Disclaimer: This challenge is by 100-percent-Harry-Potter-obsessed. The song is by Taylor Swift, one of my favorite singers, and I own the messed up plot.
Dedication: My friends. I know most of you aren't reading this, but I feel horrible about leaving after turning a lot of you into HP fanatics yourselves. Hugs forever.
Summary: The Marauders, now official graduates, must return to Hogwarts for a meeting with the Order. Sounds like something fun, no? Well, not for James Potter, who is very, very nervous about meeting a rather ill-tempered ex...
Notes: This is a challenge fic, one I was going to do YEARS ago. I wrote it a while ago, but I never got to publish it. Read ahead.
Guidelines:
1.) It MUST be Lily/James.
2.) Lily must be angry with James for some reason. No "I hate you" stuff.
3.) Lily and James must have recently broken up.
4.) Sirius, Remus, Peter, and some of Lily's friends are expected to be included. They may or may not help solve the fight.
5.) Sirius must be as random as ever.
6.) (Here's a tough one) Try...no swearing/cursing. Dun, dun, dun!
7.) the following words must be included in the story:
-Giant Squid
-Twitch (must be used frequently)
-"And the grand total shall be..."
-Bunny
8.) Professor Slughorn must show up every so often and offer everyone Crystallized Pineapple.
9.) Remus shall let go of his Bookworm-ish ways.
10.) Peter must actually say something.
11.) Can be set at anytime during Marauder's Hogwarts days. (No time travel!)
12.) Must be a one-shot.
13.) James must stand on a table top and belt out a Country song.
14.) Must take place at Hogwarts.
15.) Must end in the strangest possible way you can think of.
Think you're up to the challenge? PM 100-percent-Harry-Potter-obsessed if you believe so!

A Tale of Love, Pineapples, and Reunions

"I don't want to go back, though," James whined as he stared up at the huge castle ahead of him.

The group of friends around him groaned loudly. This had been the sixty-seventh time James Potter had announced that to the group, and clearly that was one-too-many.

"We're going back, Prongs, and there's nothing you can do to stop us," was his reply. Sirius Black was not in a good mood. Perhaps this was why he was furious enough to pull out his wand and whack his best mate with it.

James twitched violently, clearly not expecting this lash. "Oi! Watch it, Paddy-Boy. All I said was that I didn't want to go. Honestly."

Walking right behind the two insane boys, were two more insane boys. Don't fret; these two boys were not half as insane.

"Can't we just levitate Prongs there or something?" One of the not-half-as-insane boys, namely Peter Pettigrew, whispered to the guy beside him.

In reply, the guy, also known as Remus Lupin, shook his head. "According to Floating Wonders by I. M. Flying, it is impossible to levitate a person."

"Aw, fiddlesticks," Peter moaned, snapping his fingers in disappointment.

So, the two not-half-as-insane boys were still forced to listen to the ramblings of their two good mates ahead of them.

Sirius, who had now taken to whipping the poor soul who dared annoy him with each step, was muttering something under his breath furiously.

"CUT IT OUT!" James wailed loudly after he was positive that there was a bruise the size of the Giant Squid on the spot in question. Furious, he grabbed the wand and took off sprinting. Too bad that the stupid boy didn't realize that he was running right towards his undesired soon-to-be destination, eh?

"WHY, YOU LITTLE PUMPKIN NOSE!" Sirius roared in fury. He took off right after the boy, soon only a few feet behind James.

Peter and Remus exchanged shrugs and both ran after Sirius. Well, maybe not as fast, as Peter was a few hundred pounds overweight and Remus was just… Remus.

Predictably, the lot arrived at the door of Hogwarts, all at different times.

"No fair," James sighed, hesitantly handing the wand back to the rightful owner.

Sirius shook his head, "I don't get why you don't want to go back so much."

"Honestly," Remus wheezed, clearly agreeing with this. Running caused this bookworm loss of breath, so he was forced to pull out an inhaler. The group, who had never seen such a thing, watched in wonder, until the door opened.

James twitched in disgust as the person who had opened the door's belly hit him. They all turned towards the castle.

"Oho! I was just on my way to see the Herbology Greenhouse," A familiar man greeted cheerfully, "How excellent it is to see familiar faces!"

There, standing at the door, was none other than their former potions master, Horace Slughorn.

There was an uncomfortable silence as the four ill-behaved boys waved in greeting to the old professor.

"Ah, Crystallized Pineapple, anyone?" Slughorn asked joyfully, clearly not sensing the fact that the boys weren't nearly as excited as he was. He held up a platter kindly.

The boys shook their heads, except for Peter who grabbed a piece and muttered a quick, "Thank you."

After surveying the boys' faces, Slughorn soon frowned. "I see. You're here for that secret meeting with Dumbledore." He scooted over, giving space for entry, "They're in the Library."

He boys nodded thankfully and entered the building, all quietly making their way towards the Library.

"You know, I've never been to the Library. That place smells of some Muggle instrument known as the saxophone," Sirius explained as they navigated passed some fourth years that were looking curiously at the bunch.

He was given a weird look, as James rumpled his hair, "I still don't want to go."

"Why?" Remus asked wearily, casting him a look of annoyance.

James glared, "I don't want to return to school when I've already graduated a whole year ago. Honestly. That's like getting out of Azkaban, but being forced to go back for no reason."

Sirius twitched in realization. "I agree with that."

"Come on, guys. It's not that bad. If Dumbledore wants to hold the Order of the Phoenix meeting here, we'll have to cooperate," Remus lectured, rolling his eyes as they arrived at the door. He rapped lightly at the door and turned to James with an eyebrow raised. "Besides, are you sure that this isn't about having to face a certain Lily Evans?"

James flushed bright red at mention of his now ex-girlfriend. "No! Can you guys stop it? I honestly don't want to talk about it."

Peter shook his head, "Don't worry, Prongs. Gosh, though, why did she break up with you again?"

"Because Prongs here forgot to show up to their one year anniversary dinner," Sirius snorted, looking keen towards mocking his best mate about it.

"Stop!" James wailed, "How was I supposed to remember something like th-"

He stopped wisely, though, as the door to the Library swung open, revealing several faces of members of the Order.

"James, Sirius, Remus, Peter," An old man who we all know as Dumbledore greeted kindly. "I think you were the last we were waiting on. Go on ahead and have a seat."

The group twitched, all feeling guilty for being late. Luckily, Professor Dumbledore was smiling in a good-natured way. They quickly swooped into the last four empty seats, avoiding the eyes of everyone else.

"Welcome, everyone," Dumbledore greeted once everyone was settled down. "I'm glad we could all make it. Today, we shall all be discussing the recent killings in Hogsmeade. Among the others at your table, I would appreciate it if you would discuss your knowledge on what happened, and perhaps some suggestions on how to avoid future occurrences like this."

James exchanged looks of boredom with Sirius, who was sitting to his left.

"You're on my cloak," A voice hissed from the right of James, causing him to whirl around.

It was impossible to describe the shock on his face as he met Lily's familiar bright green eyes. He gulped, feeling his face warm up.

"Sorry," He managed to croak, rumpling his hair as he moved his foot away. "I didn't notice."

"I already happen to know how careless you are," Lily snapped harshly, causing James to twitch.

His eyes turned to the girls next to her who were glaring at him, too – Hestia Jones and Dorcas Meadows, Lily's friends. This was just fantastic.

James sank lower in his seat, groaning loudly.

"Alright, about the killings," Dorcas began curtly. "I believe we should have some codeword so that we can summon people to Hogsmeade if there is an emergency, as we had most of our recent killings there. That way, we won't have to write out a whole letter explaining what happened each ti-"

"Bunny," Sirius interrupted.

"What?"

Sirius sighed. "Are you deaf, Meadows? Our codeword should be bunny."

"You're crazy," James muttered, shaking his head.

"Oi! Don't call my friend crazy," Hestia snapped. She had clearly not been listening to the conversation.

"No, I was talking about Sirius," James protested.

Hestia stood up, pink cheeks brighter than usual, eye twitching, "You wanna fight, Boy?"

A loud silence suddenly washed over the room as the door opened. Out popped the former potions teacher of the Marauders. Again.

Dumbledore cleared his throat from the front of the room, "I'm sorry, Horace, but we are in the middle of something. Did you want anything?"

"Of course not," Slughorn replied, the flushing of his cheeks making it obvious that he was lying. "Ah, Crystallized Pineapple, anyone?"

Everyone shook their heads no, except for Peter who waddled to the front of the class. He grabbed a piece and muttered a quick, "Thank you."

Slughorn disappeared as Peter went back to the seat. The talking was restored. Everyone looked back at each other.

"Where were we?" Hestia asked, clueless.

"Dunno. Let's just sit here," Dorcas muttered, now more focused on her fingernails.

Sirius nodded, "Yeah. This is stupid."

So, James leaned back in his chair, trying not to look towards Lily, who was currently glaring at him. Peter had picked up a conversation with Hestia and Sirius about the loss of bunnies in the Wizarding World, while Dorcas continued examining her nails. From next to them, Remus stood up and began searching the shelves for a good book.

"Stop it!" James finally moaned, the tension getting to him. He turned to his ex-girlfriend, looking upset.

Lily crossed her arms over her chest. She looked a bit alarmed – Clearly, the comment had surprised her. "For your information, Potter, I did exactly what I was supposed to. It was you who never showed up for dinner."

James twitched, tousling his hair. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, okay? It was stupid of me."

"You're always stupid, James," Lily muttered, looking upset.

James moaned loudly. "I can't do this anymore! Please, Lily, I beg of you. Take me back. I love you, I really do."

"Whatever," Lily replied curtly, immediately turning away.

James was in shock. How could she say no? He had apologized with all his heart.

"I'm tired, Lily," He suddenly spoke up bravely. The attention of the room turned to him and he cleared his throat, "I love you, and you know that. You always knew I had a bad memory. But you just can't accept me, can you? In fact, I don't think you even like me."

As the room cheered, James hopped onto the table courageously, hazel eyes resting on her. Loudly, he began singing in a rather handsome voice:

'State the obvious,
I didn't get my perfect fantasy
I realized you love yourself
More that you could ever love me
So go and tell your friends
That I'm obsessive and crazy,
That's fine
I'll tell mine
You're gay,
And by the way,

I hate that stupid old pickup truck,
You never let me drive
You're a redneck, heartbreak
Who's really been a lie
So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As far as I'm concerned,
You're just another picture to burn.

There's no time for tears
I'm just sitting here planning my revenge
There's nothing stopping me
From going out with all of your best friends
And if you come around saying sorry to me
My daddy's going to show you how sorry you'll be

Cause I hate that stupid old pickup truck,
You never let me drive
You're a redneck, heartbreak
Who's really been a lie, yeah
So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As far as I'm concerned,
You're just another picture to burn.

And if you're missing me
You better keep it to yourself
Cause coming back around here
Would be bad for your health

Cause I hate that stupid old pickup truck,
You never let me drive
You're a redneck, heartbreak
Who's really been a lie, yeah
So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
In case you haven't heard,

I really, really hate that stupid old pickup truck,
You never let me drive
You're a redneck, heartbreak
Who's really been a lie, yeah
So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As far as I'm concerned,
You're just another picture to burn.
Burn, burn, burn, baby burn.
Just another picture to burn
Baby burn'

He finished off, still glaring at a horrified looking Lily. Anger welled up inside him, he hopped off the table, "Well, Lily, I hope you're happy."

James sat down rather triumphantly, besides the fact that he felt horrible. From behind him, people were cheering and clapping. But James couldn't hear them. All he heard was her voice. And that's why he was so shocked when she spoke to him.

"I'm not happy," She whispered. James turned to her, eyes wide. "I'm not happy because I love you, too. And I feel so bad that you think of me like that," Lily continued, eyes tearing slightly.

James felt emotion and confusion fill him. He twitched slightly from all the feelings and tenderly pulled his infatuation into his arms, stroking her hair soothingly. "I don't get it," He whispered, "You broke up with me."

"I did," Lily sobbed, "I know. But, but, it was stupid of me. I knew you cared and that it was an accident. I just –" She hiccupped, "Was so surprised that our relationship could stretch so long. It was too good to be true. So, once you finally made a mistake, I guess I sort of assured myself it was because you hated me."

"Never," James whispered, kissing the top of her head. "I love you."

"I'm so sorry. I love you, t-"

Her confession of love was interrupted, though, as a loud scream rang through the air. All eyes turned to a very furious looking werewolf, who was currently standing in front of the room, looking furious.

"I've just finished another book," Remus began, almost seething. "And the grand total shall be two thousand, sixty-four books that I've read in my lifetime."

There was a silence, as everyone stared at him.

"So?" Sirius finally called from the table.

Remus growled. "So, I've read too many books to be healthy. And frankly speaking, I'm sick of reading! All the books are the same – Guy falls in love with girl and they live happily ever after. THE END. Well, you know what, folks? This romance garbage has gone too far." Viciously, he grabbed the nearest book and ripped it into two. "I officially hate reading."

There was a silence as he retook his seat, bright red from screaming.

James turned back to Lily, "Where were we?"

Lily smiled, "I was just saying that I love you, too, and that it stupid of me to think that it was impossible for a relationship to go on so long."

"Let me prove you even more wrong on that statement," James suddenly whispered, eyes staring lustfully into Lily's. Without breaking eye contact, he got down on one knee. "Marry me?"

Lily gasped, clearly shocked. She leaned forward and pressed a watery kiss on his lips, beaming beautifully. "James, my reply to marrying you is -"

Again, she was interrupted as a freaked-out Slughorn flew into the room.

"NO PINEAPPLE, FOR MERLIN'S SAKE!" Everyone except Peter screamed.

Slughorn twitched, look slightly offended, and wrinkled up his nose, "Why would I give you my pineapple? What I wanted to say was…" Instantly, he snapped back into his scared mode, "Troll – In the dungeons – Thought you ought to know." And as he dropped to a dead faint, everyone shrugged and applauded for Lily and James.

A/N: REVIEW! Tell me how I did and if I made any mistakes. x3