The speed limit is 45. He's driving at a steady 70 ignoring all red lights in his path. This ghost town is so empty he could do this in the middle of the day but instead chooses this joyride to be at 3 in the morning. With the bodies in the backseat and his photo in the front this ride is very far from a joyride. "Dazed and Confused" plays quietly in the background willing itself to be drowned out by the sirens but Gamzee holds enough attention to the song for its waves to stay in the air.
He wishes for a moment he'd thought to grab his cell phone so that he could call Karkat. He wants to tell him he's sorry. Sorry for killing Equius. Sorry for not having the right mind to let Nepeta kill him with her futile attempts to protect the broken man on the floor. He wants to tell Karkat he is so sorry he killed them. He hadn't meant to. He was too high on the rare dose of LSD he'd stumbled upon to realize the two knocking at the door weren't from the Family. They weren't there to kill him only to check on him after Tavros's death. But he hadn't been there to calm Gamzee down. He hadn't been here to stop Gamzee from killing them with his bare hands.
And as the red and blue lights flicker in the background, as the air fills with Robert Plant's moan , Gamzee can't help but think he was destined for this. The members of the family had always called him a sinner, a bastard, a monster. And maybe he was all of those things.
The rooms are cramped. Ten people sleep on ten cots smashed together in a room just big enough for them. Lights out is at eight. A four year old Gamzee misses his mother. He doesn't like this uncomfortable cot. He doesn't like this new home. He doesn't like these new people. He doesn't like this new man who wants him to call him daddy. He wants his daddy to come back. He wants to move back home. He wants to get back on the big plane, fly over the large water and be in his little room with his bunny. They won't let him have his bunny. They say Jesus is all he needs but he doesn't know who this Jesus is. The Jesus his mother tells him about would let him keep his bunny.
The man next to him begins to snore. It's the loudest noise Gamzee's ever heard a human make. He frowns, his frown soon becoming a wavering lip as tears well in his eyes. He wants his mother. Sitting up slowly, he looks around at the other men sleeping contently in their cots. The room is bare, save for the men in their cots and a small cross beside the door. His small feet hit the carpet without a sound and he rushes to the door. The door creaks loudly when he pushes it. The hallway is dark and Gamzee has to stay by the wall to keep his balance.
"Mama," he calls quietly into the darkness. The first room he comes to is another room filled with cots and sleeping men and boys. He searches the cots anyway hoping to see face of his mother. His mother is a relatively tall women with the plump features of a beautiful girl who never got her body back after giving birth. She has long blonde hair that curls a little at the end and a face full of freckles, neither of which Gamzee inherited. He is an olive skinned little boy, with the wavy dark hair of his father that hits just around his shoulder. He calls out her name once more before running into woman.
The lights flick on and a heavyset woman stands before him. She is much taller than him but shorter than his mother. She is a big pink monstrosity with her hair twirled into a tight, "no nonsense" bun. "Oh my, little sinner, what are you doing up so late?" she exclaims through tight lips as she snatches him up.
"I want my mama," he sobs. He fusses against the woman attempting to break free of her grip to continue on his search. Moments of struggle and he's back in the packed room he has just escaped.
"Shush now, you bad little boy." She scolds laying him back down on his cot. "No more trouble out of you, tonight. I'll be sure you have a talk with Father Gracy in the morning."
Gamzee begins to cry but is popped on the mouth by the woman. "Our brothers are trying to sleep, you heathen." She leaves Gamzee alone to try his hardest not to make a noise.
He falls asleep eventually only to be woken up by the screeching of a loud alarm. One of the older men, a man of about 40 with salty gray hair, helps Gamzee up and leads his to the courtyard. The early morning light is gray and the dew covered grass is cold on Gamzee's bare feet. The people line up before a small podium. The courtyard is bare save for the podium in front of them and grand garden to the groups' left. Gamzee eyes the garden briefly searching the face around him for his mother. He hasn't seen his mother since they were separated the evening before. Coming straight from the plane Gamzee had been tired and ready to collapse into his mother's arms and sleep soundly but instead found him self in the hard cot with the thin scratchy blanket.
"Boy!" the man beside him snaps "face forward and pay attention to Father's sermon." There's the look of disgust that follows Gamzee throughout his life with the Family splayed on the man's face. They all look down on him as the bastard child. He's the black lamb of the Family to the point that the adults warn the children not to get too close.
Father Gracy stands before the small crowd and begins to preach of the wondrous morning. Gamzee can barely see the dark hair of his mother standing beside the Father as he preaches. Before the sermon is over Father asks the crowd and the witnessing God to forgive his mother and Gamzee watches confused. What did his mother have to be sorry for? He didn't understand why it was so bad that she left the Family? Why it was bad she married his father and had Gamzee?
After the sermon Gamzee is ushered back in to a small building with the look of an Army mess hall. He's placed at a table with other little boys his age and the same old woman from last night. They're given oatmeal and a glass of milk. The boys dig in staring at Gamzee. They've never met a child from the outside. It unsettles the Greek boy causing him to pick at the mushy oatmeal. He doesn't like this odd breakfast. He wants his milk warm and a bowl of yogurt. He misses Greece more today than he did yesterday.
He doesn't finish his meal before he's moved back to the room where his cot is. There's clothes set out on each made bed. The outfit contains a pair of khaki shorts and a white tee. The children are then lead to a classroom. They learn about the lord, math, and their letters. During the math section the Father comes in the room calling Gamzee out. The children all stare as Gamzee slinks out the room eyes stuck on the ground. They walk together to the Father's office. His attempts to be kind are lost on Gamzee, his eyes never leaving the floor.
"Sit down, my son," Father Gracy says pointing at a hard chair in front of his desk. Gamzee sits and looks about the room. The room holds a desk, two chairs, and a book shelf full of religious books. The walls hold only a cross and a painting of the Virgin Mother and Child. On the bookshelf is a puppet that smiles down at the young Gamzee with a creepy painted smile.
"I know you're new to the family, son," the man begins leaning on his desk. "So, I'm going to let this slide. But you need to know that we don't walk around after lights out. The next time you're out after lights out there will be a punishment."
Gamzee nods still avoiding the Father's eyes. The stern man stands moving to stand next to Gamzee ruffling the boys long hair. "We'll need to get you a hair cut."
He leads the boy out of the office where his mother is waiting. "He's a beautiful child, my daughter" he says smiling at Gamzee's mother. A spark of hatred ignites in Gamzee's stomach when the Father talks to his mother. The hatred only grows as the years go on. Father never becoming especially kind to the two.
She bends down taking the small boy into her arms. A wash of relief passes over him as he wraps his arms around her neck. "Gamzee, you have to be a good boy." she whispers rubbing his back. "The family was nice enough to let us back. So, you have to promise me you'll be a good boy."
Gamzee nods hugging his mother back. "I promise, Mama."
He tried to keep his promise but it seemed as the years went on he kept getting in trouble. He would do just as the other children did but would find himself in the Father's office nearly every week. He hated being sent to the office. The first few times were just being yelled at but eventually patience grew thin and the Father turned to violence on the boy. The years before the great Fall Gamzee spent very little time without some bruise caused by the Father on his body. He knew the other children gained the same beatings but he also knew they were never as frequent as Gamzee's. And each time there was a beating the puppet would sit on the bookshelf grinning down at Gamzee.
"Gamzee?" Tavros asks from the passenger side. Gamzee jumps looking over at the man he loves. His mouth is agape at the person beside him.
"T-tavbro?" he croaks out feeling tears he promised would never fall again prickle his eyes.
"Eyes on the road, Gamzee," Tavros coos his staying on the asphalt.
Gamzee nods obliging. "How are you all motherfucking a-"
Tavros cuts him off with a sharp "no". "Gamzee you know I'm dead. You've made me up to be alive because you need help. You need to pull the car over."
Gamzee is quiet thinking over what Tavros said. "Yes... you are dead aint you?" he mutters.
There a light laughter echoing through the cab of the vehicle. "I am Gamzee. But I still love you. And I still need you to pull the car over."
A soft sigh leaves Gamzee as he begins to slow the car down. "I love you too, Tav. I'm so sorry for all've this. "
"It's okay. But you have to promise me you'll be a good boy." the fading man says softly.
"I promise, Tavros." Gamzee nods pulling the car over into the gravel.
a/n: So I've been taking far too much time on this story. I hope that you all like it as much as I do! If anything is weird or hard to understand please let me know. Any critique is wonderful and appreciated. Also this story was brought on by listening to Jesus by Brand New and based a little on Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk. Thank you for reading!