Proactive
Or Why Halfblooded Death Eaters shouldn't watch infomercials at three am?
Severus Snape was having a bad night. He'd gone to his latest Death Eater meeting tonight at the Barmy-Eye-Twinkling -Lemon-Drop Suckers insistence. Things went pretty much the same as always; their Master summoned the hordes together, Bellatrix cackled madly, the Dark Lord dispensed a few dozen Crucios, Bellatrix cackled madly, the minions of his Exalted Darkness reported on their progress (or lack thereof), more Crucios and Bellatrix cackling madly, then came the traditional rant about baby Dark Lord Killers followed by the angsty speeches of why didn't you revive me sooner followed by even more Crucios and Bellatrix cackling madly.
So after being hit half-a-dozen times or more with the Curciatus curse he finally managed to find an excuse to leave the pain party. He had already slammed down a few nerve regenerative potions and just waiting on the trembling in his hands to ease up. He knew he needed to sleep soon so that he could be up in the morning to brew the Draught of Lemon Delight for the Headmaster but he couldn't sleep just yet. The useless reports of his fellow Moribund Feasters ran thru his head chasing each other like a werewolf chasing a bunny, so he decided he needed to resort to the tried and true method for falling asleep he had learned during his Potions Mastery. He sat in front of the old Muggle television he had inherited from his drunken father and turned the channel to the Home Shopping Network.
This was guaranteed to make him sleepy, he was just dozing off to the sounds of some peppy blond bimbo talking about some shark that cleaned floors (how stupid can she get a shark would absolutely eat the floor not clean it) when he heard the most amazing thing it almost made him forget his dream of crucioing that woman.
"Up next we have the proactive collection guaranteed to remove all Dark Marks, blemishes and spots… To order call 1-800-PROACTIVE… for rush delivery add $19.99…Hurry now and you get a travel sized Dark Mark Remover."
Severus did not remember reaching for the phone, nor did he remember placing a rush order for the strange Muggle product but he fell asleep comforted by the fact that tomorrow would be a brand new day and he would never have to attend another pain party again.