through this alive and sane.

AN: Hopefully I will be able to convey the ShizNat relationship, and the painful hardships they will have to endure. You guys are going to have to bear with me, this is my first lengthy fic that I will be concentrating on, please feel free to e-mail me with criticism and helpful comments!